Ure wearing one. The weathers gone nuts, ma. A whole summer of rain and now in september it decides to get hot. Its lucky mrs. Wiedermeyer moved away. By the heat in queens. Whered she move to, ma . To the bronx. Will you tell this guy that if i hear watergate one more time im gonna go nuts mike, if archie hears watergate one more time hes gonna go nuts i just told him that, you dingbat now, i need a pen. Just go get me a pen. Yeah. [belches] thanks. Stay away from me. Just stay away from me. I dont want to be arguing with no guy whos got a lamb chop for a brain. Here. Oh, edith, its so hot in this house. Cant you close the windows and the door and turn on the air conditioner . Oh, no. We cant do that. The mayor was on the radio, asking everybody to switch off everything electric. Why did he say that . I didnt wait to hear why. I switched off the radio. Its because we have to conserve energy, daddy. Otherwise theres gonna be another brownout. Well, if i dont get some air, im gonna brown out. Ill turn the thing on myself. No, daddy, dont. Daddy. Im turning it on as good citizens, we all have to cooperate. Oh, i suppose you think that good citizen barney hefners got his air conditioner turned off. I suppose you think that all good citizens in this block got their air conditioners off. As a matter of fact, i do. Good, then turning ours on wont do no harm. Get out of there. Oh, dad im gonna turn it on. Right here. Oh, jeez [squeals] great work, arch. You made your own power cut. Would you like me to call a repairman . No, edith, thats the worst thing you can do on a hot day is call the repairman. Hes got you over a barrel where he can pick your pocket. Arch, ive got a great idea. Why dont you hire one of nixons plumbers . I am tuning you out, meathead, because ive got something important here to read and to sign and ive got to consecrate on that. Just tell me one thing, archie. Do you think nixon knew about watergate and the coverup . Im busy. Just tell me. Do you think he knew . Im busy. Say yes or no. I am buzy, busy now get away from me. Dont say no more to me. I dont want to hear another word out of either one of youse. Not one word. How am i gonna tell you when lunch is ready . You wont have to tell me, edith. Ill know when its ready because ill see the meathead racing for the table. Now, please, huh, leave me alone. Give me air. Give me air both whereas we got our fair share of coloreds in this street get out of here. Edith what . Thats a petition it aint a petition. Its a letter from people who live in this street. To who . To some people that we dont want living in this street. Oh, arch, what do you want to start this thing up for again . The jeffersons have been living here for over two years. This letter aint got nothing to do with the jeffersons. This has got to do with what is coming in next door. Do you mean somebodys buying the wiedermeyer house . Somebody wants to buy it, edith. But this time were gonna strike before the iron gets hot, see . What are you talking about . Im talking about that real estate guy, joe braddock, who comes up to me and says that i ought to be proud because theres a minorority living in the street here. So i says, sure. Im proud. He says, thats good, because another minorority has just put a deposit on the wiedermeyer joint. Well, thats terrific. Oh, thats terrific. Terrific. Everythings terrific if its a minorority with her. Shed be happy with a hindu and a goat. Oh, yeah. Itll be nice to have neighbors again. What do you mean nice, edith . Dont you see what this is . Braddock was telling me that another bunch of coloreds is coming on the street. Dont you see where that leaves us . An the new coloreds over here, well be sandwiched in between like a whitemeat turkey on pumpernickel. You know, you really are paranoid. I aint paranoid. Why are youse all against me . Daddy. Daddy, didnt the jeffersons teach you anything . You were against them when they moved in, but nothing happened. The sky didnt fall down. Well, because the jeffersons are different. How are the jeffersons different . Because one colored family is a novelty and two is a ghetto. What . what . daddy are you really gonna take that petition around . I told you this aint a petition. This is a letter that mcnab wrote and he gave it to me. Im supposed to sign it and pass it along. You know something, i swear i think you do these things sometimes just to eat my heart out. And thats what you do, you know. Little by little, piece by piece, you eat my heart out. Bunker bunker, i want a word with you. Dont bother to try to hide the evidence. I know what youre up to and i want that letter that mcnab is passing around what letter . Well, maybe he means this letter. Get out of here, will you . Now, listen, jefferson, i aint got no argument with you. Come on, dont cop out to me. I know that you dont want any more blacks in this street. I never said that. You dont have to. Youre always against any improvements on the block listen, this whole thing with this letter, its a matter of economics, see . Remember, im on your side in this. Oh, now youve really got me worried. Listen, think intelligent, huh . If the value of my property goes down, the same thing happens to your property. If you dont want that to happen, then youre gonna join the rest of us neighbors on the block and sign this. I wouldnt sign that piece of paper if i was the last black man on earth, let alone on this block archie jefferson, this is for your own good [hispanic accent] excuse me. Archie oh, hold on. Hold on. What is this . How do you do . Can i help you . Yes, i am Alfredo Estrada and this is my wife, maria. Oh, im edith bunker and this is my husband, archie. Come on, edith, just tell them that we aint buying, no matter what theyre selling. Oh, no, seor, we are not selling, we are buying. The house, number 702. Youre what . The wiedermeyer house . Thats terrific hey, great welcome [mocking] terrific welcome why dont youse two move to calcutta you see, we are supposed to meet the Real Estate Agent here this morning, but he dont call yet and we dont have the key. Theyre puerto rican no, theyre swedes ah, and it is especially nice to see you here, mr. , uh. Jefferson. The white family. And im very glad to be your new neighbor. Hey, bunker. What . I cant believe it i cant believe it the two of you scheming all week together. Ah, what are you kicking about . Aint you and your wife always telling me that coloreds and whites ought to Work Together . Not to stop Puerto Ricans from moving next door well do anything to protect our property on this street. So you lied about the condition of the weidermeyer house . I didnt lie about nothing. Thats right, he didnt lie. He just told him he wouldnt buy a house that was riddled with termites. That house doesnt have termites. I didnt say it did. Well, what did you say . I said i wouldnt buy a house that was riddled with termites. Boy, thats some kinda truth. You know, you ought to be working for the white house. Will you get off of that . The only mistake the white house made was just hiring a couple of screwups. A couple of screwups . Thats right, they shouldve hired japs instead of all them krauts. Wait a second. What . because the japs are better than the krauts at electronics. And if the japs get caught, they do the right thing, they kill themselves. What are you and Henry Jefferson gonna do when you get caught . What do you mean, get caught . We aint doing nothing crooked. [michael laughing] oh, no . While the estradas are thinking it over, you and henry are trying to find somebody else to buy the house. You dont call that crooked . No where does that place Henry Jefferson . Hes number two. Why is he number two . Because, meathead, there can only be one number one and one number two and life made jefferson number two long before i come along. I suppose that the Puerto Ricans are number three, then, huh . Well, no, not necessarily there, little girl. Your Puerto Ricans could be four. Your japs and your chins could be three. 3a, 3b. Crazy he makes me crazy hey, bunker. Hiya there, jefferson. How are you . Glad to see you. Look at them over there, birds of a feather who cheat Puerto Ricans together. Excuse me, jefferson. [blows raspberry] what did you find out . Well, bunker, were off the hook. Braddock sold the house and the Puerto Ricans are out of it. Hey, thats great news, thats great news. Look at this, its nixon and brezhnev all over again. Shut up, huh. Mr. Jefferson, i just cant tell you dont pay no attention to her. Edith edith yes im sorry you feel that way, gloria, but in this world a mans gotta look out for number one. Right. I thought you were number one, arch. Oh, thats only when a black man aint around, right, bunker . No. No. Like i always say, jferson, i mean, whats in a number, huh . Yeah, archie . Oh, hello, mr. Jefferson. Hi, edith. Sit down. Sit down, henry. Bring a couple of beers, huh . Right away. I hope you know theres such a thing as a Fair Housing Commission in this state. Yeah, mr. Jefferson. Theyre the ones who helped you get your house. Well, that was fair. That was fair. Wait a second. What are you saying, its not fair for other people to get their houses that way . No. No. Nobody said that. All were saying is Puerto Ricans ought to stay in puerto rico. We dont go to their country to live. Why should they come to ours . Puerto rico is part of this country. No, no, no. It aint a state. They have commonwealth status. Daddy, no, it means that they are citizens. They have a right to move from one part of this country to another just like anybody else. No. I say no. Would you say that to a guy who came from texas . If hes a puerto rican, yeah. Oh, god hopeless, hopeless here you are. Here we are. There you are, henry. Thanks. Hey, good news, edie. Good news. The weidermeyer place is sold and to americans. The estradas are americans too. Sure. But theyve got to stand in line like my people had to. Thats right, and manys the time ive seen your people standing in line, jefferson, and it was heartbreaking. Hey, lets have a toast to our success. Here, huh, what do you say . To us, huh . Archie, to us. Just us, edith. Boy, i never thought id see the day when youd be happy to have another white family on the block. White . Who says theyre white . Are they black . I dont know if theyre black or white. They could be puerto rican. Holy cow, did you hear that . Jefferson, youd better go to braddock and find out right away. Ill get to the bottom of this. Hurry up there, jefferson. Look at that. You cant trust them people. Henry wouldnt lie. How can you tell . They never blush or go pale or nothing. Yeah. Id like the number of the Fair Housing Commission, please. What are you doing . Im not gonna let you get away with this. The estradas had a deposit on that home first. Put down that phone. Dont tell mee [all arguing] archie give me that phone. Give me that phone. Give me that give me that phone yah hah hah. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, look what youve done hello, there. Hello, there. Can i help you . Well, youre not gonna believe this, its a good thing you didnt, because it just broke. She can see that, edith, you know, huh . Look out. Get out of there, meathead. Ive gotta fix the phone now. Gotta get this wire here to go into this wire in here, look. Would you like me to fix that for you . Come on, lady, i aint got time to fool around. Whos fooling around . I can fix it. You fix phones . I can fix anything. Look at this. Josephine the plumber. Archie, maybe she could fix our air conditioner. Edith, fixing air conditioners and telephones is mens work. Well, why dont i just watch you do it . Maybe i can learn something. Oh, you wouldnt, because archie cant do things. Will you stifle yourself . Oh, he can do some things. You mean like pulling the phone apart . Yeah, he can do that. Will you, edith, huh . But he wont be able to put it together again. Watch, youll see. With the two of youse breathing down my neck and 110 in the shade out there and you shooting your mouth off about me to a total stranger . Oh, i wont be a stranger for long. Im Irene Lorenzo. My husband and i are buying the house next door. Youre our new neighbor. Irene yes. Hey, look at this, youre white. Do we get points for that . Well, were the bunkers and this is our daughter, gloria, and her husband, michael stivic. Mrs. Lorenzo, i dont know if you know this but another family already put a deposit down on that house. Hey, shut up. They did not. They did too. They did not. They did too. They did not they didnt who are you gonna listen to, lady, him or me . Why do i feel that my life is at stake if i say him . Man irene in here, frank. In here. Ice cream for you hello, everybody. May i come in . Edith oh, sure. Frank this is my husband, frank. Frank how do you do . Heres your ice cream, irene. Not now, frank. I think weve got problems with the house. What kind of problems . Mr. Lorenzo, im not sure that the house next door legally belongs to you. Will you shut your mouth . Dont pay any attention to anything this guy says. He dont even work. Whoa. Wait a minute. What are you talking about . I put a deposit down on that house. You dont have all the facts, frank. Im not gonna move out of that house. You dont have all the facts. Were staying in that house. You dont have all the facts, frank. I dont think i have all the facts. Now, dont get excited, but if its true, another family had a deposit on the house first. Well, wait a minute, lady. What about your own husband here . He put a deposit too. I dont think we can move in, frank. It just wouldnt be the christian thing to do. What are you talking about . It would be the most christian thing you done in your life. I can prove it to you by the bible. All were trying to do on this block is separate the white fromhe chaff. Wait a minute. Before you tell me that that house next door aint mine. Irene and i werent born yesterday, you know. We know people, and speaking for myself, i know what a good christian is. Isnt he wonderful when hes passionate . Irene, it has nothing to do with being passionate. Its a question of looking out for number one. You sure youre number one . Get out of here listen, i wanna welcome youse two people to the neighborhood and to the block. Well, archie, if theyre welcome now, maybe mrs. Lorenzo would fix our phone. Oh, yeah, you wanted to fool around with the phone before. Yeah, go ahead, go ahead. Try and fix it. She can fix nothing. She can fix the phone. Huh . She can fix anything. Huh. Where did you get this lovely toolkit . It was a door prize at one of franks sales conventions, a toolkit and a set of cookware. She kept the tools and you kept the cookware . Frank is one of the best cooks youll ever run into. Oh, i get it. You work in a restaurant, huh . No. Im just mad about cooking. Oh. Yeah. I think ive seen guys like you. Hey, bunker, i got the news you wanted to hear. Braddock just told me, your new neighbors, theyre white. That seems to impress everyone around here. Yeah, white, white, white. Look at them, white. Well, mr. Braddocks waiting for you next door. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Well, bunker, you got what you wanted. Correction, you both got what you wanted, but now the estradas are out in the cold. No, they got what they wanted too. Braddock sold them a house over on the next block. Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. You mean to tell me that louse braddock sold them Puerto Ricans a house in this neighborhood . Thats great thats great archie, aint that nice . Aint that nice . Youll see how nice it is when the whole neighborhoods turned into a smelting pot and its all the fault of that guy joe braddock. Oh, i know him, a typical outforhimself irish mick. You dont like the irish . Theyre all right when they aint mumbling over their beads or boozing it up. I happen to be irish. Huh . I dont like what you just said. I dont like it either. I mumble over my beads too. Im italian. Oh, jeez, i mean, i couldnt tell. Irish and italian. Look what we got here, edith, a mixed marriage. Not mixed. Were both catholics. Look, your phones fixed. Frank, i think wed better go. Dont run away. Ediths gonna put coffee and cake on the table. Get it, get it, get it. Im sorry, but you know us irish catholics. And then rush right off to confession. Oh, what do you mean rush . Wheres the rush . Theres one confession that cant wait. Oh, come on, a nice lady like you, what would you have to confess . What im thinking about you. [laughing] oh, my, i thought it would cool off at night. Oh, edith, look at the cards youve been dealing me. Jeez, this aint a hand, its a foot. Of all the lousy archie, no swearing. Remember, you promised. No more gd. Who said gd . You did. I promised you never no more. Come on, play cards. Do you want the 10 of diamonds . No. All right, ill take it and ill throw you the queen. Frank were having a heat wave a Tropical Heat wave. Its. Were having a heat wave a Tropical Heat wave. I dont want stereo, edith. Come on, play the game. You want the queen . Yeah. Gin. Oh, gee hey hey, lorenzo will you cut that racket out over there . Were playing cards here. You just made me blow a hand. Frank luck, be a lady tonight glenn miller played songs that made the hit parade guys like us we had it made those were the days and you knew where you were then girls were girls and men were men mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again didnt need no welfare state everybody pulled his weight gee, our old lasalle ran great hot. Hot. Hot oh, hi, gloria. Hi, gloria. Dont get up, michael. I wasnt planning to. Oh, ma, the subway was so hot, so crowded, so jampacked i wanted to go, aaargh and i did. You did . What happened, gloria . Nothing. Nobody even turned around. Im going upstairs to take a shower and i may never come out. Quick. Somebody Say Something cold to me. Hi, mrs. Lorenzo. Thats not cold enough, michael would you like a cold drink . Now youre getting warmer oh, and you wanted me to get colder. Oh its a joke. I get it well, come on inside. Ive got some nice freshmade lemonade. Dont bother taking it out of the fridge. Ill just crawl right in with it. Oh. Frank said thanks for the use of the mixer. You know, the motor was heating up, so i overhauled it for you. Oh, youre so handy. How did you ever learn all that . Oh. Selfdefense, edith. Selfdefense. I just got so sick and tired of being talked down to by repairmen. Lady, you dont understand these things. Take my word for it. Its a big job. Oh, yeah, ive heard that. Well, i got even for all of us. I read a forbidden book. The handymans guide to home repair. Oh, my and i learned to fix things myself. And every time i turn a screw, i like to think theres some repairman on the other end of it. Oh oh, irene oooh [giggling] you know, th