President trump told reporters today that he would release a report on his finances before the 2020 election. And said that people will be shocked that the numbers are many, many times what you think. Okay, but anything times zero is zero [ laughter ] [ applause ] duchess Meghan Markle attended the u. S. Open this weekend to support her friend serena williams. Meanwhile, the queen went to the jets game. [ laughter ] a man on a mission to visit every starbucks in the world, last week visited his 15,000th location in peru and what do you know, they finally spelled his name right [ laughter and applause a 73yearold woman in india is now believed to be the oldest person to ever give birth after having twins this weekend via csection. The woman is doing fine, but shes definitely going to wait a few years before trying for more kids [ laughter ] u. S. News and world report has released its annual ranking of americas best universities with princeton coming in first. And when they heard the news, princeton students partied deep into the afternoon [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause finally a new yorkbased helicopter tour company is facing criticism for offering customers the opportunity to take their dogs on a socalled doorsoff flight what its totally safe, said the pilot. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause we have a great show for you tonight. She is an incredible musician and coach on nbcs the voice, as well as the host of the Kelly Clarkson show. Kelly clarkson is back, everybody. [ cheers and applause they are the creators and stars of ifcs very funny sketch show, shermans showcase. Bashir salahuddin and diallo riddle are here tonight [ cheers and applause and she is a talented writer whose second novel family of origin is available now cj hauser is joining us tonight. [ cheers and applause before we get to our great guests, the president s ongoing break from reality continued this morning on twitter as we learn more about his insistence that Hurricane Dorian was going to hit alabama for more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth well, its another monday in the trump era. Which means we all awoke to another fever dream of cruelty, stupidity and corruption just in the last few days, the president launched a deranged attack on john legend and Chrissy Teigen a house panel is investigating the militarys use of trumpowned property in scotland the president ignited bipartisan fury when he announced that he invited the taliban to camp david just days before the anniversary of 9 11, while simultaneously canceling that meeting and upending months of delicate peace talks and he attacked former South Carolina governor mark sanford who announced a primary challenge against him by trying to remind people that sanford had an affair with a woman in argentina, tweeting that sanford was found in argentina with his flaming dancer friend. [ light laughter ] [ audience ohs ] now, we think he meant to type flamingo dancer which also would have been wrong because its flamenco dancer which also would have been wrong because there is no evidence sanfords former mistress had ever been a flamenco dancer. [ laughter ] it is like a seven layer dip of president ial insanity. [ laughter ] its stupid stacked on top of stupid, stacked on top of stupid and then, i guess, guacamole [ laughter and applause also, id like to remind everyone, everyone, this is not the first time trump has gotten details of this story wrong. To explain his disappearance when he was having the affair back in 2009, sanford famously claimed he had been hiking the appalachian trail. Trump has tried to mock him for that before, but hes gotten that detail wrong as well. And he did it again today. Mr. Tallahassee trail or appalachian trail, hes the appalachian trail, right the tallahassee trail is nice too, but i think it was the appalachian trail. Never liked him too much i wasnt a big fan the tallahassee trail. Must be a beautiful place. Unfortunately, he didnt go there. He was supposed to be vacationing on the tallahassee trail. [ laughter ] but he was actually in argentina. I dont know jim, do they have a tallahassee trail in argentina [ light laughter ] seth no. They dont [ laughter and applause they dont have one in tallahassee. It doesnt exist [ light laughter ] the tallahassee trail sounds the name of a chain restaurant where they let you throw peanut shells on the floor [ light laughter ] and by they way, almost everything i just told you about happened before 8 00 a. M. This morning. Its hard enough to process all of this insanity in an entire day. But its worse when you havent even had your coffee yet i never thought i would say this to a president , but please, sleep in [ laughter and applause we need to take one of those dumb novelty tshirts that says dont talk to me until ive had my coffee and pass it into law. [ laughter and applause while all while all of this was happening, trump was also continuing his use of the presidency to enrich himself last week, trump reportedly encouraged Vice President mike pence to stay at his golf resort in ireland. And on friday it was reported that an air force crew made stop at trumps scottish resort democrats are investigating whether these obviously corrupt practices violate the constitution so, trump lashed out again this morning on twitter, distancing himself from both incidents quote, i had nothing to do with the decision of our great Vice President mike pence to stay overnight at one of the trumpowned resorts in doonbeg, ireland. I know nothing about an air force plane landing in an airport, which i dont own and have nothing to do with it, near turnberry resort which i do own in scotland and filling up with fuel with the crew staying overnight at turnbury. They have good taste nothing to do with me. [ light laughter ] seth wow, he is tap dancing faster than a flaming dancer [ cheers and applause also, you cant just tweet, in all caps, nothing to do with me right after you admit they stayed at your hotel, and you put in parenthesis, they have good taste. Hes like a guy who gets caught on camera robbing a liquor store and says, thats not me but whoever it is is very handsome. [ laughter and applause and its not just the air force and the Vice President who are helping line trumps pockets it was also reported last week that attorney general bill barr had booked trumps hotel for a 30,000 holiday party. Trump was asked about all the money flowing from taxpayers to his private businesses last week, and once again claimed he had nothing to do with it, while also taking the opportunity to advertise his resorts. Can you speak to your involvement in the Vice President s plans to stay at a trump property in ireland . Well, i had no involvement other than its a great place. Its doonbeg i own it its in ireland. Its beautiful its wonderful i dont suggest anything i dont suggest it, nor did i with the attorney general. I never spoke to the attorney general about using my hotel i have a lot of hotels all over the place. And people use them, because theyre the best i mean, you know, theyre the best but hes using the hotel, and people like my product what can i tell you . I cant help it. But, you know, i guess they say we want to stay at a place thats better than someplace else [ light laughter ] seth well, that is really quite the endorsement. Sandals should steal that slogan [ laughter and applause sandals, a place thats better than someplace else. [ cheers and applause of course, all of this all of was going to hit alabama going even so far as to alter an official forecast with a sharpie. Now, we [ light laughter ] we dont want to keep talking about this we would have been happy to just let this go as another one of the million dumb things trump has done we talked about it on thursday, had a few days off and figured wed wake up to a new day of fresh crimes and flaming dancers. But trump keeps talking about it and as we all know, once trump gets called out for a lie, he will not stop until he gets the last word. Everything else has to grind to a halt while we watch this sweaty weirdo bark at reporters and insist that hes correct by tweeting nonstop or doing that thing where he points at his own brain to show us all how smart he is. [ light laughter ] they did a cat scan on my brain and said it was huge here, let me show you a photo. [ laughter ]this looks like thea kids video called heads, shoulders, knees and i cant reach my toes. [ laughter ] trump initially pretended he had no idea who defaced this hurricane map. Well, it wont surprise you to learn that after the Washington Post did some digging, they found out who the culprit was. It was trump who used the black sharpie to mark up an official National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration map, which he displayed during an oval Office Briefing on wednesday, according to a white house official who spoke on the condition of anonymity. No one else writes like that on a map with a black sharpie [ laughter and applause its amazing to me the reporters actually had to spend time on this they actually had to call up Anonymous Sources and get them to reveal who the sharpie culprit was. Its like watergate except trump is his own deep throat hes cheap throat. Dont worry, we dont need to pay for a new map. Ill just draw it with a sharpie. Everyone will think its real. [ light laughter ] its probably what did he for each of erics birthdays [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] now, trump has tried to muddy the waters and confuse everyone by making this as complicated as possible so lets keep it very simple last sunday, september 1st, trump tweeted that alabama will most likely be hit much harder than anticipated and then 20 minutes later, the National Weather service in birmingham, alabama tweeted, alabama will not see any impact from dorian. As we learned this weekend, that correction wasnt the National WeatherService Going out of their way to embarrass trump they had to issue that correction specifically in response to alabama residents who were freaked out by the president s tweet. The Washington Post reported that the Birmingham Office sent the tweet after receiving a flurry of phone calls from concerned residents following trumps message. Were now at the point where the president is scaring people for no reason. He is basically the web md of president s [ laughter and applause except no matter no matter what symptom [ laughter and applause no matter what symptom you type in, the response says, sounds bad, youre probably going to die. [ laughter ] seriously, think about that. People were calling because the president said they might be in danger and instead of reassuring them after he was corrected, he doubled down its like if he stood up in a crowded theater and yelled, fire. And then a theater employee said, everyone calm down there is no fire. And instead of apologizing, you took out a can of gasoline and a match and said, well, theres one now. [ light laughter ] the craziest, the most dangerous part of all this is that trump has involved other parts of the government in his war on reality. Just today we learned that commerce secretary, wilbur ross, threatened firings in noaa after trump dorian tweets. That comes after noaa staff were instructed not to contradict the president s sharpie hurricane forecast and on top of that, trump has an entire party in lockstep with them just yesterday, republican senator roy blunt dismissed trumps compulsive lying although he seemed to pause when asked if americans could trust the president. Should the American Public take the president at his word when he speaks well, the president communicates differently than anybody else youve said that before as a candidate he can but hes the president of the United States. And when he issues a politicizing the weather i mean, is there anything left well, i actually ive spent most of this month at home in missouri and i dont think i think this whole sharpie thing is way being overplayed. Are you worried that the credibility of the words of the president of the United States has been eroded . No. [ laughter ] seth it should not take you that long to answer when someone asks you if the president you support is a liar. Thats like a husband who just got back from a guys trip to vegas. Did you have fun, honey . Yeah. Did you get a lap dance . No. [ laughter and applause and then there is fox news, an entire Propaganda Network that, with few exceptions, reinforces the president s deranged alternative reality on a daily basis. Then denies obvious facts that are playing to our eyes. In fact, just last month, an anchor on fox business actually insisted during an interview with one of trumps republican primary challengers, that the president has never told a lie im running against this president , because i believe he lies virtually every time he opens his mouth. You know that, too no, i do not. I think hes morally unfit. I do not know that. Do not impute that to me, joe walsh. Dont do it. Stuart, do you believe this president lies no. You dont believe hes ever lied he exaggerates and spins. Seth yeah, those are other ways of saying he lies [ laughter ] do fox news anchors keep a thesaurus with them at all times for moments like this . Does the president lie . No, he beguiles, obfuscates, prevaricates and dissembles. [ laughter ] also, its very hard to come off as a moron when youre a guy with a british accent using the word impute but somehow this guy managed to do it although, if brexit has taught us anything, it is that british people are just as prone to putting dummies in charge as we are. Like this dummy. You know the caution . You know what you have to say when you when you when you call someone you do not have to say anything. Is that right . Anything you say no, but if you fail to mention something, which you later rely on hang on. Lets get this right do you remember it they all know it which you later rely on in court, maybe taken into account anyway, you get the gist [ laughter and applause seth i dont know. I dont know if we did get the gist that there their Prime Minister is like if donald trump had one of those gps settings where you could just switch him to a british accent. [ light laughter ] i think the best way for britain out of the European Union is through the tallahassee trail. [ laughter ] although my favorite favorite Boris Johnson clip from this last week, hands down, has to be this one please leave my town. I will, very soon [ laughter and applause seth that might be the most british thing ive ever seen good day, sir now please do [ bleep ] off. Cheerio. Americans, of course, we are slightly less polite mr. President , [ bleep ] you [ cheers and applause seth the british one [ cheers and applause the british one was good, but i do like the american remake. The president of the United States isnt just lying, hes concocting elaborate fantasies to defend those lies strongarming the rest of his government to justify those lies and relying on the support of an entire Political Party and right wing media apparatus to spread those lies it might seem trivial when its just about sharpies or flaming dancers, but trumps war on reality also has real consequences for real people at this point wed be much better off if instead of being president , trump just spent his time hiking the tallahassee trail seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause well be right back with Kelly Clarkson, everybody. [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. The network has to be prepared to absorb whatever is going to come its way. Were always preparing. Make sure that the network is working all the time. vo were relentlessly committed to the network. So in times like this, we can all stay connected to work, school, and most importantly, to each other. This smoothie has over 3 times v8 onlyas much. Ams of sugar. So maybe we should call this smoothie, sweetie. V8 the original Plant Powered drink. Veg up. Actually dry . Lets see. Its dry. Theres no dry time makes us wonder. Why we booked fifteensecond. Ad slots dries instantly and. Keeps you protected for fortyeighthours. Musi ladies and gentlemen shadow featuring de la soul get ready, yall get ready ready set jump to the rhythm as hard as you can go keep it steady steady, to the letter, right . Turn it up, we giving a show hey hey hey, whatd i miss . Ready, set steady, bet hey allergy muddlers. Achoo . Do your sneezes turn heads . Try zyrtec. It starts working hard at hour one. And works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Zyrtec muddle no more. whistle hi head to oldnavy. Com for fifty percent off everything thats fifty percent off everything at oldnavy. Com has you covered withe fast, reliable internet. Finity with advanced security to help keep you secure online. And with the most tv shows, movies and streaming apps all in one place. With simple Digital Tools you can get the help you need or even trouble shoot your services on your own. Download the xfinity my account app or just say help into your xfinity voice remote. We are working to make things a little easier on everyone. Download the xfinity my account app today. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back. Give it up for the 8g band everybody. [ cheers and applause sitting in with us on drums this week is a multigrammy Award Winning artist and founder of the Berkeley Institute of jazz and gender justice be sure to check out waiting game, her forthcoming album with her band, social science, which comes out november 8th Terri Lyne Carrington is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause thank you so much for being here thank you seth our first guest is a grammy Award Winning singer and songwriter and a coach on nbcs the voice, which returns for its 17th season on monday, september