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Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240714

This crowd are a bunch of communists. Shut your mouth just say the phrase, say it coming up next, its jeopardy. No, were not going anywhere till someone says it or i will come over there and horse whip you with this tiny mic. Say it tone thats it glumplets. Announcer tonight the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, send him back. Plus stephen welcomes Norah Odonnell, topher grace and comedian Ahamed Weinberg, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing stephen whoo hi there cheers and applause wow wow piano riff thanks, everybody please have a seat welcome to the late show. Im hour host Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause and i want to thank you thank you thank you thank you for your adulation, i need it. Its up there with oxygen. But i will say in light of recent rallies, i would like you to enjoy tonights gathering, but i encourage you to please chant responsibly. B

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Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240714

Ventriloquism by jeff dunham and secretary of commerce, wilbur ross. White house geek stephen millar. Watch him bite the head off a real chicken. And the guzzlers then stop by the discontinued trump steaks food truck and wipe your mouth with a Trump University diploma. First two attendees get a free exwife. And did we mention, the guzzlers this tuesday, its going to be. There. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, make America Great again, again. Plus, stephen welcomes Chris Matthews and musical guest Jessie Buckley. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause cheers and applause . Stephen wooo hello, up there hello, down here welcome. How nice. Audience Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thank you very much cheers thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Please, have a seat. Youre too kind. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Thank y

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Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20170726

Kelsea ballerini, and featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 711, too easy. Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh. What a show. What a show we have tonight, you guys. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is the one to be at. [ cheers and applause ] this is the show. Welcome, everybody. Welcome. Heres what people are talking about. Today Senate Republicans voted to move forward in the process to repeal and replace obamacare. Even though they dont know exactly what theyre going to be voting on. [ laughter ] thats like going into the hospital and telling the surgeon, surprise me. [ laughter and applause ] ill just get anything. Just go for it. Thats right, well, the head of the health care Voting Centers are saying that they had no clue what theyve been voting on. Then america said, hey, just like us during the election. Steve oh [ laughter and applause ] jimmy perfect. We dont know what is happening. And i guess this morning two se

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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170726

[ light laughter ] look at that guy. He did not work on his hair that long to go on the radio. [ laughter ] he probably cant reach orgasm without at least two cameras on him. [ laughter ] look at him. Hes like a televangelist without the humility. Ladies and gentlemen, the mooch [ cheers and applause ] white house give it up for the mooch White House Communications director Anthony Scaramucci reportedly told his staff today, quote, youre either going to stop leaking, or youre going to get fired. Replied the leaker, you cant fire me, im the president. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the girl scouts have announced that they will offer 23 new badges focused on science, technology, engineering and math, while the boy scouts have announced theyre just going to lay low for a while. [ laughter ] President Trump spoke yesterday at the boy Scout Jamboree and bragged about his election victory over hillary clinton. And every scout in attendance earned the merit badge for eye rolling. [ laug

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Transcripts For WCAU The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20170726

And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 711, too easy. Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh. What a show. What a show we have tonight, you guys. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is the one to be at. [ cheers and applause ] this is the show. Welcome, everybody. Welcome. Heres what people are talking about. Today Senate Republicans voted to move forward in the process to repeal and replace obamacare. Even though they dont know exactly what theyre going to be voting on. [ laughter ] thats like going into the hospital and telling the surgeon, surprise me. [ laughter and applause ] ill just get anything. Just go for it. Thats right, well, the head of the health care Voting Centers are saying that they had no clue what theyve been voting on. Then america said, hey, just like us during the election. Steve oh [ laughter and applause ] jimmy perfect. We dont know what is happening. And i guess this morning two senators were caught

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