cheers and applause announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight dow in the dumps. Plus, stephen welcomes John Turturro. Charlamagne tha god. And musical guest kaleo. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen whoo cheers and applause welcome welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause piano riff thank you. Im glad youre all in a good mood because i, for one, am not panicking. laughter i have these burned. Then burn the person who burned them. laughter now, some people are panicking. Namely, wall street. In the first three days of this week, the dow lost 2,000 points, but last night, donald trump held a press conference to reassure investors, and today it bounced back by plunging almost 1,200 points, the largest single day drop in history. That must be so hard for the guys on wall street. Only aess to some sort of drugt them feel
Body to egypt. You will never have to sit next to a baby on an airplane again. And trump is getting impeached. cheers and applause a lot of trump fans in the audience. Lets catch up on todays headlines. First up, some exciting news from the world of history and art. New Yorks Metropolitan Museum of art has sent a stolen antique back home. The met returned the golden coffin of an egyptian priest. It was smuggled out of egypt after the revolution in 2011. The coffin dates back 2,000 years and forged documents were used to sell it. Trevor the metropolitan had a gold coffin smuggled out of egypt. It was smuggled in someones ass. Not easy. laughter but they used forged documents, how should we have known this 2,000yearold coffin belongs in egypt . How does someone fool you . See, ive got the receipt when i see this image, i think why dont we bury people like this anymore . Not the gold part. Just like painting face on the coffin. I think thats cool. I want to be buried like that. Because wh
But, chef, when is the right age for us to start having sex . Its very simple, children. The right time to start having sex is. 17. 17 . 17. So you mean 17, as long as youre in love . Nope, just 17. But what if youre not ready at 17 . 17, youre ready. Well, i guess we got a while to wait before we worry about sex and diseases, huh, wendy . Yeah, thank god. Well, i guess now that thats out of the way, we can get on with our lives. Come here, boy. Thats it, red rocket, red rocket, come on, yeah. Come on, red rocket, dog. Red rocket now. Okay, children, so what other sexual positions did we talk about . Yeah, the wraparound butt grab. Sure, cant forget that. Uhhuh, reverse cowgirl. Good, kevin. Hot lunch . Yeah, she likes that. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody thank you so much for tuning in thank you for coming out wow lets do it lets make a show im trevor noa
Starting a fight club, endangered species are back in danger, and how to get a free vacation from fox news. Lets catch up on todays headlines. We begin tonight with some big news for the animal kingdom. The Trump Administration moved to make the most sweeping changes in decades to how the endangered species act is enforced. The overhaul would weaken a number of protections and allow the government to consider the price tag for saving some species. Today some 1600 species are protected by the act. More than 40 species in this country have recovered under the acts protection, including that soaring symbol of american might. Trevor yep, thats right. The Trump Administration say they want to start taking costs into account when decide ged whether or not to protect an endangered species, which seems like a pretty short sighted point of view because you can always make more money. What you cant do is bring a grizzly bear back from extinction. The best you can do is convince polar bears to dy
Well, look, guys, xbox won the console wars. I mean, what are we gonna do, not play video games . The last few weeks weve been too busy to play video games and look at what we did. Theres been drama, action, romance. I mean, honestly, you guys, do we need video games to play . Thats right. Hes trying to make a point. Maybe we started to rely on microsoft and sony so much that we forgot that all we need to play are the simplest things, like. Like this we can just play with this screw video games, dude. Who [bleep] needs them . All yeah [bleep] em the south park video game, coming to stores soon. Yeah, and if you believe that, i got a big, floppy wiener to dangle in your face. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody im trevor noah thank you so much for tuning in thank you for coming out cheers and applause so amazing our guest tonight is one of nigerias biggest artist