[ laughter ] >> that is-- that is dynamite. really! i'm not gonna make any fun of that. [ laughter ] anyway, i welcome you. we got a great show. we got the great one, tonight. >> yes. >> mr. jackie gleason is here. [ cheering ] [ applause ] the gentleman, about the third seat up, i-- you can scratch all you want with a coin on your "tonight show" ticket. you're not gonna win anything, here. [ laughter ] how many of you've been playing the lottery? [ applause ] all the money, as you know, goes for education, so, uh, someday our kids will be smart enough not to play the lottery. [ laughter ] 'nother fri-- i'm looking forward to another exciting weekend. floods, after the fire. [ laughter ] they finally-- how many of you came out here, on [ applause ] happy to report they apparently have got all the brush fires in southern california under control, because of-- they had a great team. they brought in the same team that put out, uh, fred de cordova's, uh, birth-- ca-- uh, cake candles. [ laughter ] >> what was that, again? >> i don't know what it was. i-i wasn't paying any attention. but, make up your own-- fill in the blanks, make up a joke, and pass it on. malibu, though, is a convenient place to live. your-your barbecue starts, without you, in the backyard, [ laughter ] well, in his first official move, today, in baseball, richard nixon got gerald ford to pardon billy martin. [ laughter ] the dodgers, as you know, lost. and, uh-- [ applause ] [ cheering ] tommy lasorda is still despondent, over the loss. today, he tried to jump off one [ laughter ] there's not a great deal, in the news, uh, today. um, one kind of an important item-- this weekend marks the anniversary of the incandescent lamp by thomas edison, in menlo park, new jersey. now, this-- [ applause ] this may not mean much to you, but, before that time, moths never had a place to gather socially. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and one of the-- one of the big drawbacks-- one of the big drawbacks to edison's invention of the light bulb was that, for the first time, people could see what menlo park looked like, at night. [ laughter ] what else is happening? do you know our attorney general, ed meese? the winner of the ed mcmahon incidentally. [ laughter ] is in hot water again? >> yeah. >> because he reportedly said-- he disagrees with that you're innocent until proven guilty. that's what he said. [ laughter ] of course, under heavy questioning, meese admitted he didn't really read the constitution. he read the classic comic book version. [ laughter ] you know, i worry about an attorney general who bones up on the law, while-- by watching "perry mason" reruns, on cable. [ laughter ] how many of you-- speaking of jackie gleason-- how many of you've, uh, been watching "the lost honeymooners" episodes? [ cheering ] [ applause ] good. i recently found some lost footage, from the only film >> oh. >> yes. >> "looking for love." >> "looking for love," with connie franc-- >> did you find it? >> well, i found it. >> and, i, uh-- [ laughter ] i found that lost film, and i got a-- [ chuckling ] i got a grant, from the motion picture academy, [ laughter ] it was a bad picture. anyway, jackie gleason is the only man in the world who makes ed mcmahon look like a boy scout. [ laughter ] remember the kramdens' apartment? how many of you know the street it was on? trivia. chauncey street. tiny, cold water flat, on chauncey street. the building went condo. [ laughter ] that apart-apartment recently sold, for $250,000. [ laughter ] bringing it up to date. along with mr. gleason, tonight, we have mr. jim stafford. >> yeah. [ applause ] >> and-- and, doc is gonna auction off his red shoes. [ laughter ] and we have actress [ applause ] so, stay where ya are, and we'll be right back. [ cheering ] we'll be back. whoopee. [ music ] [ applause ] >> ho! >> ho. okay. friday night. >> nice night for mr. gleason. >> friday night audience. to see what kind of a mood >> they're in a crazy mood. >> strange, strange questions you get. you don't have to call out where you're sitting, in case you're with somebody you're not supposed to be with, but-- [ laughter ] tony-- is it tony-- stewart? >> tony? he's with someone he's not >> is that-- is that >> it's a woman. oh, i see. yes, it is. consider-- would you consider--" oh, come on-- "having an affair, with a 20-year old-- 24-year-old woman?" are you 24, tony? >> yes. >> oh, now, come on. t-twenty-four years old. i'm old enough to be the guy who'll drive you out to malibu. [ laughter ] whoop. willy w-i-p-f-f. >> wipff. >> f-- willy wipff. [ laughter ] >> i like that. willy wipff. >> i like that. you oughta be in show business. "and starring willy wipff." is it w-i-p-f-f, willy? >> that's it. >> where're you from, willy? >> uh, san francisco. >> yeah. willy wipff. excuse me? >> treetop. a wipff holds the treetop. trust me. it's durable. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> how long have you and willy been pals? >> i don't know. well, look at the question-- [ laughter ] no, you can't, willy. no. where do you wanna go to school, willy? >> uh, norfolk state. >> ah. five thousand-- is that what tuition is, now? >> no, that's housing. >> housing. [ laughter ] >> uh, larry huel? >> yo! [ laughter ] >> you know, this sounds like roll call, in the service. "huel." "yo!" "who's your biggest influence, when you were growing up?" uh... albert einstein. zorro. [ laughter ] f-- nancy polinza? >> pokanta. whoo! [ laughter ] >> "can i photograph you, in the nude?" [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> no. no, nancy, you'll have to wear a robe. i can't, uh-- [ laughter ] [ applause] what's going on, here? [ laughter ] >> frank parra? is that right? p-- frank? all right. "how were you ever lucky enough to find someone from the state of oregon--" did i pronounce it right? >> no. >> oregon. >> oregon. "to be your band leader?" doc is from oregon. that's what he's talking about, right? [ applause ] well, i guess, our first choice, uh, freddy the salmon, remember, died. [ laughter ] whereabouts, in oregon? >> well, originally, arlington, oregon, population 601. now it's only 600. [ laughter ] jim mona? >> yeah! >> how are ya, jim? >> good. >> is that right-- m-o-n-a? >> that's right. >> where ya from, jim? >> little falls, minnesota. >> aha. [ cheering ] of a perfect woman?" uh, sensitive, intelligent, tolerant. >> tolerant. >> tolerant. >> oh, that's important. [ laughter ] >> caring. >> forgiving. >> yes. >> yeah. >> with jumble eyes out to glendale. [ laughter ] are these all written by the same person? "would you like to--" i can't read that. have you got your glasses on? >> yeah. >> i gotta start getting reading glasses. it's very small. >> well, you're getting some nice offers, tonight. [ laughter ] "would you like to go out to dinner, with three lovely ladies from allentown, pennsylvania, please?" >> wait, a minute. is this-- "would you like to go out to dinner, with three young--" i-- this is all the same people. >> well, this is lady number one-- gene triani, is it? >> yes. >> "would you like to be escorted to dinner, by three lovely ladies from allentown, pennsylvania?" that's got all three of 'em. what is this? what are you ladies' names? karen, rita-- >> ritter. >> ritter. and yvonne. >> and jean. from allentown. well, that's very nice. we go dutch? [ laughter ] sure. beg your pardon? jeffrey getts. or gurts. >> yeah! [ cheering ] >> jeffrey has a very large group. [ laughter ] "is it safe to eat across the street, at los-los arcos mexican restaurant?" [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ chuckling ] freddy is going, "easy, easy." [ laughter ] >> easy. >> yeah, it's safe. of course it's safe to eat at los arcos. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> long as you order a side order of priest. [ laughter ] maybe-- no, no. >> no. >> no, no. >> nice restaurant. >> that's not true. it's a good restaurant. >> they're friendly. they're nice people. >> 'cause they could-- they could sue us, for something like that. >> yeah, very friendly. [ laughter ] >> i'll tell ya-- they do have speed bumps, on the way to the men's room, though. [ applause ] [ cheering ] it's a nice place. [ chuckling ] i can't read the name. b-- "would you l-- would you like to work with me, at the post office?" what's-what's the name, here? is it blanche? >> that's it. >> that's it. yeah. this is dated 1963. [ laughter ] no, just joking blanche. tom johnson. where're ya, tom? "i saw your house, while on a tour, today. when is the last time you saw it?" [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ chuckling ] "i-i saw it, on a tour, yesterday. looks nice. they're-they're keeping it up well." uh, jerry carney, from, uh, [ cheering ] >> "why do you drive yourself to work, and ed has someone drive him?" [ laughter ] that's interesting. i-- well, ed has to be driven to work. [ laughter ] no. you don't like to drive. >> no. >> no. ed doesn't really-- he doesn't like to drive. >> no. >> and, i-i like to drive. don't you ever drive? >> once in a while, on the weekends, occasionally, yes. i do recreational driving. >> aha. another question about you-- "do you have any influence on whether or not ed mcmahon's contract is renewed?" what contract? [ laughter ] >> we have a handshake. >> i bought ed at a marine px, in 19-- [ laughter ] >> in guam. >> 1957. no, that's not-- laurie dejulio? where're you, laurie? >> right here. >> "is that your-- is that your helicopter, in the back parking lot?" no. no. i think that's the-- that must be the nbc news-- >> helicopter, isn't it? and occasionally used to stir ed's margaritas. [ laughter ] >> that's right. it does a wonderful job. >> tom h-hoxy. "you frequently a--" oh-- "hermit named dave, and ed always panics. why?" well, that's an old limerick. to start it-- >> why don't you tell them the limerick? tell 'em. >> i can't tell them. it's-- >> as far as you can go. just go as far as you can. [ applause ] [ cheering ] >> all good limericks are a little bit, uh -- >> raunchy. >> raunchy, yeah. and it started off "there was an old hermit named dave--" >> yeah. >> and the rest of it i can't even tell ya. [ laughter ] >> lady from wheeling? >> now, come on, now. don't start that. [ laughter ] we will take a break. in just a moment, jackie gleason will be out here, so stay where ya are. [ cheering ] [ music ] [ applause ] >> thank you, doc. >> we are back. okay. what can you say? my first guest, tonight, does not need, uh, a very effusive introduction, but i'd like to give him one, anyway, because i am an unabashed fan of jackie gleason, ever since i saw him in the early days of television, back in the early '50's, when he was doing the "cavalcade of stars," out in new york. he's the subject of a book written by a columnist, a pal of his for 36 years, jim bacon, called "how sweet it is." uh, he has worked in practically every branch, uh, of our business, including, uh, nightclubs and motion pictures and television. and he is one of the true comic geniuses of our times. would you welcome mr. jackie gleason? [ applause ] [ music ] [ music ] [ cheering ] [ whistling ] >> yeah? >> yeah. >> wonderful. >> now, just say, "how sweet it is," and we'll get on with it. >> how sweet it is! [ laughter ] [ cheering ] you know-- you know, it must be a kick. you did "the honeymooners" in, uh-- what year, exactly? the first original 39 episodes. >> uh, i think around, uh, 1951. >> '51. >> we started. >> only did 39 episodes. >> thirty-nine. >> of the half hours. and now, you have a whole new generation of fans. the youngsters, of course, who were just born then, are now seeing them all-- it must give you a great kick. >> it is. >> to see a whole new generation of fans. >> it's very gratifying, to years ago shows up and is a hit. >> yeah. yeah. >> yeah. and a big hit. >> yeah. >> and a big, big hit. you know, this is the-- this is the first time-- i've been doin' this show for 23 years. never had you on the show. >> i don't understand it, john. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> the only-- the only thing i can figure it out-- i was waiting to find out if this show was a hit. [ laughter ] >> you're out here, doin' a picture with, uh-- with young tom hangs, right? >> yes. and he is a fine actor. >> yeah. >> great actor. >> now, tell me about your friend bacon, here. you've known each other, for a number of years, and you both, uh-- the book is filled with a lot of your, uh, uh, for lack of a better word, pranks, or, uh-- >> escapades. >> escapades. evenings out. um, matter of fact, you-you kinda wrote this, uh, book, over a-- sharing a little-little scotch, at one time or another. >> well, we-we had a few aperitifs. [ laughter ] and, uh-- and, uh, jim is a good man, with the-- >> yes, he is. so, he's very nice company. >> matter of fact-- matter of fact, when you were doin' "the toy," didn't they tell him to, uh-- >> oh, they considered him a bad companion, for me. [ laughter ] they thought, if he showed up, i'd get stewed. [ laughter ] and they were right. [ laughter ] >> you know, i-i was reading the book, last night, and, uh-- i came in your dressing room a while, just before the show, tonight, and i said, "you remember a show--" [ chuckling ] >> oh, john. >> we can get that one out of the way, right off. >> yeah. >> you've had many successes, but you did a television show, in 1961. >> ugh. >> the show itself went on one time. it was called "you're in the picture." >> oh! [ laughter ] >> now, the reason i'm bringing this up-- >> yes. >> is because i was also a part of this show. you were the host, if i remember, and you sat over to the right of the stage, and sat at a little table, and you had your little coffee cup. and the-- i think-- i was on the show. i think arthur treacher. >> arthur treacher. >> the late milt kamen. >> jan sterling. >> now, the idea of the show was, they had-- the television audience could see, at home, could see a picture. the celebrities would come, and we put our heads through a hole, in the picture, from the back. we didn't know what the picture was. >> good god. >> yeah. i was one of those people. and, uh, you would ask questions, and we would ask questions of you what we were doing. "are we an animal?" and so forth. [ chuckling ] >> and it really did not go too well. [ chuckling ] >> and i remember one of the questions i asked you, about halfway through. i said, "would you tell me why i've got my head through this hole, in this picture?" the critics took the show apart, and, next week, you came on the stage and did one of the funniest half hours in television, because you didn't do that show. you just sat-sat down, and apologized. >> i came out, and apologized to the audience, for committing such a terrible crime. this was the biggest bomb ever put on television. [ laughter ] and when i went to the executives of cbs, and i said, uh, "i gotta go on, next week, and apologize, for this." anybody to go on, and apologize, for anything we put on." i said, "well, this week, you're gonna." [ laughter ] and, uh, i had a lot of fun, that-that night. >> oh, it was a-- it was wonderful. you came out and sat there. it was one of the funniest half hours i've ever seen. you only did-- we talked-- let's talk about "the honeymooners" a little bit. you did 39, and they came to you and wanted you to do another season. >> yeah. >> and you said no, at the time. >> uh, they didn't believe me. they-- >> people have always wondered why you didn't, because it's so successful. >> well, we were running out of ideas, and, uh-- i liked "the honeymooners." i liked doin' 'em. and i didn't wanna denigrate them, by, you know, forcing scenes that didn't mean anything. >> right. >> so, i wanted to quit, and they didn't bel-believe me, and they thought i had another job, >> right. >> but i didn't, and i'm glad i did stop, then. because, what we had done was good, and if we had gone any further, we might've spoiled it. >> yeah. all these characters-- i saw the piece that morley safer did, all the characters you do, form ralph kramden to joe the bartender to the poor soul-- really came outta your background, in the early years in brooklyn, didn't they? >> well, yes. "the honeymooners," especially-- >> yeah. >> because there were 1000 nortons and 1000 kramdens. and, uh, reggie, of course, uh, i did, in burlesque. and i did the poor soul, in-- on broadway. >> right. >> so, they-they fit in pretty good, with television. >> which of those characters, of all of them, uh, is the closest to jackie gleason? >> well, uh-- >> you can-- you most identify with. >> i guess i'd have to say reggie. [ laughter ] >> i wish we had the train set up, where the train came out, with a little glass of booze. we're gonna take a short break. we're comin' right back. [ cheering ] [ music ] [ cheering ] [ applause ] you're a great mu-- you used to play the trumpet. >> no, but i-- >> played at it. >> played at it. >> yeah. in your early act? >> yes. [ chuckling ] >> you played a lot of-- what were some -- >> i had the worst act, johnny. [ chuckling ] >> in show business. it was horrible. and, uh, it was six minutes of absolute boredom! and, on our show, one night, the curtain got stuck. so, i said, "i am gonna do my old act." and it was a riot. >> it killed 'em. >> kill the people. can't understand it. when i needed it, it didn't work. >> didn't you work-- was it jack white's? uh-- >> jack white's 18 club. >> the 18 club? >> greatest nightclub in the world. >> was that one of your earliest jobs? >> yeah. uh, you weren't allowed to do an act. you-- it was all ad-libbed. and, every night, there were big stars-- robert taylor, jimmy cagney-- and they'd come in, and we'd make fun of them. and, uh, it was a hot spot. every night. it was a joy, working there. >> didn't you used to hustle pool, after you got outta high school? >> yes. well, no, when i was grammar school, i did. >> oh, grammar school. [ laughter ] >> i started out as a rack boy, when i was about nine years old. and they'd l-let me play, on the back table. and i got pretty good at it. and when somebody'd come in and wanted to play somebody, they'd pick me. >> right. >> i was the house boy. and then, on graduation day-- in grammar school, you know, they gave you those little gold pins? >> yeah. >> and, i used to play the kids, for their gold pins. [ laughter ] and i'd get a nice box of them, and go down to the hock shop, and turn 'em in. >> s-so, this came up-- when you did "the hustler," which you were nominated for an academy-- where that came in handy, shooting pool. >> oh, sure, it did. sure, it did. and, paul began to learn to play pool, very well. >> yeah. you got willie mosconi, somebody said-- >> yeah. >> did you do, in grammar school, little red riding hood, in a yiddish act? is that true? >> you certainly have done your research! >> yeah. yeah. [ laughter ] >> yes, i did. and, uh, that's when i knew-- well, i knew i wanted to be in show business before then. uh, my father took me to a vaudeville show, and, at intermission, they put the house lights on, and i was sitting in the first row. and i stood up, and i turned around, and i faced the audience, and i knew that that's the way i should look, for the rest of my life. and, uh, then the next thing was this school play. >> right. >> and i got a couple of laughs, and that did it. >> that always does, doesn't it? for comedians. >> oh, there is nothing like a big yamo coming in. [ laughter ] a big yuck! >> a lot of the people have voted toots, uh-- your old friend, uh, whom i know-- 'course, not as well as you-- toots shor-- >> ah. >> and his, uh-- his saloon-- toots would never call it a restaurant. it was a saloon. >> he sure was. >> uh. and, when toots died, i-i read that you sent a-a wreath, that said, uh, "save me a table." >> yeah. >> that right? were the-- were the bouts-- uh, the drinking bouts as-as large-- did you ever miss a performance because of it? >> no. never did. never missed a show. and, uh, i'm not advocating that everybody should drink. it just worked for me. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and, of course, the gentleman on my right has had a taste or two. >> yes, he has. [ laughter ] uh, i was reading in the book, when you-- when you-- when you do the shows, you were one of those people who's got an instinctive ability to look at a piece of material, a script, and then go out and do it. you didn't particularly like rehearsing. >> no, i hated to rehearse. and i had a stand-in, who was funnier than i was. he would do the sketches with the performers. i'd go through it with him once, and then he would do it. i thought it took something away from the performance. >> but there were some wonderful moments on the show, where things would happen. >> oh. >> in fact, they played some of those, recently, with the-- with the old, uh-- the lost episodes. >> carney, one time, was tryna get out the door, and it was stuck, so we went out the window. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> reasonable. >> yeah. went down the fire escape, and came back up. [ chuckling ] he's good. carney is one of the greatest comedians of-- and dramatic actors-- of all times. >> yeah. [ applause ] >> and aud-audrey meadows. sensational. >> you recently turned audrey down, didn't you? she came in, auditioned for the part, if i remember, looking very pretty, and you said, "no, she's too pretty for the part," and then somebody gave you a picture, where she kind of, uh-- >> well, that's the legend. >> yeah. >> i'll go along, with it. >> yeah. [ laughter ] sounds good. but you're a-- you like to act, don't ya? you're a-- you're a good actor. you have a lot of depth, as an actor. as a-- as a-- as a serious actor.