Will get worse before it gets better, which may be true, but its still a weird campaign promise. When asked about former associate of Jeffrey Epstein and accused sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell at his press conference yesterday, President Trump said, quote, i wish her well. And then somewhere an assassin said, thats the code, and started screwing together a plastic rifle. Thats right he was asked about accused sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell and said he had met maxwell numerous times over the years and wished her well oh, no, thats going to become a trump rally chant, isnt it . Wish her well wish her well former Attorney Michael Cohen has written a tellall book about President Trump. Seriously . Harry potter wasnt written about this much. What else is there to know oh, wow oh, it says hes a touch racist. What page oh, all of them. The Democratic Party recently drafted its 2020 platform, which is 80 pages long and was drafted by a 15person panel, as opposed to the republican platform
Every single one of you that are obeying the devils laws are going to be arrested. I dont wear a mask for the same reason i dont wear underwear. Things got to breathe. Its the late show with stephen colbert. Tonights johnny come lately plus stephen welcomes mary trump featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from a safe distance its stephen colbert. Stephen you look worried, is that just your attempt to stay away . Come on coach, are you, thank you. Welcome to a late show, im your host stephen colbert. I hope are you all staying safe out there. Step up with, dont be out there, stay in there, because coronavirus is spreading like trumps backside on a lawn chair and yesterday the president had his first covid19 briefing in three months where he announced some startling news. Hes noticed reality. It will probably, unfortunately, get worse before it gets better. That is a Trump Presidency promise, it gets worse. You can take that to the bank. And i would take it there qui
Get a keeper of the peedm itn bf fries and a 32ounce of tear gas for just 5. 99, or just beat me up and take it youre above the law. Its fascist franks, south of the loop, where our beef is the mussoleanest in town. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, for whom the cold spell. Plus stephen welcomes Greta Thunberg, with a special appearance by keeganmichael key, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen what have you got going . What are you doing after this . A party. Stephen you know were not supposed to date the staff but i was just wondering what youre doing later . Ive got plans. Stephen mmm. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Id like to start the show with a little bit of good news. The first voting in the president ial election starts in six weeks. Are you registered to vote . Go register to vote. Right now. This is a good year to vote. And a lot of people are looking forwar
Steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show, starring jimmy fallon tonight, join jimmy and his guests andy samberg jose andres, musical guest, Perfume Genius, and featuring the legendary roots crew and now, heres your host, Jimmy Fallon Jimmy hi thank you very much. Welcome to the tonight show. Thank you so much for watching i appreciate it. I want to welcome damon and stroh. Welcome back, guys [ applause ] nice to see you guys, again. We missed you. All right. Get ready for you better really laugh it up for these jokes. Here we go you are now the audience as well as the band lets get to some news here. Well guys, as coronavirus cases keep going up, and President Trumps Approval Rating keeps going down, hes decided to bring back something we havent seen in a while. Check it out three months later, unable to hold his rallies and floundering in the polls, President Trump announces the televised briefings are back jimmy thats right, today was trumps f
Ive got nothing but love for the workers. They are putting their lives on the line so we can buy mints to not smell our own mask mouth. But its the shoppers that bother me. They dont understand that we need to treat a trip to the Grocery Store like a bank heist. Get in, get out. There is no time to ask the butcher is this lamb chop from new zealand or montana. Lady, its lamb. Youre lucky the delivery guy doesnt have the virus. And dont bother checking expiration dates. It aint gonna kill you. You know what is, the guy sneezing on the plums and this one guy had a face shield mask down to his nipples. How much spit is coming out of your mouth this guy needed windshield wipers on the inside i go the checkout, they got a hockey glass between me and the cashier now. No one can hear anything. Thats all i hear is. [ muffled ] what . The other place people are exhibiting unacceptable behavior right now is on zoom meetings. This is where you use the advanced teleconference technology in the wor