[cheers and applause] desus welcome to the daily show, my name is what . Desus desus thank you. Unfortunately, its my last night hosting. I know, i know. But its been an awesome week. My biggest his appointment as i wasnt able to mention the bronx 144,000 times. I was hoping for more. So one last time anyway, we got a great show for you tonight so lets get into some headlines [cheers and applause] lets kick things off with a Supreme Court justice who has accepted more gifts than makeawish kids. Clarence thomas every day theres a new story about thomas accepting lavish gifts from his richass friends and not reporting any of it. Now hes in more hot water because somebody bought him a jacuzzi. Just kidding, it was an rv. Clarence thomas has been an rv evangelist for decades, traveling the country in a 40foot luxury motor coach that he purchased in 1999 after borrowing more than a quarter of a Million Dollars from a wealthy friend. But a new report from democrats on the Senate Finance committee alleges thomas friend forgave a substantial amount of that massive loan. And nine years later, his friend forgave all the debts. The irs considers Debt Forgiveness as a form of income but thomas never reported it on his Financial Disclosure forms, a likely violation of federal ethics rules. And he never reported it on his tax return, potentially owing money to the irs. This longtime friend anthony welter who longterm that money, he is defending this arrangement saying i loaned a friend money. Of with all been on one side or the other of that equation. Desus no we have not [laughter] ive never had a friend just give me, i dont know, 250,000 last week i bummed a cigarette for my guy tommy, he sent me a vinyl request. I do have a question for clearance of hospice rich friend. Do you want to hang sometime . Lets catch a knicks game, ive got courtside seats if you pay for them but loki im disappointed in clarence. If youre going to take a bribe, should be extravagantly gold bars and diamonds. This is depressing. You banned abortion because you want someone else to let you drive a bus . Also, they said that driving rvs is Clarence Thomas about just everything the world. Look at that mans face. This is what Clarence Thomas looks like when hes happy . Im enjoying this. Hooray. Lets move onto a condition plaguing americas schools. Softness. Data collected by the cdc finds roughly 40 of Public Schools say they deal with instances of bullying every day or at least once a week, although it may be lower in new york schools. According to a new study, new york ranks 39th out of 48 states for bullying prevalence in schools. Desus damn. New york is not even number one in bullying anymore . We invented bullying how did we get so soft our state motto used to be im going to see your ass at 3 00 yeah. Its my last night, lets go, lets go [cheers and applause] need bullies getting bullied motivates nerds to make billions of dollars. If jeff basals had fun in high school would stop to go to a strip mall to buy socks. And i know some of you are going this story is not funny, my kid got bullied. I mean, i can see where they get it from. Shit. And finally, lets talk about dating. Fellas, you got big plans this weekend, taking a lady on a first date . Guess what . No matter where youre going, its already terrible already terrible. A list of on acceptable places to take a woman on a first date is going viral and social media and its leading men stomped on where else to go. On the list, Cheesecake Factory took number one followed by the olive garden, chipotle, and chilis. But other places mentioned include movies, the gym, coffee and ice cream dates, and a bar for drinks. Clubs and hookah lounges also made the list. [laughter] desus wait, thats everyplace. So you cant go to a bar, you cant go to a club, you cant fight a girl over to my boys house while the six of us watch a movie on a macbook while sharing one blunt . Thats crazy i dont know how scientific this list is, kind of looks like he just wrote it in notes app. Also, some of these are really specific, like a bar for drinks. If shorty is like i will also get the calamari, the guys like just drinks so tell me more about yourself. For more on the story we collect our senior dating correspondent, Ronnie Chieng legend legend get up here my god, help me out here, where do women like going on a first date . Desus, im glad you asked. If theres one thing i know is how to charm women with my sweet [bleep] personality. First dates are easy, you just have to keep expectations low. Take them here, to the sbarros at the Port Authority. Desus the Port Authority . Lease go to sbarros at Grand Central. Because no, Grand Central has a fancy clock. A first date cant have a fancy anything. If you take her to offense a restaurant she will be like wow, he must be able to pay rent. [laughter] believe me, you dont want that pressure. Just get her a cold slice of pizza next to a garbage can and a parmesan shaker that has covid on it. Let her know where the bars. Low. Desus okay, i see, thats economical. No drinks, no meals. All you pay for is a slice, right . No, you idiot, you are not listening. If you buy or a slice, youre always going to have to buy her a slice. Who am i, the pepperoni king . On the first day you show her what shes in for. Thats why on my first date, and 30 minutes late, i zone out which is talking and if theres time, i start a secret family. [laughter and applause] desus okay, but what if she doesnt want to go to sbarros . Then you meet at a fivestar restaurant and walker to the nearest sbarros. [laughter] desus what if she is lactose intolerant . Thats fine. Theres a bunch of options for bad first dates. You could take her to a funeral. You could take her to the dmv. You could invite her to an argument with your ex. And if you really want to upset her, just take her to a knicks game. Spent get out of here get out of here the season just started ronny chieng, everybody when we come back i will tell you why you paid too much for that sports stadium. Dont go away. [applause] we want it all. We want beards and lattes. Great. Oh. We want to be invited. Great. And. Not attend. chuckling great. We want to take the shortcut. gasps you lost . And not be in danger. Reverse. Sadly, we cant have it all. Except at sport clips, where we check in with the pros in mens hair and totally check out with pure, uninterrupted relaxation. Sport clips. Its a game changer. When the murrays discovered gain scent beads, they fell in love with the irresistible scent. Huh, huh, so did their dog roger. Gain scent beads keep even the stinkiest stuff smelling fresh. [cheers and applause] desus welcome back to the daily show growing up, i lived across the street from into stadium. I could hear the crowd, i could smell the glizzies. White people, those are hot hot dogs. One red sox fans asked me for directions to the stadium ive point them straight to the projects. [laughter] it was beautiful. Then in 2009, they built a new Yankee Stadium right next to the old one, and it looks basically the same. It was like drakes last two albums, you couldnt tell them apart. [applause] but there was one huge difference the cost to the public. The city handed over 20 acres of public parkland and 2 billion in taxpayer money. So the house that ruth built really became the house that you and i built. Well, mostly you, im a softer citizen, i dont pay taxes. But this happens all the time. Just last year new york of the Buffalo Bills 600 million to build a new stadium. 600 million its almost as much as nypd spends to stop 50,000 worth of turnstile jumping [laughter and applause] so how does this happen . Why are billionaire owners getting welfare to build stadiums . Its something i want to talk about in tonights long story short. [cheers and applause] all right. Right now we are in a sports stadium building boom and just about everyone of them is funded by taxpayers. So how are Billionaire Team owners able to get the sweetheart deals . Easy. When asking for taxpayer subsidies, teams come to a Community Like a dude asking for an open marriage. Girl, its not just good for me, its good for you too they sadie stadiums will spread Economic Growth throughout the community. Construction jobs, restaurants, taylor swift body doubles. Come on now, you think shes watching travis kelce and doing a show in argentina an hour later . No, that math is not mathing. [laughter and applause] yeah. See . These owners also claim their stadiums will increase property values, which is one of the biggest lies in the world. What kind of psycho is like yeah, i want 50,000 drunk idiots pissing on my stoop every night . Away, bro, if any drunk idiot is going to piss on my stoop, its going to be me next, they promised to donate money to the community or build affordable housing. And if none of that works, they threaten to move the team. And it usually works because even though using taxpayer money on a stadium is unpopular, losing a team could end a politicians career. If mayor eric adams lost us the knicks, he would be deported. [laughter] all the way back to his real home in new jersey. [cheers and applause] but the truth is, a lot of the time, those owners are bluffing, and we know that because they admit it david samson, the former president of the marlins, largely credited with pulling up the worst stadium deal for miamidade taxpayers. Effect liberty is a playbook, i get a lot of credit for doing the marlins park deal but it really wasnt very difficult because miami did not want to lose its Baseball Team and all we had to say is that we are ready to leave miami if we dont get a deal done. Let me ask you, or the marlins going to leave miami, david . Truly. Absolutely not. [boos] desus see . These guys are full of shit. There were never going to leave miami because no one ever leaves miami. Even people who are just visiting dont leave miami. I had a cousin who went to a Bachelor Party six month ago, he is still in the club partying with bbls. So the teams get their free subsidies and now that they have their brandnew stadium that boosts their value. But dont worry because in returns the city gets hundreds of millions of dollars worth of. Jack shit. Economist to study stadium subsidies say little or none of the money makes it back to taxpayers. One economist estimated that the conservation of a professional Baseball Team is similar to that of a midsize department store. As a university of chicago economist aptly put it, if you want to inject money into a local economy, it would be better to drop it from a helicopter then invested in a new ballpark. Desus wait, thats an option . I wish there were drop a giant bag of money in my neighborhood. Rest in peace to the person it lands on, but it would be a payday for the rest of us so the economic boost the promised doesnt pan out and i know that personally because i saw that in the bronx. In exchange for that 20 acres of parkland, the yankees promised to donate 40 million to the affected areas, but the Immediate Community has not seen a dime from the team. And more immediately and more importantly, we havent seen a world series in like 20 years. Like, if you want to screw my community out of 40 million, fine, thats business. Let me not getting a ring . Thats personal. [applause] i mean, at the very least, these teams could toss out some more shirts during games. All you have 25,000 fans in the arena and only toss out ten tshirts . And they are all size xl . Do mediums cost more . Also, can we please get a tshirt cannon that can hit the three hundreds . What the [bleep] . Up top and the thing that really gets me heated, the stadiums arent even that old. Stadiums for the braves and the rangers last like 20 years before they built new ones. You cant be placing a stadium that Leonardo Dicaprio would still hit. [laughter] [applause] im not going to be in titanic 2 costco. You know it the worst part is . How much it sucks for the fans because suddenly the team theyve been rooting for starts extorting them for a fortune. And all they can do about it is to go to the stadium and cuss out the owner. Which is what they did in oakland. Geico check this out. Fans packing the Oakland Coliseum for the first time in what seems like forever to send a blunt message to the athletics top brass. A season best crowd of nearly 28,000 athletics fans came out to the colosseum for what was deemed a reverse boycott, which encouraged owner john fisher to sell the team so it can remain in oakland instead of moving to las vegas. Tonight, the colosseum erupted with oneofakind chants and cheers. Sell the team, sell the team fisher, get the hell out of your 30,000 people are going to show up to showed john fisher that he sucks. Desus thats how you do it lesson, on the east coast im in a close boy but oakland playing to paying 20 to cuss out a man youve never met is big new york energy, respect [applause] but long story short, politicians got to stop falling for the stadium griff. If we are getting ripped off by team owners it should be the old way, with 14 bud light or less. When we come back, d smoke will be joining me on the show. Dont go away yet. [cheers and applause] [alarm ringing] ya ya power by kingupingu [apple watch ringing] hello . Power every little thing that i touch is feeling my power [crashing and rumbling] woah yah yah yah [indistinct chatter] yeh every little thing that i touch [camera shutter] is feeling my power [alarm ringing] [clap clap] oo oo mr. Clean magic eraser powers through tough messes. So it makes it look like i spent hours cleaning, and you know i didnt. It makes my running shoe look like new its amazing. Its so good. It makes it look like i have magical powers. Magic eraser and sheets make cleaning look easy. [cheers and applause] desus welcome back to the daily show my net guess tonight is a Grammy Nominated rapper whose latest single is called work hard play hard, please welcome the homey, d smoke [cheers and applause] my guy whats up hows it going . Amazing, amazing. Desus up to no good . Used to take spanish and music there at inglewood high school. I taught spanish and ultimately i ended up theory desus you have the netflix show rhythm and flow. And you won. I did. [applause] desus did any of the students come back saying i didnt know you could spit like that . I run into my students everywhere because i taught for over seven years and stuff. Yeah thank you [applause] and each year you have anywhere from 100 to like 200 students and so they are all over the world. I run into them and hiking trails and it was like you was a good teacher but youre a better rapper like i dont know what that means you want your students are on hiking trails, youre a good teacher. You know what im saying desus we just did a segment about bullying in schools and they said california is number one for bullying allowed. You were a teacher, who was worse in bullying, High Schoolers or wrappers . [laughter] im going to have to say High Schoolers, easy. They are heartless sometimes. And i think the teachers sometimes are easy targets. They are like you have a job to protect so they will shoot at the teacher and sometimes you just got to take the teacher had often be like thats why your mama no [laughter] desus you have to keep that in. Its crazy because when you take off the cool head and you shoot back at the students, than there like okay, hes not playing. Their biggest fear is the fear of being embarrassed, so you might have to dig at them one time and not of course not overboard but let them know that youre there, youre in the moment. Desus so your families in the business, your brother is sir . Desus are you familiar how does that work having a Family Member also in entertainment, if you are on a remix, as you like whats up, aint got to go through agents . We go direct but after the music is done we still got to go through like the proper channels but you know, theres a lot of respect there because we are not a group, we are our own artists we just admire each other so much that we choose the right moments to put out songs and thats where the single came about, like is it time and we both looked at each other and was like yeah, its time. Desus work hard play hard. You are working on a y a novel . There are so many acronyms desus i used to work and a library because i will be a wild nerd right now. Calling it desus that is some english. I went to ya for three years but shout out to you, as a black man writing a ya novel, do you feel like you have more teaching to do, more absolutely. Absolutely. Im an educator by trade, im an educator at heart, but im also critical of the education system. I wont go into it. [applause] i wont go into it. You know. Its not necessarily the best circumstances under which to reach people, you know . You have to do certain things whereas the things that really impacted me the most certain books that changed my life, 111 of which was the alchemist and i like to believe ive written the hood alchemist. [applause] im super proud of that. Desus in this current musical environment, what advice can you give a new artist if they really do want to stand out . There are so many new artists out there. Absolutely. I always tell artists two things, i was told him extend the runway, give yourself more time and people tend to, everybodys trying to hit home runs. Everybody wants to blow up but if you grow up, nobody can take you what you built. If you blow up were trying to figure out where youre at. [applause] stick around with it, grow up, be consistent. What changed my life, what got me on rhythm and flow is because i was putting out something once a week with a visual. If it took me filming a tribe putting a tripod on a filming at myself and editing it, every fighter you was going to get a new use of content. And i spoke spanish i was a black man from inglewood speaking spanish, you know what im saying . Desus got you got you and i know people hadnt seen that so im like lets demonstrate that and mix it with some of the content, some of the message and do it once a week and then we started getting phone calls so a lot of people think rhythm and flow put you on. No, they called us to be a part of that. Desus got you, thank you for coming through work hard play hard is available now were going to a quick break im a we will be right back after this my guys d smoke something unexpected has arrived from experian. The new experian smart money™ debit card and digital checking account. It finds payments that could raise your Credit Scores without the debt. Get your new experian smart money™ account through the experian app. My moms alzheimers never changed how much we love her. But it did change her. She developed agitation that may happen with dementia due to alzheimers disease. She started yelling. Pacing around. Kept repeating the same questions. She got agitated often. So we asked her doctor for help. Rexulti is the only fdaapproved medication proven to reduce agitation symptoms that may happen with dementia due to alzheimers disease. Rexulti can cause serious side effects. Elderly dementia patients have increased risk of death or stroke. Report fever, stiff muscles, and confusion, which can be lifethreatening, or uncontrolled muscle movements, which may be permanent. High blood sugar which can lead to coma or death; weight gain; increased cholesterol; low white blood cells; unusual urges; dizziness on standing; falls; seizures; trouble swallowing, or sleepiness may occur. Take action for your loved one. Ask their doctor about rexulti. [cheers and applause] desus thats our show for tonight from the bottom of my heart i want to thank the daily show staff were making a childhood dream come true stay tuned for next week when your guest host will be Charlamagne Tha God and now here it is. Your moment of zen. Congressman matt gates nick naming maga him mike johnson. There calling him mike johnson. A guy named maga mike johnson. I kind of like that. I think it has a great ring to i think it has a great ring to it, honestly captioning made possible by Comedy Central im going down to south park gonna have myself a time both Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation im going down to south park gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor headin on up to south park