and you're going to do it with a team of people, if you don't trust them at the outset, you're going to have to develop trust very quickly. >> and he never chose you in this case. do you think that's the issue? >> i think he was involved. i was chosen by secretary gates, and clearly approved by the president. so i wases his commander. i replaced general mckiran in june of 2010. i think, though, there are a number of things. i think people underestimate the difference between the cultures of the civilian culture and military culture. it's not an opposition. they are just different. so they use different words, different backgrounds. they have a different understanding sometimes of history. plus a new administration comes in, any new administration, doesn't matter which party. and they've got to form a team and they're trying to internally form a team and also trying to form a team with people like dod. i want to ask you about the pat tillman affair. i know that you've said that you don't write a lot about it in here. in the book. have you spoken to pat tillman's mom? >> i have. >> what was that conversation