Problems can become complex, but the solutions are like its like when you go to the doctor and say, it hurt when i do that. And he says, dont do that. Stephen by the way, thats a terrible doctor, by the way. I mean, if you tore a rotator cuff, thats not good enough. But, doc im a pro athlete. I cant feed myself anymore. Well, dont eat. Try learning to use your feet. Try combing your hair with your feet. It does stop hurting. Stephen it does stop hurting. Thats true, thats true. Sometimes there are basic rules of life people forget like do not reward bad behavior. Stephen such as . If your kid is throwing a tantrum, do not reward the tantrum. Dont give in to the kid. Dont give them what they want. I see mothers all over america. cheers and applause you know, they reward bad behavior. Stephen those are either people who have terrible children or live near them. laughter . No, those are people that got away with the tantrums and theyre just glad i didnt say it till now. So, i mean, really, you just its simple. You dont reward bad behavior. People do that too much. Stephen well, listen, youre a doctor. I have got a doctorate, an honorary doctorate of combine arts from knoxx college, okay. So what im going to do tonight is last week i asked some members of my audience two tweet do you mind if i look that over. Stephen maybe a little later. Im not going to leave you alone with that or my emmy. I asked some of my viewers out there to tweet some of their psychological problems to me, not saying that you were going to be on the show, and they sent me a couple of good ones. Heres one from matthew kern whats your advice . Does he do it or not . Get a new girlfriend. Because if i mean, thats his beard. If thats him, if thats who he wants to be and shes judging him based on that, i mean, i am i live with hair problems. laughter okay . Theyve got to accept you with i suppose so. Real. I promise you. Im going to differ with the doctor on this one. Okay, matthew, im going to say no matter how much chuck you throw into the grinder, the burger is not going to matter unless the yidled is hot. A beard. Think about the fur on your face kiss it. Shave that thing off, and thats good eating. God, is that what applause . Stephen is that metaphor too complex for you . Is that 52 folksy for you, doctor. That sounded like me with an echo. Stephen im trying to get you 4. 4 Million People. I want your audience, doc. That was good, actually. The advice was wrong, but it was good rhetoric. Stephen how do you know if the advice is wrong . How do you know if your advice is work or not . Do you ever check up on these people . Oh, no. Hell no. laughter applause stephen thats dr. Phil, i and now well be right back after this commercial message. Okay. How about one more. How about one more okay. My exgirlfriend this is from that one guy hayden 12. What do you think . You go get your damn cat. cheers and applause you go get your cat. You dont you dont let somebody you dont let somebody take your cat. Now, they can take your car. They can they can take your cat. Im a cat guy. Stephen youre a cat by . You gotta go get your cat. Stephen i disagree. All right. Heres my advice. Cats have nine lives. Let your cat live its. You dont miss your cat. You miss your girlfriend, all right . laughter applause are you going th cry . You look like youre going to tear up. Are you going to cry . You need a lot of help. laughter stephen well, i hope youll come back and give it to me many times. I will. I promise. Stephen dr. Phil, hes on monday through friday. Check your local listings. Matter . Yeah id like that. Who are you talking to . Uh, its jake from state farm. Sounds like a really good deal. In the morning . Who is this . Its jake from state farm. What are you wearing jake from state farm . Uh, khakis. She sounds hideous. Well, shes a guy so. With state farm. Get to a better state. ,, cheers and applause are you coming at me like this . Ive literally done everything you wanted to do today. And i even talked to that nasty unmarried bald man. Skews me, would you ladies like to take the 110 or 134. Excuse me, ladies. You know, well take the one 10 then. All you do is tell people hey top this, this instant hey, cut it out enough enough okay. Get out. Thats my car enough get out of my car stephen please welcome jay and mark duplass stephen mark, jay, jay, i am. Stephen now, was working together, like, both of your ideas or did your mom say, you have to let your brother play with you, when you were younger because he loves you so much. Thats a great question. There was a little bit of onus that our parents put on us playing together, working together. They were a little bit nefarious. They would punish us and get to the point where we would rebel against the greater force of our parents and work together. Stephen so you guys bonded through the oppression of your parents. Absolutely. Absolute. It was a bleep cold war in the house. Stephen the show is togetherness. What does that name mean for the show . Because the people on the show arent together that much. Theyre they have trouble with their feelings. Theyre togetherish, rather than togetherness. What ask does that title mean for you guys . Theres a little bit of double meaning with togetherness. Mark and i are family guys. Were cloa closewith our friends. Were close with our parents. Do our best to Stay Together and to work together. But you get to that point after about a week or so where youre doing everything together where youre just like, get me out of here i dont like these people anymore and theres a little bit of a tortured element to togetherness. The concept. And its a lot about how jay and i are. Weve been working together since we were kids, and we always feel like what we do is difficult. Our Television Show is like this large monster that is threatening to destroy us at every turn. And we feel like we have strength in numbers and we need to Stay Together to sort of, like, defeat the frankenstein. Yeah, your brothers help you with this show, right . Yeah. Because you dont want to die. laughter you you know that i dont, i dont want to die, jay. But you are your show is going to kill you. Stephen theyre all lawyers. They could help me sue someone. So, theyre not helping im the only one in my family who is in entertainment. All right, hes going to die. Probably going to be okay. Yeah. Stephen because youre brothers, is there a sort of semisecret twin language that you use . Like a code you have that other people dont understand . Yeah, i mean, we have to be able to in any given situation because were directing together Say Something about someone, and have them not really know whats happening, you know. Thats true. It can be helpful we have some code just a little something. We could talk a little bit. Stephen try. Would you like . We could have a little interaction that maybe you could figure out. Stephen ill try to. If were sitting here on a talk show and it was going really poorly, for instance. laughter and we felt our host the host is not pulling his weight. Stephen all right. I would Say Something like, gee, this dudes cream cheesing up on this all over the place. I would say white van. White van. Definitely white van. Stephen i dont know i you get the gist. Stephen i dont understand what cream cheese means. White van sounds like youre going to murder me. Thats it stephen and put me in a white van and ride away. Our grandmother when she didnt have anything for the recipe, if it called for something white, she would just put cream cheese in it. Rice . I dont have those. Lets put the cream cheese in. Thats now our family terminology for someone hodoesnt quite know who theyre doing but tries to make it happen anyway. laughter . And, also, we were really sweet and sensitive as 13yearold kids, basically treating our grandmother, who grew up in abject poverty with like, is there cream cheese in this the woman who was, like, scared to buy anything at a grocery store. Stephen where does white van come from . White van, our father say lawyer and he had a private detective who would often talk about all these nefarious things he would do with the white van. And there was this suggestion at a certain point that if someone was acting really would have to take them away in a white van. laughter . Stephen see, thats forget my brothers. Thats who i want helping me with my show. Absolutely. Absolutely. Stephen well, mark, jay, thanks so much for being here. Thank you for having us. Stephen good luck with frankenstein. Stephen season two of togetherness premieres february 21 on hbo. Jay and mark duplass, everybody well be right back. Lease a 2016 lincoln mkx for 399 a month only at your lincoln dealer. Late night at dennys with pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, oj and coffee its the best way to celebrate friendship. Of the 2, 4, 6, 8 value menu. Dennys. Welcome to americas diner. There was a giant made by men. Not from flesh and bone. But bricks and mortar, paper and ink. Its eyes couldnt see. Its heart couldnt beat. It was too big to fail. And too big to succeed. This is the beginning of a bankless world. ,, donkey sound elephant sound theres a big difference between making noise, tapping sound and making sense. elephant sound donkey sound when it comes to Social Security, we need more than our next president needs a real plan to keep Social Security strong. elephant noise hey candidates. Enough talk. band playing stephen welcome back, everybody. My next guest is a Georgetown University professor, a bestselling author, and an msnbc politicial commentator. Please welcome michael eric dyson. applause stephen brother dyson, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me, brother colbert. Stephen lets get to the heat of the meat. You have a new book called the black press against, barack obama and race in america. I realize this is the first black presidency. Right. Stephen you seem to be there is opposition to barack obama often that has a racist tinge to it, opposition opposition to barack obama doesnt mean youre a racist, though, youll agree with na. Absolutely right. About the president. You can speak back to him. You can disagree tow him. Racist. Im suggesting despite the ideological and political differences theres an overlay of kind of racist reactions. For instance, a congressman stands up in congress and shouts, you lie. A governor from arizona puts her fing in his face on the tarmac before the world. A reporter at the white house refuses to let him finish his press conference. This is unprecedented kind of stuff. Stephen so rudeness equals racism in this equation. Not at all. Stephen thats all rude but you cant prove its racist. No other president has endured that, number one. Stephen they said some pretty bad stuff to bill clinton. They were pretty mean to him at times. I said some pretty rough stuff about george bush. Look at the racial overlay. Hes from kenya. Can we trust you. Stephen 43 of republicans believe hes a muslim. 15 of democrats, and, like, 23 of independents. As Jerry Seinfeld says, not that theres any problem with that, but the reality is, the guys a christian. Hes been in the church for 20some years and hes been dismissed. The republicans dont believe in abortion but they want to retroactively remove him from birth. They want to distance him from his own body. And i think, look, when you think about the fact. cheers and applause when you think about the fact that barack obama has many more Death Threats than any other president , that the kind of disrespect and acnoni thats been unleashed against him and the Birther Movement, weve got a guy running for president right now who led a Birther Movement suggesting this man was not really an american citizen. Stephen but now, donald trump has moved on to accusing a white person of not being from america. Isnt that progress . Now that hes accusing cruz, isnt that racial progress . No doubt. Youve got to give me that. Well there, would be racial progress but real racial progress would be if a black man could say, if i stood in the middle of the street and shot somebody, i would still get votes. That would be racial progress. cheers and applause . Stephen i dont recommend he say that. I dont recommend he say that. If obama dreamed he could bodonetsk, that he would wake up and apologize. He would have to say im sorry for imagining that. He has to be cool, calm, and dispassionate. People keep say why doesnt the president get emotional . Because an angry black man scares the heck out of many people, right . Ask cam newton. Stephen let me ask you this are you angry . Are you angry. Im not angry at all. I love being here with you. Stephen its a pleasure to have you. Bernie sanders did pretty well in iowa. He is leading in New Hampshire by a substantial margin. But people say beyond, that when he gets into states with hispanic and African American populations voting for president , hes in trouble. What do you believe bern kedo to appeal to the African American population. Though i realize youre not feeling the bern. Youre headed for the hills. What does bernie have to do . What does bernie have to do . I think if he pulled out an impression of naz in 1984, and dropped it, he would youre telling me Hillary Clinton can do that . Hillarys got bars. Hillarys got bars. Bernie sanders is an amazing guy. A democratic socialist running in a very contested race for an american presidency. I think thats remarkable and i love that hes doing that and i love that Hillary Clinton could potentially become the first female president of the United States of america. applause and i believe barack obama has paved the way as a black man, it will be far easier for her as a white woman to be president because he has already broken and proclaimed the virtue and intellect of difference in this country. Stephen hold on for a second. Let me speak for women right now and say sisters are doing it for themselves. No doubt, no doubt. Stephen Michael Eric Dysons new book is the black presidency barack obama and the politics of race in america. Thank you, sir. applause we brought you here today to get your honest opinion about this new car. To keep things unbiased, we removed all the logos. Feels like a bmw. Reminds me a little bit of like an audi. So, this car supports apple carplay. Siri, open maps. She gets me. Wow. It also has teen driver technology. It even mutes the radio until the seat belts are buckled. Im very curious what it is. This is the 2016 chevy malibu. It starts at twentytwo five. What . Oh wow. I mean with all this technology. Thats a game changer. Never underestimate the power of energizer. Our longest lasting energizer max ever. Here we go. Ah man, who invited these guys . Hey clay, its cool if we order some delivery . It s time for you guys to make the right call. Were having digiorno pizza, tfreshbaked in my own oven. T okay. It s not delivery, it s digiorno. Points, points, our points. There has got to be a way to redeem our hotel points. I just want to take a vacation. This seems crazy. Oh really . Tell us something we dont know, captain obvious. Ok. With hotels. Com, when you collect 10 nights you get one free. Oh. So you only need to know ,, i am a mother. Im a journalist. I am a singer. A businesswoman. I am an artist. An advocate. A leader. A queen. I am a friend. I am. I am one of more than a Million People living with hiv in the u. S. We are not alone. My brother brian was my best friend, but when he went to college and struggled with depression, he felt alone. He thought he was to blame and no one would understand. When he finally told me he was hurting, i didnt know what to do. A few months later, my brother took his life. If someone you know is struggling like brian did, find out how to help. What will you say when someone suffering from depression comes to you . Announcement this storm promises to be the biggest of the decade. With total accumulation of up to three feet. Roads will be shut and schools are closed. Campbells soups go great with a cold and a nice red. Made for real, real life. Cant afford to let heartburn get in the way . Now the 1 selling brand for frequent heartburn. Get complete protection with the new leader in frequent heartburn. Thats nexium level protection. What are you doing . Are back. Not those fans did you mean this fan . Grumbles what about theres a fan in the break room, oh and in the. trails off the difference between its a person who believes they can, surrounded and supported by othersby us u. S. Bank the power of possible. With 40 megs of Internet Speed a family of four can all be online at the same time, streaming, gaming, or downloading movies. Yeah, the internets great, but i think hair and makeup went a little too far. Yeah, thats not working. I much prefer the twoday beard, hornrimmed glasses, justsleptinhiscar kinda thing. Okay. Be paul giamatti. Thats the essence of this role. Feel like a hollywood insider with highspeed internet from centurylink. Stephen and now, making his Television Debut with a special performance from his album, malibu, please welcome, Anderson Paak and the free nationals. Yeah, all of that back you carrying you gotta be kidding me all that body that you came with but where are you mentally i know you hear all the time but you aint gonna hit for me i just wanna focus on and love this they say the heart is underneath underneath and guarded in i finally found the key open your heart x spots the mark baby dont turn a frown make an ass out yourself, baby open your heart six years old i tried my first pair of jordans on it was late in the fall i caught a glimpse of my first love, my god knees hit the floor, screams to why they had to take my ma . Before the feds come and get you your moms in prison, your father need a new kidney you familys splitting, rivalries between siblings if cash aint king its damn sure the incentive and good riddance new york city are you with us . applause bout the year drizzy and cole dropped before k. Dot had it locked i was sleeping on the floor, newborn baby boy tryna get my money pot so wifey wouldnt get deported cursing the heavens, falling out of orbit truma roll this seven, tryna up my portion what about your goals . What about your leverage . So they dont force you into some hole whats the meaning of my fortune meeting . When i crack the cookie all it said was keep dreaming i see leaves missing generations of harsh living and addiction i came to visit during the seven year stint but they wouldnt let me in because my license suspended now im scraping the pennies just to kiss you on your cheek its gonna be a couple weeks before i get it six years old i tried my first pair of jordans on momma can you carry me . It was late in the fall i caught a glimpse of my first love, my god momma can you carry me . Knees hit the floor, screams to the lord why they had to take my ma . To the early morn to the Early Morning to the Early Morning yeah, oh, oh, oh momma can you carry me . cheers and applause stephen wooo Anderson Paak and the free nationals, everybody ,,, stephen thats it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be michael strahan, samantha bee, and a musical performance by wilco. Now stick around for james corden. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org reggie are you ready its the late, late show colson, illinois, give it up for your host, the one, the only, james corden [cheering and applause] james good evening, welcome to the late late show. Ive had a great day. Thanks very much. Thank you ladies and gentlemen, valentines day is about a week away, and a lot of people around this time of year feel the pressure to coupleup. One couple in Orange County is definitely feeling it because been messaging each other on instagram. They met on friday and got married ten minutes later in baggage reclaim. I know youre thinking this doesnt sound like a good idea. And after seeing this story you can see why instagram shoot itself down. You leap into that like theres no tomorrow and thats what were doing. For months their romance grew with original poetry along with videos. Artie bought a oneway plane ticket then oh my gosh hi, im erica. Artie poches artie pops the question. Your advice to all these loveseekers out there. Listen to your head. James is it purposeful that meeting at the airport. You know that both of these people have a lot of baggage. You know, you have to scale it is nice that someone found love on instagram or as i report this story next week, someone found their murderer on instagram. Take a look at the photo of this guy, look at that. The guy proposed and got married with a bluetooth in his ear i hope the person on the other end of the headset was like, im kidding, theres never been another person on the other end of a bluetooth. Anyway, if youd like to get the couple a wedding gift, theyre registered at hudson news, burger king, and one of those tiny kiosks that only sell bottled water and hummus. But these two werent the only people looking for love online. It turns out, an associate of osama bin ladens, who is Guantanamo Bay was recently found to have a match. Com profile. Well, i guess we know the answer to the question your place or mine . In order to update his profile from prison, he writes letters to his lawyer. This guy writes updates about a wide variety of things, for example, about Caitlyn Jenner he wrote, happy for her because people are born the way they are. I cant believe im going to say this but i think i have a favorite member of al qaeda. Im not saying i like him, hes just my favorite. Its a low bar. Its a low bar. Hes the best of a bad bunch. With women was hello . One of my own. I just hope this former al qaeda online. After last years Ashley Madison hack, dating online couldnt be more complicated. But it turns out there may be a solution. Ashley madison has revealed a brand new fix to counter the breach in security they faced in 2015. To allow people to cheat on their spouses in anonymity, the profile pictures will now feature. Wait for it. Masks. This is what the new security feature that hides your identity on Ashley Madison looks like. We are not making this up who is this for . Is someone thinking, i need to cheat on my wife, but discreetly. What would the hamburglar do . We here at the late late show have been wondering if this will work. Lets take a look and see some of the new Ashley Madison users to see if you can get an idea of who they are. Wow. Complete anonymity. Youve done it again, Ashley Madison. Shall we see who our guests are tonight . In the red room, shes a brilliant comedian you know from midnight, inside amy schumer, and nikki sara live, the hilarious, nikki glaser hi nikki, wow hi hey nikki all ready for the show . Im so ready like i couldnt be more ready. James wow, going to the yeah, just this is just me, you know . Just have to be me, just want to be comfortable. James do you man, do you. They told me you were coming to the dressing room, i thought i didnt have to be. James i get it. Stick with it, nikki glaser and the blue room tonight, an absolute streak, emmy award winner, lets face it, accommodate icon. Lets say Rosie Odonnell is here there she is. Somebody took my spanks from my room. James that wasnt nikki that was actually me. Im out there i got some stuff to james i should warn you they are only an inch wide by two inches high, if you bounce yourself in i go neck to ankle. Thats my spanks. Thats the sausage specialty. James roandz james and in the orange room, you know her from the hit tv show masterchef junior, where just last week she became their youngest winner ever and the first female to win in the history of the show. Its the champion herself, addison oasta smith james im doing well how are you . Im doing really good. James you just won master chef. Yes i did. James how does it feel . Amazing. James has your life changed . A little bit. Paparazzi. I see them in the bushes. James addison is going to cook up something later right . James reggie, are you ready . Hes reggie watts, im james corden and this, this is the late, late show roll the titles. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by cbs the late, late show, oh, oh the late, late show, ooh the late, late show, oh, oh the late, late show oh, oh the late, late show james how you doing reg . James was that the mood you had last night . Reggie i think it had to night. James what did you do last night . Reggie the band played at el cid and bright lights james bright lights, the rest of the band seem amazing. Reggie theyre incredible. Im so sensitive. James thats what, youre a sensitive guy, thats what everybody says about you, a maverick who refuses to play by the rules. Reggie we love you [cheering and applause] james so once again, i stayed up all night watching videos on youtube and learning new things. It was totally worth it because now i get to share those things with you. Making new friends is hard. What a baby reggie definitely a baby. James definitely a james moving on, tonight i learned, a new definition of the term, swingers. And what you get when you make your own sex swing. Next up tonight i learned theres always more fish in the sea. Im here, at the beach and and finally i learned the standing on an egg. What was the best Case Scenario . What did he hope was going to happen . What was the best thing that could happen . Look at this video of me standing on an egg. This has been tonight i learned. After the break, we debut a brandnew game that you wont want to miss. Well be right back. Whats the most awarded car company of the year . Ranking from top to bottom. Luxury cars just seem like they would be top awarded there better be some awards behind what you are paying for, right. The final answer. Chevy. The most awarded car company two years in a row. Wow, its like a luxury car. I was shocked. I mean its like, this is chevy . Current qualified gm lessees can get a sign and drive lease for around 179 per month. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. There was a giant made by men. Not from flesh and bone. But bricks and mortar, paper and ink. Its eyes couldnt see. Its heart couldnt beat. It was too big to fail. And too big to succeed. This is the beginning of a bankless world. Dont bank. Sofi. Theres got to be a way to redeem our hotel points. I just want to take a vacation. This seems crazy. Tell us something we dont know, captain obvious. Ok. With hotels. Com, when you collect 10 nights you get one free. P oh. And this room smells like cat food and sadness. Fact. Advil pain relievers are used by more households than any other leading brand. To treat their aches and pains any better than this. Than tough enough to cut it. People are probably going to underestimate me. Man watch out, the metrosexual cowboy is on his way. Oh ,, james many people are betting on how the super bowl will turn out, but we here at the late, late show have our own way of deciding who will win. Downstairs here in the parking lot we have matt, a die hard Carolina Panthers fan and kit, a lifelong Denver Broncos fan. Both have one task to catch as many footballs being thrown from the roof as possible. If matt catches the most balls, we predict that the Carolina Panthers will win. If kit catches the most balls, were going with the Denver Broncos. Yes thats right. This game makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. There is one twist however our fans dont know if they are football. This is our brand new game, positive its going to have its own Spinoff Series within no time. Is it football or cake . Its football or cake. James hey kit hey matt how you feeling . Baby our time. James we couldnt have found two more football dudes. All right one question whos going to win the super bowl . The problem broncos baby. James you ready for this . You going to catch asful as you{ can, youi good, okay lets go, time starts now, here we go. Oh, solid catch. Coming at you. Oh okay. Here we go. Okay there we are. All right. , nice, good catch. Whos got it,{ coming up . Oh hoo hoo{ hoo, ha ha ha. { sreenivasan you guysrhungry, there itr{ is. Here we good, is it a cake or is it a football . Okay, football. Coming down. Whoa whoa come on big dog, its all yours, oh, oh hes gone, football coming down oh good catch of ai cake. Come on big dog{ alli you r right. Oh, its a go all right, okay, doublethrow lets go. Oh nice catch okay, asr our last two footballs to play for oh well, ir can tellr{you kit, you caught more balls and cakes which means, the Denver Broncos are going to win the super bowl. Well be right back with rosie before earning enough cash back from bank of america to help pay for her kids ice time. Before earning 1 cash back everywhere, every time. And 2 back at the grocery store. Even before she got 3 back on gas, all with no hoops to jump through. Cash rewards credit card the heat of competition. Thats the comfort of rewarding connections. Apply online or at a bank of america near you. What happens when lobster gets grilled, baked, and paired with even more lobster . You get hungry. And you count the seconds until red lobsters lobsterfest is back with the largest variety of with one tail stuffed with crab, and the other with langostino lobster macandcheese, its a party on a plate and you know every bite of lobster lovers dream lives up to its name. Hey, eating is believing. So stop dreaming and start eating. Working on my feet all day gave me pain here. In my lower back but now, i step on this machine and get my number pwhich matches my dr. Scholls custom fit orthotic inserts. Now i get immediate relief from my foot pain. My lower back pain. Find a machine at drscholls. Com hello my love the flame is out. Ugh. Today the flame is out, tomorrow my attitude. Your mother. Antonio. Antonio. Que . The stove. Its not working. Campbells microwaveable soups. Olay regenerist renews from within. Plumping surface cells for a dramatic transformation without the need for fillers. Your concert tee might show your age. Your skin never will. Olay regenerist. Olay. Ageless. And try regenerist microsculpting eyeswirl. It instantly hydrates to plump and lift. Changing pose. Excuse me, but what does this have to do with chemistry . This isnt advanced figure drawing . Down the hall. Well, do you mind if i borrow some of your cologne . Confulish. That stings, that stings. Confused and foolish. That stings. Hunger keeps inventing new problems,
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