[cheers & applause] >> delicious! delicious! happy friday, everybody! yeah. hope you had a nice thanksgiving. those pigeons have tasty. let's talk about the death of western civilization. keep things nice and light. it's in trouble, people. things in the west these days are about as stable as chris christie on an exercise ball. sadly most people don't realize it or they just don't care. for anyone that doesn't care, you'll care soon enough. the guardian of wester values has always been america. now not so much. let's face it, we're a niece that melts down if our smart phone runs out of power. look around. especially our young people, a nation capable of standing up for itself, especially by a guy that can't stand by himself, do you still think we're capable of safeguarding the system that has cured more disease, created more wealth and lifted more people out of poverty than any in human history or do you see a system obsessed with dividing us based on grievances and pronounces? do you see leadership capable of protecting western values? even these a-holes we can't protest deodorant and toothpaste at cvs let alone western civilization. we have societal decay and tooth decay. we have more trouble than dana trying to reach a door knob. i know. before you accuse me of being too pessimistic, the west has been tested before and we have come through. remember the movie "300?" in 480 b.c. that's before cable, dana. a small band of greeks held off the persians invading from the east. greek civilization survived and their ideas of democracy and rights because the foundation of western society. and plus, they gave us kojack. more recently in 1940 when it looks like the nazis could take over all of europe, the british stood up alone. it was like who is happening in israel. the french bent over so fast they strained their croissants. when the main british army was surrounded at dunkirk, winston churchill rallied his nation. england survived until america entered the war and the west's tradition of freedom was rescued again. compare that to the american evacuation from afghanistan which made dunkirk look like a cruise on royal caribbean. here's our winston churchill today. [stuttering] our only hope would be if the enemy died laughing. churchill said we shall fight them in the streets and we have a president that keep losing his fight with gravity. there was a cold war. of course, republican ronald reagan that told the soviets in berlin this. >> mr. gorbachev, tear down this wall! >> greg: when the wall and soviet communism fell, our president didn't. for the mosts at nbc that day is known as black thursday. the point is there's moments in history when things hang in the balance. when the moments comes, it takes courage, leadership to stand up for our way of life. doesn't it feel like we're in such a moment? the problem today is the enemy is within. hamas is guilty of killing 32 americans and holding ten more hostage. across the country in dem-run cities, hamas are the heros. israel was cast as the aggressor almost before the first female raper was raped and murder. because americans subjected to an education system borrowed from the soviets, israel's main crime is being too successful, too modern, too much like us, the real oppressor. so how far has it gone? the new trend among american women advocating for hamas is adopting sharia law, which would put them back in the dark ages. they're even wearing the nikab. let's hope this catches on at "the view." [laughter] [applause] but i'm sure these women are still counting on us to pay off their college loans since i doubt the taliban will pick up the tab for their degrees in women's studies. why is the most successful nation choosing to do this? here's a sports analogy. the u.s. is like a football team up by 35 points in the second half and putting in the scrubs and playing prevent defense and suddenly they're losing. elites replace patriotism with ideology directed inward. we have a generation that sees everything through the lens of power. each relationship is seen through the filter of the oppressed versus the oppressor. you know what side they put you on. now they have the kids who are so desperate for relevance and identify, they'll take on any pose to convince themselves they're cool. hating america is their definition of that. is there hope? sure. as i said, west has come through before. it's going to take effort. we're short on churchill's and reagans and we overdose on aocs. make sure your kids know that america is unique in history and so are the freedoms of western civilization. if you leave education to the teacher's union, the college professors, the nonbinary activists, when the time comes, don't expect the west to be rescued again. a good chance this time america won't be coming. let's welcome tonight's guests! this is her last gig before she returns to work at santa's workshop. cost of "the five" and "america's newsroom", dana perino. his anthony fauci impression is so good it will make you sick. tyler fisher, actor and comedian. she loves to surf and defend american turf. fox's contributor, tulsi gabbard. and some say he's too handsome to be a comedian and by some, i mean me, comedian jeff dye. dana, how is that for an upbeat friday monologue? >> it's good. i read an article about how being hot in comedy is becoming a thing. >> greg: it is. i wouldn't know. >> i wouldn't know either. >> okay. seriously, i think that you are hitting the nail on the head. one thing that is curious is young people usually like to rebel. so if they were rebelling against people who are teaching them this nonsense, they would become ultra patriotic. like super maga and wearing flying the american flag. >> greg: just to piss off their parents and teachers. >> exactly. >> greg: what if they don't have that anymore? what if they kill the rebellious spirit? >> maybe we. have it's shocking these young women that think that they would be better off as muslims. there's a lot of that -- we might be better off because the roads would be safer. >> she said it. >> greg: she said it. that's called a joke, america. >> i like this lady. >> greg: yes. i have a feeling nick gave you that joke. >> i don't know of whom you speak. i think about these young women. if they were in israel, they would be in the reserves. they would be called up to fight for their country. instead, they had this thing on social media. they're fighting with the hijab trying to figure out how to put it on. online, do it this way, sweetheart. do you remember when we were in the 70s, you had to go to classes to avoid weird memberships of things? apparently they don't do that any longer. >> greg: they push you in. tyler, what do you think -- such a set-up. what do you think trump would say regarding the death of western civilization? would he think he could save it? >> well, first, i'm wondering if dana was talk act me being the hot comedian or jeff? >> beards are in, dude. >> frankly i think you'd say excuse me, greg. i think you'd say, we have to get back to the american flag because -- no, i walk down the street. i saw rainbow flags and the flags of other countries. no, frankly, dana if an alien landed in new york city, they think they landed in gay ukraine frankly. where are we? we don't know where we are. we're all mixed up. [applause] everybody has the same rights, right? i'm tired of seeing this flurry of flags. at this point, it's whoever has the most colorful flag gets the celebratory march. palestine has a lot of colors on their flag. >> greg: it's true. we only have three. >> racist. we're racist colors. the most racist colors. >> greg: exactly. tulsi, welcome back. am i being too pessimistic? are you optimistic? >> not quite. i'm trying to be in the positive spirit here in the spirit of thanks giving to be greatful for all that we have, but i think your opening was very clear-eyed. you know, what is interesting here with all of these american women now converting to become muslim, it's kind of the latest iteration of how do i get that rebel, super so-called progressive streak cred immediately especially if they're white. they can't become black. people have tried that and failed. >> it's coming. >> so you know, for them to come and say, okay now i'm going to be a muslim, they get rid of their white guilt immediately, all of that white privilege they're born with, the things they're struggling with and immediately become the revolutionaries they seem to be seeking. but not seeming to understand at all what it is they are claiming to become, for the terrorist radical islam ideology that terrorist groups like hamas espouse and trying to spread. >> greg: there's no real housewives of palestine. when are they going to watch? [laughter] what are they going to watch? what am i going to watch? >> i'd watch that though. >> greg: i'd definitely watch that. you and i would watch it together. is this typical? i can see -- it's a typical hand wringing from a silver fox, an older dude looking down at the generations. nobody said yeah, you're a silver fox. >> i agree. i was nodding. head yak. >> greg: what is your take on this? >> you made me giggle. i went through the me too movement as a bro. i'm a straight white guy. i love woman. i love to tease them. so i make jokes about women and the whole me too movement was like his comedy, he shouldn't say that about a woman. these same women want to convert to islam? the same women that were with their signs of the me too are going now i'd like to be -- it's insane. free gaza. shut up, lady. yeah, free gaza. that's what they're signing up for. >> greg: even if they are converting, they're marching alongside people that think of them as inferior. >> yeah. don't make jokes about us. we shouldn't show our faces and be treated as property and be peten with sticks if we say things out of turn. its insane. the same people. >> greg: it's crazy. >> it's not very up the any -- >> greg: it's not about ideology. it's about power. it's about the need for power. >> also like you said, people rebel against what the parents make them do. maybe we should be dragging the kids to the middle east and bringing them to drag shows. you know, they'll go i hate drag shows because their parents forced it on them maybe. >> greg: my parents did that to me and didn't work. >> made you love heels. >> greg: yes. up next, will college kids balk over a class on small talk? read. is your treatment leaving you with uncontrolled symptoms? like the cover-it-ups and brush-it-offs? enough with good enoughs. don't stay hiding or hurting. ♪ when your lotions and creams don't do enough to help treat the inflammation beneath the skin, causing plaques and pain, it's time to get real about psoriasis, so, your dermatologist can help you get clear. make the appointment and ask about real clear skin. 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(car engine revs) (engine accelerating) (texting clicks) (tires squeal) (glass shattering) (loose gravel clanking) (car engine revs) (engine accelerating) (texting clicks) (tires squeal) (glass shattering) (loose gravel clanking) (car engine revs) (engine accelerating) (texting clicks) (tires squeal) (glass shattering) (loose gravel clanking) >> a story in five words. [applause] >> greg: story in five words? college course for small talk. all right. tyler, this is interesting. because of the pandemic isolation and smart phone addiction, college kids are losing basic communication skills so professors are now encouraging more chit chat through mixers and networking events. this has to be good for you. you can't do impressions via text. so during this period, what were you doing? >> i'll do like a trump, all caps. we're done. we're through. right? we're through. everything we say is small talk technically. >> greg: true. >> i kind of blame our leaders. we used to have these really inspirational presidents, you know, ask not what your country can do you. ask you you can do to your country. you cult to biden. two dogs eating ice cream spread butter on my legs. these genzers, yes, he's on the spectrum, too. he gets it. kamala is speaking at a third grade level. we feed to have space for our serves in space. yes, queen. that's our girl. >> greg: we get the leaders we deserve. >> exactly. >> greg: that's why tulsi is here, not there. we didn't deserve you. >> you'll get there one day, greg. >> greg: you think -- small talk meant that you had to go and be interesting in somebody else. we replaced that with me talk. so like i have to say, oh, tulsi, i'm a they and a them because that's me before we talk any further. >> that's a good point. i was looking at this story and thinking about my life through the covid pandemic. people are talking about home schooling and dissing home schooling because you kids need to learn social skills and children how to related to people. i was home schooled. i think i turned out well. but you know, i know how to relate to people and communicate. you look at these kids being churned out of our public schools that seem to know how to talk at each other rather than have a real conversation or small talk even. they're okay with the anonymous trolling on social mia and pro tersing what they're not protesting or screaming about. yet the very basic things in relating person-to-person as people in a caring and respectful way, it does revel a failure of our society. >> greg: i think the home schooling thing is beneficial because kids that are able to be around adults younger and converse with adults i think end up learning how to communicate faster especially if the adults don't use baby talk. >> for sure. >> what you going to do? >> greg: i hate baby talk. >> mommy needs to -- why are you talking in third person. >> greg: my no never talked in baby talk. she slurred often. but that had nothing to do -- >> if i was home schooled, my dad would be like grab dad the scotch. this is a weird school. >> greg: here's a note for cigarettes. i'm pinning it on your sweater. now walk. >> tell mom janine is a friend. substitute teacher. >> greg: do you talk to young people when you're on tour? >> yeah, i love young people. they're just dumb like when i was young. i was dumb. >> greg: but you can make small talk. >> yeah. this is going to sound so old man. i sound older than i am. i blame we don't have team sports. kids that played team sports back in the day, whether they liked or not, they had to play. so you learned that there's a selfish king that is good, the other kid on the bench like you. you learned how to communicate. my nieces and nephews, on the drive to the snowboarding mountain have their ear pods in. how was school? everything is in. everything is very in. they're in their podcast with their little books or the things. >> greg: are we hypocrites? we used to say as w.c. fields would say kids should be seen and heard and now we're all mad? >> yes, they are seen. >> i've known you a long time. >> greg: yes. >> you hate small talk. you think -- you want to know -- there's two questions he hates the mow. >> greg: it's true. >> how is your weekend and what are you doing this weekend. that is small talk. >> greg: yeah. there's some kind -- this is your week, right? it's like monday, tuesday, wedn wednesday, thursday and friday and the first part people say how is your weekend. wednesday morning, it becomes plans for the weekend. the elevator statement. then you say something and somebody always says living the dream. >> what about like a bar or mixer or something? you'd be more accepting of that. >> greg: yeah, i think that if you eliminate small talk, then you have no talk. how do you get to the next level? you don't just walk up to somebody and say death to america. >> it's funny like -- yeah. it's not that hard to say nice weather we're having. i don't understand why you have to have a class about it. >> greg: also, the thing is, you know why kids don't do small talk? afraid of being called racist. remember when just saying where are you from, remember when you were told not to say where you're from? you'd see something that looks different? hey, where are you from? that's racist. >> because give away where your ancestors are from? >> like an indian guy. where are you from? chicago. i meant where are your parents from. none of our -- >> i'm from india. nice to meet you. most people are nice. i can see being afraid of being accused. i went 0 a date last night. the girl asked me to order her a negroni. it's too close. got her a glass of milk. >> how was your small talk? >> who is your favorite governor? you said arnold s. i don't want to offend the s. >> greg: i have no idea what that means. [laughter] >> as we run out of things to say. >> greg: yes. we must move on. up next, our biggest fans prevail when we read their mail. 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[laughter] >> why not? >> greg: tyler? were you ever a chimney sweep? >> i was for a doll house actually. that's how small i am. no, before i was making tons of money on "gutfeld," i was -- i had to break in to luxury apartments and put like charter school sign-up sheets to try to get the rich parents to sign up for charter schools. i snuck in to one of trump's towers and the security guards chased me down. i hit in a pile of garbage. i found shoes nicer than mine. i found shoes nicer than me, jumped in and ran out. that's how i got this job. >> greg: i thought this was a bit. >> one man's garbage is another man's shoes. >> i had these sneaky jobs. >> greg: that's what happens. you're born for the job. dana? >> a very odd job. i told you about this before. there's the nordic track. a lot of people might have lad one. you might not know that for a while they had a nordic chair. the nordic chair, i had a job doing telemarketing where you'd try to sell the nordic chair to people that already had the nordic track. it was a piece of furniture. i can remember the pitch. it looks just like a normal chair and you can sit in it and it's fine in your living room but these arms come out and you can do your exercises. >> greg: i got rejected from a terrible job. i applied for a job as a rat catcher, san mateo county. i went to the job interview. had two questions, my age and did i own a car. i still didn't get the job. it entailed lifting up a manhole cover and setting traps to catch rats. i thought it was the coolest thing ever but i didn't get the job. so instead i became a paid killer. come on. more viewer mail. don't go away. we extend our gratitude... beyond words... by proudly offering a legendary salute discount to those who protect our freedoms. our dedication to those who selflessly serve us runs deep within our dna. it's not just a discount... it's a commitment to making a difference. because every day is a chance for us to say thank you. bass pro shops and cabela's... your adventure starts here. the chase ink business premier card is made for people like sam, who make- everyday products, designed smarter. like a smart coffee grinder, that orders fresh beans for you. oh, genius! for more breakthroughs like that- i need a breakthrough card. like ours! with 2.5% cash back on purchases of $5,000 or more. plus unlimited 2% cash back on all other purchases. and with greater spending potential, sam can keep making smart ideas- a brilliant reality! the ink business premier card from chase for business. make more of what's yours. 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[applause] [laughter] >> kidding. i'd say mosquitos. >> greg: that's good. >> they're horrible. >> greg: they probably hate us. >> i don't think they do anything for nature. they don't have a purpose. >> greg: they don't. screw them, right? out of here. >> greg: all right, tulsi. i know. it's the same answer as the previous block. congress. >> my first immediate thought was hillary clinton. [applause] [laughter] i sat with it for a minute. i'm going to go with nuclear weapons. >> greg: oh! hard to decide which is more of a threat. jeff? >> well, it's not a popular answer. >> greg: oh, god. i'm afraid. >> i had a bunch. i can't say that one, can't say that one. we've arrived at one i shouldn't say. we should find homes for people to get rid of the homeless. >> greg: that was going to be my answer. that's actually like -- it's like can't we get them to figure it out? >> nobody is working on it. >> greg: nobody is working on it. >> every time i try to talk about it, people go it's mean. i care more. i want them to have homes. i don't want them to be homeless. >> greg: it's called tough love. >> they have so much stuff. some of it is my stuff. [ laughter and applause ] >> greg: so you have motive here. >> they're scaring people. i want them to be in a home. >> greg: not off the earth. get them off the street. >> yeah, i want to help. >> greg: cathead asks, what is your favorite sound created by nature? dana, i'm sure you have a nature sound. >> this is hard. i have ocean waves. >> that's mine, too. >> girl power. >> greg: tyler? >> oh, probably rain, you know, hitting the top of my tent that i live in. >> greg: thanks a lot, jeff. i want you to have a home. i can see you in a little tent. >> a little dirt on my face. >> greg: you'd be a good hobo. like an old school hobo. with a tin mug and a dog with an eye patch. >> someone said i looked like homeless robin williams. oh, thank you very much. i feel crappy behind that dumpster. oh! >> greg is coming off real homophobic. >> greg: i am. what is your favorite sound from nature? >> i'm a man of nature. i like to hike and stuff. i live in los angeles. a story that got caleb with the bear around the corner. i don't know if you saw that on tik tok and instagram. my favorite sounds are of any kind of animals. like a bear. like -- that's a good one. or -- you know, that's a good one. or the birds of where i live. the great hillary clinton. going to ask me my favorite sounds, i want to make a meal of it. >> greg: i shout have thought of this, too. favorite sound from nature. a mudslide. >> oh! >> greg: nobody gets hurt. i just like the sound of mudsliding. yeah. >> what is that sound? >> greg: it goes like this. >> there it is. yeah. >> all homeless people noises. very anti-homeless block here. >> lands on a deer. i don't know what deers sound like. >> only guys can do those sounds. did you know that? it's true. girls don't learn how to do that. >> greg: they can only do imitation of men sounds. exactly. and he's like oh, yeah? what about that? whenever women imitate men and then -- >> why don't you turn it up again. >> greg: sports, sports, sports again. >> sorry honey, i forgot. >> greg: oh, going to work and making money. pay for my shoes. >> building society. >> greg: yeah. inventing penicillin. men did that, right? >> yes. >> greg: okay. up next, why women are putting up a fight over finding mr. right. 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[applause] >> greg: it's not really true. everybody is watching but we're very modest. we're going to talk about a random dating survey, which means it's probably meaningless. tulsi, this is interesting. one in three women, 33.3 -- how do they do that? cut her up? they're no longer focused on following traditional milestones like getting married and having children. are you buying this? >> i don't know. who knows how they come up with these things. this is something that is not new. i think that people have pursued their own interests and whatever that may be. further in that article, i saw something that stood out to me though was that as women are seeking different kinds of relati relationships, they're less interested in the one night stands and more even on a first date having meaningful conversations with someone and looking for something more fulfilling and real than, you know -- >> greg: that's what tinder is for. >> the transactional thing. >> greg: looking for real relationships. like completely based on physical attraction. i think, dana, your a woman or so you claim. >> i claim. >> greg: could it just be the one in three women are women that are unattractive? a sexist would say. i did not write that question. >> hey, i said that. >> he heard me say it. >> what the article said, they're finding a lot of men -- they're not good life partners, not attracted to that and it's touch work to work on that. here's the great news for them. as they convert to islam, they will find out that all of these decisions are made for them. >> greg: so true. >> they don't have to think about it. the marriages are arranged. you don't have to worry about birth control anymore. guess what? you don't get to use it. this is the way to basically stop having to make decisions. >> greg: so true. i might convert. what do you think? you think it's on the men? we're not producing good men? >> no. it's semantics. it's not cool to be conservative anymore. they're finding new words and spin to pro tend that they're not conservative because it's not cool. but they still do. ask any valuable -- ask any woman, any woman. ask any women. i want a guy that loves me. bingo. i'd like a guy to talk to me about what's important to me. i'd like them to provide and keep me safe in situations. i like to have their friendship forever. i'd like to be with them. like yeah, you're describe ago conservative guy. >> greg: it's so true. >> you just don't want to say you're a closeted republican. >> greg: so true. tyler, i believe that you won this remaining raymond arroyo cd. i will throw it your way. take out an eyeball. as a three feet tall human -- >> looking in the mirror. >> greg: yes. >> girls, you're both pretty. [laughter] >> greg: does this give you a better chance at finding love or a worst chance? >> so i met one of the managers of hinge. she said since the height has been added, the height requirement, she looks at me and goes you're screwed. she said women swipe know on 80 or 90% if they're not over six feet, which is why i had to change my height to millimeters on my app just to -- i have to trick women. oh, he's 2,000 millimeters. must be a tall german guy in town for the weekend. this is what is happening. >> greg: it's true. women will honestly say that's the deal breaker. >> exactly. tik tok should be changed to a dating app for women in their late 30s. [laughter] >> greg: let it set in. >> give it a minute. they're getting old. >> greg: you are terrible. >> i'm single, mad and angry. >> greg: all right. do go away. we'll be right back. there's something going around the gordon home. good thing gertrude found delsym. now what's going around is 12-hour cough relief. and the giggles. the family that takes delsym together, feels better together. my a1c was up here; now, it's down with rybelsus®. his a1c? it's down with rybelsus®. my doctor told me rybelsus® lowered a1c better than a leading branded pill and that people taking rybelsus® lost more weight. i got to my a1c goal and lost some weight too. rybelsus® isn't for people with type 1 diabetes. don't take rybelsus® if you or your family ever had medullary thyroid cancer, or have multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if allergic to it. stop rybelsus® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, or an allergic reaction. serious side effects may include pancreatitis. gallbladder problems may occur. tell your provider about vision problems or changes. taking rybelsus® with a sulfonylurea or insulin increases low blood sugar risk. side effects like nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea may lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. need to get your a1c down? you may pay as little as $10 per prescription. i was on a work trip when the pulmonary embolism happened. but because i have 23andme, i was aware of that gene. that saved my life. there once was a tree lovingly made to look real. 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