Thats right. Thats right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank for your underwhelming response. Happu for y monday, everyone. Y d lets do some jokes. Donald trumps ex attorney, cohen, took the stand today in the hush money trial. We dont have Footagtodae Becaun cameras arent allowed in the courtroom. In the cou of cohenaget leaving and having lunch with your. Meanwhile, also in new york. The new play, coproduced by hillary, is bombing on broadway. [ all right. Yeah. And like her husband, bill,t shes not very good at filling seats. Do you know what that means . I dont. According to a shocking new study, many patientsaccordi on life support actually recover. So there should never be a rusah to pull the plug. Finally, some good news ford joe bidenen. In an from 2018 reveals that actress Stormy Daniels maw y be lying on the stand about her sexual encounter with donald trump. He encouleaving her with egg onr face or something similar in the interview. Intervie daniels insisted it wasnt a me too situ
Nobody tells me about mike allen. Happy thursday, everyone. All right. Lets get toe t my some bearing . Trump, who recently turned 18. Yeah, well step into the political arena as a florida delegate at the republican conventio an. His dads first order of adviceo dont bang. Stormy daniels. Speaking of today in court, was crossexamined by the defense. Her testimony was a lot like her movies, you know, gripping for a minute and a hal f. And then you lose interest and click on to Something Else u. Jennifer pace of indiana passed away in march, but still won her gop Primary Election for hoe the house of representatives. Its amazing, since some women do that while alive. Illegal aliens in denver, a growing list of demandss to to their mayor. Their mayor asking for better food, medical care, shower access and nr o or physical abuse. Oh, thats not from illegal aliens. Thats from my staff. For airline employees, werebusd busted for using their ability to bypass security to smuggle millions of Do
Happy monday. E happy monday. Oh, thank you so much, yall. Wow. This is Television History in the making. Everyoneon in happy monday,ryon, everyone. Welwelcome to a specia edition. Gutfeld. Im Joe Machi Filling in for greg. Hes in South America trying to find a doctor to label his fevers. Anyway, today is earth day. So to celebrate, werey all using recycled jokes. A tech startup is pitching an ape powered Home Security camera that can be upgraded to shoot paintballs. So if your home is being invaded by a homicidal mania hc at least you can ruin the guys shirt for the second weekend in a row. Civi l war is the numbering it one movie in north america. Antif ta is calling it the feel good hit of the season. The new atlas robot from boston dynamicse ne has a face like a g light. Hopefully that gives social hopea influencers somethingh to look at while mechanical hands crush their throats. That was a joe devito joked. Everyone sorrye that a new studyameric found that americans checkans thei
yes, i agree. hu huh. all right. you have excellent taste. e. happy monday, everyone. so, washington hit 100 degrees for the first time in almost eight years, and it was so hot. president biden is decomposingtc at twice the normal rate. it was so hot. fel jerry nadler filled his pantss with all 31 flavors. it was so hot. instead of. nancy pelosi injectedd he her face with soft serve and it was so hot. barack obama move da. back to kenya. what? i don t know. i didn t get it. i don t get it. well, anyway, the cnn presidential debate is just days away and a lot of people are wonderindaysa log kind of de joe biden will be on forthe the debate. debawell, if you only knew somek who might be knowledgeable in this areanowln th. also we ve also learned that joe biden has a massive debate prepn team that includes 16 people. why so many? full disclosure.eopl only four people are there to help with the debate. the othee therr are there in cae joe needs an organ donors . polit
yes. yes, yes.] i know that. right. got it. look de, grea, i know, i know it s ht to want what you can t.wednes happy wednesday, everyoneda. the heat wave continues in the east. it was so hot in washington, d.c. biden s temperature actually got into the single digitss. meanwhile, the ap claimsr at a fundraiser last week, president biden did didn t freezen didn t up on stage, butt he paused for 7 seconds. 7 okay. i guess that s another way of saying the exact same thing. the next time i go to theea supermarket to get my ice cream, i ll go to the parsed food. a new poll finds that ao to majority of hispanics h the deportation of illegal immigrants. well, that s one way to get rid of your mother-in-law. that s a recent study ranked san francisco as america s worst run city. it s bad. alcatraz is offering tourso awfu of san francisco. that was good. james carville said he d bet that trump is a no show for the upcoming debate. if carville loses the bet, he ll pay 100 buc