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jon: that s our show. here it is your moment of zen. i think everyone will agree it s been a wonderful inaugural ceremony, a delicious lunch, but it s now time to head to the next happy stop, the captioning sponsored by comedy central [ the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and applause] stephen: boom! thank you so much. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report begun everybody. thank you for joining us. [crowd chanting stephen] what are you going to do with these people? good for you. sit down, everybody. [cheers and applause] folks folks we ve got a great show tonight. please, we ve got to get to it. [cheers and applause] i understand the excitement because we ve got a great show for you tonight. my guest is dustin hoffman, director of the new movie quintet about 4 retired opera stars, and in his film debut their friend buddy, who accompanies them on the spoons. [ laughter ] but first, i m still reeling from yesterday s inauguration disaster. ....
jon: that s our show. here it is your moment of zen. i think everyone will agree it s been a wonderful inaugural ceremony, a delicious lunch, but it s now time to head to the next happy stop, the captioning sponsored by comedy central [ the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and applause] stephen: boom! thank you so much. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report begun everybody. thank you for joining us. [crowd chanting stephen] what are you going to do with these people? good for you. sit down, everybody. [cheers and applause] folks folks we ve got a great show tonight. please, we ve got to get to it. [cheers and applause] i understand the excitement because we ve got a great show for you tonight. my guest is dustin hoffman, director of the new movie quintet about 4 retired opera stars, and in his film debut their friend buddy, who accompanies them on the spoons. [ laughter ] but first, i m still reeling from yesterday s inauguration disaster. ....
i know. okay. out of time. captioning sponsored by comedy central [ the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and applause] stephen: boom! thank you so much. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report begun everybody. thank you for joining us. [crowd chanting stephen] what are you going to do with these people? good for you. sit down, everybody. [cheers and applause] folks folks we ve got a great show tonight. please, we ve got to get to it. [cheers and applause] i understand the excitement because we ve got a great show for you tonight. my guest is dustin hoffman, director of the new movie quintet about 4 retired opera stars, and in his film debut their friend buddy, who accompanies them on the spoons. [ laughter ] but first, i m still reeling from yesterday s inauguration disaster. [ laughter ] first off, where was security? the secret service is supposed to protect the president and first lady, but in the middle of a kiss, they were viciously photobom ....
i guess my jokes could be better, but i m not willing to put the work in. plus comedy central won t put enough money into the bits we do, so the production value sucks. and finally, it s [bleep] impossible to clear a lot of the clips that we want to put on air. not everything can be fair used, you know? was that over 140 characters? [exhales] [applause] - why have you stopped showing vomiting in each episode? it adds a lot of character to the show. - [retching] [audience oohs] - you re welcome. why is john cusack so amazing? [bleep] you. did you have sex with the sex doll from tonight s sode? don t call it a sode, you ass[bleep]. [cheers and applause] [laughs] oh, cross your fingers. hope yours made it. to see more of your questions answered, go to our website, comedycentral.com/tosh.0. thanks. make sure you watch our next sode. see you next week. [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central [ the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and ....
found something better to do, huh? oh, nice. wow, that s impressive. oh, now she really better run. she s gotta run now. i was going to say, does she have her heels on? no. lara spencer, michael strahan, that s all coming up live, as well. michael will be here in the next hour. looking forward to that. but first, sam has the latest on the deadly winter weather. our extreme weather team, led by sam, is tracking it all. sam, you re outside. what does it feel like out there? it s 11 in times square. that windchill is one below zero. this is different, a shift in the flow of arctic air is pushing true polar air toward the u.s. this morning. that means for the entire east coast, you get a real shot of real polar air. frigid temperatures creating dangerous conditions for areas that haven t felt the extreme chill in years. the forecast high of 19 in new york city today, the first time it stayed below 20 in four years. in indianapolis, cold creating problems. th ....