Faithful. Youll have a butt clean enough to eat off of. So dont worry about the t. P. Shortage, come to ted bidets budget bidets and get the water up your squatter. Squatter. Stephen welcomes john oliver, and musical guest, alex ebert. With jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live onape from a safe distance, its stephen clbert stephen fire hello. Welcome to day two of my special quarantine edition of the late show with stephen colbert. Or as were calling it tonight, the flame show with stephen colburn. As you can see, ive migrated from my bathtub to my fire pit. Well eventually go through all of the elements. For a lot of americans, today is primary day. Despite the virus, americans are going out and voting. This is still a democracy. The only change is this year well be awarding the presidency to the person with the most toilet paper. Primaries were scheduled today in ohio, arizona, illinois, and florida. They should be fine. Are there any old people in florida . Theres nobody over t
Latching on to your face. Announcer its the late show with stephen colbert. Tonight hot mess plus, stephen welcomes john oliver. And joe namath. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen hey hello cheers and applause please, have a seat. Welcome, one and all, to the late show. Im your host, stephen colbert. cheers and applause its friday. Thats a friday crowd right there. I hope everybody is cuddled up with a loved one tonight and then shoving them away because its too damn hot. laughter because the country is in the middle of a massive heat wave. This week, it has been 90 degrees or warmer for nearly 90 of americans. Let me put it this way if you know anyone who uses natural deodorant, no longer know them. laughter now, if youre wondering what that kind of heat looks like on a map, check it out. There it is. In fact, if you zoom in, youll see new jersey is now just a flamin hot
( cheers and applause ) announcer: it s the late show with stephen colbert! tonight demolition derby! plus stephen welcomes john oliver, and musical guest alex ebert, featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it s stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) stephen: hey there! hello, my friends, all! welcome! welcome one and all to the late show ! i m your host stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) last night was the oscars. how did you do in your oscar pool, jon? jon: i didn t win my oscar pool. stephen: i think i won mine. we don t have all the votes in yet. i think i won. i tell you how i clinched it. i clinched it, thanks to ford versus ferrari for sound editing. ( cheers and applause ) daddy boom! jon: yeah, see? stephen: daddy knows his dad movies. ( laughter ) it was an historic night. bong joon ho s parasite became the first foreign language film ever t
We bash his skull . You really have to ask yourself, where does it stop. A tweet posted from a zombie dear leader, thank you for your honesty and courage to tell the truth about the the zombie apocklism. Its right here. Now, who wants to talk about infrastructure . Huh . Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes. Ellie kemper. Andrew dice clay. And peter serafinowich. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen thank you very much hey, everybody welcome. Thanks, everybody. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. Im so excited we have ellie kemper tonight. Because i believe she is the ray of sunshine we all need right now. Because its dark. Its getting a little dark out there. Its getting a storm. And whatever is coming down from those clouds, its brown for some reason. Im still
Washington was a zombie, would we bash his skull . You really have to ask yourself, where does it stop. A tweet posted from a zombie dear leader, thank you for your honesty and courage to tell the truth about the the zombie apocklism. Its right here. Now, who wants to talk about infrastructure . Huh . Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes. Ellie kemper. Andrew dice clay. And peter serafinowich. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen thank you very much hey, everybody welcome. Thanks, everybody. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. Im so excited we have ellie kemper tonight. Because i believe she is the ray of sunshine we all need right now. Because its dark. Its getting a little dark out there. Its getting a storm. And whatever is coming down from those clouds, its