Memba when yuh dig hole a two yuh fi dig certain likkle bwoy we a stop deal wid claim seh dem a friend and dem badmind deh friend my style is di bom, digi bom, di deng, di deng digigi carubuano peer with di bom, digi bom, di deng, di deng digigi sweet, dreamy theme playing cool rock theme playing dog barks nice. Sorry good catch. Boys, lunch is ready. There you go. squeaking woman gasps screaming aint no doubt about it, lady. You got a load of rats down there. gasps woman whimpering damn, is it 3 00 . I gotta get outta here. But, wait, what about my basement . Well, just call and make a followup appointment. Its no problem. But. You. Oh, sh oh upbeat, cheerful theme playing boy hey, go to first, go to first man fire fire nice throw. Boy 2 hey, hey over here, over here man much faster. Go to the ball, go to the ball. Here we go. Couple more. Boy 3 throw it, second base boy 4 throw it. Man safe. team chattering boy cover the bag, cover the bag. Man bring it in. Here you go. team chattering motorcycle approaching ahhh. Got one of those for me . Nice try, you little creep. Mr. Buttermaker. Mr. Buttermaker. Youre late. I got held up, sorry about that. Are you drinking . Oh, hell, no. Thats, uh. Nonalcoholic. Im drivin, you know. laughs oh. Im so sorry. You hear that, toby . Drinking and driving dont mix. Thats right. Stay away from crack too. One hit of that stuff, and you wake up in prison married to some guy named big blue, and hes branding his initials in your ass with a hot coat hanger. I knew a guy. Uh uh uh, yes, crack. Is bad too. Yeah, i know, mom. But we are really excited to have you do this, and tobys really excited to play. Arent ya, honey . Uhhuh. Between his trumpet lessons, photo club, boy scouts and swimming, this is his favorite, isnt it, honey . Can you believe they tried to keep these kids out of the league . All kids should be able to play baseball, no matter what their skills. Well, i think they heard me loud and clear. All that aside, forget i filed the injunction. Just go out there and have fun. Dont let the legalese crimp your enthusiasm in any way. Yeah, i got enthusiasm flying out my ass. Got the check . Its a shame none of the fathers could be here. Is that thing glued to your fingers . Oh laughs i almost forgot. There. I think its really important what were doing for the kids. I feel really good about it, dont you . Yeah. inhales ohhh. Toby, have fun. Mr. Buttermaker . Yeah. Is it true you were on the mariners . Long ago and far away. Here, carry that. Where do we get the equipment . Over there. Woman sorry the stuffs so ratty, but this is a sixteam league. And im afraid your boys are gettin the spit end of the stick. Yeah, i can spell it all right. Does she think im 11 . Woman nice goin, girls girls cheering announcer over p. A. next up for the flyers, number 9, sarah green. Girl softball players. Think we all know what that means, right . How you doin . Ray bullock. Hey, Morris Buttermaker no, no, no. No introduction necessary. Morris the blade buttermaker. Carvin up batters, one by one. Huh . Sound familiar . I used to watch you over at regis field in high school. You were. Amazing. Man, i was just a kid, but. You owned it. Its great youre doin this, morris, really. I mean, a pro, finally, somebody who gets it, you know . I gotta tell you, a lot of these dads, they dont. They dont understand the dedication that it takes to run a serious program. No offense, but that, uh. Ms. Whitewood friend of yours, shes shes not helping things, you know . I mean, yeah, i get it. We were a little selective, kept some of the lesser players out. But. Stoppin the season till we complied . Come on. This is a serious program. Not because i want it that way, either. Its for the kids, you know . Ah, listen to me goin on and on. You know what it takes. Anyway, i think were gonna have a lot of fun. Learn a lot from each other, you know . Huh . You know. I never thought id hear myself say, look at the ass on that second baseman. But look at the ass on that second baseman. A lot of brisket butt. All right. Well, listen, ill ill see you around. Uh. Or stop by, see me sometime. Im over at chevy valley subaru. Quality you can drive. Heh. fun, mellow theme playing all you need is a jar of honey and a glass coffee table. Its more fun than a taffy pull, i promise you. Buttermaker laughs buttermaker. Theyre here. See you later, buttermaker. Come on. Kid, let me explain something to you, okay . clears throat all right, listen up. Tanner boyle. Yeah, here. Mike engelberg. Here. Timmy lupus. Timmy lupus . Raise your hand, lupus. He cant see you sitting behind planet fat ass. Up your. Tanner tanner yelling buttermaker come on, come on, come on. Play nice. Hey, hey, hey. Let go of him. Prem lahiri. Present. But you dont have to use me. Im just doing this for my transcript, for college. Okay. clears throat lets see, toby white oh, whitewood, i know youre here. Um. Matthew hooper . Matthew hooper . Okay, no hooper. The hell . Garo daragagabragadagian. What the hell is that, aztec or something . Armenian. Ah, same. They both built pyramids. All right. Uh. Ahmad abdul rahim. Here. Yo, bro, what up . Nothing much. Just ready to play some baseball. Twentyfive, huh . Ken griffey, right . No. Satchel paige . No. No . Willie mays . No, its mark mcgwire. chuckles mark mcgwire . But hes a white. Yes, hes from claremont. Hes my favorite player. chuckles okay. Uh, agilar. Miguel and jose. You guys twins . Estoy, sir, apesadumbrado. No hablamos ingles. Nuestro padre dijo que podriamos jugar beisbol aqui. Yo quisiera jugar a la tercera base, y a mi hermano you you can save it, son. Ii dont understand a damn thing youre sayin, okay . All right. Got the damn league of nations here. Their dads our gardener. Mom said we need em to fill out the team. Okay, lets hit the field. Come on. Tanner jeez. Could this team be any lamer . So theres no hooper . You dont know a Matthew Hooper . You dont know where he is . Boy right here. You gotta be kidding me. Thats right, im in a wheelchair bizets habanera playing okay. Buttermaker charge it. Oh, yeah, thats chargin it, all right. Good hustle. There you go, bro. Ow another good one. Whats the . Whats the cripple kids name . Engelberg hooper. Hooper. Hooper roll your machine up. Dont necessarily have to catch it, i guess. Cant hope for miracles, can you . You gotta get under the ball. Theres too many gnats out here. bat cracks sighs buttermaker give me a ball. The hell is that, a baggy full of bacon . Im on atkins. What . I have to eat all the time to keep my metabolism up so my body becomes a fatburning machine so airheads like you dont give me spit all the time easy, sport. All right, get ready. Its comin at you. You might wanna back up. clears throat guys, its a bunt. You seemed to imply youre going to hit it out here. Yeah. Engelberg, thats a bunt, bud. Youre supposed to pick it up, throw the guy out at first base, okay . Here we go again, pickin on the fat kid. Theres laws against this, you know. Harassment you better shut up before i tell somebody you touched my pecker. Tanner engelberg, will you throw the damn ball already . glass smashes okay, listen up. Listen very carefully. Rule number one dont mess with the cadillac. Engelberg calm down. Its a piece of crap anyway. For your information, its a classic. And i got half a mind to find your old man and kick him in the nuts so hard he can never foul the earth with another like you. So you keep your trap shut, okay . Ooh toby were gonna get laughed at. We only have a week till the season starts. Everyones gonna laugh at us. This game is about a lot more than talent, son. Believe me. horn playing dignified melody band playing festive polka music bullock iim out there with the kids for nothing. And im gettin very tired of having to justify myself to parents who drop the kid off at 4 00, call me at midnight, wonderin why hes so pissed off. Say, ray, you got a minute . I wanna say to them, im not your babysitter, im your coach. Oh, yeah. Mr. Bill deaver. Hey. Hey. Just. Checking in. Just checkin in. Listen, ray, um, i wanted to see if maybe, uh, jake could. Get a little more playing time this season. Hes been workin hard. It would really mean a lot to him. Yeah. Sure. Why not . Really . Well, great. Well, uh thanks a lot, ray. laughs guys. You know, i spoke to your boy. You know what he said to me . What . He said all that matters to him is that we win. Even if it means givin up a little game time. Really . Yeah. I was really touched by this. Hes a hell of a team player. Thanks, ray. I appreciate it. Thanks. Thats the kind of horse crap im talking about right there. Exactly. Unbelievable. festive polka music continues playing man oh woman scoffs hey, buttermaker, ya made it. And you brought. Oh, this is my friend paradise. Hi, nice to meet ya. Hey, buttermaker, you gotta get your uniform orders in. Uniforms . Yeah. All the good colors are taken black and white, red and white, blue and white, white and blue, white and black, white and red. Theyre all gone. What uniforms . Whitewood mochte ich nicht sweet and sour, okay . No sweet and sour. Just cointreau, patron, lime juice and superfine salt. Bartender yes, maam. Listen, whitewood, whats the deal with the uniforms . What about them . I didnt well, whatshername said that i gotta have uniforms. I dont know about hey, buddy, gimme a beer and a. A c c. Bartender yes, sir. Buttermaker, you dont actually buy them. You just need a sponsor. Youre the coach, its your job. Okay, so not only do i have to coach the bronze medalist for the special olympics, but i gotta be an amway salesman too, is that it . Buttermaker, dont turn this into high drama. Do what other coaches do restaurants, sportinggoods stores, you know. You know, i got a job. I got houses to spray. Its ant season, you know . What is it about being a man that makes everything so hard . I own my own law firm. Im a single mother, and i still have time for extension courses, pilates, the flowerseed business, pottery you know what, im busy too, okay . I got important crap to do. I got stuff stacked up all over the place. Okay . Mmhmm. Come on, buttermaker, lets go. John Fogertys centerfield playing siren wailing in distance well, beat the drum and hold the phone the sun came out today um. Mr. Buttermaker . Yeah. Where are we going . Already told you, to the batting cages. You guys swing like helen keller at a pinata party. Gonna do somethin about it. Tell us about the majors, coach. Ahmad you were in the majors . Yeah, for a little while. Hey, lupus, dont lean against that door, bud, all right . Yes, i was recently perusing baseballstats. Org, and it said mr. Buttermaker played pitcher for the Seattle Mariners for 2 3 of an inning in 1984. Twothirds . Thats it . Well, it was the end of the season. You know, september callups. Yes, his lifetime era was 36. Thats lame. Yeah, well, i closed the inning out, okay . Theres only a few thousand guys ever set foot on a major league mound. Im one of em. What have you done with your life, smartass . Why didnt you stay . Well, i was gonna come back, but i. Had a little incident. I punched an ump. Really just a bitchslap, but i dunno. How the hell was i supposed to know he was a bleeder . Fourteen stitches. Like that means something. They used to stitch everything up. It was like the dark ages. I got stitches on my foot. Oh, yeah . Well, im in a damn wheelchair. Put me in, coach im ready to play anyway, after that, i blew off a few offers. You know, japan, stuff like that. You know what i mean . door opens lupus whoa crap. tanner laughing engelberg what the hell . Prem is he okay . Hooper its not my fault. Lupus. Lupus . Lupus . Lupus. The hell are you grinnin at . You scared the hell outta me. Dont be leanin on the door. Army reserve soldiers use their skills to make the army even more capable, and gain the tools to make themselves even more successful. Learn how at goarmyreserve. Com. Thwow, its nice. Ew 2016 chevy malibu. Lets check it out. Do any of you have kids . I do yes. This car has a feature built in called teen driver technology, which lets parents see how their teens are driving. Oh, thats smart. It even mutes the radio until the seat belt is fastened. Will it keep track of how many boys get it in the car . laughter cause that could be useful. This is ahead of what my audi has for sure. Wish my beamer had that. I didnt even know that technology existed. Im not in the market for a car but now i may be. Get mouth watering and a great deal youll love. Yep, love. Choose any two faves for just five bucks. Or download the mcdonalds app and redeem weekly offers. Youve got a delicious deal on your hands. Enjoy the choice man, its like pure power at your finger tips. Like the power to earn allstate reward points, every time i drive. Want my number . And cash back for driving safe. And the power to automatically find your car. I see you car and i got the power to know whos coming and when if i break down. You must be gerry. Hey. In means getting more from your Car Insurance with the allpowerful drivewise app. Its good to be in, good hands. What do you call deliciously smooth, creamy yogurt that comes in over 25 amazing flavors and packs 6 grams of protein per serving . Yoplait original. The family favorite. Yoplait. The Bud Light Party wasnt invited to the debates. But we dont need them. We have debates of our own every night. A hotdog is a sandwich. Over bud lights, of course. Its pronounced jif. You cannot outrun a zebra. Heres to good natured civil debates. Also, its gif. suspenseful theme playing mice squeaking buttermaker how many are in there . The infestations quite advanced. All right, pull the pin, throw it. gas hissing coughing buttermaker there you go. Good job, buddy. Good job, man. Youre a natural. wheezes thanks. Die die how you like that, huh . Hey you sprayed my foot, dumbass. Oh, yeah . Hey hey hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey stop it its expensive. All right . Thanks for holdin the fort down, buddy. Hey, i got somethin for ya. Youre gonna dig this. Hey, guys, come here a minute. Got somethin for ya. Now you can quit your bitching about the whole uniform thing. boys cheering here you go. Hey, harper. Heads up, buddy. Hooper its hooper. There you go. all chattering happy, peaceful theme playing engelberg cannonball okay. Tanner hey, engelberg. You do that again, youll learn how to surf. Garo mr. Buttermaker . We have a game tomorrow. Shouldnt we be practicing . Buttermaker uhhuh. Lupus, alcohol. Excellent. God bless you. You got a future, lupus. You ever play with anyone famous . Hell, yeah, i played with people who are famous. What do you think . I mean, i was in the game, you know. Oh, i know one. One time, i struck out mike schmidt in an exhibition game. Struck his ass right out. It was 1980. It was two outs, bottom of the seventh inning. It was the bottom of the seventh. Top of the seventh. It was top of the seventh. And when i put my foot on that rubber, i was zoned in, man. It was just one of those times when. You just know you got it workin, you know . cool, lively theme playing ahhh. All right, tubby. Im gonna throw you something called a screwball. Its an oldschool thing. Now, its gonna look like its coming right at ya, but its gonna drop right off the table. So you dont bail out, you gotta stick in there. You see what im sayin . Ow son of a bitch shake it off. Next. Ah damn it i know it stings a little bit, but its worth it. Okay, here it comes. Ah its all right, kid. You had a helmet on. Imagine if you didnt. You know what im sayin . Ow oh what are you doing, buttermaker . Ow okay. Comin at ya. Whoa hey what . Hooper mr. Buttermaker . Is he dead . Hell, no. Hes drunk. The season starts tomorrow. We dont got our positions, batting order, nothing. What are we gonna do . We aint ready to play. We got nothin but a boozer for a coach. We can wait till he sobers up. Yeah, right. Nothing else we can do. Screw this. Im taking his wallet. El borracho lo merece. Gimme gimme hey, watch it leave me alone gimme that grand, bold march playing grunting march continues playing indistinct chatter right this way. Good. shutter clicks shutter clicks man over p. A. because in this time of terror, there is one thing we all need the grace of our lord, our heroes overseas. mild applause . And baseball. mild applause casey at the bat by ernest thayer. The outlook wasnt brilliant for the mudville nine that day. man continues speaking indistinctly announcer all rise for the national anthem. band playing starspangled banner buttermaker. Where have you been . You missed the team photo. I was just gettin gatorade for the guys, you know. Oh. Well, we need to talk about this. My son cant wear this. Well get him another size. No big deal. Thats not what im talking about. Mmhmm. Look, its a legitimate business, honey. You know, they pay taxes like everybody else. At cricket wireless, we believe in smarter phones for all. Switch to cricket and choose between the free alcatel streak. And the free zte sonata 3. Ask not what you can do for your network. Ask what our great, big network can do for you. You boys new round here . Yeah, im a w poptart and im orange crush poptart well then two big swigs on me. She was really cool. Cant hold your soda, boys . Tadaaa crazy good anncr were testing with xtemp technology. Youre up. Im gonna play it. Wedge . Yup anncr it speeds evaporation to help keep you cool and dry. Hanes xtemp technology. When youre cool, youre comfortable. Dont be shy. Youre all family. A little bit closer. Act like you love each other. Alright [mom] wheres your brother . [sister] ugh, not again. [dad] buddy, come here. Whatre you doin . Cmon big guy. [sister] weirdo. All right, here we go. Say nuts nuts peaches are members of the almond family. Hm put some flavor in your break. Make time for snapple. You guys ever try one of these bars made over at right twix . Why . Our special cookie is cascaded with caramel and cloaked in chocolate. You never wondered . [ whoosh zap ] [ glass breaks ] aah [ male announcer ] try both. Pick a side. Twix. [ male announcer ] try both. At pizza hut, our original pan dough rises fresh everyday. Making it crispy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside. And now you can get our original pan as part of the 6. 99 any deal. Thats 2 medium pizzas with any toppings, any crust, any specialty. For just 6. 99 each. Only at pizza hut. cheering applause bullock all right, can you believe it . Its here, opening day. Well, we got a lot of great athletes this year, and, uh, im lookin forward to a great season. motorcycle approaching before we get started, i do wanna remind you that it is summer discount days at valley chevy subaru. So, uh, come on down if you get a chance. Meanwhile, so many volunteers. crowd chattering and, uh, people that i wanna thank hey, hey, hey what is he . Whats his . Hey, get hey, get the hell off my field ill deal with you later, you little punk come on. Hurry up. Lets go. Come on. Okay. Um. Lets welcome all our, uh, teams. feedback squealing uh. We got. Ray bullock and our returning champs, the yankees. cheering applause Lenny Hendricks and the giants. cheering applause exmariner Morris Buttermaker and the bears. Man who . women cheering bob jones and the white sox. Play ball man all right, lets go. Man 2 cmon, yankees cheering applause bullock there you go, mitch. There you go bullock round it, round it,