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COM The Daily Show July 14, 2024

This would also include some punishment. It would include 100 hours of community service, an Education Course about prostitution, and a screening for stds. [laughter] a screening for stds . Like, what is all of this . Rich people get deals that ive never heard of. Admit you would have been found guilty and well let you go . [bleep] outta here, man [laughter] at least make him admit it in a room full of eagles fans, then well see some punishment, you know . This is insane well only let you go if youre guilty what . Like, rich people are already living in another world. And also, he has to take an Education Course about prostitution . [laughter] uh, if youve read the reports, he should be the professor, okay . [laughter] the guy has handson experience, if you know what i mean. The College Admissions scandal. For th ....

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COM The Daily Show July 14, 2024

But the reality is, some of us dont even get a look at the basket. Because theres nothing more expensive. Than being broke. Wow. That was beautiful. Hmm. Sometimes in court, i actually learn something, feel something. Today is one of those days. 60 days in jail, sentence suspended based on time served. Go home. But i had a clean record. I dont care. But i do, your honor. [ crowd gasping ] before you render judgment, i have one thing i have to say. Nay, two things. Firstly, i bested adam bethune in a tennis match. Take that, Bethune Bethune the buffoon mr. Gayle . If yall knew him, yall would be dying right now. Secondly, my former client inspired me with his words earlier today that were, my life is on the line, homey i aint say no shit like that. It was something in that vein. Heres the point. It reminded me of a previous case where someone elses life was on the line colby v. Hughes. Oh, jesus. Thats right. Prosecution failed to ....

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