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prizzy's honor and now she's a broadway producer on s.m.a.s.h. >> there's something about really good material. you know you've got something really good. plus, only in america. what is better than miniature golf in vegas? a rock star. this is it, rosie o'donnell on "tonight" starts right now. good evening. i'm christ stee yawn an apore in for piers morgan. joel mchale from community joins us. >> it's great to be here, piers. >> ouch. rosie o'donnell, star of the flinstone. nice to meet you. >> viva las vegas. >> do you remember? >> blu-ray. >> that's exactly right. >> i think you are exceptionally funny. >> oh, great. >> i do. that is from my heart, joel. >> that is really nice of you. i think you're exceptionally funny and i remember liz taylor hip replacement joke you told maybe 20 years ago -- >> can you remind me because i don't recall? >> you said, well, she's been married 13 times, no wonder she had to have her hips replaced and i said -- yes. >> you liked that one? >> i was at home and my mom and dad were like, i can't remind this. maybe there will be technology to rewind this but it was really funny, mom and dad. >> and you did not do stand-up, which is shocking to me. >> i didn't start until about 3 1/2 years ago. >> now, can i tell you, i find that shocking. >> well, "the soup" is like standup and i've been doing that for eight years. >> right. >> and my agent said, hey, you want to make some money? and he said, yep. and he said, put a bunch of jokes together and i started hosting shows and my real comic friends, i would do my material in between and then i went to a club in ogden, utah, and did like ten shows and tried to put it all together and then i did it, you know, you do it a thousand times and then it's barely okay. >> well, are you doing comedy clubs? are you doing theaters? colleges? >> what do you do? >> i do colleges, theaters. i'm working my -- well, this will air after to remember my act. and i'm doing a show at a casino in palm springs on saturday, on st. patrick's day. >> would you do it ever? >> actually, i went back about three years ago. i toured with cindy laup per in the summer and got my sea legs again. but it is like saying -- you know, in high school i was mvp of the high school team but you're 50 and i don't think you can throw it anymore. >> but do you still love it? >> i love it and i love watching the new people doing it and go, wow, remember when i used to do it? it was so long ago. i started when i was 16 years old. >> wow. >> you are irish catholic. >> i am irish catholic. >> and nor wee general. we can be funny and drunk and then really quiet. >> and cold. >> and angry. >> how many kids in your family? >> there are three. my mom had three boys. i was one of them. i was an of a fro diet when i was born. i had both sets of organs. >> i didn't know that. >> i have 20 first cousins and most of them live in the chicagoland areas. my aunt had ten, my mother had five. they went real catholic. >> and how did you get into the whole remember performing thing? was it something that was encouraged, family nights of columbus dinner? >> yes, it was the alter boy players. for two years we moved from -- well, i was born in rome. thank you. >> that's such a weird thing. you were born in rome, italy? >> my father was the rome campus for chicago. so we moved there. my mom's family lived there because my grandfather worked for the u.n. and they met. he was the dean. she was a student. love. three boys. we moved from mercer island, washington, outside of seattle and then to new jersey and we did it outside of philadelphia, we did a stage version of the disney ride," it's a small world" before pirates of the caribbean there was "it's a small world." >> i remember it well. >> and you were a child? >> i was a second grader. >> and then in seventh grade i did a play. did i "oliver" at the children's theater northwest. >> and were you oliver? >> no, i was way too large to be oliver. >> you are a tal man. >> see, that picture is huge. >> yep. >> oliver was a kid from inld yeah so the song -- one of the songs when the funeral parlor guys are trying to get rid of him -- >> uh-huh. >> one of the lines is one boy rather pale had to switch to one boy rather peal. so, yeah, after that i kind of had the bug and when you're insecure as i am, you just can't have -- stop having people tell you you're good at some point. >> and you enjoy singing at some point i guess if that was a musical production? >> it was a kid's production so they would take about anything. it was brutal. >> and in high school you were athletic. >> a lot of sports and acting. not a lot of academic. >> you were like finn from "glee". >> now what is this show. >> have you heard it, singers? >> yes, i guess so. i played a lot of football and basketball. >> and in college as well? >> i played at the university of washington. i was the best receiver of tackles like i could crumble better than anyone. >> and then you got out and decided to become an actor? >> i got out and did a sketch comedy show in seattle called "almost live" which was produced on the nbc affiliate which was on after the local news on saturday nights and we pushed "snl" to 12:00. so we had this crazy big following, bill nye the science guy came out of there. very luckily i got a guest star on will and grace because they were looking for actors over 6'7" and i bought boots that had three-inch heels on them which i still have, if you'd like to borrow those. and i got a commercial after commercial. that's how i made my living. and i thought, i guess i'll do commercials and then in a few years i'll go back to seattle and do weather on a country station. but luckily -- >> it was "the soup"? >> it was "the soup" which at the time it was more of an av project if anything. they put us on friday nights at 10:00 which at that point was a desert and it was my friends and i and we were just doing anything we wanted and no one cared. i think we got away with a lot worse than we do now. >> yeah. >> so we still have that same kind of feeling like no one's watching. let's just see what happens. >> you talked it from talk show to "the soup" because it's not just a talk show. >> and jokes and comedy. mostly about snooki. who is pregnant, by the way. i don't know if you knew that. >> no. >> you didn't? >> i didn't hear that. >> yes. she is going to -- >> didn't you tweet something? >> she tweeted me something that she was going to go on a date. she had misspelled something and i said, hey, are you taking out -- and she had a pretty good comeback, i'm from jersey. what do you expect? touche. >> we have a little clip from "the soup" which we're going to look at together. >> enormous photo. >> love has died after 72 days of marriage, you [ bleep ]. we thought we would last. i love, no one would have predicted it would end within three days and no one predicted that. especially not on friday, june 3rd. >> kim, listen to your mom. it takes 60 days to go through with the court and is it really worth all that as hassle for two weeks. >> you are like the amazing creskin. >> thank you. >> how did do that? >> we thought it was too many days. we thought we'd just go with 75. and, yeah, i've seen kim since and i see her at photo shoots and things. >> is it awkward and weird? >> no, because she's really nice and charismatic. that's what is so awkward and weird. don't you want to hit me? but you're totally sweet. maybe i won't make fun of you. and she's very attractive. >> you make fun of ryan seacrest a lot. >> who? >> ryan seacrest. >> he's right here. hey, buddy. >> you're actually frenltdly with him, yes? >> we are friendly. he's very busy and he moves about the studio as a green gas and just materializes. next thing, ryan. he's like, i'd like to produce this segment. this conversation? yes. and then he makes another million dollars. he's not around too much anymore. but he is -- we are nice to each other. he's very -- we take a lot of shots at him. he's very cool. it's nice but he's cool. >> has anybody ever became very angry and contacted you? >> without exception, no one has said you're going down. i don't know if tyra was very happy. but every single reality star i've ever met said, thank you, please put me on more. >> as often as possible? >> no matter how badly we make fun of them. >> right. >> it proves that whole thing that people just want to be famous and that's it, no matter what. >> well, i think reality stars for certain. >> yes. that is -- that report that came out a few years ago when they asked high school seniors what they wanted to be when they grew up and the answer was famous, it was as disturbing as anything that's been released. crazy. >> i totally agree with you. >> but the problem -- it's not a problem. it helps "the soup" but reality is here to say because it's cheap. >> what are you going to do on "the soup". >> or when al roker says she always likes to see his little leprechaun. that really happened. and, see, this is related to st. patrick's day. we're going to take a break and come back and talk about "community" i'm so glad it's back. i asked why are they on the bubble? unbubble them. i have that kind of power. >> sometimes bubbles float into the air. we'll be right back with joel. don't go away. we'll be right b joel. don't go away. 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[ female announcer ] discover what's next in your life. get this free travel bag when you join at aarp.org/jointoday. how they'll live tomorrow. for more than 116 years, ameriprise financial has worked for their clients' futures. helping millions of americans retire on their terms. when they want. where they want. doing what they want. ameriprise. the strength of a leader in retirement planning. the heart of 10,000 advisors working with you one-to-one. together for your future. ♪ it was invented when death meant until you're too cold. >> just nut up and die alone. >> that is a clip from nbc's "community" which is returning this evening. >> nut up and die alone. >> come on. >> are you going to put little banners underneath -- >> breaking news stuff? yeah. >> it said something like -- doesn't it say something about the person as they are down there. >> sometimes it does. do you want it to say joel mchale, stud muffin? >> no, like doesn't like ice in his drinks. >> okay. i can do that for you. i know people in the control room doing the editing. >> sore gums after citrus fruit. >> okay. you talk about marriage but yet you've been merited for 16 years. >> yes, i got married when i was 11. >> i tracked google information about you. >> i like a cold beverage. >> what's the point? you have to pay twice. >> yeah. >> your babies are how old? >> my babies? 4 and 7. >> you're in the glory days? >> yes. two days ago after a wrestling match my 7-year-old left me with a chipped tooth and a bloody watch and he was laughing and laughing. that's actually seacrest. that's not my kid. >> that's just a happy day, right? >> i was okay with it because you know when you chip your tooth it gets real sharp and then i cut it on that. >> what kind of dad are you? are you strict? >> i don't know all of the right rules and i think what daddy is saying, you should put away your legos and let's be reasonable here. >> yeah. >> so it becomes like i'm the child as well. she's a -- she's a thousand times better than i am at that. >> where did you meet? >> i mean, i gave the kids cigarettes a few years ago because i don't want them to get started on this. we met once in college, just once, but then on a movie set, the worst movie i ever made, an independent film, her mom was an extra and her brother knew who i was. he introduced us. so i have her brother richard to thank for that and, yeah, we dated for two years and then got married. >> has fame peakted your ability to be out in public with your family. >> oh, it's so hard, rosie. my gosh. >> but it's changed? >> oh, my gosh, there's paul with somebody else. mat ut, scooby, shaggy. no. it's not. >> not at all? >> it's not bad. you know, i can't imagine what it would be like to be matt damon or something because he's very short. just kidding, matt. no. i can't imagine what that would be. people come up. but it's one of those things where i get if you were a huge celebrity it would be incredibly hard to just go out. but when people walk up to you and tell you, hey, i really like you. >> yeah, that's not so bad. >> it's way better than your hands coming off from digging ditches all day. >> but you have such -- very, very ravid fans that got together and saved the show? >> yeah, thanks god for the fans of "community" because they are organized, young, and now know how to use a computer. if they were my father's age, there would be a bunch of letters. there were flash mobs outside of "30 rock" and nbc and they wore these timeline goatees. their support has been tremendous. i think everyone thought it would drop off after a month or two but it only got -- it only ramped up even further. >> didn't you promise to french kiss every man and woman who participated? >> every man and woman i will french kiss, yeah, if we beat big bang theory tonight. does purell make a lip -- i'm afraid i'll be very chapped. i have a lot of topical diseases. >> growing up, who did you look up to and say, hey, that's the person i'd like to be like? >> well, mr. steve martin, of course, mr. john clease. pretty much monty python was kind of a bible for me, woody allen movies i adored. bill murray. >> oh, bill murray. have you ever met any of these people and been star strucked? >> totally. i went to john's birthday because my friend had put him in a movie. and i just kind of sat in the corner blub bettering most of the time. and then i did a movie with steve martin last summer that came and went. but it was like i had won a prize where i got to be with steve martin. >> was he as you had imagined? >> he was that and more so. he's the renaissance man. >> sure. he's so smart. >> and he's so smart but he actually listens to what you're saying which is rare when you meet really sometimes really big famous people. sometimes not. but just listened and really was very thoughtful and then, of course, was incredibly funny. >> are your kids funny? >> yes, i think. the 7-year-old, whenever i tell a joke to him he will kind of stop and goes, okay, daddy. no jokes for a week. and then he'll go back to what he's doing. >> that is very good. >> so he tells me, no jokes for an entire year now. and then the 4-year-old is a total ham and will do anything he can to make you laugh and bite you. he will walk up to you and fight back and then start hitting you. >> kung fu panda? >> yes. my 7-year-old -- when they wrestle, he's very gentle with the 4-year-old. my 4-year-old swings hard. so it's pretty great. >> i know. i've got four of them. it's not easy. >> four? i can't even imagine. i would run away. >> you would? >> come on, one more. you're irish catholic, get in there. you only have two? >> two, that's nothing. >> you're just warming up. >> right. you're not done yet. you're still a young man. >> you know, it's like -- they are the greatest thing that have ever happened to me, that and my sportscar. i'm sorry. >> that's all right. >> "community" is on tonight and anjelica houston you got to say hello to her". >> a legend. and i got to be interviewed by you. >> you're delightful. i always admired you even when you made fun of me. >> were you ever mad? >> no, i thought it was hysterical. one time i did this thing upside down i don't know if it helps her depression but it sure helps mine. i started laughing. very funny. nice to meet you. >> good to meet you. >> i'm very happy that your show is back on. coming up, the one and only academy award winner, anjelica houston. 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>> i'm great. how are you? >> how perfect is the show? >> it's fantastic. >> it's a dream come true for anyone who loves broadway to turn it on and see what it's like to be behind the scenes of broadway. >> that and we're quite venal. there's a lot going on. but it's a lot of fun and a fantastic cast and a great crew and we're all in love. >> this is the first time that you've done series tv, yes? >> yes, this is the longest strip of work that i've ever done consecutively. seven month, i'm in shock. my part ended last night for the season so i'm kind of celebrating with you today. >> are we going to get to see ilene sing finally? >> we are. it's a little squeaky but it's a start. >> was it nerve racking? >> totally but we have scott whitman and -- >> they brought "hairspray," the musical. >> yeah and what was it called, our tango and -- >> adams family? >> yes. >> very talented guys. >> great. >> when they asked you to do this, what made you consider coming to new york and doing series tv? >> well, first of all, the writing on the series is so great. it is teresa rrebeck. she's really fantastic. she's got a great brain and a really observant and keen eye. steven spielberg executive produces, which is not bad. and it was an opportunity to -- i always call it the culture of death but i so enjoy being part of the series that's not cops, forensics, gloomy. >> yeah. >> sort of hospital -- >> yes. >> and to be part of this is really great relief and the joy. >> now, moving to new york that must have been a big deal for you? you've been in california and venice for a very long time. >> well, i'm still there. i have my house there that my husband built for me. although it's on the market it was good for me to get a little bit of distance. >> now, your husband he passed away about three years ago? >> that's right. >> and that must have been very difficult to imagine how to move forward? >> it was. it was -- it was a bit con founding to me for a while and actually there's a period of widowhood where i really believe people shouldn't look at you and you shouldn't look at people, you know, veils are not a bad thing. but at a certain point you have to figure out your life and what you're going to do and how you're going to move forward and around that time, or at least a year and a half later, this script came to me for "smash" and i went to see my dear old friend sue who also sadly passed away this year. i said, sue, i don't know, i've been offered this kind of marvelous thing but i'm trepidacious, i'm worried, feeling fragile and they took a long pause and she looked back up and said, it's a [ bleep ] miracle. >> really? >> it is a gift. >> it is a gift. >> and work is a gift and that's something that can never be taken away from you, your passion for your work and what it offers you and how it covers you a and the places it takes you to and if you had said to me two years ago, you know, that i'd be in -- sharing a makeup trailer happily with about eight other cast members who i would be thrilled to see at 5:00 in the morning, i would have laughed. but -- >> especially since you were grieving so much, the concept seemed impossible. >> exactly. >> did you and robert get a chance to say good-bye? because he sort of got sick suddenly. it wasn't prolonged? >> it was fast and prolonged at the same time. he was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis which was a bad diagnosis. and he'd -- his general practitioner had kind of -- had died some years before and so bob was seeing specialists and if anyone watching this program, you know, is doing that, i'd advise them to get a full blood panel with a general practitioner because that was the thing that he wasn't doing. he wasn't looking at the overall picture. maybe he didn't want to look at the overall picture. but consequently, when he was diagnosed erroneously with rheumatoid arthritis, given a lot of steroids, his body started to swell and it was rather alarming for about four days and actually it was the night of the olympics on august the 9th, about 3:00 in the morning, he sprang up from the bed in full heart attack and kidney failure. i didn't know what was going on. and that's another thing i'd say, you know, if anyone is in any question about whether to call the paramedics or not, call the paramedics. >> yeah. >> don't wait. but he got through nine weeks in the hospital and then came out and was in rehab and then came home and then he fell. that's another lesson. watch out for falls because they really take people down. that can be so critical and so crucial. and then he just started to die and it was -- it seemed to be nothing that we could do, you know, just to be there and to hold his hand and at the end, he asked me if he was dying and i said, no, of course not. but i don't know. i don't have a -- there's no guidebook to these things. >> exactly. >> you have to do what's your your heart and you feel is right. it's one of the hardest things i've ever been through. my father's death was hard but i don't know. i don't know if we can ever really negotiate it. you can make peace with it and maybe hope that you did the right thing. but there's no way of knowing really. you try to be kind and you try to do the best thing. that's all you can do really. >> he was probably the most charming man i've ever known. >> oh, he was beautiful. >> he was. >> most beautiful. >> exactly, his physical presence, how he moved in the world and his art all showed his soul, an amazing sculpture. amazing. >> yeah. and bob took no prisoners. he moved elegantly and sort of seamlessly. he was very funny, very subtle person, had an incredible eye, loved you, buy the way, thought you were great. >> quite mutual. >> yeah. >> very odd that we met actually as a friend of ours was dying. i didn't know you, you didn't know me. >> that's right. >> and we were both visiting our friend anthony. >> anthony cortino. one of the all great people. i met him when i was doing "prizzi's honor." he did my hair on that show. he had a full afro, white man, italian, cocortino and he was as gay as the breeze. >> he sure was. he told me, baboom i told her, oscar. and he loved that. >> that's right. and my favorite thing to do was just for fun to barbara streisand to him, the terrible cun nuchlt drum it would put him in and he also loved me very much. so to do this to him was really -- it was a horrible thick b thing but i used to kind of practice. >> i miss him so much. he was the funniest guy. we're going to take a break and show a "smash." don't go away. this is piers morgan and i am khaka khan. d. but my affordable prius c means i can pay for his acupuncture. whew. i love my pooch. oh no! my homemade sushi... turned p-ushi! use estimated 53 mpg to find a gluten-free alternative. look, this means i'm a chef. 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this is my musical and i am producing it by myself. >> that has become her signature. >> indeed. >> right. ilene, what a character that is. >> i'm having so much fun with ilene. she does all the things i don't dare do in my own life. she's mean to people, he throws drinks in her husband's face. a few people who are all kind of more venal than i am, or so i like to think. but i think ilene comes from a very honest place. >> does she sing a ballad when she gets to sing? >> she since a little something her grandfather used to sing. >> speaking of which, what does it feel like to you -- i know it's all you know -- but growing up with entertainment and show business was part of the real you and then you end up going right into the business. did you feel pushed or drawn or pulled? >> i have a baby book that i started writing as soon as i could spell in which i say i want to be an actress. i think i was about 4 or 5 at the time and it's always what i wanted to be. i think briefly i wanted to be a nun and the usual thing. but acting was always kind of my priority and when i was 16, my father put me in a movie and, of course, it was a year when there was a school search for juliette for roam ohio and julie yet. of course, i wanted to be juliet. i didn't want to work with my father as a teenager and we made this movie which was a little bit of a disaster and i was roundly criticized and he was criticized for nepotism. it was all quite unpleasant. and then years later i hosted an afi tribute to him in which i said, you know, if you're willing to try again, i'd like to try again and what came of that was "prizzi's honor," which was a great movie for both of us and he won me the supporting actress academy award. so it was like a complete reversal of the first time we worked. and after that we did -- his last film, "the dead," which was also a very moving experience for both of us. so i kind of went through all stages of it. i went through reluctance, acceptance, and then, of course, the full realization that i was a willing and a very lucky pupil. >> when you were doing "prizzi's honor," did you know it would get you the acclaim, that it had an oscar potential? >> no, but there's something about really good material that you feel like a squirrel with a nut in your cheek. that you have something good going. i felt certain endeavors i've felt it on the grifters afelt it and a movie i did called and the adam's family and on smash. it's just like you've got a great little secret. >> right. we have a clip from your oscar-winning performance. take a look at this. >> answer the question. you want to do it? >> well, yeah. >> so let's do it. >> with all the lights on? >> yeah. right here. on the oriental with all the lights on. >> do you remember winning? >> on the oriental. yes, i do. sort of vaguely. it's all in a haze, really. marsha mason and richard dreyfess presenting from very, very far away and it was kind of like walking into a cloud. it's not quite like anything else. unless i guess you're voted, you know -- >> senator or president? >> yeah. but it is kind of another zone. and i remember feeling sorry about that but -- and actually being the only one to leave with because there are other people better in the movie than i was. >> what did your day say to you after you won? do you remember? >> he was happy. he was staying alt the montreal hotel because he was just in from mexico where he was then living and he was on oxygen at the time. so he was kind of set up there after the show in bed early attached to his oxygen tank. he was a little disappointed that we hadn't come in together, that he hadn't won, too. because years before he and his grandfather -- he and his father, my grandfather, had both won for treasurer of sierra madre. so i think he wanted to repeat that experience but, of course, that would have been, i think, you know, too much to hope for but he was very happy for me and i think proud of me. >> we're going to take a break and come back and fauk about what seems to be happening in our society today where we're fighting for the same rights of women that we fought for in the '70s. what is going on, anjelica? >> what is going on, rosie? >> i don't know. we're going to discuss it after this break. don't go away. 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[ laura ] hot, right out of the shell. i love lobster. i'm laura mclennan from spruce head, maine, and i sea food differently. the sleep number bed. the magic of this bed is that you're sleeping on something that conforms to your individual shape. wow! that feels really good. in less than a minute i can get more support. if you change your mind once you get home you can adjust it. so whatever you feel like, the sleep number bed's going to provide it for you. at our semi-annual sleep sale, save $400 to $700 on our most popular bed sets. plus, free standard shipping - but only through march 18th! only at the sleep number store, where queen mattresses start at just $699 clown pictures, commission salesman, it's all a front. you're working some angle and don't tell me you're not. that's me, that's who i am. you were never cut out for it. >> how come? >> you're not tough enough. >> fantastic. i love that movie "grifters." >> those people, they always come from somewhere. >> yeah. >> you know, it's easy to make judgments on them. but i have a lot of sympathy for that character, lilly dylan. she was like a fox with her leg caught in a trap. she had to chew off her leg in order to live. >> yeah. >> speaking of which, it feels as though we women in america are having to do the same thing. what has happened that we are fighting again for reproductive rights? >> it's unbelievable. >> and how did this happen? >> and how did guys solely discuss it? it's absolutely astonishing to me. it's the dark ages. >> it really is. i try to watch the republican convention and i think to myself, surely this can't be the cream of the crop. >> i don't understand it but i don't understand a lot of things in present day america. my theory is if we dropped radios and blankets on afghanistan, we wouldn't be having the problems that we're having now. i'm just so depressed about the state of the world. >> and now that there are these war hawks out there saying syria, going into sear yoo surely you're kidding. we can only infear so much, too. >> when i was a kid and the vietnam war was going on, i remember them saying there will never be another war so this will be the last war and to think that we're sending our kids again to other nations and then coming back with these unbelievable wounds, the ieds that are there and the head wounds, the traumas, ptsds. >> we're not exactly creating a state of goodwill when we go nie into these places. it's always the people who get caught in the crossfire, the children. >> yes. >> the children. and as you were saying, i remember when i was a little girl, 6 year old, going to an irish con vant and taking 2 and 6 to help little babies thinking when i grow up, there is not going to be hunger. >> yeah. >> it's very disturbing. i agree with you. >> you did a wonderful documentary about what is going on in berma. >> well, up for re-election for the democratic party, that's a fantastic thing. she's a wonderful woman and i think it was time for the military to step down in berma. >> do you find that your political views have caused you any kind of problems careerwise? >> i don't care if they do. they are my opinions and i'm a public person. so if i choose to air publicly, that's my right. i'm not really concerned about what people think of that. i'm presently really enduring myself to the new york public and i've been a horse lover all my life and i believe they should be able to run free. >> that does certainly seem cruel. >> it does. and chimpanzee babies torn away from their mothers, they go up to six years without their mothers. they are like human babies. and to orphan these chimps, it's really unconscience -- >> the hbo show "luck" was canceled. >> i'm not quite sure how that happened or whether it was cgi but i'm -- i understand the need to use animals in film. you have to be really, really extra careful. i think there should be a check list on that. i will not go to work. and there you go. >> continued success and it's really brilliant. i >> idore you back. >> only in america when we come back. don't go away. 6 hours? with thermacare heatwraps. thermacare works differently. it's the only wrap with patented heat cells that penetrate deep to relax, soothe, and unlock tight muscles. for up to 16 hours of relief, try thermacare. in here, the landscaping business grows with snow. to keep big winter jobs on track, at&t provided a mobile solution that lets everyone from field workers to accounting, initiate, bill, and track work in real time. you can't live under a dome in minnesota, that's why there's guys like me. [ male announcer ] it's a network of possibilities -- helping you do what you do... even better. ♪ [♪...] >> announcer: with nothing but his computer, an identity thief is able to use your information to open a bank account in order to make your money his money. [whoosh, clang] you need lifelock, the only identity theft protection company that now monitors bank accounts for takeover fraud. lifelock: relentlessly protecting your identity. call 1-800-lifelock or go to lifelock.com today. i love that my daughter's part fish. but when she got asthma, all i could do was worry ! specialists, lots of doctors, lots of advice... and my hands were full. i couldn't sort through it all. with unitedhealthcare, it's different. we have access to great specialists, and our pediatrician gets all the information. everyone works as a team. and i only need to talk to one person about her care. we're more than 78,000 people looking out for 70 million americans. that's health in numbers. unitedhealthcare. this is the time in the program that piers gives us his tame on life in the u.s. it's called only in america. for only in america can an iconic rock band take the concepterchandising to a whole new level, i'm talking about kiss. they have been glamming it up since the 1970s. it's always been about the music, man. okay, so maybe now it's about the money, too, man. how else can you explain today's grand open in in vegas of the kiss monster mini golf course. this is no ordinary miniature golf course. it's a glow in the dark golf course. it has the largest kiss gift shop in the world. i'm not calling them sell outs but what is next. batting cages with kiss glitter balls. i guess they're telling us it's okay to do anything. maybe i'm take it to heart and consider some of the offers i got last week. or better

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