Welcome to the daily social distancing show, im trevor noah. Today is wednesday the 14th of october. Which means that if you live in kansas, rhode island or tennessee early voting is now open in your state. So go out there, get your vote in early because that way youll get the house to yourself when all your roommates are voting on election day. Think about it, it will be the first alone time you have gotten all year. And you know what that means shake up a martini and celebrate being home alone, baby, yeah, anyway coming up on tonights show we catch up on what is going on in the reeled world, roy wood, jr. On the vote and the crazy plot to kidnap the michigan governor. Lets do this. From trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. Alsos be honest guys, there have been a lot of upsetting news over the last few weeks. Suks months, year and a half, four years and it only seems to be getting worse. Coronavirus, the supreme court, election anxiety, emily in paris, the list goes on and on. But it turns out there is still good news out there. So lets de compress for a moment with another installment of our ongoing segment, a ray of sunshine. Lets kick things off in peru, the country best known for its adorable living pun atas. Luke most of the world the south american nation has been in lockdown for coronavirus. But this week it reopened its biggest attraction for one lucky guy. Patients have paid off for a japanese tourist who refused to let the pandemic ruin his trip of a lifetime. Jessie cat maia wanted to end his journey around the world at machu picchu, the ancient mountain citadel in peru but he arrived in march just as the countrys covid lockdown started. So jesse did something cool. He rented a room, he studied yoga. He taught boxing to local kids and just waited. Word got around and on sunday jesse was granted special access to machu picchu as the only visiter in seven months to be there before he headed home to japan. Trevor whether or not you care about patchu pitchu this is inspiring because this guy had a goal during covid and he waited long enough to make it happen. We can all learn a lesson from that, whether st visiting a 15th century incan fortress or finally talking a shower today. You dont give up on your dreams people. I really admire this guys paishes because after two days of waitingk i would have just paid some guy to photo shop me on to machu picchu, see, looks natural as hell and im ready to put it on my dating profile. Hey. But this story really has inspired me, you know am luke i really think the world would be a better place if we all learned to be a little more patient. Were always in a rush, were going to this person was like im going to wait and just take a moment which is why before we move on to our next story, i would like us to just sit together quietly with our own thoughts for just a minute. Get a clock up here and we can just chill. All right, you get the point, lets move on. The clock will go to zero, you understand what moves on. Because Adventure Travel isnt everyones idea of a good vacation, sometimes you just want to unpined unwind, de stress a little and if you cant make it to the beach, why not head out to the barn. People arent getting in the hugs they used to before the pandemic so if you need a hug, there is this. There is a dutch practice called cow hugging where people literally hug cows for hours. The bbc says the cows warmer body temperature, slower heartbeat and mammoth size can make hugging an incred bree soothing experience and during the pandemic, cow hugging has apparently become a lot more popular. Trevor cow hugging . What a wonderful idea for humans. And im sure the cows appreciate this too. I mean for centuries we have just been milking them. It is about actual we added some foreplay. St also great because anyone can do it. You can just go to a farm and hug a cow and if a regular cow isnt available, you can always hug your mama oh, oh, no, but jokes aside, dont hug your mom, it is a covid risk. Seriously, cow hugging does sound pretty sweet but you have to be careful though, because you dont want to be in a mcdonalds a few years from now going dont look now but my ex is in that big mac this is so awkward. Oh my god. Also you think about how confusing this is from the cows perspective. Right . One day people are coming over to kill you and the incomes day were coming over to hug . The cow must be like look, man, either chop me up or put a ring on it but enough with the mind games. But lets move on from cows to the cows of the sky. Birds. Oh, you guys dont use that expression here . Anyway, heres one bird who just had it is not news that birds mi brait of course but this journey of this one were birds is astonishing setting a record, a bartail godwit migrated from alaska to new expwhree and, interest kilometers an hour, 11,000 kilometers it beat the 2007 record when it flu 11,500 kilometers in nine day, godwits on average weigh less than a pound and scientists still dont fully understand how they and a half gailt over the open water of the pacific ocean. That is so cool. It is amazing that such a little bird could achieve so much. Especially since big bird aint achieving shit, this dude has been hanging out on the same street for the last 50 years, get a job. It is also crazy that Scientists Say they dont know how these birds are navigating these long distances. Cuz guys, it is so obvious. I mean before the bird leaves home, it googles directions and then just remembers them. Science isnt so dumb sometimes. I will say this flying 12,000 kill meet ares with no food or water is really impressive. Although Spirit Airlines was like yo, we have been doing that shut for years, Spirit Airlines, were basically one step above migration. Moving on to the nobel prize. The award given to people who do smart brain things. The nobel prize is one of the highest honors a person can get. But if you think are you in the running, make sure you dont turn off your phone on award day. Sometimes good news cant wait, the Stanford University academic racing across the street at 2 a. M. To wake up his colleague and deliver this lifechanging message through a door bell camera. Hello . It is bob wilson. Yeah. You won the nobel you have won the nobel prize and theyre trying to reach you. Paul and Robert Wilson have taken out the nobel prize in economics for their work on auction theory. Oh, that was the most adorable paranormal activity sequel ever. Although i feel bad for all the other nominees that this guy woke up the same night, richard, binge bong, binge bong you lost the nobel prize, also im stealing your amazon packages, bye. By the way, going to sleep the night that you could win a nobel prize is one hell of a flex. I mean thats the nobel prize equivalent of taking a shot in basketball and turning your back on the hoop before the ball goes in. I bet this guy got in bed and said call me kobe and fell asleep. And finally some good newing for people who love soap operas. Even social distancing rules cant stop your story from getting hot and steamy. We know the pandemic and social distancing. They arent stopping the romance on the set of one cbs soap opera. Take a look. That sounds like me laughing. That is a mannequin on the set of the bold beautiful, normally lawrence would be intimate with his Love Interest zoe but zoe was replaced by the mannequin, just one way the production is following covid safe, it is kind of funny. Trevor you see . You can makeout with a mannequin. Take that Security Guard at the westfield mall. Turns out i was just ahead of my time. But can i just say on a personal level, i am so proud of that mannequin, i mean last week i saw her working at the gap and now, now shes on tv. That is what makes this country so great. If you are a mannequin who believes in hard work, you can end up as a soap star. Or even as a white house advisor. But what i love most about this story is that apparently not having a kid in the show wasnt an option for them. Yeah, they could have just written around the kiss but the producers are like yo, there are two million horny grandmas watching this show. He is taking his shirt off and kissing something all right people, thats your ray of sunshine for the day. And i hope you enjoyed it because when we come back well look at how a militia allegedly planned to kidnap the governor of michigan. Well be right if you are ready to open your heart and your home, check us out. What a special family special like my fudge stripes. Made with real original keebler fudge. Only elves can make cookies this good keebler® made with magic, loved by families™. Keebler®i love this view. C, i love that every time this commercial airs, i get to drink another mountain dew. You can get half off your second sandwich by using promo code saveon2. Greg booked another 7am meeting . Wizards wizard status perfect for you, and your new coworker. Just use saveon2, online or on our app. Wolverine watchmen first plotted to storm the michigan capitol then settled on kidnapping Governor Whitmer at her lakeside vacation home. One charged in the kidnapping plot rebelled against the pandemic rules on social media. Every Single Person that works for government is your enemy. Their main complaint seeps to have been state restrictions imposed during the pandemic, especially the closing of gyms. Trevor goddam, these guys were so mad about gyms being closed that they tried to kidnap the governor . I mean i get that it is frustrating to not be able to go to your gym. But i feel like on the list of solutions, kidnapping the governor should be below doing some pushups. I mean if you are upset about the gyms being closed, dont kidnap the governor. Kidnap a personal trainer. In fact, kidnap my personal trainer. He said tomorrow we would be doing burpees, i dont know what that means but im scared. Can i just say angry white dudes are truly on some other level. I mean think about it, flint, michigan, had durtee water that poisoned its own citizens for years and those people stayed peaceful. But these guys form pale isis because they couldnt go to planet fitness. Unfortunately this is hardly the firs time we heard about militias recentlily. They have been looming over protests and storming state houses since the early days of the pandemic. Im not going to lie, this whole militia thunking in america still blows my mind. I mean when i first heard there was a group of young men who carried guns around and all dress alike, i thought you cant fool me, that is a gang. Right . Super white gang but that is a gang. My Second Thought was usually you only hear about armed militias in countries like afghanistan or sudan, you know. So why is this something that is also going on in america. Well, lets find out why in another installment of if you dont know, now you know. When you talk about militias am america, you have to start hundreds of years ago. Although back then militias were a lot different than the ones we are seeing today. Well regulated militias were actually quite important to the founders. They believe they were a bulwark against tyranny and they were worried that the big strong new Central Government might crush these state military forces. So what they did was they said we will have a militia, all able ablebodied res dents were able to be called forth by the government in defense of the state and once called forth, they answered to the government, theyre trained by the government. Theyre directed and regulated by the government. The federal government was requiring everybody to be in the militias but the state tarted to get around it in the early 19th century because it was so unpopular. So they created laws that there is an organization mill you werea and unorganized militia. And anybody who wants to participate in the militia actively will be part of the organized militia. That later became the national guard. This new arrangement titled the militia act will also be referred to as the duck law after its sponsor charles dick of ohio. Trevor yes, the dick law made a clear separation between organized and unorganized militias. And furthermore, none of are you paying attention right now either, are you thinking about diq law, giggling thinking about dick law, huh . So im trying to give you information and age go ahead, take your time, ha ha, i happy now. The point i was trying to make is like freedom of speech, and trash militias go back to the very begunking of america. Early america needed everyone to be ready to de fnd it at a moments notice. It was a different world, i mean hell, canada was a threat to america back then, which is wild. Like finding out mr. Rogers used to be a cage fighter, things are changed but in today, militias are a lot like wiping your ass with leaves, they used to be all we had, but with all the Progress Society has made it if you are still doing that shit you are probably a little crazy. Once militias were folded into the national guard, unofficial militias sort of disappeared from america. Or at least for awhile. But in recent years they started to reemerge in a much different and disturbing form. Paramilitary group firs t got traction in early 90s with high profile clashes in ruby ridge, idaho and waco, texas, their numbers dropped after the Oklahoma City bombing but they have been on the rise since president obama took office. It is in part reaction to the election of marks first black president. These groups start to expand very rapidly. I think largely in response to the idea that the united stawts is becoming less white. You dont like blacks, you are racist and everything luke that because he is a black president. No, i dont care what color he is, there is something not right about him. Militias grew nearly 800 during obamas presidency. As conspiracy theories, exaggerations and rumors surface online and in the far right media. Theyre going to take your guns under the ruse of preventing war. There were fears that he tried to stay in office indefinitely. Is that he was a socialist and a muslim. Even one wild rumor that he was going to invade texas. Trevor wow. Militias exploded once obama became president . Well, well, well. We meet again racism, i have been expecting you. It is almost like obama became president and then the entire country locked its door. And looking back on it, it is so funny that these guys thought obama was going to try and stay president forever and invade texas. Because as soon as he could, obama was out. Winning oscars and kite surfing richard branson, so long, bitch, it is so weird how this works because these people openly admit to every single Conspiracy Theory they believe. But as soon as you ask them if if is because obama is black. Then all of a sudden they are like what, come on man, no way. It is that other thing, that we dont like about him. Oh, whats that . Well, hes hes so tall. I mean what is he doing up there . So modern militias are not real military organizations. What sets them apart from other violent gangs is that they tend to act as if they are. These people are incredibly dangerous, they are running around luke a bunch of gi joes armed to the t. Groups of civilians who are creating military structures in their organizations, collecting and storing arms, ammunition. This is the kill house. Move. Part of a Training Ground for a right wing militia in the american south. This is for conducting military operations in urban terrain. We want to practice and rehearse moving up to these structures. You always want to be prepared for whatever could possibly come up within im training for a type of event that i will be wearing this 24 7. Getting off the couch and doing something is extreme, than yeah, im be extremist. Trevor i dont think it is the getting off the couch aspect that makes you an, dreamist. I mean there is a lot of middle ground between getting offer the couch and decapitating mannequins in the woods. Because that dude was purposefully describing the most benign part of what he was doing. It is like Hannibel Lechter saying well if setting the table and listening to Classical Music makes me a can i beal i guess i in a cannibal. No, it was the heating human liver parts. That troo. What i dont get is if you want to dress in army fa teeg and train for war, you can do that in the military. And they will pay you. And they give you health care. This is like someone picking up strangers and just driving them around the city for free. Come on, join uber, get yourself some of those stars. And look its clear that these dudes have a warped ideology. But a big part of this is that these guys clearly need friends. They are lonely. They are scared of change. And this militia stuff gives them a sense of community. Because of toxic masculinity the only way they can feel comfortable bonding is if it is based around violence. I just wish one day one of them would just be like hey guys, instead of spending all weekend canning beans and shuting in the woods do you want to just pab go out for brunch. Thank you, i thought i was the on one thing that. I know a place that makes a gret eggs benedict. So todays militias are less organized, and more heavily armed than the original one. But there is another big difference too. While the 18th century militias were formed to protect the country, the 21s century variety usually want to rip the country apart. Most of the men charged with the criminal plot to kidnap michigans Governor Gretchen Whitmer have ties to the boogaloo movement. A term taken from a 194 comedy be started as a meme to refer sto a popular are you rising but dame into the rel world when armed men in hawaii shirts posed in lockdowns in michigan. Tho aloha shutters are not for a law u, Homeland Security and department of justice have labeled them as violent extremists. This group has very serious potential threat, they have already been linked to two deaths in california, one including a federal officer. Nair ideology is based on a notion of an impending second american civil war. Which they call civil war two electric boogaloo. So hold up. If i understand this correctly, the first civil war was for forced to end slavery and the second one will be because some assholes were bored. And people i did miss the memo where tropical gear became a white supremacist thing . These guys have hawaii shirts, the Charleston White supremacists had tiki torches, what is next. Instead of burning crosses the kkk will start roasting pigs, what people dont seem to understand is that a second civil war would be a disaster for america