>> russians have engaged in cyber attacks against the united states of america, that you encouraged espionage against our people. [ light laughter ] >> seth: why didn't somebody more likable warn us? [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: israel prime minister benjamin netanyahu said today, that there is no greater supporter of the jewish state than president trump. said trump, "absolutely, i love florida." [ laughter and applause ] "fantastic jewish state." president trump yesterday held a parent-teacher listening session with vice president mike pence and education secretary, betsy devos. while tomorrow, president trump is having a parent-creature meeting. [ laughter and applause ] daddy, i want to be in the cabinet. [ light laughter ] no, not this cabinet! defense officials are reporting that a russian spy ship has been spotted patroling 30 miles off the coast of the united states. said one u.s. official, "oh, that's my uber." [ laughter and applause ] that's dimitri, five star, five star driver. reporters are noting the new treasury secretary, steve mnuchin was one of the lead investors in the new lego batman movie, in fact it's where he first met mike pence. [ light laughter ] burger king is reportedly close to buying popeye's chicken. wow, burger king must be really drunk. [ light laughter ] astronomers reportedly discovered 60 new planets near our solar system. "how are the schools," asked melania? [ light laughter ] a town in new jersey is reportedly changing the name of a road to "dick street" to make it easier for first responders to find. not to be confused with the dick street that used to be known as pennsylvania avenue. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] catchier. catchier. [ applause ] >> seth: the navigation app, waze is now offering "dateline" host keith morrison's voice as an option for giving spoken directions. but just a heads up, your commute gets pretty dark. police reported ahead, a woman lies on the pavement, barely alive. her once beautiful face now unrecognizable, due to a senseless act of road rage. [ light laughter ] turn left. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and finally, taco bell has announced plans to offer a $600 wedding service at its flagship restaurant in las vegas. and this is cool, the burritos are conveniently wrapped in divorce papers. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. here's the star of showtime's "billions," damian lewis is on the show. very excited to talk to damian. [ cheers and applause ] also, he's one of our favorites, he stars in hbo's "big little eyes," our friend, adam scott is back on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and we will have music from british singer/songwriter charlotte oc. you're going to love her, she's fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] before we get to that. we aren't even a month into the trump presidency and already it seems like the government is fully engulfed in chaos. and now, there are new reports that trump aides may have had contact with russian officials during the campaign. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." >> seth: you know, it's hard to remember now, but it wasn't always supposed to be like this. when trump campaigned for president, he promised us a much brighter future filled with non-stop winning. >> we're going to win so much, we're going to win at every level. we're going to win so much you may even get tired of winning. and you will say, "please, please, it's too much winning, we can't take it anymore, mr. president, it's too much." >> well, "the we can't take it anymore, it's too much," sounds about right. [ laughter and applause ] but let's be honest, no one gets tired of winning, it's never happened. if anyone did, it would be d.j. khaled. [ light laughter ] all he does is win and he doesn't seem tired of it in the least. [ light laughter ] the only time i've ever seen d.j. khaled not win is in this interaction with larry king. >> i want to the house on the water, i want the nice car. i want the nice watch, i want to stay fresh. i want stay clean. you understand? there's nothing wrong with that, it's -- you should strive for greatness. >> how did you gain all the weight? [ laughter and applause ] >> just eating a lot. >> seth: if only larry king -- if only larry king could be the one to investigate trump, we would get to the bottom of this [ bleep ] asap. [ light laughter ] but still, trump promised us during the campaign that we would get tired of winning so let's see all those wins trump has been racking up in his first few weeks as president. >> a federal judge in virginia has just ruled against president donald trump's travel ban. >> national security advisor general michael flynn has resigned. >> the office of government ethics says kellyanne conway broke the law -- >> damage control after the president's tense phone call with australia. >> possible security violations at mar-a-lago this weekend. >> president trump pick to lead the labor department, andy posner, he has now withdrawn his name from consideration. >> seth: in other words -- ♪ all i do is win win win no matter what ♪ >> seth: and my tiny hands go up. [ laughter and applause ] now, if you're concerned -- now if you're concerned about the chaos inside the white house, you're not alone. non-partisan national security officials, and members of both parties, have also expressed serious concerns about what appears to be an unprecedented level of dysfunction in the trump administration. >> former defense secretary and cia director, leon panetta, saying this, "i've never been so nervous in my lifetime about what may or may not happen in washington." >> to have it in chaos like this, to have it in disarray, it's a disaster in short. >> the whole environment is one of dysfunction in the trump administration. >> it is amateur hour right now. >> seth: to be fair, trump's previous experience was hosting a game show that was literally an amateur hour. and the chaos has clearly led to a lot of in-fighting. among trump aides within the white house, as one republican strategist put it, the white house currently has maybe 20 key staffers and 10 of them spend the day telling the media why the other 10 should be fired. again, what you're describing is "the apprentice." [ light laughter ] although, i wouldn't be surprised if most of those anonymous calls to the media were just trump trying to get himself fired. >> seth: yes, hello, "washington post," this is donna t rump. [ light laughter ] i work at the white house and the president has no idea what he's doing, please impeach him and let him go free. he's very sad, and he misses his gold apartment. [ light laughter ] >> seth: so the trump administration has dealt with a series of internal and foreign crisis. the national security advisor has resigned just 24 days into the trump presidency, and fence officials from both parties are freaking out. how could things possibly get any crazier? >> the trump administration is facing new questions about its relationship with russia. a number of officials telling cnn, top trump aides were in regular contact with russian officials throughout the presidential campaign. >> now according to u.s. officials familiar with the matter, both the frequency of the communications and the proximity to trump of those involved raised a red flag with u.s. intelligence and law enforcement. >> seth: yeah, it raised a red flag, specifically this red flag. and yes, i know -- i know the flag of russia looks like this now but it feels like this one is about to make a comeback. this administration is like a really intense haunted house where every door you think is an exit is just a door to a scarier room. how do i get out of this [ bleep ] place, i wet my pants three rooms ago. [ laughter and applause ] now, the revelation that trump aides had regular contact with russian officials during the campaign comes as the story surrounding former national security advisor michael flynn's communications with the russian ambassador continues to unfold. for example, not only did flynn lie to white house officials like vice president mike pence, pence apparently was one of the last people to find out that flynn had lied. according to "the times," pence was kept in the dark, and did not learn that flint had misled him about his russia contacts until reading news accounts late last week. he had to read it in the newspaper. so, that's comforting. at least our next president reads the newspaper. [ audience ohs ] when he finally -- when he finally found out flynn lied to him, pence went ballistic because mike pence hates being kept in the dark. he looks like a guy who goes to sleep with the lights on. [ light laughter ] we also learned that trump knew about flynn's lies for weeks and did nothing. in fact, the "new york times" also revealed that several senior white house officials had urged trump to fire the national security advisor. but the president could not bring himself to do it in part for fear of losing face. again, "apprentice." you're the "you're fired" guy and you couldn't bring yourself to fire someone? that's like finding out flo from the progressive commercials rides the bus. [ light laughter ] now eventually of course, trump did ask for flynn's resignation after what the white house called "trump's eroding trust in flynn." and yet, when trump was asked about flynn today at the white house, he acted as if he had never had a problem with flynn at all. >> general flynn is a wonderful man. i think he's been treated very, very unfairly by the media, as i call it the fake media in many cases. and i think it's really a sad thing that he was treated so badly. >> seth: he was treated so badly. you're the one who just fired him. [ light laughter ] did you already forget that? soon trump's going to have to start reminding himself of things he said by tattooing them on his body "momento" style. [ laughter and applause ] but that wasn't even the weirdest thing to come out of the white house this week, despite the trump administration's alleged ties to russia, and trump's own praise from vladimir putin. >> seth: white house press secretary sean spicer tried to argue yesterday that trump and russia have been anything but cozy. >> the irony of this entire situation is that the president has been incredibly tough on russia. >> seth: i don't think you know what irony means. [ light laughter ] irony does not mean here is something that is completely untrue. that's like coming home empty-handed on valentine's day saying, "the irony is, i put so much thought into my gift this year." with all that said, there's an important caveat about these new russia allegations. the "new york times" did report that trump aides had regular contact with the russians, but as for the possibility of the trump aides actively colluded with russia to interfere in the election, intelligence officials said that, so far they've seen no evidence of such cooperation. so, this is not a smoking gun. but it is a gun. and when you see a gun, the next logical question is, "hey, who's gun is this?" we should figure out whose gun this is, you guys. which leads us to the big question will the republicans controlled congress overcome partisan labels and conduct an independent investigation into this crisis in the trump administration. some republicans have signaled that they do want an aggressive investigation, but then there are others like kentucky senator, rand paul, who was apparently more concerned about what's good for the republican party. >> i just don't think it's useful to be doing investigation after investigation particularly of your own party. we'll never even get started with doing the things we need to do like repealing obamacare, if we're spending our whole time having republicans investigate republicans, i think it makes no sense. >> seth: it makes no sense to investigate? it's not that hard to ask the tough questions. take a cue from larry king. >> how did you gain all the weight? >> this has been "a closer look." [ applause ] ♪ >> seth: we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ did you make that? i did... n't. hey, come look what lisa made. wow. you grilled that chicken? yup! i did... n't. smartmade frozen meals. real ingredients, grilled and roasted. it's like you made it. and you did... n't. this is how many people were born here. this many are fifth generation. this is how many are named hiawatha kitty mcgee. he keeps the town dry. they'd prefer it a little wet. this many are proud of what we make here. this is how many will go around bragging about it. this is our town. if you can't get here, just look for one of our postcards. we send them all over. they look like this. hey, l'eggo my eggo. we send them all over. i don't see your name on it. really? ba bam! know the rules. keep your eggo. l'eggo my eggo. okay. this is not a screensaver.game. this is the destruction of a cancer cell by the body's own immune system, thanks to medicine that didn't exist until now. and today can save your life. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our first guest is a golden globe and emmy award-winning actor who you know from his work on "homeland" and "band of brothers." season two of his series, "billions," returns to showtime this sunday. let's take a look. >> the entire hedge fund industry is under siege. we deserve it. we've acted as if it would go on forever. even as [ bleep ] returns, the outflow of institutional money, and the rise of quant funds have lighted the way to our demise. we have willfully refused to change. in the great expanse of time, we are already dead. i know it, even if you don't. but in this microsecond that we are still breathing air, i'm gonna fight the inevitable. >> seth: please welcome to the show, damian lewis, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> i'm great. i'm jet-lagged out of my mind. >> seth: are you really? >> it's so good. i'm high. >> seth: oh, good. you've turned it into -- you've made it positive. >> yeah. yeah, exactly. i'm still caffeined up. it's great. >> seth: i want to ask about this because i'm very happy for you, both with the success of the show, but also you play this sort of billionaire hedge fund manager. >> yeah. >> seth: and in your previous works that i've grown to know you from, "band of brothers." >> yeah. >> seth: you had this sort of in-the-muck world war ii -- >> yeah, thank you. yeah, yeah. >> seth: a great show, yeah. >> yeah. [ cheers ] yeah. >> seth: you have the -- obviously, world war ii, not a great time for a lot of -- >> incoming! >> seth: there you go. >> ugh. >> seth: exactly. [ light laughter ] >> i get flashbacks occasionally. >> seth: and then brody in "homeland," not an easy time for him. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> seth: that's a great show. >> no, no. >> seth: but now, now you get to play a guy who's kind of living it up. is it nice? >> yeah, you know. [ light laughter ] it's about time i got myself into a, you know, a yacht and a helicopter and a -- >> seth: yeah. >> you know, a couple of fast cars. i drive a couple of really nice fast cars in this season coming up, which i'm not going to tell you about because it will spoil it. but the cars just get better. [ light laughter ] >> seth: now, do you -- do you get nervous when you have to drive an expensive, nice car? >> i probably should get more nervous than i do. >> seth: okay, got you. [ light laughter ] >> i tend to just hit it, and go. >> seth: okay. >> and it's really good fun. i try to miss things in front of me. [ light laughter ] >> seth: there you go. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah, i would be terrified. >> yeah, no, but -- >> seth: if you give me anything with a cash value over $200, i start to sweat. [ light laughter ] so, i know before the show started, you spent a lot of time with hedge fund guys to get a sense of the world you were about to portray. have you talked to them after season one aired? did they like it? >> you know, they did like it. bobby axelrod does some pretty questionable things, but they all seem to be convinced that it's based -- he's based on them. >> seth: got you. >> so i keep meeting them and just going, "he's me. you he's me." or the wife comes up, "you know, you've portrayed david perfectly." [ laughter ] and david's there grinning, going, "yeah, it's me." i said, "yeah, but did you watch the season and see some of the stuff i did?" [ light laughter ] >> seth: they don't care. >> it's like they don't care. they don't care. >> seth: yeah. >> they love it. >> seth: you -- obviously you know this. the audience knows this now using their eyes you are a readhead, and -- >> oh, yup, yeah. [ light laughter ] >> seth: you're very proud of your redhead status. >> i am a proud redhead. i am. >> seth: and you -- as well, you should be. you take issue. you feel like there are some, some fake heads out there trying to get credit. [ light laughter ] >> well, you know, it was -- i -- you know, i'm going to go out on a limb here. it was never cool to have red hair. >> seth: got you. >> you know? >> seth: so this was -- during your upbringing, this brought you the wrong kind of attention? >> it, you know, i luckily, i played a good bit of sports. i was in a team or two at school, so i avoided -- >> seth: got you. >> a lot of the bad stuff. but, yeah, you know, apart from richie cunningham, there was no redhead out there for us to be really celebrating. >> seth: yeah. >> you know? and -- >> seth: and no one thought richie cunningham was the cool one. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, you know? just saying. >> seth: yeah. >> just saying. so you're getting the picture. >> seth: yes, yeah. >> wear a plaid shirt, have red hair, freckles in the wrong place. yeah, so, then, recently, something happened with red hair. something happened. like, in the last two or three years, so now there are like photo -- there are, like, coffee table books of photographic compendiums. and there's redheads everywhere. and everyone -- suddenly someone who's a little bit redheaded, like, strawberry blonde, they've been strawberry blonde their whole life. and they go, "oh, no. i'm a redhead. oh, no, no. i'm a redhead." no, you're not. you're a strawberry blonde. >> seth: got you. >> back in your strawberry blonde box. >> seth: yeah. >> you don't get to be a redhead now, suddenly. >> seth: yeah, you didn't -- you didn't have the upbringing. >> that's all i'm saying. >> seth: got it. >> yeah, you didn't -- >> seth: who are some of these phonies? who are some of these -- >> -- as a redhead like me? >> seth: are there any people that you want to call out? anybody who's trying to get away with it? [ light laughter ] or we know them when we see them? [ light laughter ] we'll know them when we see them. >> when you have your next strawberry blonde on the show -- >> seth: yeah. >> ask him, ask him if he's a redhead. >> seth: okay, got you. >> and the one who says, "yeah, i'm redheaded." he's the guy i'm talking about. >> seth: okay, great. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> seth: you mentioned you played some sport. you know that you are a football fan. i, of course, mean soccer when i'm saying that to you. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: just to translate for my audience. >> yeah. >> seth: you're a liverpool fan. >> yeah. >> seth: and i saw you went to a game this week, and you brought your son. >> i did, his first ever game, liverpool game at anfield. >> seth: excellent, so was he excited? >> he was so, so excited to get his photograph taken with coutinho and jordan henderson, and sadio mane and jurgen klopp. and we met ian rush, a liverpool legend. does this mean anything to any of you? >> seth: no. [ cheers ] i think they're in awe. you've awed them into silence. and i have to ask this -- >> this is east coast audience. >> seth: yeah. >> they understand. >> seth: you -- >> it's a global game we're talking about. >> seth: it is a global game, but here's my question. obviously, your son has never -- probably has not grown up in liverpool or spent any time there. i'm having a decision. i have a son. >> yeah. >> seth: the teams i like are not new york teams. >> right, yes. >> seth: and i'm worried about selling him on this place, the teams that he has no geographic connection to. was that hard for you to sell the idea of liverpool? >> well, this was much talked about. >> seth: okay. >> in our house. i was going to say something. i'm glad i didn't say it. it was much talked about, because we live so close to arsenal -- >> seth: a london team. >> that actually -- a big london team with a big tradition, and a lot of romance -- not that kind of romance -- [ light laughter ] sporting romance and history. and actually, when they score on a saturday, we're so close, we can hear them. and so, i thought i would give him an opportunity to support a team that i could walk hand in hand with my son, you know, a lump in my throat, a tear in my eye, proudly walking my boy through the streets of london. and i took him to a game when he was 5 years old, and i tried my hardest to cheer for arsenal. >> seth: yeah. >> a team i had never supported. and i just couldn't do it. >> seth: yeah. it's just not the same thing. i went to away here -- here, to america. i went to america. i came here to film a season of "homeland." i returned home to see that my wife, talk about breaking rules -- [ light laughter ] had bought him an arsenal kit. >> seth: the full outfit. >> the full outfit, so knowing full well that i am a liverpool fan. >> seth: that's heart -- that's not fair. >> then the audience who likes sport, is that breaking a rule? >> seth: yeah. [ audience shouts yes] >> oh, my god -- it's taken me five years to gently just sort of manipulate him back. >> seth: yeah. >> to support -- now he supports liverpool. >> seth: that's fantastic. >> and everything's good. but it cost us, you know -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thank you. >> seth: because -- >> the liverpool, as you say, is 300 miles away. and for me to go to and watch a liverpool game with my son costs me, like, $500. >> seth: yeah. >> so it's like, how often are we going to go? >> seth: it's a very important thing. and the great thing about sport, you should say to your son. the great thing about sport is how little you go and see it. and that will him dear to your heart. >> there you go. >> seth: thank you so much for being here, such a pleasure. [ cheers and applause ] congratulations on season two. >> thank you. >> seth: damian lewis, everybody. the second season of "billions" premieres on showtime this sunday. we'll be right back with more "late night." 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[ cheers and applause ] also, joining us tonight on the drums, from the grammy nominated band, mastodon whose upcoming record, "emperor of sand" is set for a march 31st release, brann dailor, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thanks you so much for being here, brann. >> thanks for having me. >> our next guest is a talented actor you know from shows such as "party down" and "parks and recreation." he stars along side reese witherspoon in the upcoming limited series, "big little lies," which premiers sunday night on hbo. let's take a look. >> have you lost your mind? >> no. i'm never out of my mind. i don't get to be crazy, madeline. i'm stable, i'm grounded, good old steady eddie, that's me. >> wow. where is this coming from? >> it's coming from the fact you don't really seem to adore me. that you're rarely interested in having sex but specifically today, it's coming from your constant carrying on about nathan and his seemingly perfect life, which tells me that you are far from satisfied with your own and i am [ bleep ] sick of it! >> please welcome back to the show, our friend, adam scott, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you. thank you. >> seth: so good to have you here. >> a nice cheery clip to show. comedy show. >> seth: it's a light show. >> yeah. >> seth: this is a 7-episode limited series. >> that's right. >> seth: this is -- tells the entire story in one. >> yes. >> seth: and it's kind of nice. i feel like when you have limited things you can get an incredible cast because they're not committing to something that could go on forever. >> yeah. >> seth: and so this is nicole kidman, this is zoe kravitz, shailene woodly and reese witherspoon, who plays -- >> laura dern too. >> seth: laura dern. >> like, it's crazy. >> seth: and reese witherspoon plays your wife. how was it working with her? >> it was so -- it was amazing. that's -- like everyone says about when -- you know, in like press junkets, and you see actors they always say like, it was amazing. and it was so gross, but it really was. >> seth: yeah. >> and also, you know, she's like a person, she's a beloved actor. everyone knows how great reese weatherspoon was. but then, you're there and you're actually like working with her and doing scenes with her. and i just would get like caught up watching her, it just felt i was watching like a really great reese witherspoon movie. >> seth: right. >> and i'm like, my god, she's extraordinary, she has -- of course she has an oscar sitting at home. this is amazing. and now it's time for me to say my line, and i would [ bleep ] everyting up. [ laughter ] but she really was and is great. in this show, she's amazing. >> seth: you -- couldn't help notice you have a very nice beard. >> oh, thank you. >> seth: the beard was your idea? >> it was my idea. >> seth: you brought the beard to the character? >> it was my one contribution, to the show, just doing something where --. >> seth: reese witherspoon brought her incredible acting talents, and then adam scott grew a face hair. >> he did something where all i had to do was sit there for a month and a half. [ light laughter ] yeah, 'cause i grew up in -- the show takes place in monterey and i grew up in santa cruz, which is right nearby. so i insisted to the director that, you know, i know this guy, he works at home. he's a stay-at-home dad, i know this guy has a beard and he wears fleece vests. like, that was what i insisted on. >> seth: got it. >> then, you know, we shot the show for six months and i was stuck with this giant beard the whole time. >> seth: and does that mean you will never go back to beards? was the beard uncomfortable? >> no, no. it was a very -- it was huge. after a while, it just -- everywhere where i would lay down, there would be a layer of pubes wherever i laid my head. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's not great. 'cause if you wake up and forget you have a beard, you're like, what happened? >> whose groin was on my pillow? >> seth: i want to talk about your -- how old are your kids now? >> eight and ten. >> seth: eight and ten. so they're developing taste. they like comedy. >> they like comedy, yeah. >> seth: you are --yet you are having trouble selling them on your work? >> it's true. like -- yeah. they're like -- they're of the age now where getting into -- like, they're super into "the good place." which is a great show. >> seth: fantastic, ted danson, kristen bell. >> "superstore." >> seth: yeah. "superstore." fantastic. >> they love these shows. and i'm kind of always like, hey, guys, you know what would fit perfectly into that like, comedy trifecta is a little show called "parks and rec." >> seth: yeah. [ cheers ] >> thank you. >> seth: i would argue if you watch "the good place" and "superstore" on hulu, it would tell you, you would like "parks and rec." >> oh yeah, it's front and center on hulu. >> seth: yeah. >> and that's where they watch all these shows. and so i suggest it and they're just like, "not really, it doesn't feel right, right now." let's watch this episode of "good place" again instead. like, i popped up on the "good place," 'cause mike schur -- >> seth: same creator. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: our friend. >> and they saw me on it and they kind of like, "whoa, what are you doing on this great show?" [ light laughter ] i was like, well that's my friend, like i did that -- like, we're friends and so i go, and they're like, "huh?" [ laughter ] looking at me like, there might be something here. but still no "parks and rec." >> seth: no "parks and rec." you are very vocal politically. you have gone to some of these very robust protests in the days since the election, and you brought your kids. i have a photo of your daughter, this is the older of the two? >> younger. she's eight. >> seth: younger, okay. this is your 8-year-old. she's very stoic in this photo, which goes very well with the sign, which, i really like that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: but i like -- the sign's jokey but the problems are real. >> she's not -- she's not having any of it. >> seth: you made the point that it's actually because trump sort of talks -- uses the vocabulary and emotions of a child often. >> yeah. >> seth: it's kind of easy to talk to your children about him? >> yeah, it's crazy, like people do make that analogy, trump, he's like a kid, he's like a spoiled kid. i always felt it was kind of a lazy analogy just because there's something more nefarious going on than that, i think. but like, my kids, we didn't make them to go to this march. they asked if they could go. because i think it's important to realize the things that donald trump is doing and saying and the policies he's proposing or the executive orders he's signing, are so kind of, mean and unwise, and ridiculous on an elementary level, that my eight and 10-year-olds independently can surmise and just go, "no, no. i want to register my complaint with the u.s. government." [ cheers and applause ] and i'm very proud of them for that, but it also kind of just reinforces my belief that he's irredeemable piece of garbage. >> seth: please don't ruin it for me, please, please don't ruin it for me. your daughters have excellent penmanship. >> thank you, thank you. i wish i could. >> seth: that's a parent's job. >> that's my writing. it does look like an elementary school student. >> seth: you have the handwriting of an excellent elementary school penman. >> yep. that's right. >> seth: thank you so much for being here. always great to see you. >> thanks. >> seth: adam scott, everybody. "big little lies" premiers sunday on hbo. we'll be back with more on "late night." 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[ light laughter ] >> seth: why? >> why does any wear a wire seth, i'm a rat. i'm a dirty little rat. filthy. i'm working with the feds, man. >> seth: yeah, well, i just don't think anyone here has anything to hide. >> oh, is that right? well, then i guess you wouldn't mind hearing some of this juicy stuff. >> seth: i guess not. >> okay. alright, well, you know, the first person i wore a wire around was paul. hi, paul. >> oh, hey, ben. >> remember when we were chatting in the bathroom last week? >> no. >> paul, you can come clean now, or we can go to the tape. >> i don't know what you're talking about. >> sad. all right. >> hey, paul. it's me, ben. did you see the big game? >> oh hey, ben, yeah, pretty good big game. >> how was the rest of your weekend? >> pretty good. i installed a new speaker system, i committed armed robbery, and i made a wonderful lasagna. >> what was that thing you said before lasagna? >> the speaker system? >> the armed robbery? >> oh yeah, i robbed a liquor store with a gun. i had my reasons. >> what were your reasons? >> i wanted the liquor but i didn't want to pay. hey, wait, you're not wearing a wire, are you? >> i am wearing a wire. >> i should have known you were wearing a wire. >> yeah, you should have, and now you're under arrest you son of a bitch! book 'em, boys. >> get the [ bleep ] take me to the bathroom! >> seth: what's going on? >> now, do you believe me seth? >> seth: i never didn't believe you, i just didn't understand why you were doing it. >> well, i did it because i'm a dirty, no good, disgusting, filthy rat, seth. my home is the sewer. okay? i'm taking everything rotten down there and you're going to come down there and live with me. starting with our cue card guy, wally. got anything to say? [ light laughter ] wally? >> nope. >> oh, nothing about say, maybe, something you said, maybe in a restroom, to maybe to someone who was wearing a wire? >> nope. >> poor wally. all right. hey, wally. >> hey, ben. >> you catch the big game last night? >> no. i was busy murdering seven people. >> that's a lot of people, wally. >> not if you know how to do it. >> how did you do it, wally? >> well, did you see that movie, "jaws?" >> you ate them? >> no! i just invited them over to watch "jaws" and then, oh, yeah, i guess i did eat them. hey, speaking of people, are you planning to go to seth's birthday party? >> no way, i'm not hanging out with seth. that dude's got a bad case of twd. tiny weiner disease. when i say tiny, i mean like this. see ya, wally. >> wow! there it all is. >> well, i guess my cue card days are over. i've just got one question, why did you do it, ben? >> because i'm a stinking, no good, filthy, cheese eating rat, wally. i'm such a rat i might just move to paris, and help a young kitchen boy become the greatest chef who ever lived. and now you're going to jail, so book 'em, boys! >> seth: i got a show to do. >> oh, okay, well, it seems to me like you're being a little bit jumpy, seth. >> seth: i'm a little bit jumpy? >> yeah. just a little bit. >> seth: i'm trying to continue with the show. >> you're trying to get back into things that you maybe don't want to cop to something. i don't lnow, maybe say -- >> seth: i told you not to do this. >> you said that somebody maybe, in a say, i don't know, a bathroom who was wearing a say wire. >> seth: i don't like you anymore. >> hmm. that's too bad, let's go. >> hey, seth. >> seth: hey, ben. >> see the big game last night? >> seth: yeah. i could have sworn the falcons were going -- >> ha-ha me, too. seth, why aren't you wearing any pants? >> seth: i'm trying to show off my huge package. of course i'm kidding, as you can clearly see i have the tiny weiner disease. the truth of me matter is i was eating a sandwich and got a little mustard on my pants so now i'm cleaning them in a toilet. >> you know you're not supposed to be eating when you're in show clothes. the wardrobe department hates that. >> seth: man, [ bleep ] the wardrobe department. [ bleep ] susan, [ bleep ] eric, [ bleep ] meg and especially, [ bleep ] debra. >> her name is donna. >> seth: i don't care, i'm rich. now, if you'll excuse me, i have money to count. one dollar, two dollars, three dollars. >> wow. that's pretty embarrassing. >> seth: yeah. yeah, it is. remember that same time we were in the bathroom and you were wearing a wire? >> yeah. >> seth: well, guess what. i was wearing a wire. [ cheers and applause ] >> four dollars, five dollars, six. >> oh, seth, one more thing. >> seth: yeah, what's up, ben? >> i burned down a motel 6 last night. >> seth: wow, were there people in it? >> oh, yeah. business men, business women, and business children. [ light laughter ] bye, seth. >> seth: by, ben. so what do you say now you sick, twisted monster? >> i guess i've got nothing to say except i guess it looks like -- like, we're all done here now, seth. like, it looks like maybe this time the rat got trapped in his own trap. and i mean, if it weren't for -- well, how you doing? >> seth: book em, boys! [ light laughter ] >> i guess i'm going to jail for life. >> seth: book 'em, boys. >> book me, boys. >> seth: we'll be right back with music with charlotte oc. 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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ it wasn't meant to be like this a life for someone else ♪ ♪ there's a road to the righteous that doesn't ♪ lead through hell ♪ there's a drop on your eyelid that stays just for him ♪ ♪ there's a scream in your silence ♪ ♪ that doesn't let anyone in now you don't understand why you stayed ♪ ♪ as you wake in the coffin he made you m ♪ you're a stone that's been thrown in the lake ♪ ♪ now you're sinking it sinks in ♪ ♪ in the top of the tower the devil he waits the devil he waits for you ♪ ♪ in the darkest of hours we prayed we prayed for you ♪ ♪ i know you've been locked up there with no hope anywhere ♪ ♪ in the top of the tower the devil he waits the devil he waits for you ♪ ♪ now you lay in the ashes of the house you built out of old books and matches but you lay there still ♪ ♪ in a town of black magic and they're out to kill here's my heart you can have it ♪ ♪ and you always will ♪ now you don't understand why you stayed ♪ ♪ as you wake in the coffin he made you m you're a stone ♪ you're a stone that's been thrown in the lake ♪ ♪ now you're sinking it sinks in ♪ ♪ in the top of the tower the devil he waits the devil he waits for you ♪ ♪ in the darkest of hours we prayed we prayed for you ♪ ♪ i know you've been locked up there with no hope anywhere ♪ ♪ in the top of the tower the devil he waits the devil he waits for you ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ it wasn't meant to be like this a life for someone else ♪ ♪ there's a road to the righteous that doesn't lead through hell ♪ ♪ in the top of the tower the devil he waits the devil he waits for you ♪ ♪ in the darkest of hours i prayed prayed for you ♪ ♪ i know you've been locked up there no hope anywhere ♪ ♪ in the top of the tower the devil he waits the devil he waits for you ♪ ♪ in the top of the tower devil he waits devil he waits for you ♪ ♪ in the darkest of hours we prayed we prayed for you ♪ ♪ i know you've been locked up there ♪ ♪ no hope anywhere ♪ in the top of the tower devil he waits devil he waits for you ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: charlotte oc, folks. preorder the debut album "careless people" now. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] we're taking never ending to the next level, at olive garden. for the first time ever. never ending classics starting at $11.99. switch it up between never ending helpings of your most loved classic dishes. because the best things in life should be never ending. at olive garden. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to damian lewis, adam scott. charlotte oc, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] brann dailor, 8g band, stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> carson: welcome to "last call." i am your host carson daly, and this is the beautiful skylark in new york city. toniwe