Stephen thanks, everybody cheers and applause hey thanks, everybody, please, have a seat. I am your host stephen colbert. Yes i am, i checked my i. D. Before i came out here. Check your calendars. We are just three days away from Donald Trumps inauguration. Audience boo stephen and just two days away from all those time travelers coming back to stop him. Or not. Maybe hes going to be great. One thing we know is that hes going to do a lot of stuff. Eventually, and i say eventually because heres what trump said to the london time i think when he was talking about his First Executive orders stephen how do i dont understand. I dont understand. How is that confusing . How do you mix up signing with celebrating . Im sorry, i thought i was giving out an autograph. Instead, i accidentally gave back the louisiana purchase. Can somebody can can we . Is that in the mail yet . So trumps not going to start until monday. He, apparently, thinks the president gets saturdays and sundays off. Instead of
Stephen thanks, everybody cheers and applause hey thanks, everybody, please, have a seat. I am your host stephen colbert. Yes i am, i checked my i. D. Before i came out here. Check your calendars. We are just three days away from Donald Trumps inauguration. Audience boo stephen and just two days away from all those time travelers coming back to stop him. Or not. Maybe hes going to be great. One thing we know is that hes going to do a lot of stuff. Eventually, and i say eventually because heres what trump said to the london time i think when he was talking about his First Executive orders stephen how do i dont understand. I dont understand. How is that confusing . How do you mix up signing with celebrating . Im sorry, i thought i was giving out an autograph. Instead, i accidentally gave back the louisiana purchase. Can somebody can can we . Is that in the mail yet . So trumps not going to start until monday. He, apparently, thinks the president gets saturdays and sundays off. Instead of
Stephen thanks, everybody cheers and applause hey thanks, everybody, please, have a seat. I am your host stephen colbert. Yes i am, i checked my i. D. Before i came out here. Check your calendars. We are just three days away from Donald Trumps inauguration. Audience boo stephen and just two days away from all those time travelers coming back to stop him. Or not. Maybe hes going to be great. One thing we know is that hes going to do a lot of stuff. Eventually, and i say eventually because heres what trump said to the london time i think when he was talking about his First Executive orders stephen how do i dont understand. I dont understand. How is that how is that confusing . How do you mix up signing with celebrating . Im sorry, i thought i was giving out an autograph. Instead, i accidentally gave back the louisiana purchase. Can somebody can can we . Is that in the mail yet . So trumps not going to start until monday. He, apparently, thinks the president gets saturdays and sundays off
For instance, i heard president obama tapped your phones. Just tweet that and the hounds are off your trail obama i knew he was up to no good how low has president obama gone to tap my phones during the big sacred election process . This is nixon watergate. Bad. Boom donald, stop abe maam lincoln . Dont listen to nixon he was the one who tapped the phones in watergate. Shut up, abe dont you have tickets to the theater tonight . Donald, nixon had to resign for lying. Oh, damn it president lincoln is right. Donald, you dont want to end up like me. To paraphrase myself, i am a crook but the rumors about you and the russians are just spooky just admit what happened, donald fake ghost news somebody help das vedana who will you be calling . Vlad putin its the shore with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes Anderson Cooper, judd apatow and musical guest jidenna, featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers
Stephen hey whoo jon hey stephen hey, everybody cheers and applause audience chanting stephen hey, thanks, everybody thank you, mark piano riff whoo cheers and applause yeah welcome to the late show thanks so much, everybody youre very kind. Very kind. Thank you very much listen cheers and applause thank you, everybody. Lovely. Yeah stay strong, be brave look folks, im not going to lie to you, this is the late show and im stephen colbert. laughter last week, i dont know if you were paying attention but donald trump seemed pretty steady. He gave a big boy speech in front of Congress Long pants and everything. I was afraid hed sold the timeshare in crazytown. Well, hes baaack laughter cheers and applause man, things are moving so fast. I think i need a dramamine. I watched the sunday shows yesterday and alternated between weeping and vomiting, like someone made me chug dayquil and strapped me in a tiltawhirl. Get into this industrial dryer and well throw in a couple of floorescent tubes