I dont know. [laughter] my point is this, we could really use some good news right about now. Texas governor rick perry plans to be in New Hampshire friday on the way to a possible run for president in 2016. Jon hallelujah. And the lord did tell him to run and he does. That means he wont be in austin, texas, for his arraignment on untilny charges. Jon what . No you cant just give this to me and then just take it away. What kind of cruel god are you . It wasnt the typical booking at the Travis County courthouse tuesday night, and it wasnt the typical mugshot, a smirking sitting governor of texas. Jon i got to tell you, thats an olan mills quality mugshot, chiseled jaw, sunkissed skin, those guys that say, yeah, i might have [bleeped] up a little bit. Its all good. Look, this. Im guessing that old rick perry, he wasnt arraigned on a charge of being criminally handsome. A grand jury in texas indicted perry late friday night on two felony counts, one count of abuse of power, the other count of coercion of a public servant. Jon not to mention a misdemeanor for stealing msnbcs glasses. Look, they need to see, rick the charges stem from perrys threat to fee toe funding for the Travis County district attorneys Public Integrity unit unless d. A. Rosmary lehmberg resigns. The Public Integrity unit at that very time was investigating cronyism and governor perrys Cancer Research program. Jon cronyism in Cancer Research . How does that even work . All the benign tumors go to your golf buddys . How does that work . [laughter] whatever the case, i cant believe governor perry would bully this innocent district attorney, who i imagine is some kind of wellmeaning democratic integrity warrior princess. Lehmberg was air force basessed for driving drunk in april 2013 and was seen acting belligerent at her booking in the nowinfamous video. Youre being arrested for d. U. I. Thats your problem, not mine. [laughter] like the love child of hannibal leggetter and David Hasselhoffs cheeseburger video. Look, lady, thats not how you do a mugshot. This is how you do a mugshot. There you go. If these charges stick, perry could be looking at serious jail time. What does the governor have to be saying about all this. Keep in mind, hes never been the best at the talk. How do i look . Do i look pretty good . You look like youre hanging in there. Come on. You can give me better than that. [laughter] jon perrys going to make kind of a creepy inmate, if you ask me. A little bit of the orange is the new blecch. [laughter] no, no, no. This whole thing is a political hit job. This is political hit job by the democrats to sabotage perrys president ial ambition. Im sure the democrats are lock step united to destroy perry. Even some democrats are saying, you know, this indictment is a led of hooey. The liberal editorial page of the New York Times calls the indictment the product of an overzealous prosecution. Liberal Washington Post columnist ruth marcus dubbed it a shockingly skimpy indictment. I bet the old uberliberal sideboob gazelle is still on board. Rick perrys epic mugshot will change everything you thought you knew about winning the internet. That doesnt even make sense. And yet i want to click on it. I dont. Why would i . National opinion aside, what exactly is the democratic prosecutor trying to do here . The judge who appointed the special prosecutor and the special prosecutor himself are bushappointed republicans. Jon what is happening here . Wait a minute. I get whats going on here. Its the ole switcheroo, democrats are defending perry because they really want him to run for president because he will lose in an albeit entertaining fashion, and republicans are okay with this indictment because that means hell lose, albeit in an entertaining fashion. You know what, to hell with the professional politicians and pundits. Its going to be john q. Six pack the plumber that ultimately decides perrys fate. This is going to help him politically. Talk about a base rallying. This has rallied a lot of conservatives. This makes me like rick perry a little more. This will help him become a darling for the republican base. The publicity its giving him to build and change his brand from the oops rick perry that we saw in 2012. Jon oh, the priceless rebrand from forgetful doof to possible felon. [laughter] the same trick that worked when after the b. T. Gulf oil spill they renamed themselves amalgamated asbestos and [bleeped] incorporated. Well be right back. [cheering and applause] so, youre saying we cant use these innertubes in the pool . Sorry, sir. Its hotel policy. Is it really hotel policy . Im afraid so, sir. Do it. How about now . Woohoo i deserve this. You deserve to be fired. Full flavors, full shapes. Cheetos mixups. Its the real town bud light is building right now for people that are up for absolutely anything. People often ask, is whatever, usa a one trick pony . No. Its a two trick pony. Three if you count the towns boat load of bud light. Four if you count. Queen of clubs. Is that your card . Of course it was. Bud light is creating a town this summer and you can go. Find out more at upforwhatever. Com. Trouble makers. Dreamer of dreamers. We are the yao chinese singing oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Has this kind of passion, this kind of innovation, engineering, design and performance. Been available. For this kind of price. The 2014 cla from mercedesbenz. See your authorized dealer for exceptional offers through mercedesbenz financial services. Oh, welcome back. I want the talk about something near to my heart, germans. Easy people to love, the humor, the language, their whimsical dedication to ruthless efficiency. But relations between our two countries have cooled. Jason jones has more. Ever since putin annexed cry mia, the u. S. Has been urging allies in the e. U. To get tougher with russia, but some of our supposed friends like germany have been reacting a little slower than wed like, so i met with acting german ambassador Philip Akkerman to see whats going on. Theres no doubt theres more Economic Activity between germany and russia than the americans and russia. The german people tend to have a sort of more apologetic view of what putin did. Would you say that you are closer to them than you are to us . No. No, no, no. Thats the exact emphatic response i was looking for. But at the same time, we have an old relationship with russia. We cant throw it away. Remember, we were the ones who said,ic bean and berliner. The other guys. They put a wall up. They shot at you when you tried to run away. Yeah. Just remember who the good guys are. Dont worry. Okay. If were such good friends, whats the problem . Certain disappointment. The trust in america amongst the german public dropped. If we work closely together, if we are friends and allies, one should not spy on your friends. Were in the spying on you. We have seen so many evidence that you are spying on us. Come on. Hes not talking about this old thing, is he . The chancellor of germany told president obama to stop tapping her phone. German leader said trust in the Obama Administration has been shattered and will need to be rebuilt. But if they didnt have anything to hide, why should they care about us spying on them. Do you think there would ever be a reason any time in the history for us not to trust you . Generally speaking, i would say that germany and america have been so close allies that it would be difficult for me to. You cant think of maybe one. Not to trust us . Or two reasons . Its a sentimental thing. The offensive started in 1945 when the u. S. , the ones who really gave us a second chance. You mean third. And we are immensely grateful for that, and. Of all the things that we did see, what did you want us to not see . I am not an intelligence guy. Did you see what i did there . You said not see. Right. Thats right. Youre right, friends should never spy on each other. German press reports suggest the Intelligence Agency spied on turkey for years. [bleeped], were doing the exact same thing you were, which means were meant for one another. It was time to fully heal this divide in a way all americans and germans would appreciate. It sounds like were getting somewhere. Yeah, i have strong feels too, actually. You dont want the lose out on all we have to offer. The germans, you dont know much about beer. Here in america, weve got bud light lime rita. What is this . Oh, its part beer, part margarita, all party. Do they open . Yeah, you bet. Lets do this. To america and germany. Drinking the best beer on the planet. [laughter] yep, it will do that. This is terrible. Uhhuh. Sure is, terribly good. Im so sorry, but i cant drink that. Okay. So thats not you speed. All right. Why dont you traw a strawberryrita. We have a good frirng but you cant force that on me. So the beer summit didnt work, but theres one more idea that could fix all of. This lets do the trust exercise. Did you ever do the trust fall. Stand up, turn around, turn around. You have to trust me. Now close your eyes. Just close your eyes and youre going to trust me. We used to do it in theaters. It was a lot of fun. Basically i stand back and you fall and you trust that im going to catch you. Its a thing to bring us back together. You know what, were done, just like that, way to go. Have a seat. You didnt ask me to fall. I didnt need you to fall because i got all i needed. See, thats trust. You know, what friends shouldnt spy on one another. Youre absolutely right. Best friends. Jason jones, well be right back. Nobody ever stomped their foot and asked for less. Theres a reason its called an all you can eat buffet. And not a have just a little buffet. Because what we all really want is more. Thats why verizon is giving you even more. Now, for a limited time, get more data 1 gb of bonus data every month with every new smartphone or upgrade. Our best ever pricing with the more everything plan and 50 off all new smartphones. Like the htc one m8 for windows or android. Built to inspire envy. Come get your more with verizon. If she hand breaded chicken your mom would make that was delivered right to her door. And if she had a Pressure Cooker in her kitchen. And if she knew the combination to the vault in kentucky where they keep Colonel Sanders secret recipe. Yep this is the kind of chicken she would make, but she doesnt have toits done youre welcome, mom. Fewer turn down every majore label along the way. So they can create one with their best friend. Were macklemore and ryan lewis, and were one of a kind. Some drinks are hardly refreshing. I think well grab a redds wicked apple. trailing off haaa new redds wicked apple refreshingly hard. Jon welcome back. My guest tonight, a comedian. His new book is called the todd glass situation a bunch of lies about my personal life and a bunch of true stories about my career in standup comedy. Please welcome the very funny todd glass. Young man. You like the way i walk out . Look at this. Nice to see you, sir. Jon nice to see you, sir, well well done. Thank you for joining us. The todd glass situation. Thank you very much. I drink water, it makes you look like youre comfortable. Jon do you feel comfortable . I want you to be comfortable. Jon i want you to be a good guest. We worked together many years ago. You were always one of the top comics, funny as hell, what i didnt realize, what you have out in this book is there was something we didnt know about you. Most comedians are hiding how much they drink. You on the other hand had a different situation going on. Yes. Jon what was going on. Well, im not comfortable to talk about it, jon. I told your producer i didnt want to talk about it. [bleeped] im here to promote my appearance at the d. C. Improv. Thats it. Jon tell us about the pakistanafghanistan conflict. Thats all i want to know. Well, about two years ago i. A lot of my comedian friends knew they was sort of in the closet, which is a term im not crazy about. I have affectionately said i would rather it be something tougher like maybe busting out of the shed or something. Jon there you go. Boom, yeah. Im still a guy, right . Jon right. They have to make it sound so feminine. So about two years ago, before the show we were saying, its funny because i as im promoting the book, im talking about it, you know, but before i didnt want to come out because i was really afraid it would become my identity. I didnt want to say become my identity, which it hasnt. Jon so you were, you know, so natural on stage, so charismatic, so funny, but i cant imagine as a performer, not being able to express like the whole of yourself. Was that exhausting as a performer, as someone who even wanting to talk about the confusion you faced about it or not wanting that to be your identity. Was that the most difficult part . Well, you know, it was because i could never talk about it. I couldnt even. Like if i got in an argument with someone i was dating, which was chris, who is here tonight, and hes so nervous, he says, dont talk about my name on the show, my friends in florida will find out. Jon how many chriss can there be in florida. Right, theres one. Its him, everybody. [laughter] i know he hates that. But, yeah, because on stage, i would tell stories about my girlfriend. I had more stories about my girlfriend from a guy that had girlfriend, but they were true stories. I just switched the sex. You know what i mean . Which proves how the relationships are the same, because never once did i tell a story which was about a guy but saying a girl. I just went, thats weird. We would always joke that the only time i would get caught in that is on a specific situation like if i said, im at the airport and i had the use the bathroom and i was talking to my girlfriend who was peeing next to me. Wait a second. Jon i could see that being problematic. Then i would get caught. Jon did you. You have this situation. Youre living with your boyfriend chris, and then a woman. I like to say, what i like the say is partner in crime. Partner in crime. And our crime is we disobey a fake god. Jon that works out. Huh . Thats right. Jon do you feel. Whats the feeling . What is. Is there a sense of unburdening . Is there a sense of. What is your feeling . Are you still conflicted . Are you not conflicted . Whats the feeling . You know what, i was happy before. I really was, but, jon, its so much better. Its like every day ill be talking about something, even casually to a friend, and i have a podcast. Some of the kids that work on it are like 20, 21 years old, we can have conversation, just honest conversations. And its so much better. It really is a wetter way. The plates spinning. I think when a lot of people, even people who dont care, dont realize the plate spinning that goes on with hiding it. Like when we would have dinner parties, i tried to toughen it out, take out the party part, it sounds gay. We had dinners we ate steak. Jon hungry man dinner. We did coke and a lot of [bleeped]. [laughter] wed be like, who knows . Who doesnt know. Ill be honest with you now, i like to. I dont like to cook. I like to look at the set table. Like if youre having a big dinner. I like the look of it. No soda can. I would be so mortified that my friends would figure me out, and i would say, before everyone came over, it was like i was interrogating you, andrea, who set the table. What do you say . Shed be like, i said it. And id say, dont do it like you did it laugh last time and laugh about it and say its no big deal. And then remember one time, this is so true and its so embarrassing now in hindsight, she told someone, she goes, oh, todd said he doesnt want everyone to know. Im not kidding you. The next day, im like why the [bleeped] did you do, that andrea . I told you not to say that. Jon well, im very happy for you, and the nice thing is youre the same guy as you were back then, and hilarious and have always had the respect and admiration of all your peers. Cool. Jon what the hell. Todd glass, man. The todd glass situation on the books now. Watching the d. C. Improv. He wasnt kidding around. Wait, are you running full adobe photoshop on a tablet . Yep. But its not just a tablet, its really a laptop. Its a surface pro 3, with a touchscreen. Well it cant be as fast as my mac. Sure, it can. And it is. But you probably cant plug anything into it. I have a usb mini display port. Plug away. And this is my favorite its the kickstand. So youre saying it does more than my mac . Well technically, you said it. Jon thats our show, before you go, quick thing, as you know, for the last few years i have been working on this project, this feature film, and it was why i was gone last summer. I left the show to be hosted by john oliver, who was so bad at it, i dont think hes ever been heard from again. I dont know what hes doing. I think hes out of the business. But the movie is about a friend, a journalist, maziar bahari. The iranian government held him captive for reporting on the iranian peoples protest for freedom. There while he was in tehran, maziar also taped a daily show interview with our own jason jones, and i think youll find this fun, the iranian government then accused him of being an american spy. You can imagine the laugh they had when they realized their mistake, and by laugh i mean brutal interrogate of maziar for weeks. Maziar wrote this incredible book about the experience. We turned it into a film with the incredible gael Garcia Bernal as maziar. Its going to come out in november, but the trailer is being released today. It occurred to me since i have a nightly television show. [laughter] i could mention it and show you a couple of scenes that arent in the trailer but give you a sense of sort of why we got involved. This is a quick one from the movie, a reenactment of maziar and jasons interview in tehran. Americans and iranians have a lot of things in common more than they have differences. What do i have in common with you . What is the numberone enemy of the United States . Al qaeda. Al qaeda is also the number one enemy of iran. Al qaeda minutes say if you kill an iranian or if you kill a shiite, you go to heaven and you get 72 virgins. Well, they wont be virgins for too long, huh . Right . You know what im saying . [laughter] jon thats jason jones, very talented actor, and its why here we mostly have him putting his penis into cantaloupes. I dont know why we do that. We really have to utilize him better. So to just give you a sense, this is maziar in prison and his interrogator is confronting him with this damning evidence. Sir, youre making a big mistake. I am a journalist. Thats it. Nothing more. Just a journalist. Yes. As a spy, im just trying to figure out why your country is so terrifying. First thing to know about iran is that it is not even. Americans and iranians have a lot of things in common more than