Soviet union. Stephen we were going to nuke the moon and we didnt laughter this is earthshattering news. When it should have been moon shattering news. Clearly this, this moment is when america stepped back from greatness. Oh, lets see, whats the best way to send the rescu rescue russ keyes a message. A tense u. S. Security council meeting, no, you light up the goddamn moon way nuclear haloso bright kruschev can read pravda at midnight. cheers and applause stephen oh, and what milk toast nancy pants pussied out on our nuclear Lunar Program . Eisenhower. Sure, ike beat the nazis but what about the moon nazies . Oh, they dont exist . Thats just what moon hitler wants you to believe. Instead, instead we chose lunar appeasement. And it is just emboldened the moon. I swear last week that thing was half the size. This nation, i say this nation must nuke the moon before it can acquire Nuclear Weapons of its own. And dont think it isnt trying because we know it is teamed up with fundamentalist islam. laughter folks, if you ask me, you shouldnt be asking me because i ask the questions around here. This is tip of the hat, wag of the finger. cheers and applause nation, one of the very biggest losers of the recent election was traditional marriage. You see three more states legalized gay marriage. No surprise that one of the new states is washington. What dow expect from a state named for a guy who wears q capri slacks. laughter but one of the states biggest corporations, boeing, a name synonymous with Aerospace Excellence and bonner sound effects has indicated in Union Contract talks that they will deny equal pension benefits to married gay employees. Hey, hey, yeah, im angry at the gays too. Hey, gay boeing plorx the only marriage you should have is to your job unless your job is in the cockpit. laughter well folks, to commemorate this refreshing denial of human dignity, im giving a tip of my hadd to boeing for being gay rights pioneers. Kuz if you think about it this is great for the gays. If companies dont have to pay out survivor pensions for samesex couples it will save the millions. Soon every company will want them. There will be a gay job explosion. Boy the way do not google the term gay job nation, this blatant devaluing of gay partners is great for any companys bottom line. Or top line, he wouldnt know, im not into that lifestyle. Folks, next up on the wag thing i as the kids call it, mi such a stanch supporter of the right to bear firearms that im up set we cant bear fire legs. Thats too limbs that arent shooting something. So you know i was pumped as a 12 gauge to see the students with gun permits can get their own segregated dorms at the university of colorado. Forever insurancing that no one will think of it as a safety school. But folks, im sorry, i have to give a wag of my finger at university of colorado students because not one signed up to live in the gun dorm. Come on. This is college. Time to get crazy. Do shots, take shots, get shot. Maybe join a fraternity like im a poppa capa. applause good bunch of guys. Lets face it, living in a gun dorm is not any more life threatening than spending 160,000 dollars on an english degree. So come on, u of c students, live a little. If not very long. Well be right back. cheers and applause i zoekxkxu8,xct 9 stephen welcome back, everybody, thanks so much. Nation folks, doint know about you but i believe in the ancient mayan prophecy that december 3 1st of 2012 will bring bring about the end 69 year, its also predicted by the ancient mayan sexy fireman calendar. Folks, the end of the year is my favorite time of the year. Because thats when the media ditches their last remaining vestiges of journalism and just counts things. We must be getting close to the end 69 year because top ten lists are now coming out. Anderson cooper will reveal our top ten heroes of 2012. Michelle counting down her top political turkeys of the year. Counting down the top acts for holiday shopping. The top fashionista of the 2012. Special top ten showbiz countdown of the years most explosive reality shows. Stephen as always the number one explosive reality show, bomb stars where eight celebrities live in a beach house and are blown up. Folks, i love numbered lists so much that i have compiled my top ten lists of favorite numbers one through ten. Coming in at number one for the second year in a row, five cheers and applause and now the five that is number one, number five is, of course, seven. As in the phrase slap me a high seven, my number five man. laughter of course my top ten numbers list always make my yearly list of favorite listss lists. Unfortunately my list of favorite lists lists did not make this years list. But one list maker that always makes my list is time magazine. This year once again im a contender on their person of the year list. cheers and applause now in previous years i have competed for times attention with my korean pop nemesis rain. Rraaiinnnn is not on the list this year. Personally i blame the drought. So this year i am a shoein to take it as long as there isnt a huge k pop star with killer dance moves capturing americas heart. Gangnam style. Stephen ppssyyyyyj he dares to be on the list ahead of me. Oh, i will crush you and the invisible horse you rode in on. laughter besides, right now i am at number five which you will recall this year is number one. cheers and applause stephen so i am already kind of winning. Now of course im also making listory with my new book, america again, rebecoming the greatness we never werent. Boom thanks to you, nation, we have been on the New York Times bestseller list for eight years in a row. Bam lam but heres the thing. We peaked at number three. And every week since im trailing bill o reillys bestsellers killing lincoln, killing kennedy, and lets say sodomizing coolidge. laughter now you know, anybody watches this show knows there is no bigger fan of bill oreilly than bill himself. But i am a close second. Nevertheless there are no friends on the bestseller list, as papa bear proved on the jon stewart show. So you got killing lincoln, killing kennedy, what is the next one . Killing colbert. Jon oh, thats nice. No, i cannot advise, you have stepped over the line, sir laughter okay, okay. No big deal. laughter all right, nation, [bleep] is on. It is time for you to defend america, if by america you mean me, and i usually do. Tonight i am launching operation killing killing kennedy. I need everyone cheers and applause stephen i need everyone within the sound of my voice to go buy my book and for the record this isnt me abusing our relationship by telling you to buy my book. This is me reminding you youre going tow buy my book eventually. Just dont do it in dribs and drabs. Lets get it all done in one week and rock it to the top cheers and applause and and if that rocket, and if that rocket happens to go right up bill oreillys ass, well then merry christmas. cheers and applause well be right back. Welcome back. His new book is called the particle at the end of the universe. Great, now i know how the universe ends. Please welcome sean carroll. Chors plaus hows it going, nice to see you, dr. Carroll. Mr. Doctor doctor. You can call me sean. Stephen thank you, dr. Sean, thanks for coming back, a tv psychiatrist, dr. Sean, theoretical physicist who theoretically helped you. Okay, now youre back again to talk about one of the great mysteries of modern theoretical physics. And that is the particle at the end of the universe, how the hunt for the his bosan leads to us the edge of a new world. Okay, you are, this is the second time youve been on to talk about this i think youre like the fourth or fifth guy who had to come on and explain to me what the hell is happening at the large hedron collider over there in switzerland, right. And not america, okay. Not america. We had our chance. We did. It makes it hard to trust if it doesnt happen in the united states, doesnt it, science is everywhere. The same science,. Really . In geneva as in new york city. But during the cold war when we were fighting the soviets our german scientists were better than their. Different in different places. Just want to make sure. Explain to me again because i understand it when you explain it to me but the moment you leave the room it evaporates out of my head. Coy explain that using science. Okay, okay. What is the higgbosan and why is it. So bag back in the day the early 60s fis quist physicists were try tounged stand the Nuclear Forces that hold together the nuclear a tomorrow and they couldnt. They kept coming up with this idea that it was spread out all over the place which it clearly doesnt so they came up with this bizarresounding idea that empath empty space is filled with an energy field every with. Impossible. No, not we just got evidence that its true. Stephen no, im going [bleep] because laughter stephen it is not empty space if it is filled with something. Checkmate. I wait your apology. This is why. These are supersmart scientists they figured out that even the emptyist of spaces could be filled with something. Stephen okay. And the thing we discovered in july is the evidence that they were right. 48 years later. Stephen okay. So again what is it . So this field that fills space that affects all the other articles that moves through it gives rise to a new particle, the higgbosan. Stephen so the field gives rise to the natural, an energy force that gives rise to a physical thing. Exactly. Stephen that is like teleporetation. No, its like physics, its like science, its like a light that is coming from the light bulbs. This is a vibration in a feel. The electric field, the Magnetic Fields are vibrating and we see it as light. Stephen that say physical thing because you can get a sunburn. Thats right and the higgbosan is physical because it shows up on the data, the plot is right there. Stephen okay, again, im no closer to understanding. I have heard this called the gord particle yeah. Stephen why is it called the god particle. Marketing . what do you mean . People were trying to explain how porn this bosan is to physicists, its the last piece of this ed i fis we have been building for the last 2500 years. Stephen is this is it . This is the last piece of this part. Stephen so weve won science. Weve won, the way i like to say it. Stephen can we go back to religion now. The easy part is now over. Stephen what dow mean the easy part is over. We discovered that the universe has different parts to it, there is ode matter there is dark matter, dark energy, so the ode matter, the stuff that make up you and me, you and me make up the four humor, red bile, yellow bile, quite bile. Obviously you have the element, earth, air, fire and water. What since then . Quantum field they werery right there. Over, this is this big hoop, hula hoop they have underneath the mountain. They speed up these tiny particles. 99. 99999 percent speed of light. Stephen okayment and how small are we talking here, like an ant. No, really small. Stephen half an ant. Yeah tunier. Stephen like a grain of rice. Smaller, keep going, very, very small. Stephen what do we get from knowing this, do i get my swret pack now o or teleporetation or light sabres, any of that stuff. We get the happy feeling that we understand how the universe works. Stephen how much does this cost now . The large hedron collider was about 9 billion. Stephen about 9 billion so guys like you who can understand this get happy. You know what a prescription of prozac costs, right . You could have done that too. applause stephen you know. I can understand this because again im intellectually hydro planning on explanations. When i try think about the way are you explaining it to me, im sure are you bad at explaining things, but could i understand it without the math . Wave your hand through the air comparing it to what it would be like waving it through molasses t would be harder to wave it through the molasses. Stephen but fun. But fun, exactly. So the higg field like the molasses. All the electrons that make up the atoms holding you together, they are moving through this higgs field, getting mass from that. Stephen they are getting mass from moving through the higgs field. It interacting with them and giving them mass. They become massive cheers and applause stephen sean carroll, the particle at the end of the universe. Well be right back. Thank you so much. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, welcome, thanks for joining us. But that is it for the report. Before we go i want to thank you all for watching. I want to thank my agent james dixon, my manager doreen lipman, my lawn guy, jose, my other lawn day, im sorry i keep calling you jose but i cant remember your name, blue dog, from blues clues, the gang at america vispuchi without whom none of this would have been possible, they are playing me off. And my beautiful wife and kids. Im sorry i keep calling you jose but i cant remember your name. Good night. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause jon welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. We have a fine one tonight. Our good friend Calvin Trillin from Calvin Trillin hobbs, the great cartoon, Calvin Trillin, you remember him peeing by the wall, and there is a tiger. laughter hey, quick, off the top, you remember that contest, the Obama Campaign had, you donate and you might win lunch with the president . laughter you are not going to believe who won laughter president bar