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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121130

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org here it is, your home of zin. Live from randolph, new jersey. More on that story. Good morning, to everybody. The fbi black friday in tonight guns allowed on college campuses. Now you really dont want too face the fightin irish. Then i get snubbed by a major magazine. Shocking. That there is still a major magazine. laughter plus my guest theoretical physicist sean carroll has a new book that i theoretically read. laughter nasa claims they found ice on mercury. Well, ill believe that when the closest planet to the sun freezes over. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report thank you for joining us choo, choo, choo hello cheers and applause stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. You are the greatest thank you very much. I

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121130

College campuses. Now you really dont want too face the fightin irish. Then i get snubbed by a major magazine. Shocking. That there is still a major magazine. laughter plus my guest theoretical physicist sean carroll has a new book that i theoretically read. laughter nasa claims they found ice on mercury. Well, ill believe that when the closest planet to the sun freezes over. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report thank you for joining us choo, choo, choo hello cheers and applause stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. You are the greatest thank you very much. I got to tell you, when i get that kind of 4r06 from you folks i just want to go up into the stands and cradle you in my arms like a baby. cheers and applause folks you know me, you know my broadcasting ca roar has been dedicated to celebrating american exc

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121201

Soviet union. Stephen we were going to nuke the moon and we didnt laughter this is earthshattering news. When it should have been moon shattering news. Clearly this, this moment is when america stepped back from greatness. Oh, lets see, whats the best way to send the rescu rescue russ keyes a message. A tense u. S. Security council meeting, no, you light up the goddamn moon way nuclear haloso bright kruschev can read pravda at midnight. cheers and applause stephen oh, and what milk toast nancy pants pussied out on our nuclear Lunar Program . Eisenhower. Sure, ike beat the nazis but what about the moon nazies . Oh, they dont exist . Thats just what moon hitler wants you to believe. Instead, instead we chose lunar appeasement. And it is just emboldened the moon. I swear last week that thing was half the size. This nation, i say this nation must nuke the moon before it can acquire Nuclear Weapons of its own. And dont think it isnt trying because we know it is teamed up with fundamentalist

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20121130

On mercury. Well, ill believe that when the closest planet to the sun freezes over. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report thank you for joining us choo, choo, choo hello cheers and applause stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. You are the greatest thank you very much. I got to tell you, when i get that kind of 4r06 from you folks i just want to go up into the stands and cradle you in my arms like a baby. cheers and applause folks you know me, you know my broadcasting ca roar has been dedicated to celebrating american exceptionalism. That special je ne sai quoi that americans have that keep us from knowing things like what je ne sais quoi means, i dont know. But for some time now americans have been in decline. And i have been searching for the exact moment when we went from being the u. S. Of a to the u. S. Of

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