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he s running today. an ambitious mo from a man so old he shouldn t buy green bananas. [laughter] greg: still joe biden made his formal announcement and you could tell because he had a cumber bun. but i wonder is personal freedom fundamental to who we are as americans and there is nothing more important. personal freedom is fundamental to who we are as americans. there is nothing month important, nothing more sacred. that s been the work of my first term, to fight for democracy. greg: around the country aren t maga lining up. while cutting taxes from the wealthy, dictating what healthcare decisions women with make. banning books and telling people who they can love, all making it more difficult for you to be able to vote. greg: i call that poppycock but that s what hunter calls his penis. [laughter] greg: but it is amazing that biden even slurs his words in recordings that are made with heavy editing. even john fetterman is like dude, get that man to a doctor. ....
Actor/writer/comedian jamie [applause] greg: so, it s good to see you. political experts actually say that joe has a better chance of winning than you getting back with your wife. wow! that s surprising. greg: what did you think of the video? first of all, i feel like he only said one word the whole video. it was like a long one. greg: yes. i felt like the whole thing was just one thing, i could not follow along. let s finish the job. if i hear that one more time after sex [laughter] i don t know, he s too old. i heard he was at the doctor recently and the doctor told him, he had nine months to live. and joe was like am i sick? and the doctor was like, no, that s just how life expectancy ....
Equals a child s future. so do the math. that s not worth it. greg: this is not going to help you in the court hearings. [laughter] greg: last word to you, and it rhymes with cake. appreciate that. greg: welcome. i was saying it wrong this last year. i m glad it sank in. appreciate that. i ll tell you this, this is one of those situations where you ask not for permission but for forgiveness. what are they going to do? the damages seriously, are they not going to bring you back to earth? that would not be very good pr so clean up the space capsule, but if you re going to be paid millions of dollars to go up there you can handle the cleaning fee. why is mutations seen as bad thing, joe? right? i mean, we look at our super heroes and they are all the product of mutation. ....
Said we were in a battle for the soul of america. the question is, do we have more freedom or less freedom, more rights or fewer? greg: to quote sam, after stealing your mom s luggage, let s unpack that. he was elected four years ago and we re still battling for the soul of america. we re still losing freedoms. and that s your selling point? that your president promising that you unify the country, and instead it got worse. it s like the movie groundhog day except biden never sees his shadow because he s asleep by 4:00 p.m. so once again he revs up the never trump campaign engine like a corvette parked on a pile of classified documents. just because the vote for me and not the other guy angle worked last time doesn t mean it will again because now he s the other guy, too. he has a track record, and it s uglier than joe bayhart trying on brian s underpants. yes, think about that, huh? no wonder his numbers suck. ....
Science. greg: trust the science. no, i feel like everybody in the study was disgusting. greg: i don t think they have cell phones in prison, emily. joe, any thoughts? greg, my phone and i don t have any secrets and that s not all because of google but i ll say this. you see these stories everywhere about, oh, there is poop bacteria on the fountains, the dispensers, and i tell you what, it s not good for you but what s worst than the poop is worrying about all the poop bacteria. you ve just got to accept there is poop everywhere. we re living in a world of poop. greg: you know what? you just cover yourself with poop and you don t have to worry. better yet, a poop vaccine. greg: a poop vaccine would be an injection of poop into your ....