[groaning] [screams] aaaaahhh aaah aaaah [wailing] [groans] dude. Get outta here, you piece a gahbage you wanna smush . Go creepin somewheres else snooki get the smush in the youre gahbage you know that . Youre cabbage bah bah bah bah bah bah bah snooki bah bah bah you got cabbage in ya muff [gibberish] you got cabbage in your [bleep] muff [gibberish] [punch] [whimpering] [glass shatters] [sniffling] thank you, kyle. [gunshot] thats the last of it were out of ammo then weve got to start falling back to utah whats the point . Cant you see its over . [airplane engines roaring] who is that . Its alqaeda [cheering] [rockets screeching] [explosion] [explosion] give em hell, alqaeda [cheering] on a cold october night, a small town in colorado stood up to new jersey and finally said, go away. Our fortitude was the inspiration for others, and now new jersey is slowly receding back to the desolate land from whence it came. Our country is getting back to normal. And we owe it all to osama bin la
[groaning] [screams] aaaaahhh aaah aaaah [wailing] [groans] dude. Get outta here, you piece a gahbage you wanna smush . Go creepin somewheres else snooki get the smush in the youre gahbage you know that . Youre cabbage bah bah bah bah bah bah bah snooki bah bah bah you got cabbage in ya muff [gibberish] you got cabbage in your [bleep] muff [gibberish] [punch] [whimpering] [glass shatters] [sniffling] thank you, kyle. [gunshot] thats the last of it were out of ammo then weve got to start falling back to utah whats the point . Cant you see its over . [airplane engines roaring] who is that . Its alqaeda [cheering] [rockets screeching] [explosion] [explosion] give em hell, alqaeda [cheering] on a cold october night, a small town in colorado stood up to new jersey and finally said, go away. Our fortitude was the inspiration for others, and now new jersey is slowly receding back to the desolate land from whence it came. Our country is getting back to normal. And we owe it all to osama bin la
cause were the champions. Yeah, call it. That was the hospital. Helen died. Oh. And left me 48,000 oh, my god. Lucky. Im Never Working again oh, im so rich im so rich im taking this. Im taking this shit right here. Whoo i can buy a new one i got that Jennifer Lawrence money, bitch whoo haha you ready for this knucklepuck . I was born ready, baby. I cant believe this is happening. Its knucklepuck time wait, no, i get to say that. Okay, the person who hits it says, its knucklepuck time. Okay. Its knucklepuck time. Its knucklepuck time. Knucklepuck time. Guys, check it out. I want you to meet nipples 2099. Whoa ow ow [groaning] son of a. No no, i cant handle another death. No sorry. That went kersplat. Nice. Nice. Male announcer from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. [cheers and applause] today is officially president obamas last day in office. [audience groans] and i can tell you that the marine one helicopter thats gonna carry
cause were the champions. Yeah, call it. That was the hospital. Helen died. Oh. And left me 48,000 oh, my god. Lucky. Im Never Working again oh, im so rich im so rich im taking this. Im taking this shit right here. Whoo i can buy a new one i got that Jennifer Lawrence money, bitch whoo haha you ready for this knucklepuck . I was born ready, baby. I cant believe this is happening. Its knucklepuck time wait, no, i get to say that. Okay, the person who hits it says, its knucklepuck time. Okay. Its knucklepuck time. Its knucklepuck time. Knucklepuck time. Guys, check it out. I want you to meet nipples 2099. Whoa ow ow [groaning] son of a. No no, i cant handle another death. No sorry. That went kersplat. Nice. Nice. Male announcer from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. [cheers and applause] today is officially president obamas last day in office. [audience groans] and i can tell you that the marine one helicopter thats gonna carry
Attack on all women. Big hit that arent so happy if you say you are a supporter of donald trump. Oh, yeah, people are mad about that but, you know, i dont give a [bleep]. Lafayett[laughter] steve i think roseanne needs to put a quarter in the cup jar. Ainsley not a beautiful word but she made her point, didnt she . We will get to that in a minute. We have so many great guests on today. Benjamin netanyahu is going to join us after that news yesterday about iran and Nuclear Program. Big show. Steve we have Condoleezza Rice and soon to be retiring ice director thomas homan. It starts on may 1st, 2018. Brian border standoff. 1500 caravaners coming up from honduras for the most part through mexico. They stopped along the way. We got to beat on them quickly. The president has been watching them since. They arrived at the san diego border. They are demanding to get. In they are waving their countrys flag, demanding the u. S. Let them in. While some of the stories and some of the people are, y