Is here. [ cheers and applause ] but we start tonight with a subject Everybody Loves taxes. Who in america doesnt grow up excitedly leaving a box of your old receipts at the foot of your bed on april 15 eve hoping that if youve been good an accountant from the north pole will show up on his magic sleigh and reward you with a surprisingly large invoice from the government . But did you know that our tax system is somehow not universally beloved . We need to overhaul our tax code. The tax code is broken. Its not fair. It is inefficient. Our tax code is one of the worst in the world. Simplify the tax code. We need to change our tax code. John whoa, watch your mouth. You cant just talk to codes like that. Theyre very sensitive. This is exactly the kind of criticism that drove the morse code to suicide. For all of you morse code fans. Yes, look, we all think the tax code needs pruning every now and again. That is why we do it, i imagine, every three to five years. Our tax code hasnt been re
Show. My name is john oliver. Jon stewart still not here in a huge deal. Hes actually being taken over by amazon ceo jeff bezos. Such a shame. Jon stewart proudly owned himself for 50 years. Our guest tonight from the new film paranoia Liam Hemsworth is here. [ cheers and applause ] but we start tonight with a subject Everybody Loves taxes. Who in america doesnt grow up excitedly leaving a box of your old receipts at the foot of your bed on april 15 eve hoping that if youve been good an accountant from the north pole will show up on his magic sleigh and reward you with a surprisingly large invoice from the government . But did you know that our tax system is somehow not universally beloved . We need to overhaul our tax code. The tax code is broken. Its not fair. It is inefficient. Our tax code is one of the worst in the world. Simplify the tax code. We need to change our tax code. John whoa, watch your mouth. You cant just talk to codes like that. Theyre very sensitive. This is exactly
He comes back, opens his door, hes got a young asian boy. Hes got all three of them strapped down there, and hes explaining the positions, a, b, and c. And listen, everyone in heres like, a. The next shot, like, you see this blanket over what is [bleep] three people ass to mouth. But youre just, like, so excited. Like, take the blanket off. They start crawling, and all of a sudden, it happens. And then he turns like this and goes, im so sorry. When the doctor goes back downstairs. Human centipedes gone. Hes like, i know i left it down here. First of all, what i would have done in hour one is just [bleep] yanked away. Im out of here. The asian is like, listen, ive had enough of this. Right in front of the doctor just goes rah do you really wanna make it at this point . Right. So the girl in the back is like, uh, ive had enough. She dies. So now its just two dead cops, dead doctor, dead a, dead c. And the camera just pans out and, like, up into the sky. And thats the end of the movie. No
Statistically 458 of captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause jon welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart weve got a good one for you tonight. Weve got a good one. Our guest, laura linney. Shes in the new movie in hyde park on the hudson. Daisy was apparently f. D. R. s confidante at a time when confidante meant guy i have sex with. laughter we begin tonight in michigan where ten months ago michigans Governor Rick Snyder laughter . Thats dee snyder. Duke snyder. Thats roy scheider. laughter . cheers and applause thats just a picture of me looking aknowed with this bit. There we go. Rick snyder. Anyway, this bleep guy. Michigan Governor Rick Snyder went before congress ten months ago to say he was not particularly interested at this time in making the bedrock union state of michigan a right to work state. Right to work is an issue that is a very divisive issue. People feel very strongly about it. We have many problems in michigan that are much more pressing th
[voice of denzel washington] im here, im present, and i will always be around. Lil jon . [voice of lil jon] yeah [voice of barack obama] excuse me, lil jon. Welcome, ray. Im glad to have you on board. Oh, [bleep] whats up, barack obama . Ahem [chuckles] wouldnt that be something if barack obama just showed up . Your startup paperworks right over here. [dramatic music] man, you gotta be more careful. Learn to use the shining. Tune in and out of it. Otherwise, you wont be able to sort out whos talking. And im sick of these goddamn snakes. Just give me the basketball on this goddamn plane here, yo, coco, what you want to drink, girl . Leo, what are you doing . Drink some colt 45 malt liquor. [overlapping voices] women dig chocolate is everything okay . [dramatic music] ray listen for morgan. Morgan freeman. He will guide you. [voice of morgan freeman] listen to my voice, ray. Now, just stay calm and focus on that white man. [exhales] everythings going to be okay. Once you finish up this p