We have years of experience prosecuting imaginary voter fraud. Even with zero evidence, we will prove you lost because of glitches, not enough observers, too many observers, counted illegal votes, counted legal votes, sharpies werent allowed, sharpies were allowed, vote written on a sandwich, youre a terrible candidate, dead people voted, not enough dead people voted, and people voted. But dont take my word for it, listen to these satisfied customers. translated roger cornsworth is my lawyer for life because he made me president for life. translated i received two votes from my uncle one from him and the other from the dog i fed him to. translated if it wasnt for roger cornsworth, filipinos would be parading through the streets with my liver on the stick. We wont stop til your democracy is a pile of ash and your ego is soothed call today if you want power thats a cinchely call the attorneys cornsworth and pinchley 1800coupcoupcachoo announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonig
Call your aunt ronda because of the restraining order . Deep state. And just like your actual crazy uncle, he doesnt know when to leave. Its pronounced kamala. Casa blanca . No, its kama, then la. Kookaburra . Yahtzee. This is settlers of catan. belches blowup crazy uncle. Because a family that inflates together celebrates together. You know any female sex dolls you can set me up with . Hell, give me a beach ball. Im not picky. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonights transition to greatness. Plus stephen welcomes glenn close and musical guest kane brown with sway lee and khalid, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome welcome heres mud in your eye to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Im very excited. Im also a little tired because i got up way early this morning and interviewed barack obama today. The only thing keeping me drivi
Embuzzler, the deductibowl cut, the i dread paying what i owe, and the mulletmepayless business in the front, bankrupt in the back. So come on into shady cuts today. We cut it right off so you can claim a writeoff. Warning there are limits to what we can hide. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, deductions. Stephen welcomes Mireya Villarreal and musical guest rex orange county, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. Now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in this building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen fantastic. Fantastic to be here, everybody. Welcome to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Put the coffee down, dont want anybody to get burned. Weve had some fun with donald trump over the years. Weve laughed, weve cried, weve mostly cried. But every once in a while you get a troubling reminder that hes president. Lke this weekend when, to fill Ruth Bader Ginsbergs seat on the Supreme Court, trump nominated federal judge and inhouse atto
Stephen colbert. Tonight, angry white mail. Plus, stephen welcomes jamie foxx. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen come on hey hi Stephen Lovely lovely welcome. Welcome, welcome, one and all. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. It is just delightful, delightful to be with these people here tonight. Thank you for joining us tonight. Its impeachment eve. Its a magical time cheers and applause and like every impeachment eve, we put the kids to bed, but theyre all up listening hard to see if accountability is coming. Believe i believe but all they can hear is scrooge mctrump screaming, hum bug from his rooftop, and ill catch you up on the latest in tonights don and the giant impeach. I said you gotta do me a favor. Stephen all week, trumps been relatively quiet about his impending impeachment, but the pressure was building under the surface, because th
Santa claus is coming too fast, the naughty elf about an elf on a shelf watching you have sex on a sink. And a threesome for christmas, but the women dont kiss. Time to get your sugar plums off and your nuts cracked. Hallmark after dark. We realize weve gone too far, but were panicking over here. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, stephen welcomes aaron paul and musical guest idina menzel, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause theme song playing stephen hey how are ya . Beautiful cheers and applause lovely hey hello, jon happy monday whats going on, lewis, jon audience chanting stephen come on come on cheers and applause just keep going piano riff whats up . Welcome one and all to the late show. Welcome, everybody. Im your host Stephen Colbert. It is december already, i cant believe it. Its december 16th. The holidays are bearing down on us like a pack of