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Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240713

Cheers and applause announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, impeacher of the house plus, stephen welcomes Scarlett Johansson and a performance by the weeknd featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen come on cheers and applause hi there cheers and applause what a lovely crowd. That is such a good thursday crowd, i wish they could stick around and be the friday crowd. It would be amazing. Never going to happen though. Anyway jon yeah, yeah. Stephen welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host Stephen Colbert. There is cheers and applause you feel this excitement . Jon i feel it. Stephen do you feel the electricity . Its like th ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240713

Yeah thats right how dare you mock our faith, you little punk youll be hearing from our lawyers tomorrow weve just had an Incredible Development here, mitch tom cruise, John Travolta and r. Kelly have all come out of the closet so youre not the prophet, huh . You made me look stupid. Im gonna sue you too well, fine go ahead and sue me i will ill sue you in england you are so sued, kid well, go on then, sue me were going to okay, good, do it im not scared of you sue me captioning by captionmax www. Captionmax. Com trevor from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out. Thank you so much for coming out, everybody im trevor noah. Our guest tonight is on the hit tv show billions and now, got a brand ....

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Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240713

Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, president grump plus, stephen welcomes congressman adam schiff. And musical guest sharon van featuring jon batiste and stay human. And, now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert band playing stephen come on hey its the Holiday Season, thats what it is thats what it is cheers and applause oh, my goodness welcome one and all, ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The big story continues to be Donald Trumps allergic reaction to the constitution. laughter tonight, ill stab you with the epipen of fun in the latest installment of don and the giant impeach. chee ....

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Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240713

Tom hiddleston Michael Eric Dyson musical guest noah cyrus featuring leon bridges and the legendary roots crew questlove 1163 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy please, have a seat. [ cheers and applause enjoy yourselves relax. Thank you very much. Welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. Thank you for being here [ cheers and applause thank you for watching what a crowd you guys, thanksgiving is just a few days away. And i saw that about 50 Million People will be traveling for the holiday. Yeah, heres how that breaks down 10 million are visiting family, while 40 million are delivering weed to those 10 million steve wow. [ laughter ] jimmy listen to this according to a study conducted by motel 6 [ laughter ] people get sick of family during the holidays after about four hours [ light laughter ] thats intere ....

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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713

You drank a bottle of wine, smoked pot with your cousins, and youre still [ laughter ] youre still awake [ laughter ] man, whatever your grandpa said about trump must have really freaked you out. [ laughter ] according to polls, 63 of americans plan to drink on thanksgiving, just as soon as the adults turn their backs. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause president yeah [ cheers and applause President Trump issued a thanksgiving proclamation yesterday, and called for the country to rise above divisiveness and celebrate united together as one people. Added trump, even the democrats, nevertrumpers, deepstaters, nfl players, fake news media, women, latinos, muslims, late night hosts and eric [ cheers and applause all of us celebrating as one family the wife of childrens tv icon mr. Rogers revealed in a new interview that he would regularly fart in front of her to make her laugh. [ laughter ] and she would laugh to make him stop [ laug ....

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