Clean up after her when shes done. laughter jon theres that charm that borders on the edge of dickishness. laughter Anthony Weiner, former congressman, turned amateur photographer laughter hes really about 10 man and 90 gristle at this point. [bleep] the mayorral campaign was designed as a humble bid for new york voters redemption and forgiveness but now it is somewhat noticeably curved a bit to the right a way from that premise. Really . Is it ambition, a hunger for the big job, the power . Hard to take you seriously, a hunger for the big job. I have a feeling i stepped into a monty python bid. The parade gets under way. Vote, vote, vote, vote if i if i am from jamaica . Jon call me banaa, am i right, huh . Cool runnings. Ah, seriously, you people sound ridiculous, vote for me for more of Anthony Weiners alienation of voters were joined by Jessica Williams in harlem. Any sign of Anthony Weiner campaigning up there . cheers and applause he was just here, jon. He flew through like an [b
He comes back, opens his door, hes got a young asian boy. Hes got all three of them strapped down there, and hes explaining the positions, a, b, and c. And listen, everyone in heres like, a. The next shot, like, you see this blanket over what is [bleep] three people ass to mouth. But youre just, like, so excited. Like, take the blanket off. They start crawling, and all of a sudden, it happens. And then he turns like this and goes, im so sorry. When the doctor goes back downstairs. Human centipedes gone. Hes like, i know i left it down here. First of all, what i would have done in hour one is just [bleep] yanked away. Im out of here. The asian is like, listen, ive had enough of this. Right in front of the doctor just goes rah do you really wanna make it at this point . Right. So the girl in the back is like, uh, ive had enough. She dies. So now its just two dead cops, dead doctor, dead a, dead c. And the camera just pans out and, like, up into the sky. And thats the end of the movie. No
Thank you, again, to doug benson. At get tickets to my new spring tour, follow me on twitter, and as a show blog. We will see you next week, before i go, lets take a look back at the best moments from tonights show. Come on, come on, little buddy, you can do this. Youve got this. One more step, and you did it. You did it. Come here. So proud of everything you have done everything. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. Oh, memories, good night, kids. Comedy central frm comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon hey, everybody, wrel come to the daily show. Welcome the daily show. My name is jon stewart. You may have noticed our brand new show open. [cheers and applause] i think my guest tonight is astro physicist neil. Degrasse tyson. A learned man, a man of the universe. The last time he was on the program, perhaps the t
Oh, oh, what was i thinkin about, honey . I was thinking about us course i was picturin us walking hand in hand down the paris streets. Were eatin warm chocolate croissants, sippin a cappuccino. Snowflakes start to fall. I pull you close, give ya a kiss. Then its back to the four star hotel for a foot rub till you fall asleep. But thats not whats going on up here. No, you know whats going on up here . Pornography yeah [cheers, whistles applause] constant. Constant Sexual Activity with every woman ive ever seen, heard of, thought about. I do a mr. Potato head thing where i mix and match em all. Yeah, theyre in a big pile, kissin, spankin each other. Theres things going in holes, its sticky, its dark. Its disgusting. Its horrible thats why men freak out when they start to lose their hair. Oh my god, will people be able to see in . [laughter, cheers, whistles and applause] and the worst part is i cant do anything about the ugly thoughts in my head. I cant control them. They just appear. I
Stephen thats it for report, everybody. Good night. [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central frm Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon hey, everybody, wrel come to the daily show. Welcome the daily show. My name is jon stewart. You may have noticed our brand new show open. [cheers and applause] i think my guest tonight is astro physicist neil. Degrasse tyson. A learned man, a man of the universe. The last time he was on the program, perhaps the time before that, he said during the normal open to the show that the graphics globe was spinning the wrong way. [laughter] well, it took time and a great deal of ingenuity but weve fixed our problem. We have a brand new open and it only cost us 1 million. [ laughter ] i hope he preshz how hard. If he thinks were going to go back to the other open tomorrow, yes [laughter] real quick off the top, today john brennan