♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! oh! oh, my goodness! that's a hot crowd right there! welcome, everybody. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. you made it, you're here. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for being here. here's what people are talking about, you guys. tonight was the start of the winter olympics! that's right! [ cheers and applause ] which means we get to chant "u.s.a." some place besides the nathan's hot dog eating contest. "u.s.a., u.s.a.!" [ audience chanting ] "go joey chestnut! joey chestnut, man. eat that hot dog! [ laughter ] he's going to eat another one! no way! [ light laughter ] there ain't no way he's going to eat one more hot dog -- no way, he did it! [ light laughter ] oh, he threw it back up, he ate it again, oh, my goodness!" [ light laughter ] tonight was the opening ceremony. it was a lot of fun until trump stood there pointing out which countries are s-holes. "i said s-hole. [ laughter and applause ] nice. never heard of that country. hole." [ laughter ] actually, president trump loves watching the olympics. he even asked to introduce each country at the opening ceremony. let's see how he did. >> i love the olympics. there are so many fantastic countries participating. countries like luxury bird. [ laughter ] tiny dad and toboggan. kardashian. [ laughter ] melania. that movie with the talking lion. phil's penis. [ laughter ] and my personal favorite, the united shahtes. >> jimmy: "the united shahtes." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: why? >> jimmy: tons of great athletes competing for the u.s., like lindsey vonn, shaun white, adam rippon. but the big winner so far, michael phelps. surprisingly. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, he's that good. he's that good. >> steve: how did he do it? >> jimmy: he's that -- he can't stop winning medals. listen to this, i read that a a record number of condoms are being distributed to athletes at this year's winter olympics. [ light laughter ] that's right, olympic condoms, or as speed skaters call those, uniforms. >> steve: hey-oh! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey -- hey guys enough of that stuff. valentine's day is just a few days away. [ cheers ] yeah. now, of course -- of course a a lot of famous couples will be exchanging valentine's cards. now, i don't know how this happened, but we actually got a a hold of some of them. here at "the tonight show." yeah. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: we're going to show them to you right now. check these out. first is a card that melania trump sent to donald. >> steve: oh. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: on the front it says, "i booked a romantic get-away." inside it says, "see you when i get back." >> steve: what? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: interesting. >> steve: that's odd. >> jimmy: here's one that the bachelor, arie, sent to one of the contestants. it says, "lauren, there's no one else like you." you open it up, it says "aside from the three other lauren's i am currently dating." [ laughter and applause ] well, that makes sense. that makes sense. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: here's one from kim jong-un he sent to his girlfriend. it says "be mine." inside it says, "or else." >> steve: oh. [ laughter ] sweet. >> jimmy: sweetie, man. >> steve: so sweet. >> jimmy: finally, here's one that kanye west sent to kim kardashian. it says, "i love your eyes, your heart and your mind. but most of all, i love your husband." there you go. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: speaking of the kardashians, i saw that kylie jenner's photo of her baby, stormi is now the most-liked instagram photo ever. it got like 15 million likes. when they heard that, kim, kendall, and khloe quietly un-liked it. [ laughter and applause ] "enough's enough. enough's enough." finally, you guys i read about a 102-year-old man who celebrated his birthday this weekend by setting the guinness world record for the oldest person to ride a zip line. which was cool till he was like, "i said i wanted a shoe shine." [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a crowd right there. welcome, everybody. we have got a huge show tonight. from the new netflix movie, "mute." i love this actor. >> steve: he's the best. >> jimmy: he's funny, he's also -- he can do the dramatic stuff. he can do the rom-com stuff. >> steve: yep. >> jimmy: he's a stud. ladies love him. >> steve: ladies all love him. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: some people call him l.l. rudd. >> steve: do they really? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: ladies love rudd. paul rudd is here, ladies and gentlemen! >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] rudd. >> jimmy: "mute" is the name of the movie. plus, she is oscar-nominated, she's fantastic, for her performance in "lady bird." she's stars in the upcoming broadway revival of "three tall women." laurie metcalf is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] she just won a tony! >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: she's hitting it out of the park. and we have great music. oh man, do you like good music, higgins? >> steve: love it. >> jimmy: alice merton is here, you guys! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what? >> jimmy: "no roots." "no roots" -- >> steve: no roots are on that album. >> jimmy: -- sounds like a a dream i've had. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] no thank you. ♪ appreciate it. no, i love it -- obviously, i love the roots. and i love the song, "no roots." you want to hear a taste of this. >> steve: please bust me off a a piece. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: "yo, joey chestnut would never listen to this ever! oh, he just did!" >> steve: "he double-dipped." ♪ ♪ i've got no roots but my home was never on the ground ♪ ♪ i've got no roots i've got no roots ♪ ♪ i've got no roots [ cheers and applause ] but my home was never on the ground ♪ ♪ i've got no roots i've got no roots ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: anyways, okay. i love that song. [ light laughter ] i'm just saying, the song is great. >> you was dancing a little too hard to that one. [ laughter ] >> steve: he's giving it 110. >> jimmy: i'm just giving -- i'm just giving her props, man. i love it. >> steve: save it. >> jimmy: anyways, alice merton is here, you guys. right there. [ cheers and applause ] how addicting is that song? ♪ i have no roots guys, today is friday. and that's usually -- [ cheers and applause ] usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. you know, i check my inbox. i return some e-mails. and of course, i send some thank you notes. and i was just -- [ cheers and applause ] -- running a bit behind today. i thought if you guys wouldn't mind i'd just like to write out my weekly thank you notes, right now. is that cool with you guys? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: james, can i get some a -- thank you note writing music please? ♪ [ light laughter ] always in a good mood. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: always in a good mood. >> steve: super valentine-y. >> jimmy: yeah, he breathes laughing gas. >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] before each show? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: wow. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, candy hearts, for letting me know what it would look like if a a sidewalk chalk hooked up with a drunk text. [ laughter and applause ] "hug me!" hug me. i say that every time i see you in the hallway. >> steve: i do. i go, "hug me, man." and then you walk right on by, pretend like you don't even see me. [ light laughter ] i'm surprised you even heard it. >> jimmy: yeah, i did. >> steve: act like you don't. [ light laughter ] kind of hurts a little. [ laughter ] [ audience aws ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ grow old i won't forget to find them i like digging holes ♪ ♪ hiding things inside them when i grow old i won't forget to find them i've got no roots ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] ♪ thank you, donald trump, requesting a military parade, for being the first time someone will tell trump, "here comes the airplane," without putting a spoon in his mouth. [ laughter and applause ] "wall." >> steve: "walnut." >> jimmy: "i don't like it. >> steve: i don't like it, i don't want to eat it." "i'm not going to eat any of it." >> jimmy: here comes the airplane! >> steve: "no" -- [ talking over each other ] [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: open the hanger. >> steve: "thanks mother, but i don't like it, at all." >> jimmy: "what is it?" >> steve: "it's food." >> jimmy: "but what kind of food" -- >> steve: "it's your favorite kind." >> jimmy: "what?" >> steve: "wall-nut." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: "fake food." >> steve: "s-holes." >> jimmy: "what kind of food, is it my favorite?" >> steve: "yes, fake." >> jimmy: "money flavored food." [ laughter ] yeah, that's right. here's your money flavored food. >> steve: here's your money flavored food. "i'm a billionaire." [ light laughter ] not so fast. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, february, for having an extra "r," that makes me sound like tom brokaw. [ laughter and applause ] "febrruarry. febrruarry. febrruarry is my favorite month forreverr." [ light laughter ] we love tom brokaw. ♪ thank you, cupid, for being the only time a baby in diapers holding a weapon has made someone think, "we should hook up." [ laughter ] baby has a bow and arrow. >> steve: i like that. that's hitting something with me. >> jimmy: that's a full on weapon, yeah. ♪ cupid and a crossbow ♪ thank you, olympic village, for distributing a record number of condoms to athletes at this year's games and sparing the world from an incredible generation of super athletic babies. >> steve: yeah! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: what's the problem? >> steve: i said, what's the deal? >> jimmy: ♪ baby with a a crossbow ♪ >> steve: ♪ baby with a a crossbow ♪ >> jimmy: ♪ whoop there it is [ laughter ] what rhymes with crossbow? anything? >> afro. >> jimmy: afro? like -- >> like a afro. >> steve: yeah. ♪ baby with a crossbow wearing an afro ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's more like '80s, like -- ♪ ♪ ♪ i turn around it's a baby with a crossbow ♪ ♪ ♪ it's a drummer with an afro i turn around it's a baby with a crossbow ♪ ♪ baby with a crossbow >> steve: -- >> jimmy: there you go. [ laughter ] >> steve: whoop, there it is! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you ferrero rocher, for being the fanciest way to say surprisingly inexpensive chocolate nut ball. [ laughter and applause ] surprisingly inexpensive. >> steve: must be classic. >> jimmy: "ferrerro rrocherr ferrerro rrocherr in febrruarry." ♪ thank you toasters, for being the only kitchen appliance that uses jack-in-the-box technology. there you go. those are my thank you notes! [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with paul rudd, everybody! 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(coughs) ah! i missed you! then i discovered mucinex. one pill lasts 12 hours, and i'm good. why take 4-hour medicine? one mucinex lasts 12 hours. let's end this. kelp is on the way! with herbal essences we said no, no, no to this stuff... and yes, yes, yes to bio:renew. made with active antioxidants that work from the inside out... to help animate lifeless hair, and bring it back to life. find aahs and oos in every fresh bottle of herbal essences bio:renew. let life in. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest -- oh, we love him. he stars in a new movie called "mute," which will be available on netflix february 23rd. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome paul rudd! [ cheers and applause ] >> pretty clever. >> jimmy: not bad. paul rudd right there! [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you so much. thank you. >> jimmy: i see, i get it, i get it. the name of the film -- the name of the film is "mute." [ cheers and applause ] >> that's great. >> jimmy: "mute" hence the no music from the roots there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: welcome back. thank you for being here. >> thanks. thank you. >> jimmy: always good to see you, buddy. >> oh, it's good to be here. >> jimmy: over the weekend, you got honored by harvard university. for the hasty pudding. >> yeah. >> jimmy: man of the year? >> i thought it was going to come with like an honorary degree, but it doesn't -- [ laughter ] but that's okay. >> jimmy: yeah. so you did not graduate from harvard? >> no -- >> jimmy: no, no he did not. >> no. but it was -- everyone was in a a great mood. it was pre-super bowl so they were all happy 'cause -- >> jimmy: i mean, i love boston! >> because the patriots had -- hadn't lost yet. >> jimmy: no, that's true, no, that's right, they haven't, no, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] no, really, i mean -- but that's a great city, i mean -- >> it's a great city. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's a great city. >> jimmy: but you were rooting for the eagles. you didn't tell anyone, did you? >> i did -- well, i had a press conference there and they asked with all the boston press, they said, "who are you rooting for in the super bowl" and i said, "100% unequivocally the philadelphia eagles. because --" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know. did you know what you were saying when you were saying it? >> they said, "do you know where you are?" and i said, "i do. i'm just tired of your team." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> no -- that brady/belichick, that's a good combination. but come on. enough. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know, man. i want them to go more. just keep doing it, man. until it -- yeah, why not? where are you from, originally? >> i'm a chiefs fan. so i mean i didn't really have a -- >> jimmy: kansas city guy? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that's right. you -- you live in new york? >> i do. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i do. >> jimmy: you ever think about going to los angeles? maybe going out west? >> uh -- go west? >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, maybe it's just wishful thinking. go out there and get a -- meet a pretty woman and you're -- [ purring ] [ laughter ] you know what i'm saying? >> how dare you. [ laughter ] how dare you. >> jimmy: what the hell are you talking about -- >> you know exactly what i'm talking about. don't play coy. >> jimmy: i do know -- i'm not going to play coy. >> you're absolut -- you're trying to be all cryptic. >> jimmy: don't get me angry, i don't want anyone seeing this side of me. >> everyone here sees through what you're doing. you all know that jimmy and i in the '80s had a duo, we were in a band called "go west." [ laughter ] it ended -- it was acrimonious, to say the least. we had a song -- >> jimmy: we were -- i don't even remember -- i don't even remember being in a band with you called "go west." >> we did a song called "king of wishful thinking," it was on the "pretty woman" soundtrack. you're being all elusive, but -- [ cheers ] >> jimmy: it's a good song, bud. >> it was a great song! >> jimmy: it wasn't us! it wasn't us! it was a different band called go west, paul! >> we were go west, jimmy. >> jimmy: you are wrong! >> i don't know what you -- drugs you've been doing since the '80s. but we were absolutely go west. i have a video to prove it! >> jimmy: you have a video to prove that we were go west? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i don't need to fall at your feet just 'cause you cut me to the bone ♪ ♪ and i won't miss the way that you kiss me we were never carved in stone ♪ ♪ if i don't listen to the talk of the town then maybe i can fool myself ♪ ♪ i'll get over you i know i will i'll pretend my ship's not sinking and i'll tell myself i'm over you ♪ ♪ cause i'm the king of wishful thinking king of wishful thinking i am the king of wishful thinking ♪ ♪ ♪ i refuse to give in to my blues that's not how it's going to be and i deny the tears in my eyes ♪ ♪ i don't want to let you see no that you have made a hole in my heart and now i got to fool myself ♪ ♪ i'll get over you i know i will i'll pretend my ship's not sinking and i'll tell myself i'm over you ♪ ♪ cause i'm the king of wishful thinking king of wishful thinking ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ no i will never never shed a tear for you i'll get over you i know i will ♪ ♪ but i won't shed a tear for you i'll be the king of wishful thinking ♪ ♪ i'll get over you i know i will you made a hole in my heart and i tell myself i'm over you ♪ ♪ cause i'm the king of wishful thinking ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i stand corrected, we were in the band go west. i'm sorry, paul rudd. [ cheers ] we were go west. that was -- that's one of the best oddest videos i think we've ever made. >> yeah, i mean like do you think there were storyboards to that video? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no! >> they really just got into a a white empty space and said, "we've got hockey players --" >> jimmy: we've got a lot of props. [ laughter ] >> we've got some ballet dancers. >> jimmy: we got a lot -- we got a mariachi band. let's do this. [ laughter ] >> we have a guy who kind of looks like roy orbison. >> jimmy: kind of, yeah, on a a catamaran. >> on a catamaran. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: on a catamaran -- >> yep. >> jimmy: i was laughing. we -- paul, very nice, donated his time and we did that. that took us a couple days to film, so thank you for doing that. >> that was really -- i -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it was worth it. >> i really enjoyed it. >> jimmy: you're the best. [ cheers and applause ] that's why you're the best in the business, man. dude, we had fun doing it -- oh, my gosh. crying laughing, it just made me laugh -- your commitment. you're just -- you get right in there, and this move was so good. [ laughter ] >> well, he, you know, peter cox, lead singer of go west, he's got -- you know -- he's committed. >> jimmy: yeah. and there's richard drummie. richard drummie was who i played. i want to show everyone a clip. this was overnight the last two days. this was paul rudd's commitment to go west. check it -- this just shows right here. >> and -- ♪ ♪ fool myself i'll get over you i'll pretend my ship's not sinking ♪ [ laughter ] [ beep ] ♪ >> keep going, guys. keep coming. action! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ no i will never never shed a tear for you i'll get over you i know ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i couldn't take it -- >> i didn't realize you were trying to stop it. >> jimmy: i -- 'cause i waiting -- we were waiting around, and the director called "action," so the photographer started going around us and we just kind of were standing there like, we were waiting for them to call "action" and then somebody goes like, "action!" and you immediately go right into like that. [ laughter ] >> and nobody else did. >> jimmy: yeah, i know, but i was trying to keep a straight face. >> aw. >> jimmy: you're the greatest man, i love you, man. that was -- >> thanks, that was a lot of fun. i showed my kid the -- a a picture. >> jimmy: yeah. >> with -- and he was like, "look at this. i filmed this video today, this is a picture from this video --" >> jimye >>and he looked it -- and he said, "you look like a a testicle." [ laughter and applause ] and he wasn't trying to be funny. >> jimmy: no, no. [ laughter ] but he -- sometimes you don't even have to try to be funny, you just are funny, yeah, yeah. >> yeah, yeah, it got me. >> jimmy: we were talking today, we were saying that, 'cause he has that -- kind of awesome -- the hair is kind of like -- the hairline is pulled back. it's like a receding kind of hair, but it works for him, the guy's a good looking dude. but when you were growing up, you wanted to look like adam ant -- >> that's true -- there was -- i was, when i was i think probably about 13, 14 -- i loved adam ant and i thought he looked super cool and he had a a receding hairline, but i didn't know what that was. and so i asked my mom if i could shave -- [ laughter ] receding hairline -- >> jimmy: to look like adam ant. >> yeah, to look like adam ant. >> jimmy: that's fantastic. >> and she said, "no." >> jimmy: no, of course not, yeah. [ laughter ] my character, he got a little bit too much sun here and over here, he has a little something -- i think 'cause they're from england. >> yep. >> jimmy: i think maybe came l.a., the night before the shoot, they're going to -- "king of wishful thinking" video. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and they go, "do we got the ranch?" check. "do we got the mariachi band?" perfect. all i need -- i'm going to get a little tan. >> yeah. >> jimmy: "i'll call you guys tomorrow." and then he just kind of fried out. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: back in those days, you didn't just put on suntan lotion. >> you went full baby oil -- >> jimmy: and iodine. >> and iodine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: baby oil and iodine. >> it's true, baby oil and iodine. >> jimmy: we went negative. >> try it -- try it, kids. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, do not try that at home. >> did you do "sun in" in your hair? >> jimmy: i did "sun in" in my hair -- [ cheers ] i had -- it was a bad reaction. did not work. >> did you -- 'cause you have dark hair, did it? >> jimmy: it was orange. it turned orange. [ laughter ] i looked like -- i had a trump wig before that was a halloween costume. [ laughter ] >> so you were super tan with kind of red hair? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i was basically donald trump as a child, yeah. [ laughter ] for one summer. well, i know spring break is coming, so i -- on behalf of the "tonight show" staff, we got you some iodine, baby oil and the sun -- they still sell that. >> they still sell? >> jimmy: at target they sell that thing, man. [ laughter and applause ] more with paul rudd when we get back here. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: that's for spring break. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ honlieutenant ray speaking. (woman) my name is cedricka. about four years ago a fire broke out in my apartment building, and you were the first responder who was able to pull me up out of it. (lt. ray) oh my god. you kinda caught me off guard here. (cedricka) i could see it in your face, like he is not giving up for me. (crying) he is not giving up for me. and... i appreciate that. ♪ thgive joy - with valentine's gifts for them and get joy - with kohl's cash! give a diamond ring a floral sleepwear set or a new keurig and you'll get kohl's cash! plus - take an extra 20% off when you spend $100 or more! give joy, get joy - only at kohl's. i've had three people try to eathree!oday. oh, lucky penny. anyway, sometimes i wish i were human. woahhhh. look at me! i'm human! ha! do you want to eat me? no. do you want to eat me? no thanks. would you like to eat me? ha! nobody wants to eat me! i'm the luckiest... you dropped your lucky penny. man, i look good. you're still short and bald. yeah! (butch growls at man). he's looking at me right now, isn't he? yup. (butch barks at man) butch is like an old soul that just hates my guts. (laughs) (vo) you can never have too many faithful companions. that's why i got a subaru crosstrek. love is out there. find it in a subaru crosstrek. ♪ volunteer at neighborhoodofgood.com. state farm. ♪ baby, ♪ i'm losing myust memind just a little ♪♪ ♪ so, why don't you just meet me in the middle ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back! we are hanging out with the one, the only, paul rudd, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] you're a stud. pal, let's talk about your new movie, "mute." it is on netflix, february 23rd. >> yes. >> jimmy: it is available. tell me about this film. >> well, i -- i have never seen anything quite like it. >> jimmy: it's duncan jones. >> duncan jones, he wrote it and directed it. >> jimmy: he -- he -- he did "moon." >> he did "moon" and a movie called "source code." he's -- this is a movie he wanted to do for -- >> jimmy: ever. >> 15 years, but he had never made a movie and they said, well, you can't do this. >> jimmy: yeah, you have to make a movie before you just -- >> yeah, because this is ambitious. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and a -- and he's very talented. very talented. >> jimmy: who do you play in "mute?" >> i play a guy named cactus bill. >> jimmy: yes. [ light laughter ] i mean, come on, you don't even have to read the script if you see that, i'm like, dude, you -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: you want me to play cactus bill? >> yeah, cactus bill -- i just -- that was it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> see the name, i'm in. >> jimmy: yeah, so you're cactus bill. >> yeah. and a justin theroux and i play a couple of army soldiers, awol in berlin, in the future. it's a sci-fi noir, it's like "casablanca" in a "blade runner" setting. >> jimmy: he's a super funny dude too, as well. here's a picture of you, from the movie -- this is cactus bill. look at this stud. look at that -- [ cheers ] look at that mustache. oh my god. there is no way that is a fake mustache. that is a real mustache. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it is right? >> yeah, that's real and it actually goes and then splits out. you know, justin has a blonde wig. thhere's a similar thing with elliot gould and donald sutherland in "m.a.s.h.", so we kind of recreated their looks a little bit but -- you know -- >> jimmy: how was life with a a mustache like that, because you have to live it. >> oh, yeah, it's great. people don't like it. [ laughter ] they do not like -- >> jimmy: they do not! >> people really recoil when they see a pronounced mustache. >> jimmy: some people they -- people enjoy their mustache. it's almost comforting. >> so, yeah, i remember -- >> jimmy: tom selleck, has a a very comforting mustache. >> yeah, in fact, you recoil when you don't see a mustache on tom selleck. it doesn't look right. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so it's the opposite effect. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i remember one time in -- having a mustache and wemt -- going into an elevator, and i was sweaty, i was running for this elevator, and there was an elderly couple who were really not -- psyched to see me. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: they were afraid. >> yeah, they looked, and they -- thought i looked threatening or something. they walked off the elevator. and i realized, i was -- i'm not kidding. i had a t-shirt that said "mustache rides, 25 cents." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what's wrong with you. >> and i didn't realize i did -- >> jimmy: you offended the poor old couple. >> i didn't even realize it until they -- walked off. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. >> that is a true story. >> and -- >> jimmy: all right. >> they never offered me a a quarter. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not the point of the story. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's not the point of the story. you have to know that. >> nothing. >> jimmy: paul, i want to show a clip here. here is paul rudd in "mute." take a look at this. >> you work in dreams, right? >> i heard you got in a fight the other night with some limeys. now, i'm not the kind of guy to get between a man and his grudge. but -- don't do that again. i really appreciate it. i need those [ bleep ] holes. at least for another week. hey! mine is bigger than that! >> jimmy: paul rudd, everybody! "mute" is available on netflix february 23rd. we'll be right back with laurie metcalf. stick around. paul rudd! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we're dude perfect and this is the no-look laser shot. 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(vo) do not go gentle into that good night, old age should burn and rave at close of day; rage, rage against the dying of the light. do not go gentle into that good night. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ in the state with more ski mountains than any other, family fun reaches a new peak. so whether you're a speed demon or more of a snow angel, your winter chariot awaits. pick the best peak for your family getaway at iloveny.com new york state. it's all here. it's only here. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is nominated for an academy award for her fantastic performance in the film, "lady bird." man, she was fantastic in this. she also stars in the broadway revival of the play, "three tall women," which begins previews february 27th. please welcome laurie metcalf! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: you are just great. you are just crushing it and crushing it and crushing it. >> it's -- it's been an embarrassment of riches. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. last time you were here you were nominated for a tony award. guess what, you won! yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> so, happy about it. >> jimmy: yeah, i'm so happy. >> thank you. >> jimmy: so happy for you. >> it's a stage actor's dream. >> jimmy: it really is, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you love theatre, right? is that? >> i do, i do. >> jimmy: me too. >> so i'm back doing this one. >> jimmy: yeah, you were. but there's so much -- you're also back to doing tv. you're bringing "roseanne" back. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "roseanne" is coming back. >> yes. >> jimmy: that's coming out next month. >> yes, march 27th, i think. yeah, we've done nine episodes. and a, so, we're revisiting the connors in 2018. it was surreal. we walon recreated perfectly. >> jimmy: really? >> and -- and -- >> jimmy: even the throw on the couch? >> even the throw. the pictures on the walls, the pickled eggs in the pantry. everything was the same. >> jimmy: that's great. >> and we hadn't all been in the same room for 20 years. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then we did a table read around the table and everything just clicked. and i think the episodes are really true to the old show. and to the characters. >> jimmy: did it click when you read the table read? or did it click when you got on set? >> well, on set was a little -- it was very surreal. it was a living time warp. >> jimmy: i know, i would be emotional. >> because we felt -- it was very emotional. >> jimmy: i would start crying -- >> and -- and -- >> jimmy: everyone, this is a a sitcom. i go, "you can't cry." [ light laughter ] >> i know. and -- and so, yeah that -- that -- when walking on to the set was just disturbing, also. because so much time had gone by, but it seemed like we just taken a hiatus week. >> jimmy: that must be odd because you said -- >> because we -- >> jimmy: goodbye to that part of your life. >> yes and we did nine years and formed a family. and i had always hoped for a a reunion show, just one show. >> jimmy: yeah, like a a christmas special or something. yeah. >> and then -- yeah, yes. and then 20 years later -- 20 years pass, i've given up hope on it, and sara gilbert just started calling people and said, "would you like to revisit 'roseanne,' again?" and everybody jumped at -- >> jimmy: isn't that cool. >> yeah, i know. >> jimmy: and now everybody is rebooting everything. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: now it's a trend. >> yeah. >> jimmy: now it's -- they're all new shows. >> yeah. well it's just. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. but this, i mean, it's legendary. it's great. but i love that you do that, you do films, i'm going to get to "lady bird." because man, i want to talk to you about that. but you're back on broadway with edward albee's, "three tall women" right here. what can you tell me about this? >> i can tell you that it stars glenda jackson. >> jimmy: okay. [ cheers and applause ] >> which is the reason that -- that i'm in that rehearsal room right now. >> jimmy: really? >> she's a legend, yes. >> jimmy: how amazing this is. >> and there are three -- well, we're not so tall. [ light laughter ] but there are three women in it. >> jimmy: you're pretty -- fairly tall. you're perfectly tall. yeah. is there any -- any spoilage you can give? >> it's all spoilers. i really can't describe -- >> jimmy: can't give me anything. >> no, not really. because it's -- >> jimmy: it's a pulitzer prize-winning playing. >> yes, and it's not -- it's never been on broadway. but it has -- it was in new york a little over 20 years ago. but it's -- it's for an audience to piece together what's happening. >> jimmy: okay. so if you give one spoiler, it's like unravels the whole thing. >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, i don't want to destroy your whole sweater. [ laughter ] so, i -- i want to about "lady bird." >> yeah. >> jimmy: man, oh, man, i'm watching "lady bird." [ cheers and applause ] loving the movie. you're there -- man, and i didn't recognize anyone from that point on. as soon as the movie started. i'm like, "i know everybody that's in this film." >> i know, right? >> jimmy: it didn't feel like you. >> well -- it didn't feel saoirse. it didn't feel like anything. >> and -- and each character is so three-dimensional. >> jimmy: yeah. >> everybody has a little whiff of a story behind them. you know, the drama teacher. >> jimmy: yes. >> the -- yes. every single character. and that's the greta's credit. >> jimmy: credit -- greata gerwig is just one of the -- >> she's -- >> jimmy: the coolest characters out there. >> that's, i know, right? and the script is -- was meticulously crafted. and then she directed it. >> jimmy: yeah, and you just -- >> and led us all through our parts. >> jimmy: won all these golden globes. and i was like, "whoop!" >> i know and now -- >> jimmy: and then now, lookie, now you're nominated for an academy award, pal. laurie metcalf! [ cheers and applause ] >> i can't believe it. >> jimmy: well done. >> so surreal. you know, that's not -- >> jimmy: well deserved. >> well, i -- i hadn't done a a film really in, like, 20 years. and so i thought, oh, here's a a little independent movie. i don't know if anyone will ever see it. but this will be a good way to put my toe back in the water again. and i wanted to work with greta and saoirse, obviously. and tracy letts. good friend. >> jimmy: tracy letts is great, as well. >> isn't he rock solid in the film? >> jimmy: i mean, c'mon. >> everybody is. but i didn't -- had no idea it would explode in the way it has. >> jimmy: and how is the -- because don't you get invited to like, a -- academy awards lunch? or something. luncheon. >> i went to the luncheon. i went to the luncheon. i can't -- my days are -- >> jimmy: i've seen pictures of this. >> mixed up. >> jimmy: and i'm like -- >> all right, i've seen -- >> jimmy: this is something you can't just get into. >> the picture, too. i've seen the picture, too. and i -- i never had put together, how does everybody get up on those risers like that? who corrals all these -- >> jimmy: yeah, how long does that take? yeah. >> stray actors? >> jimmy: because it's like, what is it, 200 people or 300 people? >> 200 nominees. >> jimmy: yeah. >> at a luncheon. and we were all individually called up on to the risers, and placed, you know. but it was so nice that -- that every single person was recognized. >> jimmy: isn't that great? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i feel you're in -- >> and we were called the class of 2017. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: isn't that cool? >> i know. >> jimmy: i mean, it makes you feel like, hey, i'm in the business, man. >> i know. >> jimmy: look ma, i made it. i made it. yeah. >> i'm sitting at the adult table. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: exactly, yeah. finally, yeah. well, i want to show a clip. here's laurie metcalf and saorise ronan in "lady bird." well done. take a look at this. >> i want to go with culture is, like new york. >> how in the world did i raise such a snob? >> or at least connecticut or new hampshire where writers live in the woods. >> you won't even get into those schools, anyway. >> mom! >> you can't even pass your drivers test. >> because you wouldn't let me practice enough! >> the way that you work or -- or the way you don't work. you're not even worth state tuition, christine. >> my name is lady bird. >> not -- well, actually, it's not. and it's ridiculous. >> call me lady bird -- >> your name is christine. >> like you said you would. >> you just -- you should just go to city college. you know, with your work ethic, just go to city college and then to jail and then back to city college, and then maybe you'd learn to pull yourself up and not expect everybody to do everything. [ screams ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: keep going. i love it. well deserved. laurie metcalf, everybody! go see her in "lady bird" in theaters now and on broadway in "three tall women" beginning february 27th. we'll be right back with music from alice merton. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hold together. a little to the left. 1, 2, 3, push! easy! easy! easy! (horn honking) alright! alright! we've all got places to go! we've all got places to go! washington crossing the delaware turnpike? surprising. what's not surprising? how much money sean saved by switching to geico. big man with a horn. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. 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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ i like digging holes and hiding things inside them when i grow old i hope i won't forget to find them ♪ ♪ 'cause i've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night ♪ ♪ i build a home and wait for someone to tear it down then pack it up in boxes head for the next town running ♪ ♪ cause i've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night ♪ ♪ and a thousand times i've seen this road a thousand times ♪ ♪ i've got no roots but my home was never on the ground i've got no roots but my home was never on the ground ♪ ♪ i've got no roots i've got no roots i've got no roots but my home was never on the ground ♪ ♪ i've got no roots but my home was never on the ground i've got no roots i've got no roots ♪ ♪ i like standing still but that's just a wishful plan ask me where i come from i'll say a different land ♪ ♪ but i've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night ♪ ♪ i count gates and numbers then play the guessing game ♪ ♪ it's just the place that changes the rest is still the same but i've got memories and ♪ ♪ travel like gypsies in the night ♪ ♪ and a thousand times i've seen this road a thousand times ♪ ♪ i've got no roots but my home was never on the ground i've got no roots ♪ ♪ but my home was never on the ground i've got no roots i've got no roots ♪ ♪ i've got no roots but my home was never on the ground i've got no roots ♪ ♪ but my home was never on the ground i've got no roots i've got no roots ♪ ♪ i like digging holes hiding things inside them when i grow old ♪ ♪ i won't forget to find them i like digging holes hiding things inside them when i grow old ♪ ♪ i won't forget to find them ♪ ♪ i've got no roots ♪ ♪ ♪ no roots ♪ ♪ ♪ i've got no roots but my home was never on the ground i've got no roots ♪ ♪ but my home was never on the ground i've got no roots i've got no roots i've got no roots ♪ ♪ but my home was never on the ground i've got no roots but my home was never on the ground ♪ ♪ i've got no roots i've got no roots i've got no roots ♪ ♪ i've got no roots ♪ ♪ i've got no roots ♪ ♪ i've got no roots ♪ ♪ i've got no roots [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yes! that is how you do it right there! alice merton! [ cheers and applause ] oh, my goodness! that was great! "no roots" is out now. request it from your local deejay. pick it up, stream it. we'll be right back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ get the best internet with the best shows and get the best of both worlds. fios by verizon gives you the fastest internet available for only $79.99 a month online with a two year agreement, and your netflix is on us for one year. and with the gigabit connection on the 100% fiber-optic network, you can stream on up to 100 devices at once. so get the fastest internet available, plus netflix, plus up to200 tv channels, plus phone, plus a two-year price guarantee. all for just $79.99 per month. it's time to fiber optics your netflix. go to getfios.comto switch today. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to paul rudd, laurie metcalf, alice merton, once again, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thanks for watching. have a great weekend. hope to see you next week. bye-bye, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ welcome to pyeongchang in the mountains of south korea, where the world is gathering for the xxiii olympic games. this the meeting place for nearly 3,000 athletes from all corners of the globe. each with a unique story on how they've arrived here tonight. ♪ you might not think it, but some of the best stories you'll ever hear, stories that can take you to the most daring, most exhilarating, most fascinating stages in the world, they begin in the most ordinary places you can imagine. h