Next years budget. The seven words are Hillary Clinton actually won the popular vote. [ laughter ] thats right. [ applause ] i dont want to hear those words ever again. Thats right, the Trump Administration has banned the cdc from using a list of seven words, including, vulnerable, entitlement, diversity, transgender, fetus, evidencebased, and sciencebased. And then mike pence added his seven bad words, gosh, darn, nuts, heck, shoot, shucks, and the cword which is just crud [ applause ] hundreds of flights were cancelled today at the worlds Busiest Airport in atlanta due to a massive power outage yesterday. Experts are saying this could lead to as many as 30 texts from your mother. [ laughter ] [ applause ] according to the new york times, the pentagon had a secret program that investigated reports of ufo sightings at the request of former Senate Majority leader harry reid. Im guessing because he had suspicions about his colleagues. [ light laughter ] i am a human senator, from the hum
Youre surprised trump didnt listen to advice . [ laughter ] this is the same guy who heard about the eclipse, and told the sun to bring it. [ laughter and applause ] so President Trump yesterday, praised chicago cubs coowner Todd Ricketts appointment as the rncs new finance chairman, calling him a great addition. Yeah, great if you want to win one election every 108 years. [ laughter and applause ] republican chair of the house intelligence committee, devin nunes, yesterday claimed the changes made to a controversial memo about the fbi before he sent it to the white house were minor grammatical edits. Thats right. He had to make the grammar worse so trump could read it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] take these commas out. [ laughter ] President Trump today said that senator orrin hatch called him the greatest president in the history of our country. I guess hatch is still mad at Abraham Lincoln for stealing his girlfriend in middle school. [ laughter and applause ] the super bow
Listen to advice . [ laughter ] this is the same guy who heard about the eclipse, and told the sun to bring it. [ laughter and applause ] so President Trump yesterday, praised chicago cubs coowner Todd Ricketts appointment as the rncs new finance chairman, calling him a great addition. Yeah, great if you want to win one election every 108 years. [ laughter and applause ] republican chair of the house intelligence committee, devin nunes, yesterday claimed the changes made to a controversial memo about the fbi before he sent it to the white house were minor grammatical edits. Thats right. He had to make the grammar worse so trump could read it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] take these commas out. [ laughter ] President Trump today said that senator orrin hatch called him the greatest president in the history of our country. I guess hatch is still mad at Abraham Lincoln for stealing his girlfriend in middle school. [ laughter and applause ] the super bowl sunday is this sunday betw
February, the first day of black history month. Ben carson, if youre wondering why the president month. The president was up bright and early this morning tweeting. Thank you for all the nice compliments and reviews is on the state of the union livered. Now, there are two factual inaccuracies in that tweet. Number one, i dont know who told him it was, but it was not highest rated in the history of his head. I dont know. [ laughter ] the second was when he said it was delivered from the heart. It was delivered from his mouth december. Up to 42 . Essentially hes gone from overwhelmingly despised to mostly disliked. [ laughter ] but heeaders and the president made a major announcement about american policy going forward. And theres one more very important promise were keeping. No lesson for kids, huh . [ laughter ] dont ever apologize. Even if youve done something wrong. Keep it to yourself. What is happening . [ laughter ] i think we need to lock him in the white house until we can figur
Its toilg in the mushroom caves or laboring in the lube mines. Point is, you should always dance like no one is watching. Though, for the record, we are. To celebrate this most glorious day in your young lives, i will now blow up the world. Mazel tov. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes Julie Chen Matt Walsh and david ortiz. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert captioning sponsored by cbs cheers and applause stephen wooo hey hey cheers and applause thank you very much. Hey ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Happy wednesday, everybody. To start it off, happy wednesday. Theres nothing like a wednesday crowd. cheers and applause hump day hump day hump day, of course, because its the best day to make love. laughter no, it is. Its great. Youve got work together, youre tired. Ultimate night. laughter now, lets see, ladies and gent