Yes. If you dont get them. Prepare to get vaccinated against boredom this is the the nightly show cheers and applause larry whoo all right cheers and applause oh man thank you much i appreciate it welcome the nightly show im your host larry wilmore. Were going to get right to it tonight. Big story out of the the nightly show disease center. Hospitals on alert for measles as an outbreak of the highly contagious illness continues to appear. A majority of the nearly 80 reported infections are in california. The epidemic apparently originated at disneyland. Larry thats right. Measles at disneyland. Now, thank god i stopped going after they closed. Captain e. O. , that was my little protest. Now, i know to a lot of you youngsketeers thats what you call yourselves nowadays, right . Because i havent been keeping up. Whatever. Im sure the measles doesnt sound that serious. It probably sounds like an adorable floppyeared puppy. calling to imaginary dog. hey measles who do you love, measles . Me
Im a wristologist laughter i have been doing this show, now, 93 years. Never met a dude wearing bunch of watches who says to me, i just asked you because im a horologist. Come visit us tickets are free. laughter lets get into the program. There are certain things that are forever. Diamonds. Batman. And, at this point, the debate over the keystone xl pipeline. For six years, the debate over the keystone xl pipeline has dominated beltway politics. If its ever built, it will carry tar extracted from Alberta Canada some 1,700 miles to nebraska, but it has been stalled for six years at the Canadian Border awaiting the president s approval. Jon oh poor lonely pipeline i dont know why this doesnt go around america this way and just sneak in from the mexican side. Apparently, we dont even control that area laughter this is a contention issue. I imagine the new congress will want to put the issue on ice and start small with other less divisive legislation. First item up in the new senate will b
Green lit mortdecai . Some people are angry that american sniper doesnt accurately criticize the iraq war. Here, ill do it for you its bad. Should war movies be accurate . I hope not, because those apes freak me the bleep out. Its 27 degrees outside, but were keeping it 100 in here. This is the nightly show. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central larry i cant believe it cant be true thank you very much calm down appreciate it thats right. Im your host larry wilmore. Welcome to the the nightly show. Before we start, theres a storm thats hit new york city. So god bless you guys for coming in. Unbelievable. cheers and applause i appreciate it. I dont know how youre going to get home. Look outside our studio right now. I saw this outside on the sudden river ten minutes ago. Not making this up. Thats my ride home. My ubear. Now, theres not only a storm here in new york city. This was another storm gathering at the box office this weekend. American sniper is really hittin
The highly infectious virus has spread to 14 states. The contagen factor in measles is off the chain. laughter jon this just in. Measles is offthechain contagious it likes big lungs it cannot lie cheers and applause i guess what shes trying to say is measles started from the bottom. Now its here. applause obviously, im not a doctor. Pardon my ignorance. But what does the medical establish mean by off the chain contagious . If i had measles, walked in, walked out and you walked in the room two hours later, you could get measles if you had not been vaccinated. Jon whoa, whoa whoa youre just going to sit there and tell us the information using clear easytounderstand words . laughter cnn youve changed. laughter now im going to count to three, if i dont see some unnecessary polygram of measles floating through an airplane, im going to flip my bleep . If i ever see you on a plane like this and somebody way in the back please. The truth is that virus could travel in invisible crowds of microd
Rootroute to the road to the white house. The invisible primer is a time for intense jockeying intense speechmaking fundraising. And a all important deep thinking policy research that this country needs will soon prove the future of itsd fundraising. Its likely about the fund raising they need a lot of money. Since the presidency in 2016 been app open seat assuming the tyrant obama doesnt declare himself sun king laughter damn, you, feckless tyrant, muslimchristian, dictator pussy laughter weve got two nominee slots to fill. Over on the d. J. Side former secretary of state Hillary Clinton is in cheering seems to be the tight race with senator nobody and governor bupkis. Not a single democrat wants to pursue the nomination on the off chance hillary may throw her hat in the ring whats so scary about this womans hat . laughter dangerous hat. laughter heres how scared democrats are of Hillary Clintons candidacy. Even people who would like to feel a challenger from the nomination will only