[ ♪♪ ] [ ♪♪ ] [ cheering and applause ] >> greg: well, i guess that will do. [ laughter ] happy monday, everyone. jill biden appeared on the july cover of "vogue." meanwhile, joe biden appeared on the cover of morgue. [ laughter ] president biden's total and utter collapse at thursday's debate has party officials making some big changes including replacing his three-word slogan from build back better to do not resuscitate. [ laughter ] a cnn report says biden's debate performance was so bad that at a hollywood watch party rob reiner was screaming and jane fonda was crying. are you sure they weren't having sex? [ laughter ] during a fundraiser on saturday, biden reportedly needed a teleprompter for 5-minute remarks. here's what was in the teleprompter... [ laughter ] this is going to go on for five months. in a recent piece white house aides told axios that from 10 p.m. to 5 a.m., he is dependably engaged and he asks that terrorists who wish to attack call back in regular business hours. one of the strongest voices imploring him not to drop out is his son hunter. that way joe will stay alive longer, and hunter won't need to bang jill. [ some applause ] thank you. thank you. [ laughter ] and joy reid equated voting for trump instead of biden to eating a pile of poo. which begs the question... how would she know? it explains the grin. all right, all right, all right. i don't need your applause! [ laughter ] let's do a monolog. "the new york times" editorial board has called for biden to drop out. now, when "the times" asks a democratic president to step aside, what happens? well, donors are fleeing like the follicles on jesse waters' head. now, some dems are still clinging to the sinking ship and you shouldn't be surprised. you can't yell "women and children first" if you can't define either but we have no sympathy and we'll even enjoy some shadenfreud which is a german word suck it, douchbags! the media wasn't panicked when they saw biden on thursday. they panicked 'cause you saw it. of course republicans had this nailed years ago. if dems only listened to their friends in khakis whose handicaps only per contain to golf. meanwhile, alex thompson at axios claims reporters were gaslit over joe's decline. by whom? presubmitting questions for biden's press conferences should have tipped them off. seeing him falling down a couple of times a week with your own eyes wasn't enough to clue you in? the fake republican on "the view" was told she's duped. >> i was genuinely in shock last night watching this. it was stunningly worse than i expected. >> greg: i actually believe she could be that stupid. [ laughter ] she's genuinely shocked? i'd say she's just another pretty face but then joy might eat it. [ laughter ] it speaks more to these hacks' complicity than these abilities that they maintain the deception. a paleontologist would have helped. of course as the media feigns outrage they still loathe trump. they cry in unison, he lies as if it's as bad as joe's dementia. i've got to hand it to joe, with dementia he still managed to lie 16 times in one sentence by claiming no troops were lost during his presidency. but that pales compared to the entire gaslighting of the american public. perhaps the greatest hoax in recent history, a hoax that's now been exposed to millions of people. so what of trump's lies? let's dispense with that silliness for once and for all. trump's lies are hyperbole. biden's are harmful. what world does trump come from? real estate. what does he sound like? a real estate ad where everything is hyperbole, stunning views, breathtaking ceilings, ample storage, endsless amenities! what's it sound like? trump, he's a walking, talking real estate ad. hyperbole is the life's blood and it's all an effort to create a spectrum upon which to negotiate. so you'll read that a new york apartment is a spacious one bedroom. you get there, it's 400 square feet and the fire escape doubles as your bathroom. when they say the home has good bones with lots of character, it means the owner was found dead in the basement. [ laughter ] cozy? cozy and charming? that means it's tiny and nothing works much like keith oberman's penis. in real estate they say location, location, location. in biden's case, that's what his handlers say when he starts wandering off a stage. but you see how trump's verbosity is merely real estate lingo. the fibs are easily debunked harm by your own experience. that's how trump works with crowds, his popularity or golf game. trump's lies are harmless but directionally true, but joe and his party, those lies are big. they cause division, lead people to being jailed, and countries to war. the fine people hoax, the end of democracy. these people are deplorable racists, dictator from day one. crime is down. illegal immigration is a myth. inflation is a myth. these are all lies that lead to national harm. biden even opened the debate with the injecting bleach b.s. with the way joe sounded, maybe he was making a request. then there's the ultimate lie that joe is in charge. it's an exposed lie that now puts us in the crosshairs with china, iran, and russia and radicals everywhere. they've known this for some time because they don't watch msnbc but the media played along because they prefer a headless white house exploiteded by a band of progressive interests instead of actual democracy. so with trump everything's amazing. the best ever. the biggest ever. unbelievable. yeah, unbelievable, but understandable because you get the lingo. if you don't, you'd have never bought a house. if joe biden wins, you could end up buying the farm. let's welcome tonight's guest! when he wears a turtleneck, he looks like roll-on deodorant. comedian jim norton! he's a loquacious brit who is physically fit. new york post columnist and best-selling author douglas murray! [ applause ] she's like july in new york, hot, loud, and there's always fireworks. "new york times" best selling author! and when he's at the beach, the tide's afraid to come in. "new york times" best selling author... [ cheering and applause ] jim, i know you as an astute political observer going back decades, back when you were a professor at rutgers and then a scholar at harvard. you weren't shocked by this debate, were you. >> not at all, and i was fired from both jobs. >> greg: okay! >> lying about my credentials. >> apparently got to graduate high school! >> the debate, did you see it? >> greg: of course. >> i don't think biden looked good. >> greg: you think so? >> and his wife is coming off like a stage mother from the 1930s, rushing him out there. he was just predictably terrible. no one shocked. again, it's like watching -- the whole country is in a play. nobody is surprised. everybody knows he's lost his mind. but the next day he actually had energy. if you saw the next day, oh, okay, there are times where he is capable of it, but it's too late. that's like if i go out... i'm very impactful when i speak! that's funny that the book just kind of fell over. like going out with a woman and not being able to get it up and the next day i text her a photo of my erection. it's too late. it's too late. and that's not a random example, by the way. >> greg: that's like after o.j. killing his wife, the next day he was really nice at brunch! and he brought his own knife! [ some applause ] douglas, douglas, douglas, i was wondering all through the day, i wonder what you were thinking. you're from another country. some call it england. what did you gain from this? were you a little bit angry that, like, for a lot of people this is the first time they ever found out he had dementia? >> yeah, of course. it's maddening because we all know this. we've commented on it for years. everyone can see it. you can look at the 2019 debates versus this one. you can see it absolutely clearly. it's a different biden in four years. everybody could see that. i'm fascinated by a poll that fox had today that 11% of the people watching thought that joe biden did best. so that 11% also needs psychiatric help. >> greg: yes. >> i'm very interested to know what it is they saw in that performance that gave them such reassurance. it actually went to prove something i said for a long time which was the best way for trump to win this debate was to allow biden to speak. >> greg: right. >> just to allow him to speak. last time, the first debate, he dropped it a lot. this time, just let him speak and sure enough, joe goes rambling on about all sorts of stuff. he killed medicare. that was great. that was a highlight. i love that. >> greg: i liked that trump kind of pulled back and wasn't cruel. he only made one point where he goes i don't know what he's saying and i don't think he does. [ laughter ] and then after that it was like, you know what, it's kinda like if trump had just stopped and said we see what's going on here. can we just maybe call it at half, you know? >> didn't you love dr. jill biden. if you were on a plane and somebody was ill, is there a doctor? >> greg: with her degree in education. >> dr. jill, the rally afterwards where she praised him and said you answered every question, and he was standing there looking like he was going to get ice cream. >> greg: it was so sad. cat, i haven't talked to you about this. you were gone on friday. give me your thought. do you believe that people were actually shocked or they're angry that everybody knows? >> so watching the debate, the thing that i was thinking about the most was my own mortality. [ laughter ] which i don't feel like that should be my answer. i don't feel like you should be watching the debate where it's, okay, which one is going to be the leader of the free world and i'm just, like, i'm going to die some day. and it's going to creep up -- that should not be the overwhelming thing that i'm thinking about. and the whole thing where it's like he is good from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. i'm, like, get him on some extended release then because this is not okay. i wasn't shocked by it. i think, though, that many people were because the videos that we see, the falling down or whatever, we play those on this channel. i've talked to friends who don't watch this channel who i'll just mention something, they don't know what i'm talking about when i say oil cancer. they saw it then because everybody -- not everybody, but people from various political persuasions were watching this, and that may very well have been the first time some people saw this. >> greg: it's like you have an old friend from college named gary and you haven't seen him for a couple years and he says, hey, greg, and his name is now grace. you've been far away. you've been apart from them forever. what just happened! that's what happened. people don't tune in. tyrus, when i saw you on friday, you were recovering. >> yeah, from those scotch. i was a mess. my face was swollen. people were writing on twitter that they thought i had a stroke on tv and i didn't. my own family started digging a ditch because apparently they figured out if i die and they bury me, they don't have to pay property taxes. there was a lot of things going on there. all joking aside, we have to stop playing these [bleep] games. this isn't gaslighting. this isn't who is shocked. we should be pissed. the american people should be pissed. fox should be running the comments from joe and every one of these so-called journalists that look the american people in the eye and lie to them. they benefited from it. they profited from it because fox could not get an interview with president biden and anyone within his staff because they tried. it wasn't happening. they had a deal. we'll push this through because we're martyrs. the american people are stupid. they don't have the right to vote for who they want to. we'll decide for 'em. joe's our guy. they knew he couldn't walk down the street without falling over four times. they knew all of it. they planned around it. it's not dr. jill. it's madam president because she's running underneath. she thinks she's doing some amazing thing for people? no. this is treasonous. they sold the american people a bill of lies and kept going, and the only ones who -- were the only ones not in on it. we know vance wasn't in on it. as soon as they went to commercial he had to come back and apologize for what he said as the truth. so we should stop going, like, okay, gaslighting. no. this is treason, period. they've stole an election from us because we had an unfit person and none of them did their duty. none of them. >> greg: exactly. [ cheering and applause ] we're not done! we're not done. up next, joe's approval dropped but can kamala be swapped? >> if you're in the new york area and would like to see "gutfeld!" click on the link to join our studio audience. that can deliver remission and visibly improve damage of the intestinal lining. serious allergic reactions and an increased risk of infections or a lower ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms, had a vaccine or plan to. liver problems may occur in crohn's disease. control of crohn's means everything to me. ask your gastroenterologist about skyrizi. ♪ control is everything to me. ♪ learn how abbvie could help you save. we're here with chris counahan of our local leaffilter. so chris, tell us how leaffilter is different from every other gutter protection on the market. with leaffilters, patented filter technology, there are no gaps, no openings, no place for debris to get in at all. and we install leaffilter on your existing gutters. it's a permanent solution. you'll never have to climb a ladder to clean out your gutters again. that's amazing, chris. tell me about the process. simple and easy. just give us a call, set up an appointment. we'll come out and give you a free gutter inspection. if they're sagging, we'll repair them. if they're broken, we'll replace them. if they're in good shape, our local team will install leaffilter in as little as a few hours. wow. and i understand you guys have a lifetime no clogs guarantee? we do. it's actually a lifetime transferable no clogs guarantee. you know, that's peace of mind and then some. so, how do people sign up? to schedule your free inspection. call 833-leaffilter today our agents are standing by. or visit leaffilter.com. ♪ it's coming your way ♪ ♪ it's video of the day ♪ >> greg: if they swap out joe, where will kamala go? and what democrat trick can replace their diversity pick? dems know biden is fading faster than blue jeans in a bucket of bleach, but if they replace him, what do you do with kamala harris? she's about as helpful to democrats as she is to the english language, but it's really a question of what can be unburdened by what has been. >> we see what can be unburdened by what has been. to see what can be unburdened by what has been. believing in what can be unburdened by what has been. what can be unburdened by what has been. what can be unburdened by what has been. what can be unburdened by what has been. having faith in what can be unburdened by what has been. see what can be unburdened by what has been. to see what can be unburdened by what has been. >> greg: you know, if kamala gets dementia, it would be an improvement. [ laughter ] [ applause ] douglas, what are they going to do? i was asking, i could not get the answer. she's the first black female v.p. if they pass her over with a gavin newsom, you can't do that. this is a dei world. >> if you live by dei, you die by dei. if you say we're going to select somebody because they're from 7% of the population, then you're stuck with that idea. i find it excruciating, that clip. it's not until the last few days i realize how many times she said that phrase. she says it all the time as if it's very wise. [ laughter ] one of the ways you can tell that it's not wise is that nobody else has said it. >> greg: it's true! >> it's like a catch phrase no one else has picked up on. >> greg: and she's trying to get it picked up! if i say it, somebody's going to start doing it! >> and yet strangely they haven't. but she's going to be tricky to push aside. i expect a democrat last year who was sure they were going to have to end up putting her on the supreme court as the only way to sort of push her to the side. but i don't know how they do that without running out of weeks. >> greg: that's actually a good move. >> except we're stuck with her for life. >> greg: it's true. kat, you know what nobody talks about is the arm movements that she does when she says -- we're so concentrating on the words. she's like, whaaa! i bet you could do that with your super-freakishly long arms. >> they are freakishly long for my size. my mom thinks ritalin stunted my growth. i'm like, i didn't obtain that alone! anyway, enough about me. you're a very smart person, right, douglas, and it's your job to ask the questions, but what does it mean to be unburdened by what has been? she says it a lot and she says it emphatically but i don't think that means it means anything. >> but, to really understand her thought you have to go to the other thought which is the disquisition on the nature of time. when you understand that what is past is past and we're in the present and we're not yet in the future, then it all becomes clear. >> right. because, listen, i get, like, wanting to keep doing something that works. like, if you have a hit, you've got to keep throwing it out there. but it doesn't seem to mean anything. >> no. >> every time she says it, she's, like, oh, i ate with that one! her brain must be a very nice place to live, though. i really wish mine was more like that. >> greg: she's having a good time, that's for sure, on our dime. she's obviously not working, tyrus. >> how do we know kamala harris is this bad? maybe their issue is they're afraid she'll get in charge and not let them run their little program they've been running. >> greg: ooh! >> i think we need to take a pause and look at everything that's come out of there and understand all they want to do is maintain power and push, what, their progressive propaganda and narratives that kamala, who is strict on crime, probably wouldn't go for. more so, she probably -- you don't have to be a black woman, any woman is not going to have a bunch of men in office tell her what to do and how to govern and lead this country. >> greg: this is an interesting theory! >> i would rather have a competent, dumb kamala as president because at least i know where it's coming from. we don't know where these decisions are coming from and they're not coming from her because they blackballed her and they have designated her the fall guy for all their [bleep]. we need to take a step back from kamala and look -- because it's not coming from the right. it's coming from the left. so their problem isn't kamala. their problem is that they're corrupt, treasonous and they're trying to fool the american people, period. >> greg: interesting theory! [ applause ] and they kind of use kamala as an insurance policy for you to make sure that joe's okay. it's like you don't want to go anyway. jim? >> yes. >> greg: you dated kamala back in the early '80s. >> no. we hooked up after a hallowe'en party. [ laughter ] >> greg: so the black face paid off! >> hey! hey, he was an amazing montell williams! >> yes. unfortunately as soon as my pants came off she realized it was all makeup. here's the problem with kamala harris, she's a dud. she's a dud. she's not stupid. she's not stupid at all but she has the charisma of a bed pan. people don't enjoy listening to her. she's not a likable person. they have to stop doing this thing when they speak, and i mean like a lot of women who are running for office. stop trying to sound powerful and meaningful! it's annoying and stop repeating -- amy did the same thing with that stupid trump joke. let's see how your hair fares