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nightmarish. after three weeks of debate and no witnesses called, the republican-led senate voted today to acquit donald trump on both articles of impeachment. after the vote, the president celebrated on the roof of the capitol building with senators lindsey graham and mitch mcconnell in the traditional gatorade dump. very sexy. minority leader said from here on, trump s presidency will always have an asterisk next it. the lone republican senator who voted guilty was mitt romney of utah who said corrupting an election to keep oneself in office is perhaps the most abusive and destructive violation of one s oath of office that i can imagine. well, you know, give him time. whatever you re imagining, i m sure he ll come up with something much, much worse. romney was actually choking back tears as he explained his decision, because he knows the president is about to order the space force to attack his home state of utah. in five minutes, romney laid waste to almost every arg ....
day. more than 17 million americans were expected to call in sick to work today. which i get it. i overdid it too. i had so much to eat and drink yesterday, i started to hallucinate. i woke up on my couch, i don t know what time it was, but i woke up and i imagined i saw lil wayne dressed as a robot. weird, right? anyway. [ cheers and applause ] i will say this. the best part of the super bowl for me this year was knowing that matt damon spent the day sobbing into his tom brady [ laughter ] it was a good game, a fun game to watch. the kansas city chiefs as you know came back from a ten-point deficit in the fourth quarter to beat the 49ers and win their first title in 50 years, which to put that in perspective the last time the chiefs won the super bo the jackson 5 had their first number one hit. true. marcus we wilby was the most popular show on tv. and bernie sanders had just had his first great great-grandchild. [ laughter ] it s exciting. because he s old, guiller ....
which is how i felt watching the impeachment trial. kind of came full circle. neither of us threw up. the earthquake wasn t a big earthquake but we still felt it. i still got a glass of water out of the toilet. [ laughter ] just to prepare myself for the next time. you know, the first thing i do now when there s an earthquake, i get my phone, i go on twitter. why, i don t know. i look at it and there s a bunch of people going, earthquake! yeah. our democracy is on shaky ground too. democrats today made their opening arguments in the impeachment trial. opening? if those are the opening arguments what the hell was that 13 hours i watched yesterday? [ laughter ] the senate pulled an all-nighter, they didn t finish until 2:00 a.m. because they cannot agree on anything. late last night someone had an idea to get some agreement going. chuck schumer, the house minority leader, asked for a vote that we give john roberts, chief justice of the supreme court, the power to decide w ....