greg: thank you! all right! yeah! let s start! wow. that was amazing. [laughter] i wish i smoked. it s friday, so you know what that means. let s welcome tonight s guests. you may recognize him from his feature in average white guy magazine, cohost of fox & friends first, todd piro. [applause] as former miss citrus, she comes freshly squeezed. host of the morgan ortagus show on sirius xm, morgan ortagus! [applause] it s been 12 years since she tested positive for food. new york times best-selling author and fox news contributor, kat timpf! [applause] and the great barrier reef is his loofah. new york times best-selling author, comedian, world champion, tyrus! [applause] before we get to some news stories, let s do this. announcer: greg s leftovers! greg: it s leftovers, where i read the jokes we didn t use this week. as always, it s my first time reading them, so if they suck, we will put joe mackey in a meat grinder and turn them into hot dogs. [laugh
coming. a detective knows how to sniff out clues. you are familiar with that face? i don t know. my memory ain t so great. oh, yeah? maybe this will refresh your memory. i don t know. still kind of hazy. how about this. i remember him. i used to see him around why do you want to know. i can t tell that you. maybe this will help. i really don t think i should. you still don t think so? all right. his name is north ridge a cop jesus. jesse: over the weekend i noticed major, major signs. these signs told me november is going to be a blowout. i cracked open the new york times on sunday it said republicans are running away with it. making huge gains with hispanics, blacks and independent women. independent women are falling for republicans like they are in love. a 32 point swing in a month. i love me some independent women. want another sign? barack obama is on tour calling democrats a bunch of buzz kills. there were times where i would get sound like
come with us. we re heading for the valley. going where? mexico. all the way down. you going all the way to mexico tonight in this heap of junk? reckon the town will get along without is till monday? oh, i reckon. i was young enough to bounce that far, i d go with you. the last picture show was a movie that, however old i was when i saw it, i said, oh my god this movie is about me. this movie is about us. this movie is about america as we are right now, here in the mid- 70s, not as we were back in the early 1950s. do you think the last picture show is a john ford type movie? no. i think it s a peter bogdanovich type movie. peter bogdanovic loved movies, had a sense of movie history, but had a very strong sensibility. he spoke to a new generation, both visually and emotionally. orson welles read the script. and i said, i d like to get that depth of feel, everything being sharp the way you did in citizen kane, touch of evil. he said, you
Oh, is that it . There it is thats it right there. There it is. Yeah, i see it. I saw it. There it is. Oh, its cool. Yeah. That is cool. Oh, check that out, man. Its going really fast. Whoa. What the heck is that . I dont know. Wow. Look at the chunks coming off of it yeah, i saw that. Yeah. I see what youre saying. That thing looks like its flipping all over the place. Oh, yeah. I can still see it, but im losing it. It was a saturday morning. It was a beautiful day. And as i turned onto park street, i heard a loud boom. [ rumbling ] our house just shook. We looked at each other, and we said, what is that . When i looked up, i saw a bright white ball. [ Sirens Wailing ] the phones were ringing off the hook, much more than our Dispatch Staff could handle. I didnt know if we were being attacked. Search and rescue teams are warning people not to touch any debris, should they come across it. There are some disturbing pictures that are coming up from the broadcasters. Were waiting for more
Oh, is that it . There it is thats it right there. There it is. Yeah, i see it. I saw it. There it is. Oh, its cool. Yeah. That is cool. Oh, check that out, man. Its going really fast. Whoa. What the heck is that . I dont know. Wow. Look at the chunks coming off of it yeah, i saw that. Yeah. I see what youre saying. That thing looks like its flipping all over the place. Oh, yeah. I can still see it, but im losing it. It was a saturday morning. It was a beautiful day. And as i turned onto park street, i heard a loud boom. [ rumbling ] our house just shook. We looked at each other, and we said, what is that . When i looked up, i saw a bright white ball. [ Sirens Wailing ] the phones were ringing off the hook, much more than our Dispatch Staff could handle. I didnt know if we were being attacked. Search and rescue teams are warning people not to touch any debris, should they come across it. There are some disturbing pictures that are coming up from the broadcasters. Were waiting for more