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Your private data has been nabbed: Please update your life as soon as possible while we deflect responsibility

Because our golf-obsessed boss has wandered off fondling his balls
Alistair Dabbs
Fri 14 May 2021 // 08:30 UTC
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Something for the Weekend, Sir? I am writing with regard to a data security incident relating to you.
Here we go again. Yet another bunch of jokers has allowed a third party to saunter onto its network and rummage around where it keeps sensitive customer information. It s enough to drive you to drink. (Mine s a boilermaker, thanks.)
This has been a busy week for unwelcome messages.
Depending upon where you live in the world, either Father s Day or Mother s Day is imminent – at least for the purposes of compiling lists of tech gifts for computer magazines – and I am being inundated with increasingly desperate marketing material for both. Not a single gift suggestion for this year s Father s Day would have interested my Dad: GPS-trackable golf balls, app-connected smart handkerchiefs and such crap. He ....

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Gone in 60 electrons: Digital art swaggers down the cul-de-sac of obsolescence

No lessons learned from (literally) decades of media format wars
Alistair Dabbs
Fri 7 May 2021 // 09:28 UTC
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Something for the Weekend, Sir? Argh, where did I put that old comic? Someone told me it s a collector s item! It has value!
You may be disappointed to learn that I am not hunting down an issue #1 heirloom featuring caped billionaire fascists or drug-pumped soldiers in patriotic catsuits. What I m searching for has less of the crime bashing and more, er, kangaroo snogging.
Found it! Found them all, in fact: a complete set of
Deadline, all 64 issues from launch to collapse. Given that my move to France a couple of years ago effectively turned my house upside-down, it made sense that everything that used to be stored in the attic would now be in the cellar – and that s where they were. ....

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So what if I pay peanuts for my home broadband? I demand you fix it NOW!

The Zoom meeting I’m missing is already miles away
Alistair Dabbs
Fri 30 Apr 2021 // 09:06 UTC
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Something for the Weekend, Sir? Do you know who I am?
As if that line’s going to work. Too pompous. I might try: May I remind you that I am a paying customer? (One among millions, that is.)
Or possibly that most devastating of customer complaints, I pay for a service and I expect it! immediately followed by the throat-clearing Yoda-style affirmation Hmm!
My recently upgraded broadband has just this moment gone down and I would very much like it to be gone up. I am prepping myself before calling the customer service number. It’s important to get the recipe right: two parts insistent, one part petulant. ....

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Get with the disruptive app design, granddad: meaningless errors are cool
Alistair Dabbs
Fri 23 Apr 2021 // 09:13 UTC
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Something for the Weekend, Sir?
An error has occurred… Of course it did – I m in a hurry and the login is sensing my urgency. Big mistake. Let s try again, more casually.
An error has occurred…
So it doesn t like my casual manner. How else could I type my credentials into the login screen to fool the remote computer into letting me view my own data? I try typing them r-e-a-l-l-y s-l-o-w-l-y.
An error has occurred… I try elaborately.
An error has occurred… I try viciously, nonchalantly, softly, insistently, accidentally, musically, and a variety of other adverbs. ....

Alistair Dabbs , Something For The Weekend , அலிஸ்டர் டப்ஸ் ,

How not to apply for a new job: Apply for it on a job site

Watch as I channel my digital Yosser Hughes, violence included
Alistair Dabbs
Fri 16 Apr 2021 // 09:15 UTC
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Something for the Weekend, Sir? Gizza job . I can do that. Go on, giz it.
The time has come, I say, to apply for many things. A job as a shoemaker? Shipbuilder? Fabricant of sealing wax? Cabbages? Kings?
Every now and again, a freelancer feels the urge to seek solace in full-time employment. I am no exception. Even long-term contractors, who experience the daily working life of an employee in all but name, get fed up with endless podiatric scratching and muse the possibilities of professional subservience. ....

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