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Transcripts For COM At Midnight 20150106

Class nosel noCC 01501 q ron funchesRon Funches 6, Shawn Oakman 5, Jon Daly 5, Gaston 4, Nikki Glaser 3, Funches 2, Taylor 2, Funyun 2, Kroll 2, Nikki 1, Chick 1, Undatable 1, Bong 1, Lte Data 1, Oakman Cometh 1, Chicago 1, Pear 1, Charlie 1, Buffalo 1, Burma 1 Network Comedy Central Duration 00 32 00 Scanned in Richmond, CA, USA Language English Source Comcast Cable Tuner Channel v63 Video Codec mpeg2video Audio Cocec ac3 Pixel width 528 Pixel height 480 Audio Visual sound, color ....

United States , San Francisco , James Franco , Martin Luther King , Johnny Depp , Marilyn Manson , Seth Rogen , Tom Lennon , Nikki Glaser Jon Daly , Downton Abbey , Jim Carrey , Bruce Jenner , Charlie Sanders , Paget Brau , Helen Keller Shawn , Nikki Glaser , Helen Keller , Jon Daly , Shawn Eckman ,

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20141219

Yo, dont let nobody ever tell you what you can and cannot do all the preteen children out there, listen to my voice you are immortal okay, well, obviously, we understand that charlie. [groaning, shouting] is super excited right now, and that no one is actually immortal, nobody at all. Hey, kids you can turn yourself into a car and have a friend drive you onto the freeway okay, nowell, thats just a metaphor, kids. Its not just a metaphor you still have the power of childish innocence get a friend on your back, and make a beeline for the next ramp to the freeway, yall okay, dont do any to the freeway hes speaking figuratively, folks. Once you get there, aint nothing figurative about this you will turn into a robot first and foremost, i just want to say to all the families who lost children, im sorry. My statements were irresponsible. I have subsequently looked up the terms literally and metaphorically, and found that whereas i was not incorrect, they did not mean what i thought they mean ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20131017

Deal, i would say no deal. Hey, hey if i was on lets make a deal, no deal. Hey, if i was on deal of fortune, i would say isnt this show called wheel of fortune, still no deal. [laughter] what if he enter if they dont understand no or nooo, what do you have in a colorful analogy. When you are at the plant in the middle of your job do you ever say to your boss, unless i get a raise right now and more vacation pay, im going to just shutdown the plant . [laughter] jon im pretty sure you just described a union strike. [ laughter ] all right. Clearly the president s point is you cant punish everybody because you dont get exactly what you want. The republicans wouldnt take the president s use of metaphor metaphorica la lange wig lying down. Jon me see and raise you a trip to kinkos for senator tom coburn. Just for a minute id like for us to consider and id ask for unanimous consent to have scissors on the floor because i want to make a point in a minute. Jon i would like permission to use sci ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20131113

Just hit with the butt of the rifle in the face. I could see through the glass, i knew who it was immediately hofs it . It was the ambassador, dead. Jon it was a chilling description of lack of preparation and accountability for one of americas diplomatic outposts. Theres one small problem. Its total bleep . He made the whole thing up hah burn which 60 minutes sort of acknowledged suspected night. Dylan davies told us he went to the compound during the attack and detailed his role that night. After our report aired, questions arose about whether his account was true. Jon we thought of raising the some true question before airing. These explosive allegations but its such a pain in the ass laughter to check and what if it was bleep . And then weve got these 10 minutes to kill. Ah, i dont know the best part is how 60 minutes found out the guy was lying. We diswoferred the account he discovered the account he gave the f. B. I. Was different than what he told us. Jon what laughter if you ca ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20140515

Couldnt you buy your own damn country . You could rule it any way you want. No pants tuesdays . Done thankfully, one member of congress is putting foot down and his dukes up. The top democrat in the u. S. Senate, majority leader harry reid, has now mentioned the billionaire Koch Brothers this year more than 140 times. They are in it to make money. Any attempt to buy our democracy is dishonest, diseptemberrive, false and unfair. It is wrong, incorrect, erroneous, worthy of correctshun. Thats when the thesaurus runs out of ways to say bleep . Because the Koch Brothers are in the fossil fuel business their money cant help but pollute the debate. Even the keystone debate. Theyre one of the main owners of all that stuff up there. That ugly tar stuff. In canada. They are one of the largest if not the second largest owner of that. Stuff up there. laughter you know, in the history of t ....

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