Transcripts For KRNV Dateline NBC 20160208

[ laughter ] you are good. Last night, we had a group that was whats the word that im looking for . They were not hip. Dumb dumb. Thats right. [laughter] last night was the kind of group they thought Thompson Park was a place where divorced fathers took their kids on sunday. [ laughter ] what are you going to do, when you have a crowd like that . I should remind you, im former United States naval ensign. John w. Carson, 450375. During tonights monologue, the laughing lamp is lit. [ laughter ] they are like, hmm, yes. Well, lets go to the news and see if leon spinks has located any sixinchwide dental floss. [ laughter ] [ applause ] we cant do those jokes anymore. I saw a recent picture of leon two teeth. There goes half the monologue, right there. [ laughter ] we have a late report from the news room. You know bubbles the hippo . Well, zoo parades Marlin Perkins just tranquilized bubbles, the hippo. Marlin put her to sleep by screening one of his reruns on her side. [ laughter ] oh no, marlin, im kidding. Meanwhile, while jim is swimming downstream, ill be up here. [ laughter ] i dont think theyve caught bubbles yet. We have a hippopotamus loose in Southern California, among many other things. [ laughter ] you know the guts you must have to spot that thing and call the police . Ive just seen a 4 thousand pound hippopotamus. Weird. Ive got to refrain about making jokes about the rain. Because its getting to be kind of not funny. Announcements [ laughter ] to make on behalf of the network. During the show, there will be no fishing in the studio. [ laughter ] the soup du jour at the commissary today was mud. [ laughter ] dont be surprised if youre on a tour and you see Peter Marshall from Hollywood Squares in a rowboat, talking to nine ducks. [ laughter ] i have to admire the ingenuity of the Southern California businessmen out here during the rain. For example, cal worthington, whos the hot shot car dealer out here, just made another fortune selling used uboats. [ laughter ] and some ingenious fresno man went house to house, picked up all the bricks weve had in our toilets and built his own freeway. [ laughter ] [ applause ] you know what [ applause ] okay, youre going to be that easy tonight, huh . [ laughter ] carson art players coming up. Did you mention, weve got them . Oh yes. Lets see whats happening back in washington. The Carter Family have become very social lately, have you noticed . Last sunday, it was on television, lovely program. They had vladimir horowitz, the great pianist playing sunday night. Tuesday night at the white house, they had a wonderful dinner, honoring all the governors of the country. It featured light opera, champagne, crepes flambe, and, did you see the picture in the paper . President carter took Beverly Sills and waltzed right out onto the dance floor. When he danced with miss sills, the president said, please let me lead. Nobody else will. [ laughter ] it was just a little [ applause ] and they interviewed miss sills, because she has also danced with former president s. She danced with gerald ford, and richard nixon. And when they asked her to compare ford and nixon as [ laughter ] she said that ford was a fine dancer, but he could only dance downhill. And nixon kept saying, i am not a dancer. [ laughter ] [ applause ] those are the only comments. Interesting contrast, you see. Theres a coal strike in the country, in its 86th day. People in the north, east and midwest are freezing, and you see a picture in the paper of carter, at this elegant function, dancing with Beverly Sills. I hope they dont criticize the president too much for that. After all, you have to remember that nero danced when rome was burning, and jimmy danced when the coal wasnt. [ laughter ] oh see you know what youre angry at . [ laughter ] you didnt think of it. [ applause ] did you know what john dean identity of deep throat . Yeah, deep throat, if you remember, was the anonymous source that gave all the information to woodward and bernstein, when they were doing the book on watergate. John dean says he knows who deep throat is, but he wont tell. I suppose hes waiting until theres more money in it. [ laughter ] i happen to know, personally, that deep throat has offered to appear on the tom snyder show. But only on one condition. Tom has to wear a paper bag on his head, too. [ laugher ] and then [ applause ] some interesting news about anthropology, if youre in the mood for that. Yeah. Meow. [ laughter ] was that a yes, or a meow . It sounded like a cat. Uh, mary leakey, of the famous leakey anthropology, has found what might well be mans in tanzania, africa. Three and a half million years old. Is that fascinating . Some people are a little doubtful that theyre three and half million years old, because, of each footprint, you can see florsheim printed. [ laughter ] um, imagine three and a half now, the anthropologists arent entirely sure, but they think the man might have been out on the town, because right next to his footprints are footprints of highheeled pumps, leaning against a cave. [ laughter ] incidentally, they also found the first evidence of the first wino. A set of knee and elbow prints. [ laughter ] we have [ applause ] did you read where norman lear is leaving television . Norman lear is probably one of the brightest producers in television for a while, to concentrate on movies. I found out the reason that lear is leaving. Its because the network refused to put on his latest situation comedy. Its about a twoheaded man. One black, one white. The black one is gay and wants to be an astronaut [ laughter ] and the and the white one is a southern bigot. The network didnt see it, but i think it could have been a smasharoom. Tonight, we have bruce dern with us, robert klein, Susan Sullivan and dr. Carl sagan. Theyre all here. [ music ] [ applause ] [ music ] recently thank you. Many people have become as to the safety of food products, and many other substances. Science, in its efforts to protect the wellbeing of the public, continues to publish reports of items censored, that are considered hazardous to our health. Many of these tests are performed on laboratory animals, the real, unsung heroes. For a first hand report, we take you now and bring you an interview with a canadian mouse. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ music ] mr. Mouse. Excuse me, mr. Mouse . Uh, yes. Mr. Mouse. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ cheers ] [ laughter ] excuse, me, mr. Mouse, i wonder if i could just talk to you for a few minutes . If you want to just talk, if you want me to eat something, get lost. [ laughter ] first, let me just say that youre a very large mouse. Youre a very large person. Thats true, but for a mouse, youre incredibly large. What do you think youd look like if you had to drink 800 cans of diet cola a day, for six months . Now, does that create any problems . I have a litter box the size of wyoming. [ laughter ] let me tell you, it is not a pretty sight. Woe. This is to test the effects of saccharine . Yes, that is true . The artificial sweetener. This is true. What are the results . Im beginning to act a lot like sandy duncan. [ laughter ] there seems to be a red patch on your head. Oh, in here . Yes. Well, theyre testing new hair dye. Has there been any adverse reaction . Well, my tail keeps falling off. I suppose i suppose you could get along without any tail. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ whistling ] i think ill pass on that, if you dont mind. Theres been a lot of worries about hair dyes. Yes, there has. They suspect the excessive use of dye causes cancer. Well, theyve dyed my hair every day, for six months. Besides the tail, did it have any other effects . Yes, i was asked to join gay mice. Also, they put something in my food that ruined my taste buds. I cant eat cheese anymore. What do you eat . I have a strong craving to eat cat, or Something Like that. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ cheers ] [ laughter ] have they, uh [ laughter ] have they tested many foods on you . Yes, they did. They tested billy beer on me. What do you mean . The new beer that president carters brother billy endorses . Why would they have you test billy beer . Well, somebody, said it causes teeth. [ laughter ] we dont know about that. Excuse me, do you have a light . Yes, i do. Thank you. [ laughter ] [ lighting cigarette] wait a minute, theyre making you test cigarettes, too . [ laughter ] [ applause ] how square can you get . Does this smell like the marlboro man . [ laughter ] wow, you mean to tell me they make you just a moment. [ laughter ] this is usda choice grass. You mean theyre forcing you keep it down. Youll blow my cover in here. [ laughter ] i have a beaver down the hall that gets me all this stuff. By the way, what ow [ laughter ] mice shouldnt do that. [ laughter ] i forgot i had no shoes on. [ laughter ] burned my little feet my little paws. What the [ laughter ] never thought about that. Oh, geez. Test me for burns, now. What the by the way, what the also, i cant hear anything in here. What day is this . Today is thursday, why . This is the day im suppose to mate. Im supposed to test a new oral contraceptive. Youre taking a new Birth Control pill . Not me, the girl mouse in the next cage. Which one . Right over there, that cage there. [ laughter ] wait a minute, this is incredible. You must weigh a thousand times how could you possibly have sexual relations with her . Shh. What does she know . Theyve got her on valium. [ laughter ] [ applause ] she just goes, uhhuh. Shes out of it, anyway. They are so i dont have any pockets either, do i . [ laughter ] there also testing Monosodium Glutamate on me. Thats the seasoning used in chinese cooking. Right, they gave it to me before mating. And to what effect . Well, an hour later, i couldnt remember who she was. Now they tell me that i might be sterile, from xrays. Oh, you know what that means, to be sterile . It means never having to say youre sorry. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i suppose that after this, youll be going back to the laboratory . Oh, i hope not. I dont want to go back to canada and be injected with all those disease germs. The smog, the traffic backups, the dope pushing much healthier. Besides, i really want to get in to show business. Oh, you cant be serious. Like i said, i want to get in show business. You cant be serious. Because im a mouse . Thats why i cant be serious . I mean, show business . Mickey mouse made it, didnt he . Thats true. Hes fifty. Hes over the hill now. Show business, thats my life. I want to hear laughs. Preferably tonight. [ laughter ] i want to sing. I want to dance. Porky pig made it didnt he . [ stammering ] see, i can do that. Yeah. [ applause ] woody woodpecker, very big. Yes. I can do that. Im ready for show business. [ whistles ] excuse me, sir. Im sorry for interrupting but im going to have to ask you to leave right now. Oh. [ laughter ] is this another test . This is one test i like. Theyre trying to figure out if mothers milk is hazardous to health ah [ laughter ] oh my gosh. Hes so cute. How do you know him . Cmon donovan, do it like i taught ya. Love the new tattoo, sara. Lets go dude. What . Dude, thats sara. Whos sara . The girl in the pink shirt. Thats the girl i was telling you about. Oh, thats sara. Theater two on your left. Hey sara, what color underwear today . Hey sara. So, when you gonna post something new . Announcer anything you post online, anyone can see. Family, friends. See ya later, sara. [ applause ] i [ cheers ] thank you very much. Normally, we would make a change here, but i didnt have time to make the change. But you look good like this. For some guy whos just tuning in, hes been out, hes had a few drinks he just got home and he says, maybe ill watch the show for a bit and didnt see the first part. Thats right, and sees you sitting here so im going to have to interview bruce dern dressed like this for the first spot. Then, when we have our next break at 12 oclock, ill change. Bruce is probably going to get a big kick out of that. I want to conduct this interview as serious as i would a normal interview and try to forget that im wearing this, and that my tails up there. Bruce dern has been a [ laughter ] dignify. Hes a very fine actor, he really is. After appearances in many film that have been near misses, he finally got in a picture thats a very big hit. You can see the lines around the theater, and its called coming home, and its with jane fonda, jon voight and bruce dern. Its one hell of a movie and hes one hell of an actor. Mr. Bruce dern. [ applause ] [ music ] [ applause ] well bruce, tell me a little bit about the picture. [ laughter ] look, youve been interviewed so many times since the picture came out i didnt think youd mind for a few seconds, no, its nice. Its nice. [ laughter ] this is ridiculous. How do ask a grown man nice pipe cleaners. Just little pipe cleaners. We have great special effects people here, and costume people. Theyve been working on this all week. I did a mighty carson art players once, with ed sullivan. Gosh, you are right. That goes back a few years, doesnt it . What year was that . I dont know it was 5 or 6 years. Well, we played dr. Frankenstein and created ed sullivan. Thats right. Thats right. Was Vincent Price in that one, also . No. Thats right. Oh, was it . And stepped out and said, what have we created here . And he comes out of the box alright, ladies and gentlemen, here is our show ed loved those things. Look, how does it feel to be in a big hit now . A really smash hit . Fantastic. Because, folks, im trying to conduct this interview of pictures [ laughter ] ive been in a lot of pictures, which would have gotten a lot more business if i had been dressed like that. Youve done costumes, youve done far out. You were in a picture called ill tell you one. I was in a picture that was a prototype for the one that you were going to do, the two headed transplant. Two headed man, right . Yes. My two headed man was even sicker than the one you talked about during the monologue. It was a guy with . Two heads. Who came up with that . I dont know. Im still looking for the guy. [ laughter ] he owes me 1700. Really . You never got paid . What happened . Not only did we not get paid, we made the movie in six days, down on santa monica blvd. Now, wait a minute. I want to ask you one question, before you get to that point, does somebody come to your agent saying, bruce, ive got a wonderful part for you. An exagent, yes. That goes without saying. These guys are making a movie, and they want you to star in it, and they want you to be a doctor. So i figured, well dr. Kildare was on television then, a sympathetic doctor. And i go down to a workshop, on santa monica boulevard. And there is a guy who owns a couple of horses, and is a friend of a jockey who rode at hollywood park. I should have known right away i was in trouble. He said, this is your director, and these are the other people in the cast, and were going to get started right after lunch. It was about 12 30. He said, were going to do this in six days. We started on a tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday at noon, a guy came around with the checks, and he gave everybody a check for what they were supposed to get. And then we kept working. Well, suddenly, one by one i would look out and members of the crew were gone. They were gone to bank of america at sunset and doheny, where the checks were. And i was an actor, so i had to stay there until 5 oclock when we finished, i went to the bank. Of course, my check bounced, because the guy wrote 12,000 worth of checks, and deposited only 5000. So that was one time when if id have been a member of the crew, id have at least got paid. And we came back monday the sheriff had already [ laughter ] and yet, the movie has been on tv and everything and yet you cant find the people that made it. They just disappeared . So they made whatever they made out of it. My god. And the jockey never rode again at hollywood park. [ laughter ] thats crazy. Im going to get out of this because we have a break here, and then we can really discuss the picture. You cant discuss a good picture dressed like this. Robert klein is also with us, Susan Sullivan, [ applause ] [ music ] okay, now we can discuss like two adults. Were talking to bruce about coming home. Which is not a war movie. Its set in that time frame of reference. And really what it is about if i can say. Sure. And its about peoples attitudes, and where their head is really at concerning that whole affair. People either think its gungho, like you did in the movie, and you come john voight is a paraplegic who has been there, and jane fonda is a gal who has mixed emotions to these two fellows. Its really not a war picture in that sense. Its about their reactions to what has happened. Its a love story. Really beautifully done. Awfully good performances. Was that a tough picture to make . Yes, it was tough to make, because, for like five years, there was a handsoff policy about the war. And then nobody knew how to make it, and from what viewpoint to make it. It is, ultimately, an entertainment medium. So, how do you present this material to an audience and make it entertaining . And that really, uh a big credit goes to hal ashby, because he has the kind of nonsequitur sense of humor and he lays back on certain issues. Paraplegics could be very grim. Guys returning from the war in the state i was in could be very grim. A wife having to go through both sides of the triangle could be very grim. But ashbys got a great way a sarcastic touch in there, from time to time. The humor is there, but at the same time, its real. Its really the only way to approach subject matter for the thing we were trying to say like that. What the movie really is about is the war at home. It was a war that we all saw on television. Every night for ten years, we saw what was going on. But you never saw what went on with these guys when they came home if they came home. Yes. Hundreds and thousands of them out there, too, in this country. The thing im proudest of is its the most collaborative effort ive been in on in a picture from beginning to end. Jane and john, and jerry hillman, and hal and myself. I was like the third leg of the triangle. John and jane were actively involved in the antiwar stuff in the late sixties and early seventies and i wasnt. My whole representation in the picture is like what i said to them when i started working, syndrome of vietnam. What about the guys that did go over there, and didnt go to canada and didnt go to sweden . What about the guys that felt they did have to fight it . Whether right or wrong, that was their duty and they went and fought it and eventually, they had to come home. And at the end of this movie, you just sit there, and you really dont know quite how to react. Thats exactly what happened when the war was over. Unfortunately, because of vietnam, the way it ended, there was no vj day. There was nothing to celebrate. Thats for sure. I mean, the only celebration was when each family if they were lucky enough to have a member of it come home from there and that was their celebration. And that was it. We have a small film clip. I think this is the piece where youre coming off the plane actually returning, is that what were going to see . It kind of shows you your attitude, and the relationship you have with your wife at that time. So why dont we roll that i dont think it needs any more does your leg hurt . No. What do you think . About what . Our new car. A speedster . Its outstanding. Absolutely outstanding. Im glad youre back. 1,2,3,4, we dont want your rotten war. 1,2,3,4 peace, brother peace on you too, brother. [ engine revving ] [ applause ] good picture. Coming home. Its a good picture. When youre in a picture like that, how much does it change your career from the standpoint of being able to choose scripts, of being offered scripts all of a sudden. Are the phones suddenly ringing . Hey bruce, wanna yeah. A lot. Its funny, but if you could add a couple of zeros to the end of the pictures id been in a lot better shape than i was when i went to work on coming home. If the numbers had changed on black sunday, or king of marvin gardens a lot of pictures like that. Or smile it would have been a lot easier. Ive had to turn a certain type of a corner, in that ive never been considered a conventional leading man. Thats an area im trying to get to. Ive always felt that i could do it. Its been very difficult to turn the corner, as you say im the fringe guy. Im on the edge of movies. And now people are calling saying, are you available for this and that . Yes, theyd like me to kiss the girl every now and then, instead of grab her and hurt her. [ laughter ] yes, you had a good run of that grabbing and hurting, and screaming and kicking and gouging. For a long time. Poor mom passed away a girl nicely. [ laughter ] looking at you on the screen thinking, what have i done . This is my little boy doing those terrible things. You wanted to go be an actor, now why arent you playing those Jimmy Stewart and henry fonda roles now . Why are you playing somebody whos never gotten above the mason dixon line, when youve never been below it . [ laughter ] didnt quite understand the business. Its a whole psychology that ive never. Did they think when you were becoming an actor that you were going to the devils workshop . I was going to make easy, quick money and itd be over in a few years. I was in theater, and when i came to hollywood, how people from my section of illinois and hollywood, they were far, far apart. You just didnt understand the whole vernacular. Hollywood was almost like a dirty word. Like that Kenneth Anger book, hollywood babylon. Thats all theyd read about. Untrue. Partially. [ laughter ] of that in there. Although, winnetka, we had a few too, in winnetka. Of course. Small towns, dont let them fool ya. Ann margaret. Shes got a history. [ laughter ] what do you mean, a small town . No, we were on the show one night, together, and shes from the same town as i am. Oh, thats right. She went to the same high school. [ applause ] [ cheers ] all these people from the same high school . Cant be. Hey, hey, not only them. Rock hudson, charlton heston, hugh obrien, ralph bellamy, ann margaret, myself all from a town of 10,000 people, with no drama school. No drama program. Just a lot of unhappy kids. [ laughter ] they said, i want to get out of here. I wanna hear laugh, i wanna i wanna be love. I want a bigger piece of pie, mom. [ laughter ] well take a break, well be right back. Oh, youve got to leave, do you . Wait a sec. I didnt know. You have to run and go kiss the girl tonight. 1100 catholic boys. Are you really . Yeah, i am. Well, congratulations on the picture. The good picture. And i hope you come back soon. Thank you, johnny. Thank you, bruce. [ cheers ]lot of times, being a teenager means living with labels. You know, like the ones other people give you. And the ones you give yourself. But what happens when youre labeled as someone youre t . Stop wearing a label you dont want. Or find yourself labeling other people . It can be so frustrating. Sad. Lonely. If youre feeling overwhelmed by problems at school. Watch it at home, or anywhere else, you dont need labels. You need people who will listen. Who can help you take control, help you heal, help you win. You need to call the girls and Boys Town National hotline. tdd 18004481433 24 7, theyre here with help and hope when you need it most. Change your label. Change your life. Help is just a phone call away. [ music ] [ applause ] my next guest, you all know. Robert klein. Bobs a most inventive and talented comedian. Hes currently filming hollywood stuntman, which i believe stars burt reynolds. Will you welcome please, robert klein. [ applause ] [ music ] [ applause ] oh [ laughter ] theyre doing your strange sounds. Did they take a break recently . Yes, umm huh. Right . Ohhhh [ laughter ] wasnt that the theremin . Thats my theremin impression. I can only do two, Fred Capossela and the theremin. Fred capossela, in case you dont know, is the racetrack caller, right . Good afternoon, racing fans, this is Fred Capossela. [ laughter ] the track is fast, the day is clear, and i talk funny. [ laughter ] remember, old fred. Good old fred. Yes, bless him. Hes retired in florida now, fred. Still talking funny. His wife brings dinner and calls, here comes mary with the dinner, ill want the fruit cocktail first, split pea soup second. Roast beef third, mashed potatoes are fourth, apple pie fifth. [ laughter ] you cant get out of that. [ laughter ] what is that about if you listen to race track announcers, generally, when im on my way home after a show at night, they always play their results of the race. And they have the guy doing the finish. But the races are over. People have been paid. Theyve won, or lost, put that on television. On radio . And they call it too. It gives a certain excitement. They all have a certain tone or inflection. Thats right. They put a device around their lower abdomen. Like a fight announcer. Who is it . Jimmy lemmon . No, jimmy lemmon, the guy who does the announces the fight. From, wearing the and theyre always a pugilist, never a fighter. Pugilist . A pugilist, yes. A ten round exhibition of pugilism. I guess i do know what a pugilist is. Thats an odd word for it. How have you been . Im fine. Ive been doing this film for five or six weeks and having a wonderful time. Yeah. Burt is terrific guy. Doesnt take that macho image too seriously. He is a woman, you know. I didnt you see its a i wasnt aware of that. Another hollywood revelation, right here. You wouldnt know it. The thing about it is these things i dont believe. I was brought up with my parents saying, be careful, that lamp cord. You know, that kind of thing. Where white when you go out at night so the cars can see you. Dont go swimming half hour after you eat. Gotta wait an hour. Thats right. Although my father told me later that you didnt have to wait an hour. It depended on what you had. He was the arbiter on the beach. What did you have . Tuna salad sandwich . 37 minutes. [ laughter ] Peanut Butter and jelly . 15 minutes. I thought if i went in early, i drowned. There was a fellow, buddy jo hooker, who rappelled down the c a building, a 20 story glass skyscraper the other day, on a rope. Let himself down. There are a lot of stunts in this, and burt and Jan Michael Vincent actually do some Dangerous Things themselves. I, myself, do all my own stunts. I breathe [ laughter ] i walked out of rolls royce, all by myself. They have done things that i really some of these people have done some things i dont believe. The thing about a stunt man they call it a gag. You tell them what you want, i want you to go at 40 Miles Per Hour on a motorcycle and skid under a moving trailer truck. Alright, thats 750. I dont know how he comes up with the price. [ laughter ] do you suppose he figures in bandages, medicine, doctors, and comes up with some figure. The guy gets up, he limps, im the type of guy who will definitely die a natural death. Have you ever had that feeling about yourself . I know its not going to be comedian robert klein was killed trying to rappel down a 20 floor building. With me, itll be measles, something acute. [ laughter ] weve had some of the guys on here from time to time, and done some sketches. We had dar robinson on one night. He was one of the guys who was the high fall expert, who goes up on top of a 12, 15 story building, which is how many 12 . Yeah, Something Like that. So, you know 150 feet, 140 feet, and does a header into the airbag. On fire. We have the guy while whistling, thats what i like about the south. I dont understand it. We have the guy who holds the worlds record. Im sorry that i dont remember his name. Hes a lovely guy. His name is aj something, and he holds the record at 220 feet, i think, at the top of the astrodome. But now, he was about to try it with wind factors, outdoors, from the helicopter. He said, theres no problem when you land on the bag. [ laughter ] the problem is when you miss the bag. They require some first aid. Everybody in the movie said theyre going to look the other way. It would be awful, if there injuries, but you think the guys are foolhardy, but theyre not. They program these things. Theyre very sensible types. Yeah, they program them almost scientifically, if the car is going to roll, how many times, and they figure out the charge, and all of the variables. Very often, they pull it off. In the movie, though. The drivers, who drive the actors various places [ laughter ] hal needham is the director. Hes one of the foremost stuntmen. I think he did earn the reputation as the foremost stunt man. He took me to see the daily rushes, what we had shot the day before, at warner brothers, where theres a ten mile speed limit and a lot of speed bumps. And he had one foot on the gas, and one foot going and were going just to see the dailies. It gives you some idea what goes on in the film itself. Plus, theres a new thing. A lot of the stuntmen have kind of image, you know, real masculine. They substitute the expression s. O. B. Cant say, you know what im talking about for every noun. So its, well, thats a good looking s. O. B. There, [ laughter ] i did one back there, it was a hard s. O. B. You know. He gave me an actors direction. To not be so angry so fast. He said, can you take the s. O. B. Down, just a little bit . I mean, everything and i understood what he meant. [ laughter ] you did no stunts whatsoever . I no. I in the first part, i had to go up in a helicopter, and come down, and the pilot said, robert, watch my tail, there. There were people running around. It wasnt like an airport. But you werent hanging from the helicopter, or anything . No, but my pilot was dressed in shoulderlength hair and bell bottom trousers. Its not the way i envision my pilot. I like them kind of square and hello, this is [ laughter ] were going flying, were going flying he was chewing gun and weve got to do a commercial here. Well be right back after [ applause ] [ applause ] [ music ] were back with robert klein. We have Susan Sullivan and dr. Carl sagan. If i remember correctly, was it the time before last you were here, you burned yourself . You hurt your arm or something. Yeah. And the time before you a pack of matches went off in your trousers. Yeah. On my behind. My butt. And it burned me. I have a couple of very difficult to explain scars. Theres no way you can move fast enough when Something Like that happens. It has to be close to the speed of light. I did the incineration boogie. Ah [ laughter ] a very crazy thing that had all my friends jumping. My arm, i fractured on christmas day, playing tennis. I fell on it and had a radial head fracture here. We were on location for this movie in tuscaloosa, we blew up 72 acres of buildings. Its the climax of this film, you dont believe. They constructed buildings to blow up . No, the government owns these buildings. Theyre used as Army Barracks and other things. They want to destroy them. Its going to be a shopping center. This film was looking for just that amount of buildings to blow up. With cars, just missing, tremendous smokestacks exploding on them that sort of thing. The fascination its like George Washington slept here. Oh boy. They go out to destroy something just for the the look on their faces. The satisfaction of the destruction. Its pretty unbelievable. Shoot you know, theres a lot of a lot of shoot going on. A lot of tuscaloosa exuberance. Shoot, i never saw a thing like that. [ laughter ] we went to the university of alabama, to answer some questions. The questions were like, what made you choose that kind of car . They wanna know all that. [ laughter ] the football season dies hard we were there in early february, and they were showing reruns of bear bryants tv show. [ laughter ] he shows pictures of the boys, and he tells their hometown, and he tells all about them. Hes looking forward to that auburn game, on december 2nd. Its gonna be a good game. Heres a linebacker, hes a good ole boy. Hes from layton, alabama. Hes going to be back two more years. Hes just a sophomore. [ laughter ] [ applause ] they have to keep on reminding him to drink the cola. You know, the sponsors. And hes drinking cola, and a couple quick [ laughter ] heres another boy, hes a linebacker. Hes a big boy from mobile, alabama. Hes a junior. We had a Company Doctor there. His name was dr. Bobo. That was his name. Dr. Bobo . Hope hes listening now, dr. Bonbon. Good doctor. Specializes in he sounds like a clown. I wouldnt want to go to he caters exclusively to clowns. Lets see your red nose, here. His name is dr. Bobo, its an old french name. Bonbon. Bonbon. He gave me the good news about my radial head fracture. Ive got a kind of gimp there. Its not like the other one, is what im trying to say. You mean, you cant reach as far with this one . No, i cant. And he gave me the prognosis. Yeah, they usually stay that way. Youll never gonna stay in that thing. [ laughter ] thank you, dr. Bobo. Maybe you just learn to live with that. Maybe i should get a second opinion, dr. Booboo, his assistant. He was a wonderful guy. Also, this is the only industry that makes a picnic for itself every day. It was so cold in tuscaloosa and we were noses running, 26 degrees, but when lunch comes, and youve been awake since five in the morning to shoot, the caterers are so good maybe they arent good, but you dont know the difference. Youve been up since 5 30 nice rat tail, okay. [ laughter ] but we eat. Your own lunch things. You know how the temptation is overwhelming, when you go to restaurants and make your own salad, well need some greens. Muah [ laughter ] well need some of that, what are they, i dont know. I need some bacon bits. You get the bread. [ laughter ] its like a spree. It seems like a spree, and of course, we have a lunch like that. Want liver . Want corned beef . Want salads. Every just awful, just eating too much. When does this movie come out . Probably in the summer. Ive had such a wonderful time making it. It sound like it. Its going to be the real thing. Not one of those crummy little ones. Sounds like fun. Were going to do this. Susan sullivan will join us, [ applause ] [ music ] Susan Sullivan is with us tonight. She uh i think most people will remember her from her performance in rich man, poor man, and tonight, shes going to be starring in a new having babies, which i imagine is fairly selfexplanatory. We wont go into it too deeply, because its still fairly early in the evening. Will you please welcome Susan Sullivan . [ applause ] [ music ] did i tell you that before, when you were on the show . [ whistles ] god, thats awful nice. Thank you. Whoever did that. Now, youre a womens libber. The National Organization for women would say that is a male chauvinist putdown, when somebody whistles. Ive never understood that. I must say, ive never understood it either, and im a great supporter of the womens movement. So am i. I love to be whistled at. [ whistles ] thank you. God love you. You make my mother so happy. They wear such lovely clothes. Television and womens magazines are full of wonderful clothes, undergarments, they make you more provocative, and they walk out and some guy says, hey, and they say what do you think i am . Its really that women want to be appreciated for their minds. When i was a playboy bunny, during that period of time talk about being appreciated for your mind the club had just opened in new york. They hired a wide variety of girls. They had girls who were there working on their doctorate from columbia. I was in college, and so on. It bothered me so much that people would think i was forgive me the dumb bunny, that when i waited tables, id recite shakespeare, anything. And you have your scotch and soda, sir. Thats a funny idea. How long did you do that . I did it for about three years, but only part time. Weekends, and such. That would probably be a good place to work if you were working on a psychology degree, because you had to run across a Fascinating Group of people. Gloria steinem did that article, she worked there and did the article on what it was like to be a bunny. You know, i am such a very one of the more attractive things about me to myself and when i worked there, the girls would come in every night after working on the floor and they would say, i made ninety bucks tonight. Ninety bucks. And i would always feel like such a failure, because i made the least amount, and i always thought it was because i had the smallest bosom. [ laughter ] is is there a correlation between the size of the bosom and the and the tips . At that point in time, i think there was. At least, there was in my mind, and that goes back to being whistled at, you see . You know, you want to be appreciated for something more than that. Lets talk about something else. Did you get your degree in college . Yes, i did. I did very well in school. In this picture its serious its called having babies, you play i think we talked about it before, you play a gynecologist. A gynecologist. I was going to say a woman gynecologist, which is really dumb to say. No, not at all. Because most gynecologists are men. What else would you play, though . If i had said you were playing a gynecologist, its redundant play a woman gynecologist. Okay, i see. But most gynecologists are men. Yes. Which is do women i know women who feel awkward about going to a male gynecologist, so why arent there more women in that field . I dont know. I really dont know. I spent a day with a gynecologist. [ laughter ] observing. Thatll be on the z channel this saturday. [ laughter ] i spent a day with a gynecologist. Tuesday at 9 00, friday at 12 30. Be sure to catch it. [ laughter ] it was very interesting, needless to say. It was he was a man, and i think the most fascinating thing about it i know the most fascinating thing no, no, that was a silly thing to say and i shouldnt have said that. Its alright. Well, he asked these women who had come in if it would be alright if this actress observed while they had i guess i can say it a pelvic examination, which is awkward and im not crazy about doing it. What amazed me was that each of these women said yes, it would be fine. And what i realized is that if my gynecologist had said to me, do you mind if some actress id have said, are you kidding . Of course not thats interesting. Yes, and what id gotten in touch with in working on this series i dont know if i want to say this about myself, but its true dont listen to anyone. Oh, i dont. [ laughter ] no ones listening. Put your hand over your speaker at home. Um, well, i guess i am very uncomfortable with my sexuality, and this show is really and i think a lot of women are its an unusual thing, maybe, to admit, but i think going to a gynecologist was always and still is a very uncomfortable traumatic . It was for me, vaguely traumatic. When i was growing up, i wanted my sexuality to be romantic and mysterious, and i never wanted to know the specifics of it. And i really think a lot of women feel that way. Feel that way. I can see that. All of a sudden, now, its a little too clinical and a little bit of a dont you think it depends a great deal on the attitude of the doctor or the examiner . Ive heard women say that. That its the attitude sometimes, that makes them feel awkward. I think that may be part of it, but i think really the bottom line is how a woman feels about herself and her own body. There was a book several years ago i just thought of it called a sensuous woman, by j. Do you remember it . And the basic thing that that book said to women was that you have to learn to like your body, no matter what it is, and you have to learn to know intimately. And you have to be able to touch yourself. Thats why that whole thing with betty ford and touching your breasts and doing breast exams is really opening up an area that women and men should be exposed to. And i think thats one of the things that you know, thats absolutely right. But everybody was brought up, unfortunately, or many people were brought up with that the tremendous guilt certain parts of the body are touch and that hang up can hold on for many years. I had no idea, john, until i went and watched these women, who were so wonderful. Most of them are younger wonderful and open, and willing to i was going to say expose themselves. [ laughter ] i know what youre saying. Share themselves. Do you think you could ever deliver a baby . You read about in new york sometimes some cab driver always seems to be the hero. And it happens quite frequently. If theres no complications, they say, somebody, if they do not panic nature pretty well takes care of itself, and you can do it, it you dont panic. Yes. I think i could. Yeah. Really, the body is extraordinary, and i have gotten better, now that ive told you how neurotic i am. Now that youve gotten it all out here on the show . Thatll be 40 for the first halfhour. [ laughter ] or is there another session . How many episodes have you made of this . Well, theyre doing that new test thing that abc does. Theyll do six, onehour episodes, and if has an audience and a following, then it will go on, look forward to seeing it. Which, i think, is fairer, than just the one shot. Yeah. I saw a little light go on. Are you trying to tell me something . I certainly hope so. [ applause ] [ music ] [ applause ] my next guest, i always look forward to having here. He is a professor of astronomy and Space Sciences at cornell, director of the laboratory for planetary studies. Hes written a bestselling and fascinating book called would you welcome, please, dr. Carl sagan . [ applause ] [ music ] your name was discussed on this very show last night. We had ray bradbury on, a Science Fiction writer, and were talking about being out in a jet Propulsion Laboratory and so forth. Well, whats new in space, carl . See, i like to condense the subject down real quickly, and dont start off too big. [ laughter ] i think i saw a comment of yours in time or newsweek. Someone had asked you about the pictures that are out now, star wars, close encounters, and they asked you what you thought, and you thought that they should be not that they werent entertaining but you thought they should deal a little better with scientific facts. Yeah, my sense of them is sort of that the elevenyearold in me loved them, but they could have made a better a lot of different aspects of things. Star wars starts out saying its on some different galaxy, and then you see, theres people. Starting with scene one, theres a problem, because human beings are the result of a unique, evolutionary sequence based on so many, random events on the earth. In fact, i think most evolutionary biologists would agree that if you started the earth out again, and just let those random factors operate, you might wind up with beings that are as smart as us, and as ethical and artistic and all the rest, but you wouldnt end up with human beings. Thats earth. So another planet, different environment, very unlikely to have human beings. Are you saying another galaxy its not possible that there could be its extremely unlikely that there would be creatures similar to us as the dominant ones in star wars. That, and other things. Theyre all white. The skin of all the humans in is sort of like this. Right. And not even the other colors represented on the earth are present, much less the greens and blues and purples and oranges. They did have a scene in star wars with a lot of strange characters. Yeah, but none of them seemed to be in charge of the galaxy. Everybody in charge of the galaxy seemed to look like us. [ laughter ] and i thought it was a large amount of human chauvinism. And i also thought right at the very end, the wookie didnt get a medal also. You know all the people got medals, and the wookie who had been fighting in there all the time he didnt get any medal. And i thought that was an example of antiwookie discrimination. [ laughter ] here you are, dissecting this scientifically, carl, and taking all the fun out of it for me. Thats it. You can view these pictures entirely uncritically. Thats really what it was. It was a shootout, wasnt it . A western in outer space. The good guys versus the bad guys. My comment is that every picture which touches on science could do that, and at the same time, just a little more effort to get the science right. Made was about the illusion to speed, when it really had to do with distance. Yeah, thats right. Han solo talked about getting to a certain place in only so many parsec of time, or speed, when its a unit of distance. Its like saying that from here to san diego is 30 mph. It just doesnt mean anything. Yeah. [ laughter ] and how many people sitting there were figuring that out all youve got to do is hire one impoverished graduate the facts right. When ray bradbury was on last night and i think ive asked you this question before as i remember, in star wars, they got up and got in the spaceship, and they were beyond the speed of light, right . Yup. Now, as far as science knows, thats supposed to be the finite limit of velocity. The speed of light, and nothing and yet, in this picture, they were going faster than that. I asked ray i think i asked you the same question if they found something that was beyond the speed of light, wouldnt that change all of the conception of whats going on . A lot of people are somewhat annoyed that physicists should lay any constraints on what we do in the future, but i think the way to look at it is Something Like this this is all due to einstein, its all related. His lap. All the people who are annoyed at not being able to travel faster than the speed of light its simply this. If no material object can travel at or beyond the speed of light, then theres a great deal of things in the world that are understandable, quantitative in detail the universe makes sense. If it were possible to travel faster than the speed of light, then all of that comprehensibility breaks down, and there are a lot of awkward things that can happen, such as if you know what i mean. The light goes on, and then you walk to the switch to turn it. [ laughter ] isnt there a famous poem about that . There was a young lady from bright. Who could travel much faster than light . She set out one day, in a relative way, and returned the preceding night. Right. Thats the one. That was little carl sagan, reciting and now, lets hear our next student. Very good, carl. You may take your seat. Well be right back after this. [ applause ] [ music ] [ applause ] we were talking about star wars during the commercial, and i said, you realize star wars made over 200 Million Dollars . And he said, you could go to a planet for 200 Million Dollars, right . [ laughter ] its true. Thats what it costs. Unmanned. See it live, right . Unless you go coach. [ laughter ] thats right, then you get one of those little tray dinners, and its lousy. Um, weve talked about this is still mindboggling. Youre involved in looking for extra terrestrial intelligence, how do you go about looking for it . Well, there are a number of popular ideas. How would you know it that they were what if we cant comprehend what they were trying to tell us . Is that a possibility . Sure, but its a little like this if youre an advanced civilization, and you wish to communicate with a backwards civilization, you talk slow, right . And simple. And obviously, we would be the backwards civilization, because we do not have that capability well, weve just emerged. Our Technology Just barely has come to the point where were able to send spacecraft to probe in a halting and tentative way the nearby planets, and construct large radio telescopes, to see if anyone is sending us a message. Its this letter, into things, that, for the first time is now being funded at a quite low program that nasa has funded is in the present budget. The idea is simply to look at a lot of stars, or carve up the sky into little pieces and see if each piece has a message coming to us. Even the nearest one would be . The nearest star is the one four light years away, so if we got a message today, it left that star four years ago. But we ought to be used to that kind of idea. If we look at the sun, were not seeing it now, were seeing it eight minutes ago, because it took eight minutes for light to travel at the speed of light from the sun to the earth. The question of how you would recognize a signal as intelligent suppose you heard something that said, beep, beep beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, and went through the first thirty or so prime numbers. Thats an answering service. [ laughter ] in other words, you go through the numbers. Yeah. Would say 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, which are unless i missed one, the first prime numbers, and so you would say heres somebody who for some reason is into prime numbers a prime number is a number that can only be divided by one and itself here is somebody who is into prime numbers, theyve attracted our attention there must be more to it than just prime numbers. Then you would look more closely. Thats the general scenario. So you figure the message that we get would be in some kind of mathematical well, it would be so regular which is universal type of yeah, that you can only say, the only possibility would be that it is intelligent and you would look for the more detailed message, either at a faster time or some adjacent frequency or something of that sort. The remarkable thing is that for all the history of mankind, people have wondered about intelligent things elsewhere. I think its in religion and philosophy legends, but this is the first time that we have the competence and the ability and were just beginning. Are we sending out from here some kind of outside from the thing that you were explaining when the record and the record are we sending any type of radio signals . Not really. There was one ceremonial demonstration at the resurfacing of the observatory in 1974. A signal was sent by frank drake, whos getting married in two days to a place thats 24,000 light years away. Its not so, if theres an answer, itll be in 48,000 years. Dont hold your breath. [ laughter ] that was thats really being on hold. It was only to demonstrate that it could be done. In general, radio signals have not been sent out. We just have listened. But there are signals that are sent out, including this program. Is it true that all television and radio shows that through the void . Yup. They do. They do not diminish . They do, they diminish by whats called the inverse square law, so if it goes twice as far, its a quarter as intense. But somebody with a receiver powerful receiving antenna. So all of those tv shows and radio shows that have been broadcast but the earth turns, and so they get jumbled up. So theyre still traveling through the cosmos. Its a little bit like this. If you imagine that right here is the earth, and around it is a kind of spherical wave front, travel ling at the speed of light. Its now about thirty light years away from the earth, because the first largescale commercial television was about thirty years ago. In there, is the Television Programs of the late 40s, howdy doody, milton berle, the Army Mccarthy hearings and other signs of high intelligence on the planet earth. [ laughter ] [ applause ] somebody could be seeing berle right now, Walking Around on the sides of his feet, in a dress, saying, i think theyve got troubles, down there. I just hope they wait until sesame street arrives. Itll save us. Thats fascinating, that idea. The actual situation is that even if the programs could not themselves be made out, theres no question a low form of intelligent life on earth could be deduced that way. If you had to make a calculated guess, or theorize, when would it happen . Ten years . Fifty years . It depends on how much of an effort we make. If we make no effort, the possibility of detecting such signals is small. If we make a big effort, then the probability goes up, and nobody knows to what. Now, people are going to ask you, because you said this could cost money, you hear from somebody ten light years away. By the time you transmit back and forth, what is the value of that . You have to sit around and wait years, to get an answer. Theyre saying a hundred years from now, who the hells going to care . Well all be gone. Well, theres a lot of answers to that. Its a good question. Its one worth pondering. For one thing, theres a lot of information in Human Society that goes only one way. Socrates talks to us. We dont talk to socrates. Thats what books are about. People who are dead convey their wisdom to us. So, somebody could transmit in the knowledge of another planet and just send the direct knowledge. Think of that. Think of a civilization on a different planet, evolved under quite different circumstances than here. What is their art like . Their music, their science, their technology, their politics . What have they learned . Have they been in contact with still other civilizations . Do they have a repository of information . Think of how wed be able to view ourselves, in a new way. Suddenly, to have a new perspective. Theres another aspect to it, too, and that is were at a very dangerous moment we have weapons of mass destruction, we are in the process of inadvertently altering our climate and exhaustion of fossil fuels and minerals all kinds of problems which come with technology. We are not certain that we will be able to survive this period of what i like to call technological adolescence. Were we to receive a message from somewhere else, it would show that its possible to survive this kind of period, and thats a useful bit of information to have. Wouldnt that be something . In other words, someone has solved a particular problem that were still wrestling with. Its good to know, that the problem could be solved. Very useful information. Or some of the medical breakthroughs, some way to end wars maybe. Medical breakthroughs are tougher because, i suspect, our physiology would be quite different from that of any other creatures, if there are some. Also, its possible that you make such a search and the results would be negative. Its possible. You dont want to prejudge the outcome. But it seems to me thats an important bit of information, also. Intelligent life is rare, that makes something particularly precious and valuable about life here. Isnt it true when you talk about fifty light years, or hundred light years in astronomical terms, that is a minute distance . Its true. Now, you can get into thousands of light years and millions of light years. A light year is about six trillion miles. The distance to the nearest star is about four light years. The distance to the center of the milky way galaxy, that were a part of, is about thirty thousand light years. The distance to the nearest galaxy is about two million light years. Fascinating book, the dragons of eden, and of course, youve still got the cosmic connection, which is one of the alltime fascinating books. Thanks for being here. It is always a great kick. My pleasure. Lady gynecologist, youll start when on your show . Tomorrow night. Bob, where are you headed . To the gynecology appointment. [ laughter ] to determine your sexuality . Okay. Tomorrow, Shirley Maclaine will be here, cheryl tiegs, ronnie graham, [ applause] im humbled by that applause. Come and knock on our door come and knock on our door weve been waitin for you weve been waitin for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his threes company, too come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step that is new weve a lovable space that needs your face