Now, before we go, jack, could you tell us if this cold is going to let up any time soon . laughter ill take that as a no. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, freezing temps, hot tweets plus, stephen welcomes Anderson Cooper. Maz jobrani. And musical guest margo price. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert band playing cheers and applause stephen how are you . Hey, everybody wooo wooo cheers and applause wooo oh, youve got to love it thank you so much. Please, have a seat. Youre too kind. Thank you very much. How lovely. cheers and applause piano riff please, got to love it. Every january every january they ship in fresh audiences for us and thats so wonderful. Welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause piano riff thank you very much. Its our first, first show of 2018. Happy new years, everybody. cheers and applause jon yeah, happy new year stephen happy new year. Its going to be a good one. I love new years. Its one of my favorite holidays that involves getting together with friends and screaming at a clock. laughter so far, so far, my resolution is to stay inside until june. cheers because it is cold. And i want to salute all the brave audience members these heroes. cheers and applause are you okay . piano riff these heroes, they did it they stood in freezing temperatures just to get in here tonight, and tonight we salute them and we remember their friends they had to eat to survive. laughter jon oh, my goodness. Oh, snap. Stephen but, brutal cold is tormenting the u. S. , folks. And reports say, the worst is yet to come. The worst is yet to come, by the way, was also the theme of my new years eve party. laughter the National Weather service has warned that were in a prolonged period of muchbelownormal temperatures. For my younger viewers, thats what we used to call winter. laughter prolonged low temperatures apparently thats news now. Plus, times square had the secondcoldest new years eve celebration on record. Its true. The ball did not drop so much as shrivel up and rise back into 2017. laughter and applause its just where are come on down jon oh oh, my goodness. Stephen come on down applause piano riff a fine family joke. And, its not just new york. There are winter storm warnings as far south as florida, and right now, it feels colder in parts of canada than on mars. audience reacts still no evidence of life in canada. laughter speaking of new lows donald trump. laughter cheers and applause they were wondering, they were wondering. They were wondering when i was going to get there. laughter donald trump tweeted, in the east, it could be the coldest new years eve on record. Perhaps we could use a bit of that good old Global Warming that our country, but no other country, was going to pay trillions of dollars to protect against. Bundle up laughter you see the logic here because Donald Trumps cold right now, thats evidence that the earth is not getting warmer. Just like, because donald trump is president right now, thats evidence weve never had a competent president. cheers and applause and theres no evidence. piano riff its only whats happening now the church of whats happening now. Jon the church of whats happening now. Stephen thats right. And this morning, trump went on a tear, tweeting nine times . Nine times. Including this one, crooked Hillary Clintons top aid, huma abedin, has been accused of disregarding basic security protocols. She put classified passwords into the hands of foreign agents. Remember sailors pictures on submarine . Jail deep state Justice Department must finally act . Also on comey and others. laughter remember sailors pictures on submarine . laughter i think grandpas reminiscing again. I remember, i remember when licorice came in a little pouch with a blue stamp on it, and nickels cost a dime. All right . Jail. laughter but i just want to take a moment here to point out that this is the president of the United States tweeting, and in his tweet, he described the Justice Department as a deepstate entity, because it is so corrupt, it is unwilling to throw his political opponents in jail. That is a serious charge, the kind of thing you could never, ever make lightly. And, of course, you could never take back. Im kidding. laughter today, the white house insists donald trump does not think d. O. J. Is deep state despite tweeting otherwise. laughter yes, Sarah Huckabee sanders said that this afternoon. Who got to her . Could it be. The deep state . laughter cheers and applause could it . Could it . Jon who could it be . piano riff stephen nah, he was just talking out of his butt. laughter then, trump took credit for something he had absolutely nothing to do with. Since taking office, i have been very strict on commercial aviation. Good news, it was just reported that there were zero deaths in 2017, the best and safest year on record laughter trump took credit for no one dying in a plane crash this year. That explains his new Campaign Slogan, trump 2020 you got to tulsa, didnt ya . laughter what do you want . Trump also cheers and applause yeah, tulsa tulsa hell yeah trump also took aim at his favorite punching bag, the free press, tweeting, the failing New York Times has a new publisher, a. G. Sulzberger. Congratulations here is a last chance for the times to fulfill the vision of its founder, adolph ochs. So that makes two adolphs hes pulling for. And laughter jon wooo wooo stephen and jon wooo applause stephen happy new year fresh start it continues to give the news impartially, without fear or favor, regardless of party, sect, or interests involved. Get dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot impartial journalists of a much higher standard, lose all of your phony and non existent sources, and treat the president of the United States fairly, so that the next time i and the people win, you wont have to write an apology to your readers for a job poorly done gluh laughter now applause i havent done that in a while. Thats a tough impression on the throat. Ive got to toughen up. Now, hes probably saying, good luck, as in, its 2018, and donald trump is still the president. Gluh laughter on the international front, merely while on the front internationale, the year started off big for north korean dictator kim jongun. He gave a speech yesterday, and for the new year, he got a sharp new suit and had his head re rectangled. laughter very, very nice. Yes. Could we go back to that, jimmy . Why first of all cheers and applause yeah. His barber uses a compass and a protractor. laughter but why are there seven microphones in front of him . Is that one for every television in north korea . Once he got through his obligatory ive got nukes, death to america, meow, meow, meow, un actually had some good news. In what is seen as an offering of an olive branch, he plans to send a delegation to the Winter Olympics in south korea. There are even rumors that north korea has been pumping their olympic team with performance enhancing food. laughter so, there is some hope for better relations between north and south korea. A lot of people deserve credit for that, but one person is taking all of it, because this morning, the president tweeted, sanctions and other pressures are beginning to have a big impact on north korea. Soldiers are dangerously fleeing to south korea. Rocket man now wants to talk to south korea for first time. Perhaps that is good news, perhaps not we will see laughter we will see . Thats a little nonchalant. Maybe itll lead to peace. Maybe itll lead to thermonuclear war. laughter no way of knowing. I, as the president , would do something about it, but im too busy keeping all the planes in the sky. applause thats right. Delta 35niner, you are clear delta 35niner, you are clear to land. laughter piano riff you know what else hes busy with . Hes designed this new president ial challenge coin. Now, for those of you who dont know what a challenge coin is, ive got one right here, okay . Theyre like these medallions that the military put their unit insignias on and they slip it into someones hand with a handshake. Its similar to how you would pass a tip to a maitre d, or buy a dime bag, or give your maitre d a dime bag, you know. laughter ive received several coins myself. It is a great honor and a wonderful american tradition. So, naturally, trump is ruining it. Lets take a look at Barack Obamas president ial challenge coin. Its copper colored with the president ial seal on one side and on the other side, the white house, obamas name and signature. It was a simpler time. Well, no surprise, trumps coin is gold. And at the top of it, it says, donald j. Trump. Then theres his signature in the middle. And theyve also added his name again at the bottom, in a banner, in case you forgot his name midcoin. laughter plus, trump has flipped the direction of the eagle and replaced the nations motto, e pluribus unum, with make America Great again. Audience ooooh booing stephen yes, yes oh, come on i guess replacing the National Motto with his Campaign Slogan is kind of tacky. It beat the first choice good for one free drink. laughter sounds classier in latin. Now, not satisfied with making it gold and putting his name all over it, he also had to make it thicker. You know what they say about a man with a thick coin very small penis. laughter cheers and applause i dont know if thats true. I dont know if thats true. I dont actually know if thats true. Were going to fact check that. I dont know if thats true. laughter and its not just honoring trump honoring trump. Over the break, the donald trump animatronic robot was unveiled at disneys hall of president s. Lets take a look. Gah laughter gleh gleh jim jim, i said put up a picture of trumps robot, not jon voight after a chemical spill. laughter well, that is truly disturbing. I know one sculptor who did not vote for him. laughter well, cbs late show has obtained exclusive footage of the trump robot in action, and evidently, it is not getting along with its fellow president s. George washington, he will go down as one of the worst president s in the history of our country. Thomas jefferson, one of the great sleaze bags of our time. Honest abe lincoln, hes such a liar. A big, fat, ugly mess. God bless the united shtates. laughter cheers and applause stephen weve got a great show for you tonight. Anderson cooper is here. But when we come back, marijuana stick around. cheers and applause band playing oh yeah. im the new sprintern oh, sprint plus. Intern. Clever, right . I was just. Looking at getting an amazing iphone 8 . They have an all glass design, advanced cameras, a11 bionic chip. Uh. Im going to. Yeah, now youre going to give your second phone to your new friend. Wow, paul, oh my gosh thats amazing now, get one iphone 8 and give a second one on us. 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I dont think anyone had a better new years eve than cnn reporter and woman hearing for the first time that her child bit someone, randi kaye. laughter cnn gave randi kaye a tough assignment covering how a bus full of stoners in colorado celebrate new years. Spoiler alert they do it by smoking weed. laughter randi, where are you . laughs we are in, ah, denver, colorado. Good evening to you guys, anderson and andy. We have the Party Started here. Theres a little bit of a purple haze. We call this magic bus the cannabus, get it . Whoa this is what im dealing with were at a dispensary called the medicine man. See, this is mike. You got a little high, didnt you . I think i got a little high. Mike, im trying to remember where we are. Where am i . Stephen believe it or not, cnn. laughter and she didnt stop there, because randi kaye grabbed a randi j. Oh, my god. Randis dose is kicking in. This is for andy andy, this is for you stephen andy, andy, this is for you come on, itll get you so high youll think you can pass a joint through a tv camera laughter andy, no . How about you, Anderson Cooper . Want a little Anderson Cooper 420 . laughter but the pot party wasnt just happening on the cnn, because as of yesterday, recreational pot is officially legal in california. cheers and applause thats right that is right californians can finally try marijuana. laughter think you guys might like it. To all of our freshly baked california viewers, i just want to say, thanks for switching over from the Monterey Bay Aquarium livestream of jellyfish. I will do my best to move hypnotically. laughter cheers and applause jon laughs piano riff stephen it was a big deal out there. At one california dispensary, 200 people waited in line before dawn for the 6 00 a. M. Start of sales. Weve come so far from people standing on street corners looking for drugs. laughter . To people standing on street corners waiting for drugs. laughter and i know one guy from california whos going to be particularly happy about this stoney von dankington, everybody say hi to stoney cheers and applause happy new year, everybody Stephen Stoney, stoney, youve got to be excited, right . Oh, hell yeah january 1, 2018 will live forever as a special day in cali history. Stephen the day the day that weed was finally legalized . Yeah, i guess, but i was talking about the states new salaryhistory inquiry ban now bosses cant ask you what you made at your last job, and thats hella progressive legislation, dude. laughter stephen okay, but, what about the lifting of the ban on Recreational Marijuana . Oh, yeah. I can tell you, californians are pretty stoked. I was just back home for new years, visiting some kind buds. laughter stephen you mean pot, right . Nah, stephen, im talking bout my parents. Theyre some of the kindest people i know. And, honestly, parents are like your best buds for life. laughter Stephen Stoney, we talked about this earlier. You were supposed to come on here and talk about your excitement about Recreational Marijuana. Oh, right, right sorry, man. Im just so high right now. laughter and applause Stephen Stoney von dankington, everybody well be right back with Anderson Cooper. Please join us. cheers and applause band playing emerge restored. Fortified. Replenished. Emerge everyday with emergenc packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. Why not feel this good everyday . Emerge and see. Tmobile keeps your family connected with new iphones. Which is great. Unless your parents thought you were studying. Somebodys busted. Join tmobile, buy an iphone 8, get an iphone 8 on us. And now, bring your family to tmobile and get a 4th line free. Ahh. The new guy. Whoa, he looks he looks exactly like me. No. Separated at birth much . 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