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COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart August 5, 2014

Mitzvah. [laughter] statute of limitations. Look, a 50 savings bond does not buy you a lifetime of criticism. [laughter] but help is on the way to this troubled region. The worlds a scary dangerous place, but its a less scary, less dangerous place when america leads. The United States has tried to foster peace, democracy and stability in the middle east. Bring peace to the middle east. Double down on our efforts to bring peace to this region. We all want to see peace. Jon its what we do. [laughter] now, originally we just went to the region to rid it of a mad man with wmds, but it turned out he didnt have those, but at that point we realized, actually, we were just bringing the region democracy anyway. Then the region used their democracy wrong, totally used it wrong, and voted for nonusda approved candidates. Let me tell you something, middle east, when youre voting for democratic candidates, you got to read the label, so clearly ....

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COM The Colbert Report August 5, 2014

Married to australian model miranda kerr, collectively they were known as morlando blur. Then in november of 2012 kerr who had long been suspectsed of being a radical belieber was seen with justin after a Victoria Secret fashion show. From the looks of this picture, she was either canooling with or babysitting him. From that moment from that moment Justin Bieber and miranda kir were known as mustin keebler. Well, not long after the formation of the mustin keebler alliance, morlando blur broke up. God knows what they are called now, im not sure who dot got custody of the original name. Of course at the time bieber had his own bilateral relationship with disney hatchling selena gomez. Their couple group el name was i believe jelusty gobbler. Confirm that, judges, that is correct. Then possibly in retaliation to biebers alleged aggression into the disputed territory of
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COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart July 30, 2014

But first. [laughter] [cheering and applause] i was just checking to see if i have a syndrome. A professor of anatomy in the audience is just pointing at people and telling them, whats wrong with them. But getting to the regular show, the middle east, this is terribly upsetting. It remains in turmoil. This is a dangerous region, even for people who dont live there and, say, merely express the mildest of concern about the humanitarian tragedy of civilians who have nothing do with the warring factions, only to take a rash of [bleeped] from everyone who went to your bar mitzvah. Statute of limitations. Look, a 50 savings bond does not buy you a lifetime of criticism. [laughter] but help is on the way to this troubled region. The worlds a scary dangerous place, but its a less scary, less dangerous place when america leads. The United States has tried foster peace, democracy and stability in the middle east. Bring peace to the middle ea ....

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COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart July 30, 2014

Wrong with them. But getting to the regular show, the middle east, this is terribly upsetting. It remains in turmoil. This is a dangerous region, even for people who dont live there and, say, merely express the mildest of concern about the humanitarian tragedy of civilians who have nothing do with the warring factions, only to take a rash of [bleeped] from everyone who went to your bar mitzvah. Statute of limitations. Look, a 50 savings bond does not buy you a lifetime of criticism. [laughter] but help is on the way to this troubled region. The worlds a scary dangerous place, but its a less scary, less dangerous place when america leads. The United States has tried foster peace, democracy and stability in the middle east. Bring peace to the middle east. Double down on our efforts to bring peace to this region. We all want to see peace. Jon its what we do. [laughter] now, originally we just went to the region to rid it of a mad man ....

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COM The Colbert Report July 31, 2014

Whose family was forced into exile by the german invasion of czechoslovakia in 1938, says the world is a mess. laughter and for her, nazi exile is a fond childhood memory. laughter folks, i dont enjoy covering this kind of heart wrenching news, and neither does my network. Mounting death tolls do not move a lot of jack links jerky. laughter theyre just good people trying to sell some call the sasquatch meat. laughter but its my duty as a newsman to grit my teeth and bring you the major stories, no matter how hard it may be to say it. Very hard to say it. laughter applause and with that in mind, i bring you my new segment i need a drink. laughter okay. applause jimmy, im ready for the big story. Intensive attacks in the past 24 hours. More explosions in gaza. Two deadly blasts monday. The first killing ten children playing on this busy street. Death spread all around. Stephen okay. This beer just got outgunned. applause laughter stephen all right. Lets do this. Israelis and palestinians ....

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