[ cheers and applause announcer tonight on late night with seth meyers. Senator Amy Klobuchar, from saturday night live, comedian and actress, ego nwodim and all new closer look, featuring the 8g band with Todd Sucherman and now seth meyers. Seth welcome to late night, everybody. How are you doing tonight . I wasnt supposed to be here this evening but then nbc heard there was a competing talk show on another network and scheduled this for the exact same time at the last minute. During a Campaign Rally lets get to the news. During a Campaign Rally in georgia last week, President Trump said that if he loses the election he might leave the country. At which point 194 countries simultaneously shouted, not it during a Campaign Rally in pennsylvania last week, President Trump complained about his lack of support from suburban women and said, quote, suburban women, will you please like me . Look, man. Because of you, they have been in their houses drinking wine since march. They dont hate you. President trump said yesterday that former Vice President joe biden and his family are, quote, criminal enterprise. Dude, your son took money from a kids cancer charity. Thats like coming after bidens family for making tacky handbags during a rally in nevada yesterday, President Trump claimed to have brought back christmas and said that if former Vice President joe biden is elected, then quote, the Christmas Season will be cancelled. Promise, said melania. Remember we kind of forgot about it because her husband got covid right after it she did say [ bleep ] christmas. Donald donald, i made a boo boo. Donald, you have to get covid. You have to change the story, donald. President trump attended services yesterday at the International Church of las vegas where he also passed around a collection plate. Guys, im 450 Million Dollars in debt. Dig deep. Vice president mike pence campaigned in maine today which i think is the name of a paint color from sherwin williams. Should we do the bathroom in egg shell or pence in maine . Cvs pharmacy announced today that it plans to hire 15,000 additional pharmacy technicians to help dispense medication and coronavirus tests. And this is nice a second cashier today was new friends day said Senate Republicans looking at the polls. An adult film company in japan recently opened a five story adultsonly theme park in tokyo. Wow. Five stories most pornos barely have one. I came here to fix your pizza i dont know lets just bone. [ light laughter ] thats right a socalled porn theme park recently opened in japan. Its called busch gardens. [ light laughter ] brian . Brian donaldson wrote that book. Wrote that book [ laughter ] its good enough its good enough for a book. Its a joke. Hey, guys, that was the monologue. We got a great show for you tonight the senator from the great state of minnesota Amy Klobuchar will be here. Shes a member of the Senate Judiciary committee who has been very busy with the Amy Coney Barrett hearings and im very interested to hear what she has to say about that and from saturday night live ego nwodim will be here. Actually here in our physical studio theyre right down the hall and theyre in the middle of a historic five week run of shows so im very excited to hear how thats all going but before we get to our guests, with President Trump down by a wide margin in the latest polls, his campaign has landed on a closing argument, spread coronavirus to as many people as possible and threaten to leave the country if he loses. For more on this, its time for a closer look. Seth as of saturday, more than 26 Million People had already voted in the president ial election, breaking records everywhere from alabama to georgia to texas. People lined up for hours across the country including at some iconic sites that have been converted into polling places, like fenway park the enthusiasm was high among voters casting their ballots at fenway park. I wanted to vote at fenway because we have all been cooped up inside for a little bit and i got my dunkies and im ready to vote for joe biden but i wish i was voting for bernie sanders. But its a team sport. Seth fantastic even after the pandemic is over i hope boston holds every election at fenway id love to see the exit polling afterward. Well, wolf, im a little shocked by these numbers but apparently 58 voted for ya motha. Usually the only elections at fenway are landslides in favor of jeter sucks. And if youre wondering what that one dot is, so my uncle who is a big wig at fleet got me the banks tickets on saturday so i invite matty snakes and hes all, can i bring my friend . and i say, sure, because i owe him from that time his cousin whos a statey helped me out with that dui. But matty doesnt mention his friends a yankee fan. Kid shows up with a hat and everything and on top of that, when matty asks if we want beers, the guys says, ill take an ipa, and im like, ipa how about a bud light and you shut the [ bleep ] up . that was like a little play. So tens on millions of people across the country have already lined up to vote or mailed in their ballots. Now, we dont know what that tells us about the outcome except that it cant be great news for trump since hes currently trailing in National Polls around ten points and he is running out of time to make up the gap which might explain why he has been making a series of increasingly bizarre threats about what hell do if he loses. If i lose to him, i dont know what im going to do i will never speak to you again. Could you imagine if i lose . My whole life, what am i going to do . Im going to say, i lost to the worst candidate in the history of politics. Im not going to feel so good. Maybe ill have to leave the country. I dont know seth oh, i dont know if you heard but we cant go anywhere and i know everyone got excited about that last part but even if he did leave the country im pretty sure he would go somewhere that had the internet i only want him to leave the country because hell be so broke hell have to backpack through europe with a eurail pass and sleep cheap hostels excusezmoi, ou est les mcdonalds . Also, i didnt think i could be any more motivated to vote against trump until i heard him say if he loses hell never speak to us again. I would give anything to not hear trumps voice any more. Hes everywhere our phones, our tvs, hes even my gps voice now. We love to head northeast on main street and then turn left in one thousand feet dont we, folks . And youre hearing it more and more jug handle its a jug handle, folks dont we love our jug handles . You know what i always say why do they call it a jug handle who drinks out of jugs anymore am i right they dont drink out of the jugs what im saying you understand but the fake news they will never report it. Oh, they love their jug handles. Crooked streets. Why are we in the middle of a lake trump never shuts up in part because he wants to make us feel hes inevitable. Like hes an immutable part of our lives. That there will never be a day when we dont have to wake up 12 different psychotic news stories that Say Something like, trump accuses eiffel tower of working with bigfoot to give him covid, republicans say they havent seen the tweet. We can have that we can have a country where we dont have to listen to the most irritating man in the world every goddamn day. If joe biden is elected itll be like having your retiree dad in the office hell talk to you for about five minutes a week and then say, you need any money . All right, here is your mother. So tens of millions of americans are filling out mail ballots and pouring into polling places as we speak and you can tell which constituencies trump is doing especially poorly with because hes not subtle about pandering to them. For example, hes added a very pathetic refrain to his rallies, begging women who live in the suburbs to like him. I saved your suburbs. Women suburban women, youre supposed to love trump suburban women, they should like me more than anybody here tonight. So can i ask you to do me a favor . Suburban women, will you please like me . Seth two weeks left in the campaign and hes starting to sound like late 70s woody allen, suburban women dont like me very much. Once i went on a date to a strip mall i thought [ laughter ] wait, can you guys remember how good the boston accent was yeah, hes supposed to show [ laughter ] just go, just go it was by the way, remember do you guys remember when this wet sandwich over here wrapped up one of his speeches with please clap and everybody on both sides of the aisle made fun of him until he disappeared forever and yet, trump begs people to please like me and 40 of the nation still thinks hes some kind of unstoppable warrior king seriously, our president is so desperate for the votes of suburban women, hes starting to sound like a divorced dad on the prowl. Suburban women, will you please like me . I dont know any restaurants in the city. Do you think suburban women were maybe, just maybe, turned off a smidge by the affair you had with a porn star you should try pulling that one at ann taylor. Now, before you answer, my wife had just given birth and stormy was a ten. And then theres seniors, a group trump won handily in 2016 that hes now struggling with in key states like florida. Last week, trump held an indoor event with seniors in florida where he touted a last minute and likely illegal scheme to send cash cards for prescription drugs to every senior before the election im honored to be here in fort myers to reaffirm my solemn pledge to americas seniors. Its so important to me. I happen to be a senior. [ laughter ] i will protect you, i will defend you, and i will fight for you with every ounce of energy and conviction that i have seth he cant even say the words energy and conviction with energy and conviction. He sounds like a pastor reading rap lyrics at an obscenity hearing. Face down, ass up thats the way we like to f. Whenever he reads off a script, he sounds like his covid meds just kicked in they gave me an experimental cocktail of regeneron mixed with nyquil, valium and lunesta lets have a hand for lunesta moth, folks. A true patriot suburban women love him. Also, you dont have to say, i happen to be a senior. We know youre a senior from, you know, everything about you your tweets are like email forwards, your preferred method of transportation is golf cart and you grip that podium the way my grandma grips a steering wheel. You look like youre going 5 miles an hour in the passing lane but, hey, at least you dance like a young person. I call this move, roach caught in a glue trap. [ laughter ] but, no. I thought maybe if i snuck up on it, you know i didnt think about it. Just jump. But no amount of pathetic pandering is going to magically turn trumps numbers around mainly because were now heading into a third wave of the coronavirus pandemic which scientists are warning could be the worst yet. And trump is doing nothing hes letting a deadly virus rip through the country unabated worse, he seems like he is doing everything he can to spread the disease after appearing to catch it himself at a white house superspreader event. And even acting like it was a good thing, calling it a blessing from god, suggesting hes immune now. And that he feels powerful like superman, when if anything, he has the grammar and syntax of bizarro. Women suburban like no bizarro. That one was for all of the seniors watching this on Tuesday Morning on their iphone 6. For example, at that same florida event as hundreds of americans die every day and ten states recorded record high covid cases, trump once again told seniors that the virus was on the verge of disappearing the light at the end of the tunnel is near we are rounding the turn i say that all the time. Some of the media doesnt like hearing it [ cheers and applause but i say it all the time. We are rounding that turn. Seth youve been saying that for months if youre always rounding the turn, then youre actually just going in circles which is something trump has experience with since he spends a good chunk of his time mindlessly wandering around the white house lawn like hes looking for a frisbee in a neighbors yard mind if i look for my disc . Me and some buddies were playing frolf and i accidentally let one rip. Trump keeps going from statetostate holding superspreader rallies where people are tightly packed in without masks or social distancing even in states experiencing surges and hospitalizations and caseloads like wisconsin he keeps spreading lies about masks and his events have repeatedly been linked to outbreaks from tulsa to minnesota. Just today he once again attacked the nations top Infectious Disease expert, dr. Anthony fauci, calling him a disaster at this point its impossible to conclude anything other than the fact that trump and his allies are actively trying to get people sick. What more could he be doing at this point letting people crowd surf at his rallies . Check. And then chucking hats he touched into the crowd right before testing positive for covid. Check. Soon hes going to travel with a mascot named covid larry who will hand out kisses to whoever cheers the loudest thats the story most voters are laser focused on, the president and his party are actively getting people sick. Trump and the gop clearly do not care how Many Americans die from this disease theyre more upset about facebook and twitter not letting them spread obvious bull [ bleep ] about a New York Post story even the posts own reporters didnt want to put their names on the out of control pandemic that is once again spiking across the country and the economic misery that comes with it are the stories that matter most and trump and the gop cant just talk them away no matter how hard they try. Thats why theyre unraveling, inciting violence against their opponents, and spitting wild conspiracy theories. Over the last few days, trump has repeatedly called for joe biden, barack obama, hillary clinton, and gretchen whitmer, the governor of michigan, to be thrown in jail, even after a right wing terrorist plot to kidnap whitmer was uncovered. Then this weekend, two of his most obsequious toadies floated a psychotic and vile charge against hunter biden there is further analysis of the subpoenas handwriting and it suggests that the subpoena was served by an fbi agent whose name is Joshua Wilson and over the last five years, he has been working on child pornography issues connect the dots if an fbi agent is working on child pornography issues for five years, why is he subpoenaing the laptop of hunter biden is there a connection here should this suggest that there is a child pornography issue here on that laptop . Well, i think you just made the connection again, this is what the fbi, i think, has to come clean about so was the fbi agent who served the subpoena investigating child pornography, senator . Well, you just read the news report i cant comment any further. Seth these rotten, soulless husks are just doing pizzagate all over again and they didnt even add any new details. They just did a search and replace with hunter biden in for hillary clinton. I mean, at least punch it up a little bit come on, its season 4, add an evil twin or a talking cat and, you know, everyone is focused on wisconsin cheese turd ron johnson here and rightly so but lets not forget maria bartiromo, who is also a true crazy person. And you can just tell from the way she talks. Shes got that vibe of an aunt who spends all of her time reading about alien autopsies on internet message boards. Theyre hiding the bodies at fort knox id say fox should fire bartiromo for spreading such a baseless and grotesque claim but then fox would still hire the replacement so its not like it would be better. Like, how its a good idea for the jets to get a new qb until you remember the jets would be in charge of picking the new qb. Oh, we like this kid, strong arm. Good speed gets skittish when he hears loud noises so dont boo, you guys, please if you boo, its bad the reason they are trying to slime the bidens is because they cant actually talk about trumps horrendous record and now with two weeks until the election as millions of people line up to vote early and biden widens his lead in National Polls, the president has been as erratic as ever. Hes concocting a harebrained scheme with his italian dracula lawyer to spread disinformation about the biden family, calling for political opponents to be thrown in jail, and citing violence against the governor of michigan laying the ground for a sequel to bush v. Gore, begging suburban women to like him threatening to leave the country if he loses, suggesting on twitter that biden had the members of s. E. A. L. Team six murdered after failing to kill osama bin laden, who is, according to this theory, still alive and claiming the military has some sort of secret aquatic weapon everybody is envious. We have the hydrosonic missiles that you used to hear about. We didnt have them because other countries were stealing our plans from the Obama Administration but we now have hydrosonic missiles seth are you sure you dont me hypersonic . Not hydrosonic are you confusing the u. S. Military with aquaman we have hydrasonic missiles, folks. They can talk to dolphins, fish thats how we recruited the navy s. E. A. L. S. Were watching a deeply dangerous man, supported by a deeply dangerous party, unravel at the prospect of losing power. They dont seem to care who they hurt or who gets sick in the process but its in our power to stop him by voting to repudiate him in overwhelming numbers. And if we succeed, this time next year, hell be going from country to country asking people will you please like me seth this has been, a closer look. We will be right back with senator Amy Klobuchar. Announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. He trained his mind among the Black Bear School of chess. Speed players. Trash talkers. You wanna come inside my house how about i come in your house and through defeat, he learned. You can beat every bear in the forest, but the game is never finished.