Seth you know, the least we deserve in trying times like announcer tonight, on late this is great punk music night with seth meyers, colin quinn. Star of filthy rich, actress kim cattrall music from Jeff Rosenstock punk music that stands for something. Featuring the band with this next guy is one of my Jessica Burdeaux favorites. And now, seth meyers hes angry and urgent and prescient. Seth good evening, im seth meyers, and this is late night. And while im super bummed that how is everybody doing tonight all right. He and his band are not here same as always, lets get to the news live tonight, at least we will not have to pay for a studio roof that they surely wouldve the New York Times yesterday ripped off published an investigation into President Trumps finances album, no dream, this is Jeff Rosenstock. And lets just say, melanias going to be pretty pissed when she learns what half of negative hello 431 million is hello hi the New York Times hi its nice to see you investigation published you look great yesterday alleges president you look great trump has paid almost nothing in i love you lets get this lets get federal income tax over the past 20 years wow. Ive been tol if true, this bombshell has the for most my life potential to be almost as wait until damaging to his political career the perfect time as the access Hollywood Tape by people who hav been defined b the New York Times skipping spots in line investigation published yesterday showed trump paid just dont you wanna go away 750 in federal income tax in both 2016 and 2017, which i have to admit, is way funnier than dont you wanna go awa paying 0. Dont you wanna go awa its like giving someone a dont you wanna scram starbucks gift card with 68 cents on it hey, consider it a down payment on a tall. President trump and former Vice President joe biden are set to ive been tol for most my life appear tomorrow in cleveland for try to see their first president ial debate. The other side the medias setting this up like its going to be a prize fight, by people who hav but i think its going to be more like one of those sad never tried to boxing matches where the ref see the other side spends the whole time trying to dont you wanna go away get them out of the clinch come on, guys come on. Stop holding each other up dont you wanna go awa people paid good money. Dont you wanna go awa President Trump yesterday called on former Vice President joe biden to take a drug test before the president ial debate, dont you wanna scram making it the first time trumps dont you wanna hid ever been in favor of more testing. Dont you wann get away tonight President Trump reportedly dont you wanna run prepared for the first president ial debate yesterday, dont you wanna di but not for very long. Dont you wann get away tonight now, if i sweat, will the not hearing all you sharpie run . Dont waste my time because thats a problem dont you wanna get away tonight well, im just saying. Lets try to think this stuff through, guys i cant be i cant be the go kick rocks and die stopgap for everything im not sure stopgaps the right word whats the word i was looking for, baze . No, i think that was fine seth all right our head writer, alex baze is everything you sa here for the first time and is to make me feel stupi everything you say thats the kind of banter you can expect now is to make me feel bad everything you sa [ laughter ] is a distraction so im not after President Trump announced that he selected judge Amy Coney Barrett to be his Supreme Court nominee, Senate Republicans began selling a so im no notorious acb tshirt. Listening to you and its more obnoxious than you think because they dont even know about the rapper. According to a new book by President Trumps former Deputy Campaign manager, trump wanted to select his daughter ivanka to be his Vice President. His Vice President nasa astronaut, kate rubins is dont you wanna go away reportedly planning to vote in dont you wanna go awa novembers election from the International Space station. And bad news, georgia, thats dont you wanna go awa also your polling place. Dont you wanna go away after a surge of coronavirus cases at the university of colorado, Health Officials in dont you wanna run boulder have banned dont you wanna hide dont you wann 1822yearolds from gathering get away tonight in groups of any size for two weeks. Dont you wanna run its been especially hard for dont you wanna cr that one friend who never pays for weed dont you wanna scra oh, what am i going to do . Just buy it yourself, colton. Dont you wanna scram you got a trust fund, buddy. Today was World Rabies Day so if you see someone foaming at the mouth, thats probably just rudy on fox news. [ cheers and applause and finally, kraft has announced it will begin selling a limited Edition Pumpkin Spice mac and cheese look for it in the checkout line at tj maxx in april. And that was the monologue, seth my thanks to Jeff Rosenstock. His album no dream is out now. Everybody. Well be right back. We got a great show for you tonight. Hes got a great new book, overstated a guide to this election, sorry, a coasttocoast roast of the 50 states. Our friend colin quinn will be here so excited for that. Also, kim cattrall the fantastic kim cattrall will be here to talk about her new show, filthy rich. And music from one of my favorites, Jeff Rosenstock but there we go Jeff Rosenstock. But before we get to all of that, one of the greatest tax cheats in American History, a criminally negligent sociopath who lost the popular vote and has overseen the preventable deaths of hundreds of thousands of americans is on the verge of putting a third justice on the Supreme Court. And republicans are full steam ahead. This has been a closer look. Oh, wait im sorry. I meant, its time for a closer look. Seth every day, every single day, donald trump, one of the most irritating, unlikable, offputting individuals in American History, invades our National Consciousness by commandeering the spotlight, saying something psychotic, and forcing us all to think about him. On top of Everything Else that sucks about the trump era, its exhausting when my head hits the pillow at night, i think, in his voice, did i leave the oven on i should go check. Of course, if its on, thats not my fault. Seriously, i have a fouryearold and a twoyearold, and even they dont demand my attention this much all californians because even on their worst will be able to vote safely from home. Days, kids dont [ bleep ] every active, themselves every five minutes. Registered voter will receive a votebymail ballot again . With a unique barcode. I just changed you you can track it using wheres my ballot . For example, trump has learned and youll receive automatic notifications by text, he can distract from the news of the day and force the media to email or voice call cover whatever crazy nonsense he feels like saying by pretending to let you know the status of your ballot to a hold a News Conference at the white house that almost once you mail it, drop it off at your polling place always ends up turning into a or at a drop box. Campaign rally therapy session vote by mail ballots. And apparently, im not the only simple, safe, secure. Counted. One who feels this way, because, learn more at vote. Ca. Gov as fox news tuned into trumps latest gripe session last night at the white house, a hot mic caught someone expressing their frustration, live, on air. I felt gross. It was kind of a shock after i started cosentyx. I guess we have the president here oh, [ bleep ] four years clear. Seth i hear ya, disembodied real people with psoriasis voice. I hear ya. Look and feel better with cosentyx. Wait, was that the voice of the white house . Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. Has the white house resisted using its magical power of an increased risk of infections speech for centuries, only to and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Finally cave at a trump press conference, to utter an tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, exhausted oh, [ bleep ] . If your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, like, are we just going to start or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Hearing the internal monologue serious allergic reactions may occur. Of the building itself now learn more at cosentyx. Com. I guess we have the president here oh, here we go, again, with this [ bleep ] guy and stop getting ketchup on my curtains theyre not napkins. [ laughter ] seth trump used the occasion to spew his usual b. S. , from his deranged claim that joe biden is on performanceenhancing drugs, seth i want to thank my guests colin quinn, to the lie that mail balloting kim cattrall, and leads to fraud Jeff Rosenstock. But even trump, with his vast i want to thank Jessica Burdeaux and the 8g band. Powers of distraction, could not stay tuned for lilly singh. Pull focus away from sunday stay safe. Nights bombshell story, the new wash your hands. Wear a mask. We love you. York times reported about trumps serial tax cheating and business losses. And this story didnt go back decades to dig up some embarrassing details about trumps early years in real estate this was about how much he paid in taxes as a candidate and then as president President Trump paid just 750 in federal income taxes in both 2016 and 2017 thats according to a report by the New York Times, which says it obtained more than two decades of tax return data for the president and his companies. According to the times, mr trump paid no income taxes at all in ten of the previous 15 years, largely because he reported losing much more money than he made seth thats such a great picture from that New York Times story its like they asked him to pose for it yeah, we just want to get you through the window of your car i dont know just look like someone who doesnt pay taxes. Also, 750 i paid more than that in blockbuster late fees. Im serious. In 1993, i took out a copy of the prince of tides. Then, i loaned it to my stoner friend who sold it in a yard sale and when blockbuster shut down, i owed them 750 bucks. So i hope you enjoyed nolte and babs, scooch i hope you enjoyed em seriously, im having trouble wrapping my head around just how corrupt this is. A man who claims to be one of the most successful business moguls in america, who claims he is worth 10 billion, whos cast himself as a patriotic hero of the working class, paid 750 in taxes to the federal government, while he was president of the United States. Jesus, dude. We are paying your room and board. You cant even make it an even grand . On top of Everything Else, its so brazen. Im shocked we dont have Surveillance Video of trump sneaking out of fort knox with gold bars stuffed in his pockets. Maybe, thats why his coats always so bulky. He just stole a bunch of coins from the u. S. Mint mr. President , just before takeoff, were going to need everybodys weight. Well, lets see im like a buck 80, but melania is a shes like an even 1,200 no, no, be cool, melania my coats full of loot just be cool, for once, melania. In fact, that basically is what trumps been doing hes been bilking donors and taxpayers for millions of dollars at his private clubs and golf courses, while lobbyists and foreign officials pour money into his hotels to curry favor with him and now, we know why the dudes broke the times reports President Trumps core businesses, from his golf courses, to his washington, d. C. , hotel, had been losing millions of dollars year after year. Also dangling over the president s head, a decadelong audit by the irs over the legitimacy of nearly 73 million tax refund that trump received an adverse ruling in that case could cost mr. Trump more than 100 million and he is personally responsible for loans and other debts totaling 421 million. Most of it coming due within four years seth so now we know why trumps so desperate to stay in the white house. He needs the free housing. He needs a place to crash. Hes your deadbeat friend who refuses to get a job because he is still working on his idea for an app that tells you which chipotle locations have the hottest cashiers i just need to crash with you until i get chipotebae off the ground and then, were just soaring to the skies. Trumps the dupree of the white house. Thats another one i forgot to i hope you enjoyed the laidback antics of owen wilson, scooch. I hope you did so, trump paid virtually nothing in taxes in 2016 and 2017. Its one thing to do this while youre just a new York Real Estate grifter but its especially brazen to do it while youre a sitting president. That means he was in the oval office on the phone with his accountant saying, what . 890 bucks seems like a lot. Can we get it down to 750 . It was 750 last year i feel like that was more than fair. But because of his business entanglements across the world, which, by the way, are almost certainly unconstitutional, he did pay a lot more to foreign governments. 2017, the president s 750 contribution to the operations of the u. S. Government was dwarfed by the 15,598 he or his companies paid in panama, the 145,400 in india, and the 156,824 in the philippines. Amazing. The president of the United States paid more in taxes to panama than he did to the United States maybe, thats why trump keeps asking other countries to help him in the election. He thinks they owe them. Hello, philippines. Do you have any dirt on joe biden . If you do, i will pay my taxes, in full, again this year. And by the way, this report is not isolated we already know trump is a prolific tax cheat, whos swindled the American People for decades. The times previously reported that trump lost a billion dollars in over a decade in the 80s and 90s and avoided paying income taxes for eight of those ten years. And in congressional testimony, his exfixer, michael cohen, told congresswoman alexandria ocasiocortez that trump may well have committed tax fraud by lying about the value of his assets to save money. To your knowledge, was the president interested in reducing his local real estate bills . Tax bills . Yes and how did he do that . What you do is you deflate the value of the asset and then you put in a request to the Tax Department for a deduction. Seth of course, with trump, it was probably hard to tell that he was deflating the value of his assets since everything he owns eventually turns to [ bleep ] anyway he says his casino is worth 0, but i guess that makes sense. The slot machine only has two reels. Now, what cohen alleged there is illegal. And we know trump is already under investigation by both the manhattan d. A. And the new York State Attorney general, with the d. A. s office even suggesting trump could be indicted for tax fraud. But, to my mind, whats legal is just as much of a scandal here trump took advantage of a labyrinth tax system designed to protect his wealth and shield him from consequences. In fact, he and his allies have long argued that rather than be ashamed of this behavior, he should be proud of it. The reality is this is part of our tax code the mans a genius he knows how to operate the tax code theres no one whos shown more genius in their way to maneuver around the tax code, as he rightfully used the laws to do that. As a businessman and real estate developer, i have legally used the tax laws to my benefit. I have brilliantly i have brilliantly used those laws. Maybe he doesnt want the American People, all of you watching tonight, to know that hes paid nothing in federal taxes, because the only years that anybodys ever seen were a couple of years when he had to turn them over to state authorities when he was trying to get a casino license. And they showed he didnt pay any federal income tax so if hes paid that makes me smart seth no one whos actually smart ever says that makes me smart. When einstein unveiled his theory of relativity, he didnt lean in to the mic and say, get ready, guys, its genius oclock. More importantly, it doesnt make you smart it makes you powerful. There are plenty of smart people who pay their taxes, in full, every year, because they dont have the armies of accountants and vampire lawyers that rich people like trump or Companies Like amazon have regular americans cant get away with this stuff because the law or the irs would come down hard on them. A propublica investigation found that the five counties with the highest audit rates are all predominantly africanamerican, Rural Counties in the deep south. Meanwhile, the trumps and amazons of the world skate by without any consequence. And thats because the system is rigged to protect them if the irs found out you did what trump is accused of, your response would be oh [ bleep ]. Seth thats the big takeaway here trump is not unique. Hes the product and enabler of a corrupt system that shields the wealthiest and most powerful in our society, while crushing everyone e