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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

York city to your couch somewhere in the world. This is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. Trevor lets kick things off with the weather report. Spoiler alert, you might want to lock yourself inside again. As if 2020 wasnt enough we now have zombie Tropical Storms. This is video from when hurricane paulette hit bermuda earlier this month. It was downgraded to a post tropical low pressure system but paulette has regained strength and became a Tropical Storm again on monday. It is now about 300 miles off the coast of the a gloars island azores ises island. Trevor zombie storms, man, the weather has treully figured out how to mess with us now. Storms used to hit us and then be gone. But now its its like all right, im done, im done. Whoa, im back, got you bitch. Feels like Mother Nature realizes america isnt take coronavirus seriously so keeps coming up with new ideas to keep people in their homes, wildfires, storms that dont die. Pretty soon when we open the front door ther

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

Oh, yeah, jalapeno poppers lets go [police radio chatter] stan, you were really brave in there, but you did kind of sound like a big dork. I know. Come on, you youre hurting my arm too bad youll be going away for a long time. Was it worth it . In a way, it was. I might not have gotten away, but at least i learned a lot about pioneer life in the old west. Those early settlers didnt have the modern conveniences we all take for granted today. To think how difficult it was back in those times to do something as simple as washing your clothes. Pioneer village has a lot to teach us all. Thats true. Hey, look. [groaning] teacher, my partner is back on the bus. Captioning by captionmax www. Captionmax. Com on, everybody, welcome to the daily social distancing show, im trevor noah. Today is wednesday, the 23rd of september. And heres your quarantine tip of the day. If you are having trouble finding a babysitter who is willing to come to your house in the middle of a pandemic, dont stress, just

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240713

100 live, and ill prove it. I made this guacamole when the debate started and, look, now its totally brown. laughter now, between the debate and the impeachment of the president , it has been a;or wild couple of das in american politics, and were going to cover both tonight, but lets start with the final debate of 2019, which was hosted by pbs and politico and taped in front of a moving background that looked like a boring part of the matrix. laughter tonights debate was the smallest with only seven candidates on stage and tls whitest, no juliaaan castro, no kamala harris, no cory booker. Basically democratic debates are like horror movies, start out with a diverse cast of characters and then all the black people are quietly and quickly killed off. laughter that was a topic of tonights debase, why is the democraticth field not more representative of its base. President obama said this week when asked who should be running countries, if women were in charge you would see a significant i

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Transcripts For CSPAN President Trump At The National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony 20240713

Thank you very much, secretary bernhardt. We also have with us very special people. Congressman jim jordan, congressman mark meadows, and representative john ratcliffe. Its an honor to be with everyone tonight and all across our land, melania and i would like to wish you a very, very Merry Christmas. And now, the first lady will do the honors of lighting the National Christmas tree. So well count from five down to that very special number. Five, four, three, two, one applause thats great. music plays thats beautiful. Thank you very much. And let us show our appreciation to the incredible workers at the department of the interior and the National Park service, please. Did such an incredible job. applause thank you very much. And thank you, as well, to the u. S. Marine corps band and the tucson arizona boys choir. You know that. The chorus is fantastic. And thank you very much, tucson arizona. Thank you very much. I also want to thank a special group of young, wonderful people west tenne

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240713

Oh god, im gonna have diarrhea again. Urhggh. You cant go to the bathroom, your stacking sundor armor. Its okay. Mom, bathroom what, hon . Bathroom bathroom ohh, thats a big boy, isnt he . All right, kenny, drink your elixir of the mongoose, i am now going to use mocking blow. World of warcraft, i need to play our demo is set up right over by the agh got to. Sign in. Character name. All right, im in dude, im almost dead. Kyle, cast arcane missiles im out of mana, i told you ive got to heal stan dad, not now stan, ive been sent here to bring you this. This sword can completely drain his mana dad, how did you get that . No time, just take it here how how do you hand something from one player to another . Bring up your inventory screen, controli okay. Stan, what the hell are you doing . I got it aaghgh dad stannn. Dad, no you killed my father. Aagh ughh his shield and armor spells are down attack looks like youre about to get pwned. Rarhghgh dad, dad . Stann. Ive never been able to say th

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