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Yeah, soon as were done with this psyker phase. I have five psyker units. Oh, my god. This is so embarrassing. Hey freeze you, right there thats alonzo fineski, the romanian sex trafficker [bleep] you, big man [fires gun] [gunfire] ahh oh, my god [grunts] ahh [gunfire] stan . Stan . [indistinct chatter, pa announcement] [somber music] and now, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, the once and future president of the United States of america [cheers and applause] thank you. I am here today for those who have been wronged. [cheering] for those who have been betrayed. And let me tell you that nobody in this country has been betrayed more than my ricky rick. Huh . What . [confused clamoring] rick, i am so sorry. And if you are out there, i want you to know that i love you. You are the only thing that keeps me from doing all this stupid stuff. When i met you, i felt in control of myself for the first time. There has never been anyone who c ....
[cheers and applause] jon hey, everybody welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart coming to you on a. What . What the heck . Thursday . Jon stewart on a thursday . Its like breakfastfordinner over here pancakes at night . We do have a great show for you tonight. Im gonna be talking about 2024 polling a little later with the polling director of the Harvard KennedySchool Institute of politics. [cheers and applause] i dont believe you but first, its been another big week of walltowall, nonstop, penistopenis coverage of Donald Trumps trial from the lingering glamour shots, to the trial merch store, to a rudimentary court treasure map, to secondbysecond realtime closedcaption transcripting, and a qr code you can scan for more coverage and, i guess, msnbcs inroom dining menu. Why would you need the ubiquitous covera ....
Which, of course, i didnt do. And even if i did use performance enhancing drugs, so did all the other prophets. But i didnt. So what have we learned, from this great wristband theft . Maybe. That when stripped of our scauses, only causes are left. And causes shouldnt be worn on our wrists with a sneer. Lets keep our causes where they belong, which is right here. On tshirts free pussy riot [cheers and applause] free pussy riot boys yeah yay january 14, 2013. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. cheers and applause jon hello, everybody. Welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. Our guest tonight is the great one, roger waters of pink floyd will be going up here. Obviously the interview will be accompanied by a laser show. Let me just get right to it. If you are here and you did recently get married laughing , you have to bring your sister along . I dont want to get into it now. Before we begin, one quick bit of housek ....
Jerk. Uh, mr. Kaminski, my seventhgrade science teacher. Whos laughing now . [ laughter ] such an ass. Mr. Mr. Robbins, my jerk neighbor. Im gonna burn your lawn. Uh, uh, becky. Becky, wherever you are, i hope youre in pain. [ laughter ] theres theres so many more. Theres so many more. But ill email you guys. I will. [ laughter ] oh, my god. [ sighs ] what do you do when you win the most important award ever in the history of mankind . I dont know. Uh, i guess its first thing, sex. Uh, just a ton a ton of sex. Uh, weird stuff, too, not the normal sex. Weird, edgy, real dangerous sex. Thats for sure. Uh, whatever i want, im gonna take, and and then the rest, im just gonna break. [ laughter ] uh, oh, i guess thats my time. Uh, thank you so much. The world is my toilet. Thank you thank you good night good night [ cheers and applause ] captions by vitac www. Vitac. Com january 14, 2013. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. cheer ....
Were better than everyone else because of it . Else b yeah. Imim not ready. I dont think i can do it either. Its simply asking too much. Ly without being smug about it, but for now. Without the technology is just too much for us. Come on everybody, lets go buy wasteful gas guzzlers. Ybodyl lets go. Thats right. Well, looks like youre back for good, huh, kyle . Yeah, i guess so. Guess s we just cant get rid of you, can we, you sneaky jew rat . Dont belittle my people, you [bleep]ing fat ass. You [sighs] thats better. Captioning by captionmax www. Captionmax. Comomedy c january 14, 2013. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. cheers and applause jon hello, everybody. Welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. Our guest tonight is the great one, roger waters of pink floyd will be going up here. Obviously the interview will be accompanied by a laser show. Let me just get right to it. If you are here and you did recently ge ....