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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121214

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause stephen, stephen, stephen thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen. I got to tell you. That is so beautiful. That is so beautiful. I will take that sound. I will take that sound over jingle bells any day. Nation, tonight is my last episode before three weeks off. But im not looking ahead to the break. Ive already started. cheers and applause that is not a prop. Whooo there are still some important stories to talk about there, folks. Like last nights megaconcert to help the victims of Hurricane Sandy. All eyes were on new york city last night for the 121212 benefit show to help victims of superstorm sandy. Paul mccartney, the rolling stones, eric clapton, Bruce Springsteen and billy joel were among all the rock n roll heroes that came out to perform. Stephen but they were all just opening acts for rock legend Step

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121214

Kwanza, seasons greetings, honestly, just be saturday. I really dont give a [bleep] what you sell brat. Just enjoy yourselves and i very much want to thank wyatt cenac for all the years of great work. cheers and applause jon were going to miss him. In fact, here it is, your moment of cenac. Beard troubles. Sure, beard brothers its the hardest thing there is to say goodbye goodbye captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause stephen, stephen, stephen thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen. I got to tell you. That is so beautiful. That is so beautiful. I will take that sound. I will take that sound over jingle bells any day. Nation, tonight is my last episode before three weeks off. But im not looking ahead to the break. Ive already started. cheers and applause that is not a prop. Whooo there are still some important stories to talk about there, folks. Like

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121215

After four seasons of doing this show ive accumulated way too much stuff. Im no hoarder, but im certainly not going to give this junk away. Thats why i created the tosh. 0 memorabilia dump. Its your chance to own a piece of television history. All auction proceeds benefit the daniel house, a place where daniel lives. Here are just a few of the 100 items youll find on ebay. My arm wrestling table . Thats horse [bleep], i paid for that. The last match that was ever held on that table was me versus the kid from over the top. For you wrestling fans, theres this autographed arn anderson action figure. Because you and i both know im not keeping anything with the name arn anderson on it. Thats right, arn im calling you out again. You thought just because i took it easy on you for a couple of seasons that i forgot about our bad blood . Arn anderson, fat chance arn heres the sailboat we used this season. Know that theres a ton of Assembly Required and it doesnt work. Whoever buys this is insane

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121214

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause stephen, stephen, stephen thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen. I got to tell you. That is so beautiful. That is so beautiful. I will take that sound. I will take that sound over jingle bells any day. Nation, tonight is my last episode before three weeks off. But im not looking ahead to the break. Ive already started. cheers and applause that is not a prop. Whooo there are still some important stories to talk about there, folks. Like last nights megaconcert to help the victims of Hurricane Sandy. All eyes were on new york city last night for the 121212 benefit show to help victims of superstorm sandy. Paul mccartney, the rolling stones, eric clapton, Bruce Springsteen and billy joel were among all the rock n roll heroes that came out to perform. Stephen but they were all just opening acts for rock legend Stephen Colbert cheers and applause i was honored. Folks, i got to say, i was honored to be there and

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20130107

A selfprofessed Downton Abbey fan. She could not bear waiting until january 6th for the new season to begin so she asked the british filmmakers for a copy now. She got it. Stephen oh, yes, cup cup, fetch me the downtons. Now, meanwhile we commoners are left to fear what will become of downton as it lurches it into the roaring 20s, will lord grantham accept labbee cybils child with branson. Will they stay in prison forth murder of his exwife. Will they accept a Marriage Proposal from a young Corporal Hitler . laughter so many questions she knows the answers. But we dont. Until the season premier on january 6th. Well, tonight folks, i strike back at her highness. By presenting you, my nation, with something not even michelle has seen. Part of the show Vince Gilligan has agreed to let me show you scenes from the Upcoming Season of breaking bad. cheers and applause as performed by the men of Downton Abbey. laughter james . laughter thomas . Lord grantham is growing impatient. Its time to s

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