I had a you know, people used to you used to go in and people say, whats your sign . Now its, whats your cholesterol count . [ laughter ] but my cholesterol i brought down from 277 to 159, which is [ applause ] so, you just change your style of living . By changing my diet, by exercise, and, uh, well, just, you know, noti you can eat proper foods. See, when i got out of the hospital, or when i was in the hospital, the food, i mean, were talkin cardboard here. Uh, it was just awful, and i said, i dont think im gonna be able to manage this. I thought, i just will never eat again. And i was living on cereal. But since then ive found a young lady, robyn has come and she has learned through me, ive been the guinea pig, to cook some wonderful, wonderful foods. Theres things out there that you can eat, cause you get tired of those pritikin diets i dont wanna knock pritikin. I mean, its good, but about two weeks. Yeah, you might as well go out and graze on the lawn for a while. [ laughter ] it would be preferable, yeah. No, ive had to change a lot of things. Well, its worked for ya because you look great. Well, thanks, john. Feelin good. Well do this. For adults with advanced nonsmall cell lung cancer previously treated with platinumbased chemotherapy, including those with an abnormal alk or e. G. F. R. Gene whove tried an fdaapproved targeted therapy, this is big. A chance to live longer with opdivo, nivolumab. Opdivo demonstrated longer life and is the most prescribed immunotherapy for these patients. Versus chemotherapy. No biomarker testing is required with opdivo, though physicians may choose to do so. Opdivo works with your immune system. Opdivo can cause your immune system to attack normal organs and tissues in your body and affect how they work. This may happen any time during or after treatment has ended, and may become serious and lead to death. See your doctor right away if you experience new or worsening cough; chest pain; shortness of breath; diarrhea; severe stomach pain or tenderness; severe nausea or vomiting; tion; excessive thirst or urine; swollen ankles; loss of appetite; rash; itching; headache; confusion; hallucinations; muscle or joint pain; or flushing as this may keep these problems from becoming more serious. These are not all the possible side effects of opdivo. Tell your doctor about all your medical conditions, including immune system problems, or if youve had an organ transplant, or lung, breathing, or liver problems. A chance to live longer. Ask your doctor about opdivo. Bristolmyers squibb [ music ] okay. [ cheers and applause ] my next guest my next guest is a funny young comedian. Jeffs gonna be appearing at carolines in new york city, november the 10th through the 13th, and at the comedy gallery in minneapolis, december the 14th through the 18th. Would you welcome jeff cesario . Jeff . [ music ] thanks very much, good to see ya. My name is jeff cesario, im, uh, italian. [ applause ] im proud of it, of course. Italy, the only country to switch sides in the middle of both world wars. Yeah. [ laughter ] i am still workin on this election. Im trying to figure out who im gonna vote for. I dont you know, democracy is a privilege, we should get paid to vote. Okay, this is unbelievable. [ cheering ] you know, i think i watched both debates, ive been reading. I figured out the difference between the candidates. Here it is. Michael dukakis looks at half a glass of water, he thinks its half empty. George bush looks at it, he thinks, who the hell drank half of my water . [ laughter ] [ applause ] thanks. I think like that though. I might have too much i grew up in a family with a lot of common sense. Even like horror movies, most people are scared, they walk out of a horror movie scared. Im never scared. I walk out of a horror movie thinkin, next time dont dawdle in the shower. [ laughter ] it takes real things to scare me. You ever been drivin late at night, you start to fall asleep at the wheel . That now, that to me is frightening. You try to wake up, you drink coffee, you chew gum, but nothin works. The only things thats really gonna wake you up when youre drivin tired is a near fatal accident. [ laughter ] its true. You knock your sideview mirror off on a bridge abutment goin 60, you are awake. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] its true, anything real will scare you. Even tiny things if theyre real. Spiders spiders scare me. Middle of the night, you get up, go into your bathroom, hit the light switch, theres a spider on the wall. Thatthat scares me because other insects run from light. Not spiders. They freeze right where they are. I dont know what the hell is goin through their mind. [ laughter ] eight hairy legs, a dark brown body i can blend into this white tile. [ laughter ] [ whistling ] [ applause ] hey, hows she gonna read that magazine all rolled up like that . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] each of us havr our own little private fears. I have some friends who are actually afraid of going bald. I think thats stupid. I think bald guys look great. They look manly, they look virile. I dont know what theyre afraid of. A guy with a toupee is worried about what i think about his head. I have never looked at a bald guy and thought to myself, pfft, what kind of a man lets his own hair fall out . [ laughter ] you know what mine is, my little fear . Choking. I dont like to thats why i always take my time when i eat. Thats why weve got fast food restaurants. Thats not fast enough, now weve got the drive through window at the fast food restaurant. Thats not fast enough. I think ideally what we want is to be able to drive through at top speed with our car windows down, that pimply faced kid just throws food right in your mouth. Its amazing. We want food that will finish cooking in our esophagus. [ laughter ] its true. [ cheers and applause ] have you seen that we have a new microwave cake, right . It bakes up, frosting and all, four minutes. Why . If it ever gets to that point, just look the other person in the eye and say, hey, listen, im sorry, i forgot your birthday. [ laughter ] [ applause ] we dont eat for taste anymore. We eat for speed. Sometimes we will eat youve eaten on an airplane . Thats the worst food possible, but youll eat it cause youre frustrated. Youre strapped into that chair, youve got nothin to do, the movie stinks, youre uncomfortable from that nozzle draft thing over your head. What the hell is that, some sort of pneumonia valve up there . I dont think my necks gonna get stiff enough just sittin here for four and a half hours. I need a nice cold draft on it. Yeah, thats much better. [ laughter ] [ cheering and applause ] its true. So, youre frustrated, you shovel food in your mouth. And then when the airplane gets in trouble, what drops from the bulkhead . Oxygen masks. Thats apparently so we can stay alive until the exact second we plow into a cornfield. You know, theyre not thinking. [ cheers and applause ] thanks. You know, if they would just use common sense. You know what should drop from the bulkhead . Its gonna be your last one. Youre sittin there screamin, ah ah ah, filet mignon. [ laughter ] [ cheering and applause ] [ music ] okay, now, this next young lady. [ cheers and applause ] this next my next guest is a young actress with an unusual name, but its her real name, however, and shes a regular on nbcs new series called, empty nest. Its on saturday nights at 9 30. Would you say hello to park overall . [ cheers and applause ] [ music ] hello, park. Thank you for havin me. Well, thank you for bein here. Your name. Its an unusual name, park, park. Yes, its been a cross to bear, ill tell you that. Children were very cruel with me. Yeah. Yeah. But i sorta like it now. Do yall like it . [ applause ] park, it sounds like a housing development. Well, people where do you live . I live at park overall. A casting director once said to me, i said, thats the truth. He said, of course it is, whod bother to make it up . Yeah, and you are obviously not from vermont. [ laughter ] i just picked up on that. You t uh where about in the south are you from . Im from east tennessee. A little town. Oh, thank you. Yeah, go vols, yes. Thats right, tennessee volunteers, right . Yes, sir. You were born there and raised there . Yes, sir, i was. You dont have to say sir to me. I mean, it makes me sound it makes me sound very elderly. If i knew you better i wouldnt, but itll take me a little while. Yeah. Is that the southern upbringing . Yes. You know about that, dont ya . Be polite to your elders and say maam, and yes, sir . Well, now. [ cheers and applause ] ill be dog gone. [ laughter ] i was telling the i love the southern accent, i was tellin you before the show while you were in makeup that i went from nebraska in 1943, to mississippi, jackson, mississippi. I was stationed there for awhile, and i thought i had gone to mars. I mean, it took me weeks to get onto the rhythm and the inflection, and after about six mont there, i went home and you do pick up on it. Id go home, and id say, hi mom, hi dad. How yall . Its contagious. Yeah. People at work start talkin when you see when you see actresses that are not from the south portraying a role where theyre supposed to be from the south, is that thats why im an actress. I told my daddy, im so sick of these yankee girls doin us wrong. I said, i cant stand it, i gotta go try. Yeah . Yeah. Did anybody ever tell you when you came out to hollywood that youve gotta lose the accent or anything . Everybody. Why . Why would they do that . Well, see, first i went oh, new york. Did they understand ya in new york at all . Oh, new york. I just id been there four and a half years, and i had just learned to be rude, and i was gettin into it. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i was. And then i got this job and i had to move out here, and suddenly i had to be sweet again. Im so schized out about it. You were just pickin up on new york . Yeah. How do you like los angeles . Do you find it im lovin it, ill tell th now, what is this marine layer, and what is this santa ana winds business . Well, this is difficult they are saying. You see, los angeles is surrounded by mountains and its kind of a basin, and you get a temperature inversion, and it traps and then the air cant get out. It makes me crazy. I know it does, yeah. Yeah, and the scenery and everything, and people are so sweet. Now, see, bein southern, all i require is a little decorum up front. You know, thats all i require. You can stab me in the back later, i just dont wanna see it comin. You know . Right . Did you wanna be an actress . Do you think the folks back home would be surprised at what youre doing now . Oh, yeah. Yeah . Yeah, what i like to do was drink me a little beer and shoot a little pool. Thats what i love to do. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, thats what i like, and i did that for many years. I raised cows and did that, and i enjoyed it very much. And i studied those people, and i love my mountain people, and i want to represent them properly. So, thats why. I love the show. Yeah, what a treat. I mean, tv, huh . Yeah. Yeah. Do you get to go back home at all . Do they treat you differently now . Any different since youve been on television . Oh well, no, they dont treat me differently. They treat me you know, everybodys so excited. Its a very small town, you know, and im so proud of it. Whats the name of your town, by the way . Greeneville. Greeneville. The only greeneville with an extra e. [ laughter ] well, ill change my postage meter at home i have a lot of mail going there and i had it wrong all these years. How big is im not makin fun of small towns, im from a small town, originally, of about 1,200 people. Now, how big is greenville . I dont know. I am so bad at math that ive been sayin 30,000 people and people say, oh, thats big. And i say, oh, maybe its 15. Thats a big city. I forget how big it is. It only has one high school and four in the county, thats how big it is. Well, its gonna be less than 30,000 people. Okay. Sure. [ laughter ] well, when youre in all the School Activities . Were you a cheerleader, or did ya do any of that kind of stuff . Oh, no, sir. Why not . I dont know. [ laughter ] no decorum. No, they wanted me to be a debutante, and i said no to that too. It just wasnt my bag. You sound like a country girl. Yes, sir. Yeah, somebody told me you had some unusual pets. True . Oh, yes, sir. What do you have . Were an animal lovin family. [ laughter ] i feel like judge carson [ applause ] yes, your honor, i do declare. Well, my dear. [ laughter ] okay, thats all. Go on, itsitsits very nice. Uh, anyway, what do you have . Unusual dogs, or what . Well, no, an unusual crow that we raised from a little baby, and it talks, parky, parky, parky, hello, it says. Yes, it does. And i had this, um i raised cows, and i started off raisin this one on a bucket and the mother wouldnt take it. So, it was a midget, and when her baby was born, the farmer called me up and said, come over and get ya a shoebox and come over and get this calf, cause it was born on his property because she was always gettin out because she was a pet, and she lived on my porch. But in order to get a cow back from down the road, a banana. They love bananas, little known fact about cows. They will follow a banana anywhere. Now, i didnt know that. Thats something i didnt know. No, they love the peel and all. So, you went down and enticed her home with a banana . Yeah, once theyre a pet its hard to keep them in. Yeah. Well, now you live out here, obviously you dont have your cow here. Just my cat. Just a cat . Just a cat. What happened to the crow . Its in tennessee bein taken care of properly until i can have an actual home. How do you properly take care of a crow . Well, we made him a big cage and give a lot of attention and a lot of food and talk to him a lot. See, we cant let him loose because we tried to let him go and he lands on the dogs he wants to be friends. So, for his own good we had to keep him in. All right, well be back. Stay where you are. [ music ] how much time do we have here . [ applause ] we got a minute or so here . Half a minute. Okay. Uh, Shorty Sullivan was supposed to be with us. We ran long tonight. Our apologies to him. Were on the air, arent we . Yes, sir, we are. I thought you were doing an impression there. Thank you for being here. Would you come back and do this again . Youre charming. Oh, id be so honored. Thank you. Sir. Sir. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and this is Johnny Roy Bob saying we hope oh, no. Jim, thanks for bein here. Im glad to see ya up and around. Ah, thank you. Thank you. Good night. [ cheers and applause ] im humbled by that applause. Oh, my god. Isnt that the guy from the soft drink commercial . Fay oh, yeah. The construction worker who takes off his shirt. He has the most incredible body. Lets go meet hi. Him. Im helen chappel. Im alex lambert. We recognize you from your commercial. Will you take off your shirt . Helen its okay. People ask me all the time. I dont mind. I think the, uh, zippers stuck here. Here, let me try and get it for you. Its stuck on the fabric. Oh, here, move over. Let me try. Announcing final boarding of aeromass flight 23 to new york through gate one. Time we need more time thank you so much. Nice meeting you ladies. O, and ill give you a hint you, me, and three naked cocktail waitresses playing roulette on aruba. Youll have to be more specific. Danny quinn yes. Brian man, i cant believe this hi how are you . Im great, but what about you . Tie, clipboard wheres the pocket protector . Dont be fooled. Im just as crazy as ever brian, the new sandpiper pencils came in. You were right. Joey, you wont believe who this is. This is danny quinn. Danny, my brother joe. This is your brother joe . He doesnt look like such a dweeb. Dweeb . Did you know brian wet his bed until. How are you doing with that . So what are you doing here, danny . Well, i was in boston, talking to my publisher. Your who . Check it out. Tequila nights by danny quinn. Its about you, me, and the wild times we had on the islands. Heres your coffee, joe. Hello, im danny quinn, and im a real close, close friend of brians unless you hate him, then i do too. Funny and tall. forced laugh forced laugh im helen chappel. Its very nice to meet you. Subtle, helen. Why dont you just club him over the head and drag him back to your cave . This is you . Danny wrote that. Its about the wild times we had in the caribbean. Rather pedestrian. I cant wait to. Whoa hello. Yep, that word sort of jumps out at you doesnt it . Interesting local talent. Uh, shes got a boyfriend. Whats on for tonight . Anything you want. Im up for something. Theres a place here perfect for you. Its crawling with women. Just like the old days. Im up for something. Danny, my cars in the shop. I got a car. Joe, want to come with me and danny tonight . You think i dont know what youre doing . Just cause ive got a car, now youll invite me. Is 7 00 okay . Yeah. Its great. There arent any more flights. Lets get joe and leave. Hey, babe. Hey alex. My girlfriend, right. Alex, uh. This is my old friend, danny quinn. This is my girlfriend alex lambert. Wait a minute. Danny quinn . How were we to know she was the ambassadors daughter . Alex, weve got a lot of catching up to do. Can i borrow brian . You dont have to ask her permission. I can go, cant i . Sure. Just stay out of jail. Nice to meet you. Same to you. Hot and flushed from lovemaking kiki dove naked off the boat motioning ryan to join her in the warm, beckoning waters of the cove. Read it again slowly. Whoa. Get a load of that. Oh, boy, that could have been embarrassing. I almost wore the same outfit today. I dont believe it. Im from that tv show when we were kids. . Big strong man, big strong man . . He lifts up stuff . Both . Just cause he can. . I wonder what hes doing here. Lowell he was at the supermarket opening signing autographs. I invited him to lunch but i didnt think hed show. Hey, there, young fella. Big strong man, i cant believe youre here. Wait, thats not how big strong man comes on the scene. Huh . Oh, yeah, all right. Fine. Yahooie say, that offer for lunch still good, little buddy . I dont believe it. I, lowell mather, am going to lunch with big strong man. You said youd pay, right . Try and stop me. Great by the way, i had a little trouble finding a hotel room. Could i crash on your couch so cool. We can stay up late, we can tell stories. Roast marshmallows. Roast marshmallows. Hey, thats great. How you fixed for scotch, by the way . Danny, i was flipping through your book. I got to tell you i find it hard to believe that you and this guy took on four drunk marines. Drunk marines . Okay, so i embellished. Almologists. I was the one who went toe to toe with dr. Irving sheinberg. Guys, look right over there. Danny ooh, very nice. Youve done well, brave scout. Brian, remember the foreign tourist bit . Oh. What is that . Women are suckers for men with a foreign accent so we say to them were, uh, from australia and want to see the fun places in town. Girl and take her home to alex . Good point. Ill do it. australian accent remember, were aussies. Lets hear your accent. Oh, sure. Let me see. flat american accent stick a shrimp on the barbie. Why dont you be my american friend . I can do that. Have fun, my boys. chuckling oh. Boy. Watch and learn. Youre about to witness oof method of picking up women. That guy over there is a legend. The tall one, not the dweeb. Oh, whats the matter . You got shot down, huh . Well, you tried. What . It worked like a charm. They actually bought me as an american. They want us to go to a party at the beach. Ooh. Maybe i just better just go back home