Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20170915



featuring nicki minaj, and the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 737, austin, yeah! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. this is a hot crowd. [ cheers and applause ] a beautiful, good-looking hot crowd here tonight here in new york city. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "the tonight show." here's what people are talking about. i saw this morning, president trump tweeted that his border wall is going to be built out of old fences. [ laughter ] which explains why today millions of americans walked out of their homes and said, where the hell's my fence? [ laughter and applause ] i'm building a chain link fence. trump also went on twitter to criticize hillary's new book. so she responded by saying she'd send him a copy of her children's book instead. [ laughter ] trump was like, got anything shorter? [ laughter and applause ] i'll take the book. i'll take the kids book. meanwhile, ivanka trump said that she doesn't speak out against her dad publicly because when you're part of a a team, you're part of a team. i think what she meant to say was, when you're part of a a will, you're part of a will. [ laughter ] i mean, it's just common sense. [ applause ] >> steve: you got to think about it. this is big though, after meeting with democratic leaders, it seems like trump changed his mind on daca. democrats were like, "yeah, we told him it stood for for doughnuts across america. so he was like -- [ laughter and applause ] "oh, i love doughnuts." everyone is talking about daca. a couple weeks ago, trump said that he was ending it. now he seems like he's working with democrats to replace it. nobody knows what's going to happen. and obviously a lot of immigrants are concerned. so here to talk to us a little more about the issue is "tonight show" correspondent julio torres. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, hi, hi. hello, jimmy. hi. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: hi, julio. so, why don't you tell us a a little bit about yourself. >> sure. my name is julio. i was born and raised as a a brunette. [ laughter ] i'm from el salvador. i live in brooklyn. i'm an aquarius and my favorite color is clear. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: great, great. and we just want to confirm that you're a real-live person. you're not some funny weird character that we made up. >> no, yes, correct, i am real. but i am not an american, though i'm very, very fond of this country. i grew up in el salvador watching a lot of american tv. that's part of the reason why i'm fluent in english now. like so many little gay boys in el salvador, i could only dream of maybe, just maybe, meeting ally mcbeal one day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i hope you do. i've met her. she's great. >> well, i haven't. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but i came from a tiny, tiny central american country and look at me now. i'm part of the, como se dice -- [ laughter ] liberal media elite. >> jimmy: yeah, good. [ laughter ] julio, what do you think of the notions that illegal immigrants steal jobs from american workers? >> well, i'm a stand-up comedian but not just any kind. i'm the sort of a queer multimedia kind. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> the other day i was covered completely in glitter holding a a little crystal pyramid wondering how to incorporate it into my act, and i thought, "oh, i'm sorry, is this one of the many good jobs i'm stealing from hard-working americans?" [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: uh-huh. that's interesting. >> am i supposed to be viewed as a threat somehow? look, i'm not here because of daca. my path was different. i am here under a visa that claims that i am an alien of extraordinary ability. pause for laughter or applause. [ laughter and applause ] thank you. i think this will all work out, but it's just frustrating that we keep having these conversations, immigrant or dreamer or illegal. these are broad labels composed of very real, unique people with their own hopes and dreams. today, i'm a legal little space twink but tomorrow -- [ laughter ] i could be just another bad hombre on my way out. [ laughter ] trump keeps changing his mind on this, and i get it. we all have a little angel on one shoulder and a cabinet full of racist devils on another. [ laughter and applause ] you know, the only person i connect with in this administration is melania. because just like me, she's foreign, she's a beautiful ice princess. [ laughter ] and we both scan the room for the nearest exit whenever we read to children. [ laughter ] look, look, i really want to stay in america, but if this doesn't work out, i guess i'll just marry a billionaire and become first lady. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: julio torres, everyone. julio, thank you, buddy. julio, thank you for being here. guys, this was going viral. yesterday, trump wore a blue jacket with black pants to a a meeting on race relations. take a look at this. this is very -- yeah. [ laughter ] trump was like, i told you, i don't see color. [ laughter and applause ] so people are still talking about this ted cruz scandal where his twitter account liked a pornographic video. [ laughter ] and he's been blaming his staff for the incident, and i think that they're getting a little fed up with it. you can kind of hear them in the background during this interview. listen close. >> your twitter handle liked a a post that was clearly porn. what happened? >> look, it was -- we had a a staffer who accidentally hit the wrong button. >> no. that was you. [ laughter ] >> and it was a screw-up. >> you screwed yourself. >> as soon as we found out about it, we pulled it down. >> oh, you pulled it all right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. you see what i'm saying? that was. no, yeah. [ applause ] that's -- >> steve: cruz. >> jimmy: hey, target announced that it will hire 100,000 seasonal employees during the holidays. ten of them will be on the register, the rest will wander around saying, "i don't work in this department." [ laughter and applause ] i just need -- who does? they're in the other department. and finally, i read about a a brother and sister in michigan who reunited after 50 years apart. [ audience aws ] unfortunately, it was on tinder. yeah. [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a huge show tonight. thank you, roots. thank you, higgins. how you doin', man? >> steve: how's it going? >> jimmy: how was your break? >> steve: my break. >> jimmy: anyway, we got a a great show tonight. from the new movie "stronger," jake gyllenhaal is here tonight. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] love that dude. >> jimmy: he's a stud! he's a movie star. we love that guy. i've always felt connected with jake like we're on the same wavelength so we're putting that to the test tonight. jake and i are going to have a a brainstorm. >> steve: ooh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going to share one brain. also, we're honored to have her. dr. jane goodall is dropping in tonight. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the one and only. and we got great music tonight. you guys ready for this? [ cheers and applause ] yo gotti featuring nicki minaj tonight. [ cheers and applause ] "rake it up." guys, it is time for "tonight show hashtags." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: guys, we do this thing every wednesday where i will send out a hashtag and we will ask you guys to respond to that topic and since tons of college students are getting to know their new roommates this week, i sent out a hashtag called #myweirdroommate. [ laughter ] all of us have had a weird roommate at one point. i asked you guys to send us a a funny, weird, or embarrassing story about your roommates. we got a huge response. within 30 minutes, it was a a trending topic in the u.s. so thank you -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you for getting involved. now i thought i'd share some of my favorite #myweirdroommate stories from you guys. here we go. this first one is from @chrislilli. he says, "i used to live with a a guy who would put ketchup straight onto our glass coffee table to dip french fries in so he could avoid cleaning a a dish." [ audience ews ] >> steve: ah! [ applause ] wow. this one is from @mellynn. she says, "my roommate used to knock on my bedroom door in the middle of the night and when i opened it, she would say, 'just checking.'" [ laughter and applause ] okay. just terrified. okay. [ laughter ] this one is from @wyou knowyyit. [ laughter ] >> steve: how many ys? >> i think it's five ys. >> steve: w-h -- >> jimmy: w-y-y-y-y-y-i-t. wyou knowyyit. >> steve: wyou knowyit. >> jimmy: she says, "i wanted to get out of my apartment asap. i saw an ad that said looking for a clean, quiet roommate. i called the number. it was my roommate. " [ laughter and applause ] [ audience oohs ] >> steve: do you like pina coladas? >> jimmy: this next one's from @mahools. >> steve: oh, mahools. >> jimmy: she said -- you know mahools? >> steve: oh, mahools, i love mahools. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not the nonalcoholic beverage that you drink. >> steve: oh, it's not? >> jimmy: that is o'doul's. >> steve: oh, that is o'doul's. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: okay, i'm sorry, i love o'doul's. >> jimmy: mahools is a a nonalcoholic bar. >> steve: nonalcoholic -- >> jimmy: the whole bar, nonalcoholic. that's actually a play land. it's gymboree -- >> steve: it's a gymboree. >> jimmy: gymboree for children. yeah, it's not even for adults it's for children. >> steve: the ball pit. >> jimmy: it's a trampoline park. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: i don't want to get into it. [ light laughter ] >> steve: lot of lawsuits. >> jimmy: lot of lawsuits. because there's no license. >> steve: no, zero licenses. it is filthy. >> jimmy: actually, it is a a bar. it's a trampoline bar. [ laughter ] anyways. anyways -- >> steve: wait, it's a a trampoline bar? >> jimmy: yes, and there's a a 6-foot pool in there, as well. [ laughter ] you can trampoline into the pool and drink. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: it's awful. they should close it down. i've been saying, "please close mahools." [ laughter ] i've always said that. >> steve: oh, you've always said that. you have that tattoo. >> jimmy: this is -- i do. [ laughter ] i never get to see it. >> steve: no, you can't see it. >> jimmy: that's the only -- that's its problem. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: that's why i can't sleep at night. >> steve: because you -- >> jimmy: i can't see most of my tattoos. >> steve: did you get one? you should get a mirror that's a double mirror so you can see yourself in the mirror backwards so you can read your tattoos. you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: yeah, i think. but i'm a vampire so i can't even -- i don't have a reflection. >> steve: oh, i forgot. [ laughter ] i forgot. >> jimmy: i don't have a a reflection. you don't understand my life -- >> steve: you're count dracula junior. >> jimmy: you don't even understand what my life is like. [ laughter and applause ] you don't understand what my life is like. vampire with tattoos. [ laughter ] all right. this is from @mahools. [ laughter ] she says, "my roommate would number her kraft singles with a a sharpie so she'd know if we took one." oh, god! >> steve: oh! [ audience ews ] [ applause ] i'm missing singles 7 through 10. [ laughter ] >> steve: did anybody eat those? >> jimmy: anyone hungry? [ light laughter ] that's what i thought. [ laughter ] >> steve: we're going -- >> jimmy: someone's eating my cheese. [ laughter ] >> steve: we're going to mahools. >> jimmy: we are going to mahools. meet me there if you want to. [ laughter ] but that's my last name. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: oh, can you get us in? no coverage charge? >> steve: for three kraft singles. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: because we're three crafty singles. [ laughter ] and a little cheesy. [ laughter and applause ] all right. let's just go. >> steve: come on! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ oh, his tattoo is acting up. walking across the stage. waving goodbye. ♪ oh, my gosh. you're taping this whole episode. >> jimmy: no, this is -- [ laughter ] alexa, record. alexa, record the to -- [ laughter ] uh -- it wasn't alexa. it's failed tape. hey, this next one. >> steve: who is it from? >> jimmy: this is from @paisleee. >> steve: oh, i love her. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she says, "there was a fire in our building at 4:00 a.m. smoke filled the halls but my roommate stopped to curl her hair in case a fireman saw her." [ laughter and applause ] all right. are you november? [ light laughter ] fireman calendar. okay. [ light laughter ] >> steve: thank you. >> jimmy: thank you. fireman calendar reference, right? classic bit. >> steve: november. >> jimmy: jimmy names the fireman calendars. [ laughter ] >> steve: you see on calendars. >> jimmy: mr. november. that's what i'm saying. this one's from @brianricci. he says, "every time my roommate laughs at something on tv, he looks at me to see if i'm laughing, too." [ laughter and applause ] i get it. do you get it? no, i don't get it either. >> steve: i don't get it. do you think it's funny? >> jimmy: this last one is from @mmmargolies. [ laughter ] m. m. >> steve: m. m. >> jimmy: m. m. margolies >> steve: m&m. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: mahna mahna. [ laughter ] >> steve: margolies. >> jimmy: mahna mahna. >> steve: margolies, too. >> jimmy: mahna mahna. ♪ margolies, margolies margolies, margolies margols ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: last one's from @mmmargolies. he says, "once i couldn't figure out why all my underwear was missing. i asked my roommate. he pulled down his pants and said, 'looking for these?'" [ laughter and applause ] there you go. those are "tonight show" hashtags. check out more of our favorites go to tonightshow.com/hashtags. stick around. we'll be right back with jake gyllenhaal. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ what would you do if you had even more time to explore? ♪ ♪ book your next stay through the fine hotels and resorts program and enjoy a world of benefits with the platinum card. ♪ ♪ open up the world with platinum. backed by the service and security of american express. ♪ ♪ backed by the service and security of american express. ♪ get on up, mama. ♪ get on up. ♪ do what you want. ♪ do you want, let the record hop. ♪ degree motionsense. ultimate freshness... with every move. the more you move, the more it works. degree, it won't let you down. no, no... ♪ k up. ♪ the all new 2018 camry. toyota. let's go places. appearance of conservative speaker ben shapiro. there was a heavy police presence on campus before and after the speech. officers say one woman was injured in a scuffle over a sign. ==reveal== and on twitter -- at least 7 earthquakes hit the south bay thursday. all of the quakes were centered in the east san jose foothills. there were no reports of any damage. ♪ ah the moon belongs to everyone ♪ ♪ the best things in life they're free ♪ ♪ stars belong to everyone ♪ ♪ they cling there for you and for me ♪ ♪ flowers in spring ♪ the robins that sing ♪ the sunbeams that shine ♪ they're yours and their mine ♪ love can come to everyone ♪ the best things in life they're free ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an academy award-nominated actor who stars in the new movie "stronger", which is in theaters everywhere september 22nd. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jake gyllenhaal! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: jake, you're stud. you look great, buddy. thank you for coming back to the show. i love having you on the show. >> thank you, man. >> jimmy: i want to have you here all the time. >> i'm here -- i'm here all the time. >> jimmy: no, but i want to have you on the show any time that you want and you know this, you can come on the show. >> that's really nice. that's a big -- that's a big thing. [ laughter ] i've been begging for -- >> jimmy: i think you're dodging the answer. that's what i'm saying. you can come on any time you want. >> thanks. >> jimmy: that is a big thing. [ laughter ] buddy, i -- we were talking backstage, and not like i could ever give you advice. but you're telling me you're producing, you produced this movie -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: which good for you on this. but acting, producing, it's so much work. >> it's so great. >> jimmy: i don't know, man, too much work. >> yeah, you're in all the discussions. you get to talk to the director more. you get to talk with everybody. it's so great. it's so fun. >> jimmy: i know, but i don't know. for me, it's too much work. >> oh, yeah, well -- >> jimmy: this is too much work. [ laughter ] but -- but, but, i mean. >> is that why you want me to come on the show? >> jimmy: yeah, i want you to host. i want you to host the show. >> yeah, no. will you just come in and host for a month? >> jimmy: it's jake gyllenhaal month on "the tonight show." [ light laughter ] literally i would -- but you were telling me, we were talking about advice, and who gave you some great advice. i always like to hear this stuff. and you got advice from president obama. >> i did. i did. i got a -- >> jimmy: tell the story. even just the walking in, everything. >> i went on a tour of the white house. i was like, i was just -- i was in washington and i was like, i should go to the white house. and i had never been so, like, i asked if i could go on a tour and, like, i was there and i was super psyched. and then -- >> jimmy: and then jumped the fence. >> yeah. it was so easy to get in. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: took a drone over there. >> yeah, it was super easy. yeah, just, like, knock on the door. and i was on the normal -- on the normal tour, and then someone just diverted me and they were like, "somebody would like to talk to you." you know, i like, they diverted me into, what i guess -- i don't know where i was going and i was so confused. and i was in, like, i guess, right outside the oval office and it was like joe biden and hillary clinton were there and they were like, "hello, jake." and i was like, am i in a a dream? [ laughter ] i was literally like, what's going on? and then -- and then they were like, "we hear you're here and it's nice to have you here at the white house." blah, blah, blah. we were talking. joe biden gave me a huge hug. which was so awesome and super uncomfortable. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. and like, it was really -- it was super cool. and then all of a sudden the door opened and there was president obama and he was like, "jake." >> jimmy: what door opened? >> this sounds like a dream, doesn't it? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, it sounds fake! [ light laughter ] >> they were like, who -- everyone here has had this dream. they're like, i walked in the thing and all of a sudden there's hillary clinton. >> jimmy: wait, but did you open the oval office. no. >> yeah, but they opened the door and he was like, "jake, what's up?" and then i was like -- >> jimmy: he never said, "jake, what's up." [ laughter ] >> yeah, there were like -- there were like, 40 people -- >> jimmy: that sounds like the "fresh prince of bel air" opening. [ light laughter ] it's like, you're just like, "jake, what's up?" no he's -- the president would never say. >> yes, he did. he did, he did. >> jimmy: now, this is a story, i went to the white house, i went down the hall and the president was there. i said -- hey, jake. >> oh, sorry, what? i forgot where i was. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no problem. sleeping during my bit. but the oval office. i'd never been in there at all. i mean, there was a photo of me hanging there. no big deal. but anyway -- >> there's a -- there's a bust of you. >> jimmy: there's a bust of me in the oval office. >> the fallon bust. >> jimmy: but he opened the door and it's probably one of those moving wall doors. or is it a real door? >> i don't know, man. i wasn't paying attention. >> jimmy: all right, all right, sorry. i'm sorry. i just want details. >> yeah, no, like the rug -- it opened up like in a weird way and all of a sudden the president was there and i didn't know what to say. i couldn't really -- i couldn't really speak very well. i was just like -- >> jimmy: did you sit down? >> no, i don't remember what i did. [ laughter ] i literally don't remember what i did. >> jimmy: but he talked to you and gave you advice? >> yeah, he -- only thing i could remember really, very clearly from that, besides trying to act like a normal semblance of a human being was that he said to me, you have a a job and, you know, your job's really important as a citizen of this country which is to, to a -- you know, inspire people and to bring them stories and to make them laugh. so you know, you don't do that that often with your movies, but he was like -- [ laughter ] you inspire people. >> jimmy: did you just say that to me? were you looking at me when you said that? >> yeah. no, no, no, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i made a lot of fun comedies. [ light laughter ] >> i love -- i love "fever pitch." >> jimmy: you do love "fever pitch." >> i love "fever pitch." it's good. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. and i never had felt that. i never felt like what i did was an -- was an important, good thing for the country. and he made me feel that way. and i think -- i think about that all the time whenever i'm, you know -- you know, thinking about a movie i'm going to do, i think about that, almost like a directive. and which, you know -- >> jimmy: it is important. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and this movie is a a fantastic story. of course, about -- set in boston about the boston marathon. >> yes. >> jimmy: and one person in particular. you want to talk about him? >> yeah, i mean, it's really not really about the marathon. it's about jeff bauman, who is an incredible guy. who was standing there at the marathon, cheering on his girlfriend, erin hurley, and the bomb went off and he lost both of his legs in the explosion. and the story really starts there. and it's about his journey to, you know, getting better and healing and getting stronger and learning how to walk again and it's just an incredible story. he's just an extraordinary guy and his story is an inspiration. [ applause ] yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, talk about that, it's tough. he lost both legs? >> he lost both legs. yeah. >> jimmy: and have you got to meet him and talk to him? >> yeah, yeah, we've -- we've -- i've known him for a a couple years now. we worked for awhile on this movie. i spent a ton of time with him and his family and, you know, his friends and stuff. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. and boston, you must have been -- i love boston. >> yeah, no, i've never been to boston, but i hear -- [ laughter ] of course. yeah. i spent tons of time in boston. >> jimmy: i love boston. we -- i did a movie called "fever pitch" -- >> what? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: we have something in common. >> i got to check that out. i got to check that out. >> jimmy: how did --how did jeff feel about you playing him? is that -- >> you know, i think he was okay with that. i think he had a couple other people on the list before. like when i met him, he was like, "hey, what's up?" and i was like, "hey." and he was like, "you're not denzel washington, but that's cool." [ laughter ] and i was like -- >> jimmy: you want denzel washington, to play you? >> i was like, "yeah, i know i'm not." >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. >> and then he was like, "and not ryan reynolds or joseph gordon-levitt or ryan gosling." but i was like, "look, man, you got me!" >> jimmy: yeah! >> "and that's how it is! and we're family now!" >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. [ light laughter ] my middle name is ryan. yeah, exactly. well, it's kind of a -- it's kind of amazing but jeff is here tonight. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he came to the show. [ cheers and applause ] i love that he's here. jeff, where are you? hey, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hey. nice to meet you. >> you know denzel? you know denzel? nice to meet you. >> nice to meet you. i know denzel very well. >> jimmy: yeah, denzel, yeah. i want to show a clip of the film. here's jake gyllenhaal as jeff in "stronger." take a look at this. >> you showed the world that they can't -- break us, no matter what the hell they do. you know, it gave me a little hope, made me feel a little better. and i just want to thank you for that, man. that's all. >> what's your name? >> my name's larry. >> can i shake your hand, larry? >> you want to shake my hand? >> yeah. ♪ it's going to be all right. i'm going to be okay, right? you're gonna be okay. >> yeah. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's amazing. >> thank you. >> jimmy: how do you think he did? >> he did okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i said how do you think he did and he goes, "he did okay." yeah. jeff bauman right there. jake gyllenhaal. [ cheers and applause ] "stronger" is in theaters september 22nd. jake and i are having our brainstorm after the break. come on back, everybody. he did okay, right? 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[ thunder clap ] [ applause ] >> "american horror story." >> jimmy: describe the bathroom at chipotle. [ laughter ] [ thunder clap ] [ applause ] >> wax on, wax off. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what does ted cruz do when he logs on to twitter? [ laughter ] [ thunder clap ] [ applause ] >> pork butt and snoop dogg. >> jimmy: name two things that smoke for 12 hours. [ light laughter ] [ thunder clap ] [ applause ] >> "donnie darko." >> jimmy: what does trump say when he wants his butler to turn off the light? [ thunder clap ] [ applause ] >> janeane garofalo. >> jimmy: how does a starbucks barista spell jake gyllenhaal? [ laughter ] [ thunder clap ] >> steve: this has been brainstorm. [ cheers and applause ] "stronger" hits theaters september 22nd. we'll be right back with dr. jane goodall. 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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you so much for being here. we're so happy you're here, but more than that, i'm honored that you're here. welcome to the show. >> well, thanks very much. and thanks for inviting me. >> jimmy: oh, please. you can come on whenever. you are the subject of this documentary, "jane", just premiered at the toronto film festival. is it -- is it weird for you to see a documentary about your life? >> well, you know, there have been many. when it was first proposed, i thought, "what, another documentary about the chimps back in the '60s?" [ light laughter ] but i couldn't imagine that there could be anything new. but when i watched that, more than any other documentary i've seen, it took me absolutely back into those days. and there's footage that, kind of, disappeared and there's footage that hasn't been seen before taken by my then-husband, hugo van lawick -- and it's really -- i mean, there i am, a young girl with these extraordinary chimpanzees, whom i got to know so well. >> jimmy: yeah. i mean, do -- do you remember, like, what -- when you were first -- when you first were there and you go, "this is what i want to do." i know you had that since you were a little girl. but you're there, you're in tanzania and i got to spend some time at your research center. >> yes. >> jimmy: and it is -- it is -- i mean, i was frightened when i met the chimps. because i don't know -- i went up and they smell -- they have like a perfume-y smell to them, don't you think? >> well, it's a -- to me, it's a forest-y smell. >> jimmy: really? >> unlike the gorillas, who kind of stink like a sweaty person. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> the -- the chimpanzees aren't like that. they have this -- >> jimmy: it's perfume-y or something. it's pungent, it's something. i remember going -- really hiking up this trail and we were hiking up a long hike, and i almost couldn't even do the hike. and by the time i got to the top, i'm -- i smell these chimpanzees and i see two of them and one of them starts going like -- [ mimicking chimpanzee ] screaming and i go -- [ mimicking chimpanzee ] oh, yeah, that's exactly what they did. [ laughter ] and i was like, "he didn't -- he's not a fan of my movies." that's what i immediately thought. [ laughter ] but the ground was kind of rumbling. if anyone lives in the city, it's like the subway going -- rumbling. anyone who lives in the jungle, it's like a chimpanzee -- is it yelling? what do you call that? >> pant-hoot. >> jimmy: pant-hoot. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and it's -- and what are they doing there? just saying that they're the alpha? >> they're just saying hello. well, it's -- there's different kinds of pant-hoots and probably the one you heard was to males greeting each other or -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> it could be -- i don't know, i wasn't there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what would have -- what should i have done, if anything, if they saw me or -- i didn't make eye contact. first of all, i was eating an apple before i went up. and the guy that was working there, the scientist that was there said, "don't bring your apple." because i was just going to toss it because, you know, it's just an apple core. [ light laughter ] but he's like, what is -- like, what are you doing? what if a chimpanzee picks up an apple or maybe the apple becomes a tree? i'm like johnny appleseed. [ light laughter ] i'm bringing apple trees to tanzania. never happened. >> you know, chimpanzees will not eat anything they don't know. so if an infant, they're the curious ones, i think they start new cultures. if an infant had gone up to sniff and try your apple core -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> the mother would almost certainly have hit it away, that's not food. >> jimmy: and i would have been passed out. laying on the ground going -- i was so scared. it was the most beautiful thing. and i -- and if any of you -- i want to bring -- i have two little girls now, this is since i'd been there. they're 4 and 2. but i don't if -- i think they're too young to go there. >> they're too young. >> jimmy: yeah. but what would i -- what would you tell them if you could give them one word of advice? what do you tell the future generations? >> well, that's why i started this program, roots & shoots, which is encouraging, it's inspiring young people. they get to choose projects to help people, to help animals, to help the environment. >> jimmy: yep. >> we don't tell them what to do. so they can, you know, whatever they're passionate about. someone to help dogs, someone to help street children. it's amazing how young people have different passions. >> jimmy: roots & shoots. >> roots & shoots. >> jimmy: yeah, we worked with those guys. >> rootsandshoots.org. and it's in 100 countries. and we have members from preschool through university. and it's changing the world. these young people, when they understand the problems and you empower them to take action, then they are changing the world. and my goodness, don't we need to change the world? >> jimmy: yes. yes, we do. [ cheers and applause ] i just love you. and then master class, explain this to me because i've not done master class. but i'm -- i want to do your master class. you teach a course, a program? >> well, i thought i was going to have to sit down and write all these different classes and i don't have time. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but actually, i was interviewed. they said it would be two days, but we did it in one and a half because i'm known as one-take jane. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, exactly, yeah, you got it, yeah. you're pretty good. yeah, you're the best. >> so they -- they asked the questions and then they edited them, and i saw for the first time yesterday the -- the trailer. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it's -- what they have done is an amazing job. and it's divided into jane's advice about if you want to be a biologist or jane's advice, how to behave in the forest or, you know, all these kind of things. how do you give a good lecture? >> jimmy: and how do you -- can everyone -- can the whole family do it? >> yes, currently, they've got work books so you can have a a family working with young children. and then there's three different levels, so university students and high school. >> jimmy: wow, i'm going to do it. i can't wait. i want to talk about this chimp named wounda who obviously, it went viral online because it's just -- explain what was going on with wounda. >> it still makes everybody cry. >> jimmy: it does, it made me cry. >> it made me cry too. i had -- we look after orphaned chimpanzees whose mothers were shot, mostly for the bush meat trade. that's the commercial hunting of wild animals for food. and when she arrived at our sanctuary in the republic of congo, she was nearly dead. we have an amazing veterinarian, rebecca, who gave the first ever -- certainly in africa -- chimp-to-chimp blood transfusion and gave her back her health. and so she was a candidate for release on to these big islands that the government gave us on this beautiful river. and i went with her to this release and i -- >> jimmy: no one knows what a a chimp will do once you release it. >> no. and i'd not met to her before, but i talked to her on the boat, making this connection, trying to reassure her, you know. so what happened was, i'll never get over it -- >> jimmy: i -- i want to show everyone what happened. this is wounda meeting dr. goodall. ♪ >> it was a very, very touching moment. one of the most amazing things that's ever happened to me. the warmth of her embrace is something i shall never forget. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was just amazing. jane, since i'm basically, i'm a chimpanzee with a talk show and i can talk -- i will just ask, can i have a hug? >> you can have a hug. >> jimmy: i can have a -- i'm going to come around for this. i want a good one. [ cheers and applause ] i want a good -- i want a a wounda hug. thank you so much. dr. jane goodall, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] go see "jane" in select cities october 20th and check out her master class. we'll be right back with music from yo gotti featuring nicki minaj. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ so, i was at mom and dad's and found this. cd's, baseball cards... your old magic set? and this wrestling ticket... which you still owe me for. seriously? $25? i didn't even want to go. ahhh, your diary. 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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> new york city, stand up right now! everybody in tv world, i need you to turn your tv's up as loud as you can. cmg is in the building. yo gatti, "rake it up." let's go, let's go, let's go. ♪ i tell all my rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up back it up back it up back it up back it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up back it up back it up hey, hey let's go ♪ ♪ i tell all my rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up ♪ ♪ let's go let's go ♪ i made love to a stripper first i had to tip her 20 thousand ones she said i'm that ♪ ♪ i said i'm that i already know it i come with bad weather they say i'm a storm ♪ ♪ vvs's in my charm that's a roc-a-fella i was sendin bricks to harlem back when ♪ ♪ jay was still with dame phillipe chow say what i got a patek on ♪ ♪ got a stripper with me she picked up the check whatcha gonna do ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up she don't need make-up she gon rake it up rake it up ♪ ♪ she gon tell a pay up she said pay for the pay for the let's go ♪ ♪ wait for the wait for the let's go god to forgive me got to pray for them ♪ ♪ i tell all my rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up back it up back it up back it up back it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up back it up back it up ♪ ♪ hey, hey, let's go ♪ i tell all my rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up ♪ ♪ yo nicki ♪ ♪ brought out the pink lamborghini just to race with chyna brought the wraith to china ♪ ♪ just to race in china lil bad trini chick but she mixed with china real thick vagina ♪ ♪ smuggle bricks to china i tell all my dudes cut the check cut the check buss it down buss it down ♪ ♪ turn your goofy down down i'ma do splits on it yes splits on it ♪ ♪ i'm a bad chick i'ma throw fits on it i'ma bust it open ♪ ♪ i don't date honey no cookie on tsunami no ♪ ♪ all my dudes like me once they get that good punani i think he need a bonnie ♪ ♪ i might just let them find me ♪ ♪ never trust a big butt and a smile word to ronnie rep queens like supreme ask webb and nitti ♪ ♪ ask bimmy and joe tell them run me my dough wrist game is freezin like it wait in the cold ♪ ♪ nickname is nicki but my name ain't nicole ♪ ♪ i tell all my rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up back it up back it up back it up back it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up back it up back it up hey ♪ ♪ i tell all my girls rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up come on rake it up rake it up let's go ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up ho rake it up rake it up ♪ ♪ well i'm the dough boy the one they talkin about all these gossipin got my name in they mouth ♪ ♪ i know the bad but know dudes who they they should bleed once a month say what ♪ ♪ cause that's what do what's up and your chick should expose you ♪ ♪ all that pillow talkin yeah that's what the you's a word to my homie shorts ♪ ♪ we won't never write no statement we ain't showin up in court ♪ ♪ we don't do no gossipin we don't do no arguin we don't beef on social sites ♪ ♪ we just hit our target ♪ we don't do no rumors we don't pay no say what ♪ ♪ you a little bitty chick you should work at hooters you a old hater you a whole cougar ♪ ♪ you a and he a and y'all like twin sisters respect ya hustle get ya money baby win with us ♪ ♪ ya boyfriend actin like a then why you still with him ♪ ♪ i tell all my rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up >> new york, let me hear you scream right now! [ cheers ] ♪ back it up back it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up bag it up bag it up ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's how you do it. come on. that's how you do it. thank you so much. yo gotti! nicki minaj! [ cheers and applause ] "rake it up" is out now. we'll be right back, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] people love my breakfast burritos. and my french fries. wait! what if i put them together?! a burrito stuffed with scrambled eggs, creamy guacamole, bacon and crispy french fries. i'll call it the california breakfast burrito! boom. someone got that, right? scrambled eggs. guacamole. bacon. french fries. you'll call it the california breakfast burrito. boom. good work everyone. another winner. introducing my new california breakfast burrito. only at jack in the box. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: happy birthday. >> thank you. >> jimmy: my thanks to jake gyllenhaal, dr. jane goodall, yo gotti! [ cheers and applause ] nicki minaj. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jennifer lawrence -- star of "outlander" actress caitriona balfe -- founder and editor-in-chief of vox, ezra klein -- featuring the 8g band with elaine bradley. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers and this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] ah, that is great. absolutely great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. after president trump reportedly struck a deal with chuck schumer and nancy pelosi last night on daca, he tweeted this morning "no deal was made last night on daca." then he tweeted, "does ady

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Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20170915 : Comparemela.com

Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20170915

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featuring nicki minaj, and the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 737, austin, yeah! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. this is a hot crowd. [ cheers and applause ] a beautiful, good-looking hot crowd here tonight here in new york city. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "the tonight show." here's what people are talking about. i saw this morning, president trump tweeted that his border wall is going to be built out of old fences. [ laughter ] which explains why today millions of americans walked out of their homes and said, where the hell's my fence? [ laughter and applause ] i'm building a chain link fence. trump also went on twitter to criticize hillary's new book. so she responded by saying she'd send him a copy of her children's book instead. [ laughter ] trump was like, got anything shorter? [ laughter and applause ] i'll take the book. i'll take the kids book. meanwhile, ivanka trump said that she doesn't speak out against her dad publicly because when you're part of a a team, you're part of a team. i think what she meant to say was, when you're part of a a will, you're part of a will. [ laughter ] i mean, it's just common sense. [ applause ] >> steve: you got to think about it. this is big though, after meeting with democratic leaders, it seems like trump changed his mind on daca. democrats were like, "yeah, we told him it stood for for doughnuts across america. so he was like -- [ laughter and applause ] "oh, i love doughnuts." everyone is talking about daca. a couple weeks ago, trump said that he was ending it. now he seems like he's working with democrats to replace it. nobody knows what's going to happen. and obviously a lot of immigrants are concerned. so here to talk to us a little more about the issue is "tonight show" correspondent julio torres. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, hi, hi. hello, jimmy. hi. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: hi, julio. so, why don't you tell us a a little bit about yourself. >> sure. my name is julio. i was born and raised as a a brunette. [ laughter ] i'm from el salvador. i live in brooklyn. i'm an aquarius and my favorite color is clear. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: great, great. and we just want to confirm that you're a real-live person. you're not some funny weird character that we made up. >> no, yes, correct, i am real. but i am not an american, though i'm very, very fond of this country. i grew up in el salvador watching a lot of american tv. that's part of the reason why i'm fluent in english now. like so many little gay boys in el salvador, i could only dream of maybe, just maybe, meeting ally mcbeal one day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i hope you do. i've met her. she's great. >> well, i haven't. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but i came from a tiny, tiny central american country and look at me now. i'm part of the, como se dice -- [ laughter ] liberal media elite. >> jimmy: yeah, good. [ laughter ] julio, what do you think of the notions that illegal immigrants steal jobs from american workers? >> well, i'm a stand-up comedian but not just any kind. i'm the sort of a queer multimedia kind. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> the other day i was covered completely in glitter holding a a little crystal pyramid wondering how to incorporate it into my act, and i thought, "oh, i'm sorry, is this one of the many good jobs i'm stealing from hard-working americans?" [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: uh-huh. that's interesting. >> am i supposed to be viewed as a threat somehow? look, i'm not here because of daca. my path was different. i am here under a visa that claims that i am an alien of extraordinary ability. pause for laughter or applause. [ laughter and applause ] thank you. i think this will all work out, but it's just frustrating that we keep having these conversations, immigrant or dreamer or illegal. these are broad labels composed of very real, unique people with their own hopes and dreams. today, i'm a legal little space twink but tomorrow -- [ laughter ] i could be just another bad hombre on my way out. [ laughter ] trump keeps changing his mind on this, and i get it. we all have a little angel on one shoulder and a cabinet full of racist devils on another. [ laughter and applause ] you know, the only person i connect with in this administration is melania. because just like me, she's foreign, she's a beautiful ice princess. [ laughter ] and we both scan the room for the nearest exit whenever we read to children. [ laughter ] look, look, i really want to stay in america, but if this doesn't work out, i guess i'll just marry a billionaire and become first lady. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: julio torres, everyone. julio, thank you, buddy. julio, thank you for being here. guys, this was going viral. yesterday, trump wore a blue jacket with black pants to a a meeting on race relations. take a look at this. this is very -- yeah. [ laughter ] trump was like, i told you, i don't see color. [ laughter and applause ] so people are still talking about this ted cruz scandal where his twitter account liked a pornographic video. [ laughter ] and he's been blaming his staff for the incident, and i think that they're getting a little fed up with it. you can kind of hear them in the background during this interview. listen close. >> your twitter handle liked a a post that was clearly porn. what happened? >> look, it was -- we had a a staffer who accidentally hit the wrong button. >> no. that was you. [ laughter ] >> and it was a screw-up. >> you screwed yourself. >> as soon as we found out about it, we pulled it down. >> oh, you pulled it all right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. you see what i'm saying? that was. no, yeah. [ applause ] that's -- >> steve: cruz. >> jimmy: hey, target announced that it will hire 100,000 seasonal employees during the holidays. ten of them will be on the register, the rest will wander around saying, "i don't work in this department." [ laughter and applause ] i just need -- who does? they're in the other department. and finally, i read about a a brother and sister in michigan who reunited after 50 years apart. [ audience aws ] unfortunately, it was on tinder. yeah. [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a huge show tonight. thank you, roots. thank you, higgins. how you doin', man? >> steve: how's it going? >> jimmy: how was your break? >> steve: my break. >> jimmy: anyway, we got a a great show tonight. from the new movie "stronger," jake gyllenhaal is here tonight. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] love that dude. >> jimmy: he's a stud! he's a movie star. we love that guy. i've always felt connected with jake like we're on the same wavelength so we're putting that to the test tonight. jake and i are going to have a a brainstorm. >> steve: ooh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going to share one brain. also, we're honored to have her. dr. jane goodall is dropping in tonight. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the one and only. and we got great music tonight. you guys ready for this? [ cheers and applause ] yo gotti featuring nicki minaj tonight. [ cheers and applause ] "rake it up." guys, it is time for "tonight show hashtags." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: guys, we do this thing every wednesday where i will send out a hashtag and we will ask you guys to respond to that topic and since tons of college students are getting to know their new roommates this week, i sent out a hashtag called #myweirdroommate. [ laughter ] all of us have had a weird roommate at one point. i asked you guys to send us a a funny, weird, or embarrassing story about your roommates. we got a huge response. within 30 minutes, it was a a trending topic in the u.s. so thank you -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you for getting involved. now i thought i'd share some of my favorite #myweirdroommate stories from you guys. here we go. this first one is from @chrislilli. he says, "i used to live with a a guy who would put ketchup straight onto our glass coffee table to dip french fries in so he could avoid cleaning a a dish." [ audience ews ] >> steve: ah! [ applause ] wow. this one is from @mellynn. she says, "my roommate used to knock on my bedroom door in the middle of the night and when i opened it, she would say, 'just checking.'" [ laughter and applause ] okay. just terrified. okay. [ laughter ] this one is from @wyou knowyyit. [ laughter ] >> steve: how many ys? >> i think it's five ys. >> steve: w-h -- >> jimmy: w-y-y-y-y-y-i-t. wyou knowyyit. >> steve: wyou knowyit. >> jimmy: she says, "i wanted to get out of my apartment asap. i saw an ad that said looking for a clean, quiet roommate. i called the number. it was my roommate. " [ laughter and applause ] [ audience oohs ] >> steve: do you like pina coladas? >> jimmy: this next one's from @mahools. >> steve: oh, mahools. >> jimmy: she said -- you know mahools? >> steve: oh, mahools, i love mahools. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not the nonalcoholic beverage that you drink. >> steve: oh, it's not? >> jimmy: that is o'doul's. >> steve: oh, that is o'doul's. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: okay, i'm sorry, i love o'doul's. >> jimmy: mahools is a a nonalcoholic bar. >> steve: nonalcoholic -- >> jimmy: the whole bar, nonalcoholic. that's actually a play land. it's gymboree -- >> steve: it's a gymboree. >> jimmy: gymboree for children. yeah, it's not even for adults it's for children. >> steve: the ball pit. >> jimmy: it's a trampoline park. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: i don't want to get into it. [ light laughter ] >> steve: lot of lawsuits. >> jimmy: lot of lawsuits. because there's no license. >> steve: no, zero licenses. it is filthy. >> jimmy: actually, it is a a bar. it's a trampoline bar. [ laughter ] anyways. anyways -- >> steve: wait, it's a a trampoline bar? >> jimmy: yes, and there's a a 6-foot pool in there, as well. [ laughter ] you can trampoline into the pool and drink. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: it's awful. they should close it down. i've been saying, "please close mahools." [ laughter ] i've always said that. >> steve: oh, you've always said that. you have that tattoo. >> jimmy: this is -- i do. [ laughter ] i never get to see it. >> steve: no, you can't see it. >> jimmy: that's the only -- that's its problem. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: that's why i can't sleep at night. >> steve: because you -- >> jimmy: i can't see most of my tattoos. >> steve: did you get one? you should get a mirror that's a double mirror so you can see yourself in the mirror backwards so you can read your tattoos. you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: yeah, i think. but i'm a vampire so i can't even -- i don't have a reflection. >> steve: oh, i forgot. [ laughter ] i forgot. >> jimmy: i don't have a a reflection. you don't understand my life -- >> steve: you're count dracula junior. >> jimmy: you don't even understand what my life is like. [ laughter and applause ] you don't understand what my life is like. vampire with tattoos. [ laughter ] all right. this is from @mahools. [ laughter ] she says, "my roommate would number her kraft singles with a a sharpie so she'd know if we took one." oh, god! >> steve: oh! [ audience ews ] [ applause ] i'm missing singles 7 through 10. [ laughter ] >> steve: did anybody eat those? >> jimmy: anyone hungry? [ light laughter ] that's what i thought. [ laughter ] >> steve: we're going -- >> jimmy: someone's eating my cheese. [ laughter ] >> steve: we're going to mahools. >> jimmy: we are going to mahools. meet me there if you want to. [ laughter ] but that's my last name. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: oh, can you get us in? no coverage charge? >> steve: for three kraft singles. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: because we're three crafty singles. [ laughter ] and a little cheesy. [ laughter and applause ] all right. let's just go. >> steve: come on! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ oh, his tattoo is acting up. walking across the stage. waving goodbye. ♪ oh, my gosh. you're taping this whole episode. >> jimmy: no, this is -- [ laughter ] alexa, record. alexa, record the to -- [ laughter ] uh -- it wasn't alexa. it's failed tape. hey, this next one. >> steve: who is it from? >> jimmy: this is from @paisleee. >> steve: oh, i love her. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she says, "there was a fire in our building at 4:00 a.m. smoke filled the halls but my roommate stopped to curl her hair in case a fireman saw her." [ laughter and applause ] all right. are you november? [ light laughter ] fireman calendar. okay. [ light laughter ] >> steve: thank you. >> jimmy: thank you. fireman calendar reference, right? classic bit. >> steve: november. >> jimmy: jimmy names the fireman calendars. [ laughter ] >> steve: you see on calendars. >> jimmy: mr. november. that's what i'm saying. this one's from @brianricci. he says, "every time my roommate laughs at something on tv, he looks at me to see if i'm laughing, too." [ laughter and applause ] i get it. do you get it? no, i don't get it either. >> steve: i don't get it. do you think it's funny? >> jimmy: this last one is from @mmmargolies. [ laughter ] m. m. >> steve: m. m. >> jimmy: m. m. margolies >> steve: m&m. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: mahna mahna. [ laughter ] >> steve: margolies. >> jimmy: mahna mahna. >> steve: margolies, too. >> jimmy: mahna mahna. ♪ margolies, margolies margolies, margolies margols ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: last one's from @mmmargolies. he says, "once i couldn't figure out why all my underwear was missing. i asked my roommate. he pulled down his pants and said, 'looking for these?'" [ laughter and applause ] there you go. those are "tonight show" hashtags. check out more of our favorites go to tonightshow.com/hashtags. stick around. we'll be right back with jake gyllenhaal. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ what would you do if you had even more time to explore? ♪ ♪ book your next stay through the fine hotels and resorts program and enjoy a world of benefits with the platinum card. ♪ ♪ open up the world with platinum. backed by the service and security of american express. ♪ ♪ backed by the service and security of american express. ♪ get on up, mama. ♪ get on up. ♪ do what you want. ♪ do you want, let the record hop. ♪ degree motionsense. ultimate freshness... with every move. the more you move, the more it works. degree, it won't let you down. no, no... ♪ k up. ♪ the all new 2018 camry. toyota. let's go places. appearance of conservative speaker ben shapiro. there was a heavy police presence on campus before and after the speech. officers say one woman was injured in a scuffle over a sign. ==reveal== and on twitter -- at least 7 earthquakes hit the south bay thursday. all of the quakes were centered in the east san jose foothills. there were no reports of any damage. ♪ ah the moon belongs to everyone ♪ ♪ the best things in life they're free ♪ ♪ stars belong to everyone ♪ ♪ they cling there for you and for me ♪ ♪ flowers in spring ♪ the robins that sing ♪ the sunbeams that shine ♪ they're yours and their mine ♪ love can come to everyone ♪ the best things in life they're free ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an academy award-nominated actor who stars in the new movie "stronger", which is in theaters everywhere september 22nd. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jake gyllenhaal! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: jake, you're stud. you look great, buddy. thank you for coming back to the show. i love having you on the show. >> thank you, man. >> jimmy: i want to have you here all the time. >> i'm here -- i'm here all the time. >> jimmy: no, but i want to have you on the show any time that you want and you know this, you can come on the show. >> that's really nice. that's a big -- that's a big thing. [ laughter ] i've been begging for -- >> jimmy: i think you're dodging the answer. that's what i'm saying. you can come on any time you want. >> thanks. >> jimmy: that is a big thing. [ laughter ] buddy, i -- we were talking backstage, and not like i could ever give you advice. but you're telling me you're producing, you produced this movie -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: which good for you on this. but acting, producing, it's so much work. >> it's so great. >> jimmy: i don't know, man, too much work. >> yeah, you're in all the discussions. you get to talk to the director more. you get to talk with everybody. it's so great. it's so fun. >> jimmy: i know, but i don't know. for me, it's too much work. >> oh, yeah, well -- >> jimmy: this is too much work. [ laughter ] but -- but, but, i mean. >> is that why you want me to come on the show? >> jimmy: yeah, i want you to host. i want you to host the show. >> yeah, no. will you just come in and host for a month? >> jimmy: it's jake gyllenhaal month on "the tonight show." [ light laughter ] literally i would -- but you were telling me, we were talking about advice, and who gave you some great advice. i always like to hear this stuff. and you got advice from president obama. >> i did. i did. i got a -- >> jimmy: tell the story. even just the walking in, everything. >> i went on a tour of the white house. i was like, i was just -- i was in washington and i was like, i should go to the white house. and i had never been so, like, i asked if i could go on a tour and, like, i was there and i was super psyched. and then -- >> jimmy: and then jumped the fence. >> yeah. it was so easy to get in. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: took a drone over there. >> yeah, it was super easy. yeah, just, like, knock on the door. and i was on the normal -- on the normal tour, and then someone just diverted me and they were like, "somebody would like to talk to you." you know, i like, they diverted me into, what i guess -- i don't know where i was going and i was so confused. and i was in, like, i guess, right outside the oval office and it was like joe biden and hillary clinton were there and they were like, "hello, jake." and i was like, am i in a a dream? [ laughter ] i was literally like, what's going on? and then -- and then they were like, "we hear you're here and it's nice to have you here at the white house." blah, blah, blah. we were talking. joe biden gave me a huge hug. which was so awesome and super uncomfortable. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. and like, it was really -- it was super cool. and then all of a sudden the door opened and there was president obama and he was like, "jake." >> jimmy: what door opened? >> this sounds like a dream, doesn't it? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, it sounds fake! [ light laughter ] >> they were like, who -- everyone here has had this dream. they're like, i walked in the thing and all of a sudden there's hillary clinton. >> jimmy: wait, but did you open the oval office. no. >> yeah, but they opened the door and he was like, "jake, what's up?" and then i was like -- >> jimmy: he never said, "jake, what's up." [ laughter ] >> yeah, there were like -- there were like, 40 people -- >> jimmy: that sounds like the "fresh prince of bel air" opening. [ light laughter ] it's like, you're just like, "jake, what's up?" no he's -- the president would never say. >> yes, he did. he did, he did. >> jimmy: now, this is a story, i went to the white house, i went down the hall and the president was there. i said -- hey, jake. >> oh, sorry, what? i forgot where i was. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no problem. sleeping during my bit. but the oval office. i'd never been in there at all. i mean, there was a photo of me hanging there. no big deal. but anyway -- >> there's a -- there's a bust of you. >> jimmy: there's a bust of me in the oval office. >> the fallon bust. >> jimmy: but he opened the door and it's probably one of those moving wall doors. or is it a real door? >> i don't know, man. i wasn't paying attention. >> jimmy: all right, all right, sorry. i'm sorry. i just want details. >> yeah, no, like the rug -- it opened up like in a weird way and all of a sudden the president was there and i didn't know what to say. i couldn't really -- i couldn't really speak very well. i was just like -- >> jimmy: did you sit down? >> no, i don't remember what i did. [ laughter ] i literally don't remember what i did. >> jimmy: but he talked to you and gave you advice? >> yeah, he -- only thing i could remember really, very clearly from that, besides trying to act like a normal semblance of a human being was that he said to me, you have a a job and, you know, your job's really important as a citizen of this country which is to, to a -- you know, inspire people and to bring them stories and to make them laugh. so you know, you don't do that that often with your movies, but he was like -- [ laughter ] you inspire people. >> jimmy: did you just say that to me? were you looking at me when you said that? >> yeah. no, no, no, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i made a lot of fun comedies. [ light laughter ] >> i love -- i love "fever pitch." >> jimmy: you do love "fever pitch." >> i love "fever pitch." it's good. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. and i never had felt that. i never felt like what i did was an -- was an important, good thing for the country. and he made me feel that way. and i think -- i think about that all the time whenever i'm, you know -- you know, thinking about a movie i'm going to do, i think about that, almost like a directive. and which, you know -- >> jimmy: it is important. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and this movie is a a fantastic story. of course, about -- set in boston about the boston marathon. >> yes. >> jimmy: and one person in particular. you want to talk about him? >> yeah, i mean, it's really not really about the marathon. it's about jeff bauman, who is an incredible guy. who was standing there at the marathon, cheering on his girlfriend, erin hurley, and the bomb went off and he lost both of his legs in the explosion. and the story really starts there. and it's about his journey to, you know, getting better and healing and getting stronger and learning how to walk again and it's just an incredible story. he's just an extraordinary guy and his story is an inspiration. [ applause ] yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, talk about that, it's tough. he lost both legs? >> he lost both legs. yeah. >> jimmy: and have you got to meet him and talk to him? >> yeah, yeah, we've -- we've -- i've known him for a a couple years now. we worked for awhile on this movie. i spent a ton of time with him and his family and, you know, his friends and stuff. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. and boston, you must have been -- i love boston. >> yeah, no, i've never been to boston, but i hear -- [ laughter ] of course. yeah. i spent tons of time in boston. >> jimmy: i love boston. we -- i did a movie called "fever pitch" -- >> what? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: we have something in common. >> i got to check that out. i got to check that out. >> jimmy: how did --how did jeff feel about you playing him? is that -- >> you know, i think he was okay with that. i think he had a couple other people on the list before. like when i met him, he was like, "hey, what's up?" and i was like, "hey." and he was like, "you're not denzel washington, but that's cool." [ laughter ] and i was like -- >> jimmy: you want denzel washington, to play you? >> i was like, "yeah, i know i'm not." >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. >> and then he was like, "and not ryan reynolds or joseph gordon-levitt or ryan gosling." but i was like, "look, man, you got me!" >> jimmy: yeah! >> "and that's how it is! and we're family now!" >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. [ light laughter ] my middle name is ryan. yeah, exactly. well, it's kind of a -- it's kind of amazing but jeff is here tonight. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he came to the show. [ cheers and applause ] i love that he's here. jeff, where are you? hey, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hey. nice to meet you. >> you know denzel? you know denzel? nice to meet you. >> nice to meet you. i know denzel very well. >> jimmy: yeah, denzel, yeah. i want to show a clip of the film. here's jake gyllenhaal as jeff in "stronger." take a look at this. >> you showed the world that they can't -- break us, no matter what the hell they do. you know, it gave me a little hope, made me feel a little better. and i just want to thank you for that, man. that's all. >> what's your name? >> my name's larry. >> can i shake your hand, larry? >> you want to shake my hand? >> yeah. ♪ it's going to be all right. i'm going to be okay, right? you're gonna be okay. >> yeah. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's amazing. >> thank you. >> jimmy: how do you think he did? >> he did okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i said how do you think he did and he goes, "he did okay." yeah. jeff bauman right there. jake gyllenhaal. [ cheers and applause ] "stronger" is in theaters september 22nd. jake and i are having our brainstorm after the break. come on back, everybody. he did okay, right? 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[ thunder clap ] [ applause ] >> "american horror story." >> jimmy: describe the bathroom at chipotle. [ laughter ] [ thunder clap ] [ applause ] >> wax on, wax off. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what does ted cruz do when he logs on to twitter? [ laughter ] [ thunder clap ] [ applause ] >> pork butt and snoop dogg. >> jimmy: name two things that smoke for 12 hours. [ light laughter ] [ thunder clap ] [ applause ] >> "donnie darko." >> jimmy: what does trump say when he wants his butler to turn off the light? [ thunder clap ] [ applause ] >> janeane garofalo. >> jimmy: how does a starbucks barista spell jake gyllenhaal? [ laughter ] [ thunder clap ] >> steve: this has been brainstorm. [ cheers and applause ] "stronger" hits theaters september 22nd. we'll be right back with dr. jane goodall. [ cheers and applause ] [ thunder clap ] the world is not flat. you can't just pinch it, swipe it, or scroll it. sure, you've seen the mediterranean. but have you? how warm is brazil in february? what color is dusk in san francisco? there's a whole world out there and no other card lets you experience it like the platinum card. ♪ ♪ backed by the service and security of american express. boy i wish your mom was here. instead of over there. (screaming) i ain't afraid to say it. go blue! i'll kick it. she needs this kids. mom needs this. 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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you so much for being here. we're so happy you're here, but more than that, i'm honored that you're here. welcome to the show. >> well, thanks very much. and thanks for inviting me. >> jimmy: oh, please. you can come on whenever. you are the subject of this documentary, "jane", just premiered at the toronto film festival. is it -- is it weird for you to see a documentary about your life? >> well, you know, there have been many. when it was first proposed, i thought, "what, another documentary about the chimps back in the '60s?" [ light laughter ] but i couldn't imagine that there could be anything new. but when i watched that, more than any other documentary i've seen, it took me absolutely back into those days. and there's footage that, kind of, disappeared and there's footage that hasn't been seen before taken by my then-husband, hugo van lawick -- and it's really -- i mean, there i am, a young girl with these extraordinary chimpanzees, whom i got to know so well. >> jimmy: yeah. i mean, do -- do you remember, like, what -- when you were first -- when you first were there and you go, "this is what i want to do." i know you had that since you were a little girl. but you're there, you're in tanzania and i got to spend some time at your research center. >> yes. >> jimmy: and it is -- it is -- i mean, i was frightened when i met the chimps. because i don't know -- i went up and they smell -- they have like a perfume-y smell to them, don't you think? >> well, it's a -- to me, it's a forest-y smell. >> jimmy: really? >> unlike the gorillas, who kind of stink like a sweaty person. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> the -- the chimpanzees aren't like that. they have this -- >> jimmy: it's perfume-y or something. it's pungent, it's something. i remember going -- really hiking up this trail and we were hiking up a long hike, and i almost couldn't even do the hike. and by the time i got to the top, i'm -- i smell these chimpanzees and i see two of them and one of them starts going like -- [ mimicking chimpanzee ] screaming and i go -- [ mimicking chimpanzee ] oh, yeah, that's exactly what they did. [ laughter ] and i was like, "he didn't -- he's not a fan of my movies." that's what i immediately thought. [ laughter ] but the ground was kind of rumbling. if anyone lives in the city, it's like the subway going -- rumbling. anyone who lives in the jungle, it's like a chimpanzee -- is it yelling? what do you call that? >> pant-hoot. >> jimmy: pant-hoot. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and it's -- and what are they doing there? just saying that they're the alpha? >> they're just saying hello. well, it's -- there's different kinds of pant-hoots and probably the one you heard was to males greeting each other or -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> it could be -- i don't know, i wasn't there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what would have -- what should i have done, if anything, if they saw me or -- i didn't make eye contact. first of all, i was eating an apple before i went up. and the guy that was working there, the scientist that was there said, "don't bring your apple." because i was just going to toss it because, you know, it's just an apple core. [ light laughter ] but he's like, what is -- like, what are you doing? what if a chimpanzee picks up an apple or maybe the apple becomes a tree? i'm like johnny appleseed. [ light laughter ] i'm bringing apple trees to tanzania. never happened. >> you know, chimpanzees will not eat anything they don't know. so if an infant, they're the curious ones, i think they start new cultures. if an infant had gone up to sniff and try your apple core -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> the mother would almost certainly have hit it away, that's not food. >> jimmy: and i would have been passed out. laying on the ground going -- i was so scared. it was the most beautiful thing. and i -- and if any of you -- i want to bring -- i have two little girls now, this is since i'd been there. they're 4 and 2. but i don't if -- i think they're too young to go there. >> they're too young. >> jimmy: yeah. but what would i -- what would you tell them if you could give them one word of advice? what do you tell the future generations? >> well, that's why i started this program, roots & shoots, which is encouraging, it's inspiring young people. they get to choose projects to help people, to help animals, to help the environment. >> jimmy: yep. >> we don't tell them what to do. so they can, you know, whatever they're passionate about. someone to help dogs, someone to help street children. it's amazing how young people have different passions. >> jimmy: roots & shoots. >> roots & shoots. >> jimmy: yeah, we worked with those guys. >> rootsandshoots.org. and it's in 100 countries. and we have members from preschool through university. and it's changing the world. these young people, when they understand the problems and you empower them to take action, then they are changing the world. and my goodness, don't we need to change the world? >> jimmy: yes. yes, we do. [ cheers and applause ] i just love you. and then master class, explain this to me because i've not done master class. but i'm -- i want to do your master class. you teach a course, a program? >> well, i thought i was going to have to sit down and write all these different classes and i don't have time. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but actually, i was interviewed. they said it would be two days, but we did it in one and a half because i'm known as one-take jane. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, exactly, yeah, you got it, yeah. you're pretty good. yeah, you're the best. >> so they -- they asked the questions and then they edited them, and i saw for the first time yesterday the -- the trailer. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it's -- what they have done is an amazing job. and it's divided into jane's advice about if you want to be a biologist or jane's advice, how to behave in the forest or, you know, all these kind of things. how do you give a good lecture? >> jimmy: and how do you -- can everyone -- can the whole family do it? >> yes, currently, they've got work books so you can have a a family working with young children. and then there's three different levels, so university students and high school. >> jimmy: wow, i'm going to do it. i can't wait. i want to talk about this chimp named wounda who obviously, it went viral online because it's just -- explain what was going on with wounda. >> it still makes everybody cry. >> jimmy: it does, it made me cry. >> it made me cry too. i had -- we look after orphaned chimpanzees whose mothers were shot, mostly for the bush meat trade. that's the commercial hunting of wild animals for food. and when she arrived at our sanctuary in the republic of congo, she was nearly dead. we have an amazing veterinarian, rebecca, who gave the first ever -- certainly in africa -- chimp-to-chimp blood transfusion and gave her back her health. and so she was a candidate for release on to these big islands that the government gave us on this beautiful river. and i went with her to this release and i -- >> jimmy: no one knows what a a chimp will do once you release it. >> no. and i'd not met to her before, but i talked to her on the boat, making this connection, trying to reassure her, you know. so what happened was, i'll never get over it -- >> jimmy: i -- i want to show everyone what happened. this is wounda meeting dr. goodall. ♪ >> it was a very, very touching moment. one of the most amazing things that's ever happened to me. the warmth of her embrace is something i shall never forget. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was just amazing. jane, since i'm basically, i'm a chimpanzee with a talk show and i can talk -- i will just ask, can i have a hug? >> you can have a hug. >> jimmy: i can have a -- i'm going to come around for this. i want a good one. [ cheers and applause ] i want a good -- i want a a wounda hug. thank you so much. dr. jane goodall, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] go see "jane" in select cities october 20th and check out her master class. we'll be right back with music from yo gotti featuring nicki minaj. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ so, i was at mom and dad's and found this. cd's, baseball cards... your old magic set? and this wrestling ticket... which you still owe me for. seriously? $25? i didn't even want to go. ahhh, your diary. 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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> new york city, stand up right now! everybody in tv world, i need you to turn your tv's up as loud as you can. cmg is in the building. yo gatti, "rake it up." let's go, let's go, let's go. ♪ i tell all my rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up back it up back it up back it up back it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up back it up back it up hey, hey let's go ♪ ♪ i tell all my rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up ♪ ♪ let's go let's go ♪ i made love to a stripper first i had to tip her 20 thousand ones she said i'm that ♪ ♪ i said i'm that i already know it i come with bad weather they say i'm a storm ♪ ♪ vvs's in my charm that's a roc-a-fella i was sendin bricks to harlem back when ♪ ♪ jay was still with dame phillipe chow say what i got a patek on ♪ ♪ got a stripper with me she picked up the check whatcha gonna do ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up she don't need make-up she gon rake it up rake it up ♪ ♪ she gon tell a pay up she said pay for the pay for the let's go ♪ ♪ wait for the wait for the let's go god to forgive me got to pray for them ♪ ♪ i tell all my rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up back it up back it up back it up back it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up back it up back it up ♪ ♪ hey, hey, let's go ♪ i tell all my rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up ♪ ♪ yo nicki ♪ ♪ brought out the pink lamborghini just to race with chyna brought the wraith to china ♪ ♪ just to race in china lil bad trini chick but she mixed with china real thick vagina ♪ ♪ smuggle bricks to china i tell all my dudes cut the check cut the check buss it down buss it down ♪ ♪ turn your goofy down down i'ma do splits on it yes splits on it ♪ ♪ i'm a bad chick i'ma throw fits on it i'ma bust it open ♪ ♪ i don't date honey no cookie on tsunami no ♪ ♪ all my dudes like me once they get that good punani i think he need a bonnie ♪ ♪ i might just let them find me ♪ ♪ never trust a big butt and a smile word to ronnie rep queens like supreme ask webb and nitti ♪ ♪ ask bimmy and joe tell them run me my dough wrist game is freezin like it wait in the cold ♪ ♪ nickname is nicki but my name ain't nicole ♪ ♪ i tell all my rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up back it up back it up back it up back it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up back it up back it up hey ♪ ♪ i tell all my girls rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up come on rake it up rake it up let's go ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up ho rake it up rake it up ♪ ♪ well i'm the dough boy the one they talkin about all these gossipin got my name in they mouth ♪ ♪ i know the bad but know dudes who they they should bleed once a month say what ♪ ♪ cause that's what do what's up and your chick should expose you ♪ ♪ all that pillow talkin yeah that's what the you's a word to my homie shorts ♪ ♪ we won't never write no statement we ain't showin up in court ♪ ♪ we don't do no gossipin we don't do no arguin we don't beef on social sites ♪ ♪ we just hit our target ♪ we don't do no rumors we don't pay no say what ♪ ♪ you a little bitty chick you should work at hooters you a old hater you a whole cougar ♪ ♪ you a and he a and y'all like twin sisters respect ya hustle get ya money baby win with us ♪ ♪ ya boyfriend actin like a then why you still with him ♪ ♪ i tell all my rake it up rake it up break it down break it down bag it up bag it up ♪ ♪ rake it up rake it up >> new york, let me hear you scream right now! [ cheers ] ♪ back it up back it up rake it up rake it up rake it up rake it up bag it up bag it up ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's how you do it. come on. that's how you do it. thank you so much. yo gotti! nicki minaj! [ cheers and applause ] "rake it up" is out now. we'll be right back, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] people love my breakfast burritos. and my french fries. wait! what if i put them together?! a burrito stuffed with scrambled eggs, creamy guacamole, bacon and crispy french fries. i'll call it the california breakfast burrito! boom. someone got that, right? scrambled eggs. guacamole. bacon. french fries. you'll call it the california breakfast burrito. boom. good work everyone. another winner. introducing my new california breakfast burrito. only at jack in the box. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: happy birthday. >> thank you. >> jimmy: my thanks to jake gyllenhaal, dr. jane goodall, yo gotti! [ cheers and applause ] nicki minaj. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jennifer lawrence -- star of "outlander" actress caitriona balfe -- founder and editor-in-chief of vox, ezra klein -- featuring the 8g band with elaine bradley. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers and this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] ah, that is great. absolutely great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. after president trump reportedly struck a deal with chuck schumer and nancy pelosi last night on daca, he tweeted this morning "no deal was made last night on daca." then he tweeted, "does ady

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