Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, hold the phone plus, stephen welcomes Eddie Redmayne. Comood afternoon arcomood an jo. And Pharrell Williams. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen come on hi, there welcome back stephen beautiful, beautiful. Simple, the people like it. Audience Stephen StephenStephen Stephen stephen welcome hello, everybody thanks so much cheers and applause thanks have a seat. It thank you very much lovely crowd. Lovely group of people. Please have a seat, everybody. Thank you so much. So lovely to see you all again. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Were back we are back were back and excited. Were back from thanksgiving break. Im more pie than man at this point. Ive had so much to be thankful for this year. But tonight im especially grateful for thelatest installment of don and the giant impeach. Adam schiff is a deranged human being. Stephen yesterday, the House Intelligence Committee released a 300page report, and it looks like the impeachment charges are going to be abuse of power and bribery, obstruction of congress, and obstruction of justice. And based on his diet, lets throw in obstruction of his g. I. Tract. laughter specifically, the Intelligence Committee report says that by pressuring ukraine, trump placed his own personal and political interests above the National Interests of the United States. And right now, we all know that the National Interest of the United States is clearly baby yoda memes. cheers and the report adds, the Founding Fathers prescribed a remedy for a chief execut cntry impeachment. Yes, the founders agreed the president ial punishment should be impeachment, after rejecting Ben Franklins original suggestion a spanking machine of french whores. laughter yes jon oh, wow thats what he really said stephen based on a true story. Now, today, the inquiry moved over to the house judiciary committee, where Congress Heard from four constitutional law scholars. U. N. C. Professor Michael Gerhardt said this sort of thing was exactly what the Founding Fathers were worried about. If what were talking about is not impeachable, then nothing is impeachable. Stephen as trump thank god, cause i cant wait to tell you Everything Else that ive done. Ill give you a hint, all right. This will whet your appetite it involves shark week, a weedwhacker, and all the lefthanded people of denmark. Before the Intelligence Committee released their report, the g. O. P. Issued their own concluded that trump was acting on reasonable skepticism of ukraine. Yes, because the two words everyone uses to describe trump is genuine and reasonable. Right after athletic and monogamous. Im really surprised. I really like it. I dont know, i dont know what to do. Heres the thing their argument is based on the claim that ukraine, not russia, hacked the d. N. C. Server, an idea thats been completely debunked as a russianfueled conspiracy theory. So now republicans are also floating the rumor that it was ukraine who killed apollo creed, and did the fyre festival. laughter plus, even if ukraine had meddled in the 2016 election, the Proper Organization to investigate that is not rudy giuliani. There is a reason why the cbs show fbi is not called my drunken personal attorney. laughter applause thats the photo thats the one. Jon he had a little bit too much stephen before their investigation ended, the Intelligence Committee had one final bombshell their investigators have obtained phone records from trumps personal attorney, rudy giuliani. Oh, hell, yes finally, well have documented proof of all of giulianis butt dials. And make no mistake rudys booty was busy. Over the course of 58 calls on six days, rudy spent nearly two hours speaking with figures central to the impeachment inquiry. Rudy, come on youre a former prosecutor. You dont do crime on the phone. Youll get caught. And phone calls make you sound so old. Get with it. The kids today are doing all their crime on tiktok. laughter now, rudy was criming it up with everybody, including the president because he spoke with no individual contact more than a number identified by the prefix dash 1, which seems likely to represent trumps cellphone, and dash 1 always called giuliani and not vice versa. Okay, sounds odd, but that doesnt mean all those calls are suspicious. as trump hello, shakeys pizza . Id like to order a large pepperoni. Oh, hi, rudy. Sorry, youre in my contacts as shakey italian guy. laughter anyway, anyway, sorry about th that. Sorry about that. Look, the point is, i would like a large pepperoni. Thank you. Oh forgot the garlic knots another guy whose phone records are sparking interest is g. O. P. Congressman and man indicating how much dignity he has left, devin nunes. Nunes was accused of meeting with a disgraced ukrainian prosecutor in vienna by giuliani henchman lev parnas. Seen here before his luck ran out. Parnas makes this accusation, cnn reports this accusation, and nunes was so offended that yesterday, nunes sued cnn for 435 million. Good luck. Theres no way cnns worth that much money. Theyre going to have to sell off wolf blitzer, break him up for parts. So, now, nunes says what who . I dont know any of these people. So it was a little curious that the phone logs also revealed that lev parnas exchanged a flurry of phone calls with representative devin nunes. as nunes hello, lev . Its devin. Look, we have to figure out a way to make sure nobody knows weve been talking. Ill call you a few more times to work out the details. laughter forgot the garlic knots now, when nunes was asked about his calls with parnas last night on the fox news, he had an airtight defense i dont really recall that name. I will go back and check my records, but it seems very unlikely that i would be taking calls from random people. Stephen right. laughter right. Thats why no ones asking about random people, because im guessing is a random person calls you, you dont spend eight minutes talking to them. Oh, im sorry, you have the wrong number. But so long as i have you on the phone, do you want to talk for eight minutes . I have no friends because im devin nunes. Hello . Hello . Hello . Gladys, you can reconnect us, station to station. Garlic knots. Trumps been in london for the past few days for a gathering marking natos 70th anniversary. Like on most anniversaries, trump was in a bad mood, wishing he was with a younger Eastern European ally. laughter throughout his trip to england, trump continued to be a huge spotted dick. Upon jon whoa, whoa, whoa stephen its a dessert. Look it up here he is complaining about impeachment during his meeting with canadian Prime Minister justin trudeau. The democrats have gone crazy. And you know what . They have to be careful, because when the shoe is on the other foot, and some day hopefully, in a very long, distant future youll have a democrat president , and youll have a republican house. And theyll do the same thing, because somebody picked an orange out of a refrigerator, and you dont like it, so lets go and impeach him. laughter laughter stephen okay, i know what youre not saying. That does sound insane, because it is. But orange picked out of a refrigerator is actually the most accurate way trump has ever described himself. laughter applause jon oh, wow. Stephen hes an orange plucked out of the fridge same color and text, lives in florida, and the insides are just cold pulp. Heres the thing these sitdowns with World Leaders were only supposed to be brief photo opportunities. So afterwards, other World Leaders were caught on tape commiserating about it. Oh, is that why you were late . He was late because he takes a 40minute press conference off the top. You just watch his teams jaws drop to the floor. Stephen hey, justin, be nice stephen millers jaw only does that when its feeding time and they bring him the baby deer. He unhinges applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Eddie redmayne is here. When we return, more democrats drop out of the president ial race. I was on the fence about changing from a manual to an electric toothbrush. But my hygienist said going electric could lead to way cleaner teeth. She said, get the one inspired by dentists, with a round brush head. Go pro with oralb. Oralbs gentle rounded brush head removes more plaque along the gum line. For cleaner teeth and healthier gums. And unlike sonicare, oralb is the First Electric toothbrush brand accepted by the ada for its effectiveness and safety. What an amazing clean ill only use an oralb oralb. Brush like a pro. With a hundred thousand nonstop deals. Shop in store and at jcp. Com for outerwear for women. And men. And up to 65 off fine jewelry plus, take an extra 30 off when you spend 100 or more four days only jcpenney stop dancing around the pain that keeps you up again, and again. Advil pm silences pain, and you sleep the whole night. Advil pm smoke alarm Mike Bloombergs created on tover 400,000 jobs. Ue leader. As president , an opportunity economy that works for us. Tax fairness where the wealthy pay their fair share. Education. Affordable college and high skill Vocational Training so people can succeed in the new economy. Economic security. Lower Cost Health Care and affordable middleclass housing. Proven leadership on jobs. To build an economy where people dont just get by, they get ahead. Im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. band playing cheers and applause stephen yeah, take it on home jon batiste and stay human over there. Thank you. Thank you to sam cooke. Ladies and gentlemen, im excited tonight. Jon, we have an old friend of the show here. Eddie redmayne is here tonight. Jon great actor. Can play anything. Stephen you know, folks, even though there are some people out there who dont want to hear about the president ial election anymore. laughter like it or not, the acceleration less than a year away, and its important and ill tell you the latest in tonights doing it donkey style. First up in the dzone, former Vice President and televangelist telling you how to whiten your teeth with the power of prayer, joe biden. Biden has a new Campaign Tool aimed at rural iowa voters the no malarkey bus tour that is charmingly old fashioned, but not nearly as much as his first pitch, uncle joejoes minimal fiddlefaddle whistlestop jalopy driveabout. Unfortunately, bidens campaign so far does contain trace amounts of malarkey. Specifically, a little trash talk about enthusiasm for his democratic rivals. Biden told reporters, you dont see that enthusiasm with warren. Stop kidding a kidder, okay . Come on, man. Give me a break. as biden come on, man. Give me a break its baloney, poppycock, flimflambalderdashhorsehocke one of these has terms has gotta be current, right . Is it crunk . Am i crunk . Is it crunk . Jon no, thats done. Crunk is done stephen am i done . Jon no stephen im not done. laughter 23 ski do, brother. Clearly, joe biden is hungry for victory, or hungry for something, because recently this very tour brought us one of the most baffling images of the entire campaign, when during his wife jills speech, joe leaned over and nibbled on her finger. Can we see a closeup of that, jim . And can we i dont can we show that on cbs, jim . laughter okay. Thats better. Its family pay attention. Jill, what have you done . youve given joe a taste for human flesh now at the debate, hes just going to devour Pete Buttigieg elsewhere in the dstyle, theres a huge number of democrats running this year. Thank you, thank you. I dont know who that person is. But several of them have just dropped out. For instance, senator Kamala Harris has announced she is dropping out of the race. There she is. Off to low orbit. When it comes to not being the first female president , she was that little girl. laughter senator jon o senator harris ran out of money as she struggled in polls, which she announced this way heres the truth today. Ive taken stock and ive looked at this from every angle, and over the last few days, i have come to one of the hardest decisions of my life. Stephe technically, its not a decision if you ran out of money. Thats like going on a date and saying, heres the truth today. Ive taken stock and looked at this from every angle and ive come to the decision that im broke ,and youre paying for dinner. Its one of the hardest haefortd decisions ive ever made. In her announcement, harris promised to continue to fight donald trump, and it didnt take her long to prove it. After she dropped out, he tweeted, too bad. We will miss you kamala to which she replied, dont worry, mr. President. Ill see you at your trial. applause jon come on come on stephen oh, shes running. laughter harris wasnt alone in leaving the race. On monday, montana governor Steve Bullock also dropped out. Unfortunately, due to his low poll numbers, bullock did not qualify to be in this joke. laughter but its hard for me not to take this a little personally. Because, you see, both harris and bullock had memorable appearances on the late show. Harris was on the show four times, including just two weeks ago for her last appearance on late night as a candidate. And remember who announced they were running for president on my show . Kirsten gilllibrand and eric swallwell. I am officially the democratic primary kiss of death. laughter it might im not saying this isnt for sure. It might have something to do with my green room, where i store my ladder, broken mirror, and black cat collection. But if im going to be a jinx, i might as well use it to help america john delaney, come on this show. Its time. Well be right back with Eddie Redmayne. Hey, babe. Hmm . Ooh, yes. So that just leaves mother rose. Hardest for last. Youre kidding . for mother rose . its perfect. Perfect. Oh yeah. Perfect. [door bell] another one for mother rose . Yep, its perfect. Its perfect. Laso you can enjoy it even ifst youre sensitive. Se. Its perfect. Yet some say it isnt real milk. I guess those cows must actually be big dogs. Sit i said sit you get 3 for 10 bucks, baby, bucks, baby, bucks and take it to go, baby, go, baby, go while you sit on your butt, baby, butt 3 for 10 bucks, baby, bucks, baby, bucks mmmhmm together we chilis oh yeah baby yeah band playing stephen hey, everybody, welcome back ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an Academy Awardwinning actor you know from the danish girl, fantastic beasts and where to find them, and the theory of everything. His latest film is the aeronauts. All i ask to be given the freedom to undertake my experiments. Im not a coachman for hire good, because im looking for a fellow scientist. To understand the weather, is to understand how to make ships and sailors safer, farms more productive, so we can prepare ourselves and our world for floods, for droughts, famines. We can save thousands of lives. I want to rewrite rules of the air, miss wren, and i need your help. Stephen please welcome, Eddie Redmayne applause this is a test. This is only a s a sort of blurry mess of of as you say, a complete lack of memory. Consistent colds. Stephen sure at this time stephen theyre disease vectors literally. Im in new york at the moment stephen theyre lycra coons. Exactly lycra coons. Im in new york at the moment making a film and my kids are with me and one gets a cold, and by the time they pass it on to the other, and pass it on to mom, and fass on to dad, and its type for everyone to start all over again stephen what are the ages of your children now . One and three stephen so your daughter is three exactly stephen thats a wonderful age for christmas its amazing stephen just the wonder has just begun yeah stephen what traditions do i became we do turkey in the u. K. At Christmas Stephen you do . Yeah. But, also, i am quite into ham. I love a ham, so i took on the role in my family of being the person, that like, made the ham and this particular ham stephen by making ham. Doesnt ham come to you mostly made . No, no, no stephen youre just heating ham, arent you . No, youre putting things like syrup and delicious things and cloves stephen pine apapple not pineapple snow never pineapple stephen you have to try the pineapple, my mine man. So cloves. Cloves and things. There was this thing that for years as a kid i was obsessed with the, like, meat section of deli counter. You know those machines that you cut hams with stephen those circular, these things yes. I dont know why i would sit mesmerized stephen theyre beautiful. The thinner the better and it was the lifes ambition to work at the dell gle thats fallback in case the acting doesnt work out . I mean, its sort of joke, but it would make me very happy laughter but a couple years ago, up on the of nowhere, i think i had said this once in an interview or something. And and on christmas day, in the snowy britishountryside,myid up and i opened it, and it was a hamcutting machine laughter stephen one of those things you put the loaf its definitely a smaller version. Its not the full deli proper, superduper stephen but its the spinning steel wheel. That looks dangerous oh, its terrifyingly dangerous stephen you have children i do. And every time you use tyou have to clean, like, this vicious circular blaze blaid which is always going to cut you. It only gets used about once a year, and the cleaning of ti sort of have to wear like garden gloves. I just revealed a random piece of miscellany about my ham stephen you can make a hel