Hinkman and fartman are here tonight on the show. First the king of social media, our tangerine twitter man donald jemimah trump. The whistles are blowing, the witches are hunting but the president keeps going. You can look up his schedule every day. This is it. At 3 15, he signed executive orders on transparency and federal guidance and enforcement. And that was it. [ laughter ] otherwise it was just yelling and tweeting. And touching himself to sean hannity, i guess. [ laughter ] trump is handling this impeachment crisis about as well as you would expect. Which is badly, very, very badly. Definitely woke up on the wrong side of the tanning bed this morning. [ laughter ] he started with the donothing democrats are con artists only looking to hurt the Republican Party and president , the socalled whistleblower, before knowing i was going to release this exact transcript, stated my call with the president was crazy, frightening, completely unrelated to substance, this is a very big lie,
Stephen well, good news. Good news, ronnie, because come midnight tonight those nine words will be im from the government and i will work for food. laughter and applause and tonight cheers and applause and, folks, tonight i will be covering the end of government in a mustsee Television Event the finale of breaking gov. cheers and applause laughter yes, tonight the United States government ends oh, it has been a hell of a ride, folks. What a dramatic arc it started out as a highly sympathetic character in the 1770s, but in just 237 seasons, it has transformed into an egotistical selfdestructive maniac. laughter folks, i am dying to know what goes down tonight. I mean, whats gonna happen to mr. White . Mr. White . Mr. Off white and pinkman. Well, orangeman. laughter the best part about the finale of breaking gov is that the bad guys are all getting eliminated the National Park service, the center for disease control, nasa, which is slated to furlough 97 of its employees immediately. audi
Just look all over cable news. All the numbers are getting smaller fox news has one; msnbc has one; cnn is counting down though that might just be the number of their remaining viewers. laughter i only wish that Ronnie Reagan were alive to see this looming shutdown because who can forget what he said. The nine most terrifying words in the english language are im from the government and im here to help. laughter . Stephen well, good news. Good news, ronnie, because come midnight tonight those nine words will be im from the government and i will work for food. laughter and applause and tonight cheers and applause and, folks, tonight i will be covering the end of government in a mustsee Television Event the finale of breaking gov. cheers and applause laughter yes, tonight the United States government ends oh, it has been a hell of a ride, folks. What a dramatic arc it started out as a highly sympathetic character in the 1770s, but in just 237 seasons, it has transformed into an egotistica
Good to have you with us audience chanting stephen . cheers and applause thank you so much. Ladies and gentlemen, i dont know how you knew it, i dont know how you possibly knew it, but that is my favorite christmas carol. laughter folks, good to have you with us. This could be the greatest night of my life because thanks to the government being unable to agree on a resolution to fund itself, the government will shut down at midnight. Jimmy . Put up the countdown clock cheers and applause thats all right. Thats all right. Never learned somehowtoset that thing. Hold down one of these buttons and i push that. Ive got to call my nephew, have him come over. laughter anyway, trust me, we are counting down tonight. Just look all over cable news. All the numbers are getting smaller fox news has one; msnbc has one; cnn is counting down though that might just be the number of their remaining viewers. laughter i only wish that Ronnie Reagan were alive to see this looming shutdown because who can
You will negotiate with iran but you wont make a call to the leaders of the house . I mean that doesnt mean anything. I captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, ladies and gentlemen thank you so much good to have you with us audience chanting stephen . cheers and applause thank you so much. Ladies and gentlemen, i dont know how you knew it, i dont know how you possibly knew it, but that is my favorite christmas carol. laughter folks, good to have you with us. This could be the greatest night of my life because thanks to the government being unable to agree on a resolution to fund itself, the government will shut down at midnight. Jimmy . Put up the countdown clock cheers and applause thats all right. Thats all right. Never learned somehowtoset that thing. Hold down one of these buttons and i push that. Ive got to call my nephew, have him come over. laughter anyway, trust me, we are counting down ton