don't forget you're going to love this cd. join us next week from new york. mike huckabee, have a great week, everybody! ♪ sweet home alabama, where the skies are so blue ♪ >> greg: welcome to "red eye." it's like trading spaces if by spaces you mean runaways. let's go to tv's andy levy tv's andy levy for the pregame report. andy, what's coming up on tonight's show? >> coming up on the big show tonight, you won't believe who called a petition calling for roman polan ski's immediate release. an investigation captioned by, closed captioning services, inc. reveals that some national stience foundation workers spent part of their days looking at internet pornography. and finally, should cities require permits for panhandling? some say yes but others say why do they call it panhandling when a pan is almost never involved. >> a gypsy between will perform on gill low teen, greg. >> i'm here with faith, so hot, space heaters are now called space faith salies. bill schulz, even his imaginary friends hate number. in brains were bingo, old ladies would scream out her name in a rec room. interesting. and you would cut him to pieces and feed him to your fish if you had fish or scissors. the new york times correspondent, good to see you again, pinch. >> fu, greg. read bob herbert, only in today's "new york times." >> greg: well done, my friend. no need for the explete ives. he a really just a harmless teddy bear who drugged and raped a 13-year-old but we can't all be perfect. that is what 70 filmmakers seem to be saying of roman polansky, ask having signed a petition to release him. among the signers are martin scorsese, jonathan demi who made the worst movie. rachel getting married and woody allen. yes, shockingly, the bundle of twisted neuroissues who had an affair with his long time romantic companion step daughter thinks it is worse to arrest a man who drugged and raped a 13-year-old than actually drugging and raping a 13-year-old. but thankfully and finally, noted feminist icon whoopi goldberg is leading the charge against polanski. >> i know it wasn't rape, rape. but i don't believe it was rape, rape. >> greg: guess i was wrong there. it wasn't rape, rape. >> maybe she was just stuttering. she was just set iterring. >> a way to make an ugly term a little more cute, greg. >> greg: i got to ask you, is roman polsnski happy that he has woody allen on this petition? >> who else signed it like don johnson and jerry lee lewis and gary glitter? i don't know what kind of recommendation that is. >> greg: it's fantastic. it's awesome because wood. >> allen is thinking somebody worse than me. i just had sex with basically my stepdaughter even though i wasn't married to mia pharoah. and now he can look at mow ran polanski and say well, at least i didn't rape a girl in a hot tub. >> they have to stick together. >> greg: here is the thing i love. seems like all the filmmakers were more offended that he was arrested during a film festival like somehow you are off limits if you are there to see a movie. >> one of them said something like how dare they disgrace the film festival. by arresting a child rapist? >> debra winger, reknowned activist debra winger said that the swiss officials had a collusion that arrested. >> someone brought a thesauru is s. >> i think the clintons should start using that instead of vast right wing conspiracy. >> greg: is that with the male phyllis. >> a dr. fill fan folks bill, i have to admit, does woody allen have the biggest ca jolt noen for signing this. >> i have yet to see the pictures and i do want to. send them to "red eye" care of fox news. we are going on and on with the history with regards to polanski with regard to what happened. i look at the tape of whoopi goldberg and i ask you what happened to her eyebrows. why does she have no eyebrows? >> greg: lay off mr. ablou. >> he has a bone head. >> greg: here is the thing. when whoopi goldberg said rape rape she was talking about the actual charge, i guess is what she meant. >> right. >> versus actuality. >> greg: but she is a feminist. >> not any more. >> greg: good example. huffington post had at least four articles defending roman polanski. she has two teenage daughters, would you be happy or comfortable leaving roman polanski in a room with her teenaged daughters. >> bret: i'm more offended that you name dropped arianna huffington. >> greg: the only reason i brut up the point is so i could name drop arianna huffington. >> whoopi is wrong because he copped a deal to statutory rape. >> greg: and then one of the woman, what is her name on the huffington post. joan. she is the president of women overseas for equality in belgium. >> is that an acronym for something? >> it as word. >> greg: anyway, she said that it wasn't really and she said -- she pooh-pooh ed the situation. she almost said the daughter asked for it. if a man had written it, they would ask for his job. >> this whole thing, i have never been there. flat earth, praise jesus, hit my developmentally delayed son with a spoon. >> she is one of the few flat earthers. earthers. >> you are right. >> greg: from dirt bags to degenerates. in raleigh, north carolina, which is it state in the union, still, bums can actually beg to their smelly heart's content as long as they have a per knit. north carolina actually issues permits to panhandle ares. the paper work is free but the year long license calls for a photo i.d. with or without feces encrusted -- it's true. it happens when you are homeless. once it is made certain that they're not wanted for anything a per knit can be issued. i'm sure you are wondering what does it have to do with a baby rhino? nothing. it has nothing to do with a baby rhino. i just wanted to show a baby rhino. what did you want me 20 do, show you a homeless person? >> i would rather see a rhine know than a wino, put that on a t-shirt. you hate poor people and you are on record assaying that. you abuse them all the time. is this such a bad idea because it creates for panhandling and puts them on a roster. first of all, on behalf of all of the people from the south it's raleigh, north carolina. i actually like that there are some rules. however, the rules are like real aggressive begging and that bothers me because when i'm doling out money i want them to do something. it annoys me when they are there and there is a sign. >> greg: shaking the glass is not enough? >> have you ever been squeegeed? they make the actual window dirtier when they do that. >> greg: that is because they are not using water, bill. >> i never did the math. you are right. >> greg: i still think that even though i hate panhandlers there is a good idea to this. what is good about it? >> it is great to have the rules it is fantastic because i was here in the city walking up 7th avenue a couple blocks from penn station and had a box of munchkins and went to give it to a homeless person with a sign that says she was hungry and she turned it over and it said no national, no glucose, no transfat gi. >> greg: i think if you want to get an i.d. for panhandling you have to sign up. >> you have to have a picture i.d. which is interesting. don't picture i.d.s are like from a passport or driver's license. >> greg: bill, you know, you panhandle outside of fox which is so awkward because i have to come in here for m meetings and stuff and bill who i hired is out in front panhandling. >> i was doing a man on the street for glenn beck and you know it. >> and he has the little cigars. >> and the bow tie with the flower. >> a little fedora with a thing punched out and i tip my hat po people. >> greg: it is really sad. >> and you get money from faith because you do tricks for her. >> he does tricks for me. >> greg: this is the best story of the day. from panhandling to importantining a graphy they pt the nsf in nsfw. some employees at the national science foundation nsf spent hundreds of days pa rousin rout safe for work websites. they were looking at porn at work, naked stuff, things i would never look at especially at work where i spend all my time working. according to a recent employee misconduct investigation one sex crazed exec spent 360 days looking at figure on his computers. worst porn surfing has increased six fold since last year and the hours involved in investigating and adding filtered programs under the agencies it hard drive strained the watch dogs from other investigations. i'm getting too emotional. said the inspector general to congress -- all from porn. investigators have put the cost to taxpayers, 13,000 to $58,000 which, of course, faith the question only $58,000? i would think more money is wasted watching porn than $58,000? >> aren't they saying t is costing us $58,000 for them to investigate? there is no way to tally the man i'm making gender assumption here. the man hours we are losing. because like a year ago they did some sort of tally of how many dollars were lost by participantcy football, so many millions of people do it online. don't you think more people surf porn online but maybe at not work. >> greg: women do not surf porn period at work, mary. do you surf porn? >> at work? >> greg: yes. >> it no. they send it to you in your mailbox for free, don't they? why do you pay for it? i'm constantly getting adds in my mailbox for free. >> bill is sending that to you and don't open up the pictures. >> it is a fun little prank. >> i want to get to faith's gender assumptions here. i hate that. because everyone assumes i don't have a gender assumption. you put us all into a box when you do that. >> greg: i would rather have a bureaucrat surfing porn than actually working because that means they are doing less damage overall to the world. >> that is the name of andy levy's favorite feline the bureau of cats. the reason you are surfing porn is to help overseas women. this guy is my hero. >> greg: the upcoming story is so full of storiness it most by the storyiest story in the history of stories. should hankie panky in dorms be banned? - boys, wake up! - when you use windex, the streak-free shine lets in more light. oh, man, we're gonna be late for school! come on! when do you think she's gonna tell 'em it's saturday? ( birds laughing ) let in the light with windex. s.c. johnson-- a family company. greg-alogue. >> greg: now, if you are like meow know children are evil. they are shing selfish creatures who delight in nearing mucus all over you belongings. supporting president obama's plan for longer days of school. au contraire, which is french, i think obama is off base for a number of reasons. first, when something blows, ordering more of it doesn't help. fact it we don't need more schooling, we need better schools. sadly, teachers unions have created a lock on jobs for even the most moronically incompetent and the only way for a teacher to lose a job these days is if she gives one to a student. they learn more about running for their lives than reading for enjoyment. and really obama's reasoning has nothing to do with being competitive. what we learned from his u.n. speech that he finds winning distasteful. it comes down to his own opinions about america that when compared to a far more allisticated europe we are hicks from the sticks.s from i think he wants them to stay in school longer to learn more school songs to sing about obama. and if you disagree with me, you are probably a racist! greg-alogue. >> faith, i'm assuming you agree with about ten to 15% of my greg-alogue. what make. >> makes me mostly racist. >> can you focus on the part that you agree with and then elaborate on it? >> yes. >> greg: with compliments. >> one, i think we magazine is worth recycling. i got to be honest. i would think you would love this plan because it would cree jet little busy republicans. the kids have to be upset about the plan. >> greg: that is true. here is the thing. i believe they should be getting jobs. what happened to paper routes and paper routes and then paper routes? >> i do agree with you that teachers unions are out of control and that this is an idea that will throw good money after bad before making school longer fix the school system as it is. the rest of the stuff that you said is just bunk. >> wait a second. let me get this straight. you want to fill an already troubled economic area with more people looking for jobs, is that what you want? shorter less competent people trying to get jobs. greg, i'm starting to think you lied when you told meow ha me u had a degree in the economy. >> i. >> greg: i didn't say in the economy. i did say a bar. >> okay. >> has school changed so much? we keep talking about how we lost sight of old school values. >> they teach so much in school as opposed to reading writing and arithmetic. i think they should go year long because i just paid for air conditioning in the local school and i don't even have air conditioning in my house. >> if the kids sweat more maybe they will be less fat. >> exactly. >> greg: stick around for the next story for i will kick over your potted plants. which country has the best lovers? spoiler alert. it is not that country you think it isn't. 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>> a little bit. but nobody likes to be forced to take a side. different if they went out and educated them and said this is why you should take the shot and maybe they would convince more of them to do it. but it is another thing to force them to do it. personally i think it is fine to make this mandate. i'm a healthcare worker and i have to take the shot. it is fine to mandate it because we don't want the health workers getting sick. the swine flu is very contagious and the vaccine is very safe. there will be a few exceptions to people that don't take the swine flu vaccine i mean. >> where do you get your shot? >> i get it at work but i think we will be doing it on your show. >> he was wondering where on your body? >> on my body. >> gets to my next point about when it gets done is that i'm not a medical professional but i'm sure that i can handle a syringe. years of living with bill has taught me many things. >> i will come on the show and give you a shot. >> greg: i meant the other way around. i'm 45. do i really need one. am i getting closer to the age of not needing one. >> you are between the age group of 2 and 49 that can do the nasal spray. >> i have so much practice with nasal spray. >> and you are already a bit of a pig so i don't know if you have immunity to swine flu. >> greg: i don't want people to get scared but they are saying the evacuation seen i vaccine g rushed and it takes year. >> they are pretty routine to make at this point. the basic formula is the same. the difference is the virus that they put within the vaccine to create an immune response in the human. it is very safe. >> greg: it is alive, i guess you call it a live vaccine. >> the folks that are being used as guinea pigs are they just whining. >> they have a point. nobody likes to be forced to tack a vaccination. but they have mandated it. it is for good reasons because we don't want a lot of people getting sick and it is very contagious and it has been shown to be safe and effective. >> greg: i want to move on to another topic. as viewers know, last week bill had a very large hole carved into his back by a doctor. >> what say this doctor? >> greg: can you take a look at it. i want to talk to you about what happened to his back. >> i'm not showing this on the show because i don't want to offend people because it is disgusting but if you need to see it go to bill schulz twitter page and he will have it up there. take a look at it. >> by the way, i'm sing. >> oh, my gosh, it's terrible. no, it's fine. >> greg: that's fine? >> yes, yes. >> you can see his back. >> i know, but so i'm guessing you had a sift that wa cyst ths infected. >> a cyst and anabases over that that was infect. >> when you have something like a cyst or abscess on your body that gets infect #-d the only way to take care of it is to open it up and let all the pus drain. >> i had a hole the size of a shot glass in my back over a week. >> greg: i want to move on because this is disgusting the hell out of me. don't you ever get grossed out? when a patient comes in how do you not go oh, my god, like now? >> it takes a lot to really gross me out. there have been a couple of things here and there along my training years where that was tough where there is anabases in all the wrong places. >> i hear you, believe me. >> greg: i got to tell you, i have been in -- >> i'm a surgeon, i can handle this. >> greg: i have been to doctor visits where they bring in students and so you are sitting there and let's say there is something going on and they are like they go do you mind if these people can sit in and i don't want to be rude so i'm saying sure and i'm going no, this is totally wrong. >> it is about teaching. i was a student ones. in order to get to this point you have to be a stew tent at some point so we have to be able to teach the students and it's good. >> i think you should call the patient beforehand and say if you are going to come in we will have the audience of people who by the way are half my age, some of them very attractive and i might want to make friends with and now i can't because for god's sake they saw me, when you see bill on the street now will you say oh, that is the guy with the gross thing on his back? >> probably. no, it's not that bad. don't worry. it will heal. it takes about six weeks. it heals from the inside out. it will heal and. >> but then i will always have this giant x on my back, right? >> thatle heal and fade. if it doesn't heal completely have it ex-sized once the infection is cleaned up and they will take out the whole cyst and close it. >> i like that. >> greg: "red eye" is the only show at 3:00 a.m. that can take you through treatment of a cyst. only here on "red eye" at 3:00 a.m. >> and that is why we will remain on at 3:00 a.m. >> greg: thank you, doctor