Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240712

Daily social distancing show presents the Republican National convention, celebrating february to come. Trevor so last night was the final night of the Republican National convention, also known as the place where Facebook Comments come to life. And this was the night that everyone was waiting for, the acceptance speech of donald trump. But before the speech started, we got this incredible moment between trumps first lady and melania. cheers and applause oh, my god did you guys see that . Play it again. cheers and applause goddam as soon as ivanka walked by, melanias smile disappeared faster than all the black face episodes of your favorite sitcoms. And moments like these add more fuel to the rumors that melania does not like ivanka. Look, i dont blame her, after all, ivankas in charge to have the one tackling melania when she makes a run for it. Once the face smiles is complete, President Trump defended the ma ascended the majestic stairs of the white house, walked up to the podium and then delivered the longest, most boring, lowenergy george w. Bushass speech of his entire life damn that shit was boring i would be so pissed off if i was one of the people in the audience because if im sitting in the crowd risk can catching coronavirus to hear a trump speech, i want to hear a trump speech, i want to hear plans of locking hillary up while shugging hydroxychloroquine, i want to see him hold up tenyearold trump steaks and say theres a real cure for corona and start throwing them into the crowd paper towel style but this speech, man, this speech was like going to a nascar race and watching the cars Parallel Park three hours. Wheres the crash . Honestly, it was weird. Say what you want about trump. One thing we can know is he can give exciting speeches that holds peoples attention, so why now with one of the most speeches he will ever have to give, did trump resort to reading the wikipedia entry for history to have 19th century. Our american ancestors sailed across the perilous ocean to build these pieo near as climbed into their covered wagons and set out west for the next adventure Davy Crockett and buffalo bill cowboys and sheriffs they pressed on past the mississippi built the great ships, raised up the norman gee to iwo jima we built a rocket and launched it thousands of miles into space. Together we are unstoppable. Together we are unbeatable people, im listening. People, what the hell was that . I dont know what was worse the perilous journey the pioneers faced trekking across the country or having to sit through temperature telling us about it. The last people who told boring stories like that were the pieo near as because the only other things they could do was chop wood or die. Its like trump turned the oregon trail into an audio book and before the speech was over i bet half the people in the audience died of dysentery. We know President Trump is a terrible president and would be a worse history teacher. You have to know when to give up. Still, if anyone managed to stay awake during trumps 17 minute ben carson impersonation they might have picked up on one major theme. For months trump has been saying Sleepy Joe Biden is too weak to run america, but hes also been saying joe biden is a radical socialist whos going to destroy america. How can both of those be true . Now hes figured it out. Sleepy joe biden is so weak that other radical socialists will destroy america for him. Joe biden is weak. He takes his marching orders from liberal hypocrites who drive their cities into the ground while fleeing far from the scene of the wreckage. Make no mistake, if you give power to joe biden, the radical left will Defund Police departments all across america. If joe biden doesnt have the strength to stand up to wildeyed marxists like Bernie Sanders and his fellow radicals and there are many there are many, many, we see them all the time, its incredible, actually then how is he ever going to stand up for you . Hes not. Biden is a trojan horse for socialism. Trevor oooh oooh the trojan horse of socialism sounds terrifying. In fact, they should turn it into a movie. Wow, look at the amazing totally harmless animal certainly empty giant horse. Now we can attack the city and give them all universal healthcare find their women and give them paid Maternity Leave prepare to have your minimum wage raised trevor huh. Not as scary as i thought. Seriously, though, its starting to feel like be scared of the socialist is becoming the republicans only move, which honestly is just getting old. You know, its like the g. O. P. Is that one friend of yours in street fighter who did the chopping thing the entire time. game noises youre not playing the game, justin the biggest message trump sent wasnt in anything he said, it was in the setting of the speech, and that message was coronavirus aint shit. The south lawn of the white house converted into a packed convention floor. Nearly 2,000 supporters, no social distancing, and very few masks. Youre seeing people shake hands, hugs, greet each other like it would be in normal times. Its almost as if he is trolling people who are concerned about testing and masks and the coronavirus. What happened last night was dangerous, it was in violation of the president s administrations own health guidelines. Most people were not tested. This was something that, indeed, could become a super spreader event. Trevor yes, even in a pandemic, trump needed to have a packed crowd. I mean, look at that. The only empty seats is hermingen cane. And it wasnt just a packed crowd. Practically nobody wore a mask and practically nobody was tested. Trump basically decided his speech was going to kill one way tore the other. In fact the only guest required to wear a face mask was Stephen Miller and that wasnt coronavirus related. The only Silver Lining is trump speech was so boring theres no risk anyone would spread droplets by cheering. But in many ways this is trumps Coronavirus Response in a nutshell. His top priority isnt health or safety, his top priority is making donald trump look good. Nearly 4,000 americans died during the four nights to have the r. N. C. , but trump wont let that get in the way of a good tv backdrop. In fact, when asked about the lack of precautions at the speech, a white house official said, quote, everybody is going to catch this thing eventually, and if thats the attitude of the white house, then im disappointed. Because the trump i know doesnt quit. When he had an affair with stormy daniels, he didnt just go, well, everybody is going to know about this eventually. No, he paid her off, signed n. D. A. S, he did everything he could to make her go away. In fact, maybe we should get trump to bang covid 19, then we know hell shut it down. So, look, i dont think trump won a lot of voters with that one speech, but the real question is did he change anyones mind about him over the course of the week . Because he was really trying hard. In fact, if you compare the trump of the r. N. C. With the donald trump of reality, you would hardly know that theyre the same guy. President trump is a kind and decent man. He truly cares about people. My dad believes in the potential of each individual. Go home to mommy. Tuck you into beeped. Theyre human scum. I dont know what i said i dont remember i personally observed his ability to listen and understand the issues. We have a situation where were looking very strongly at sinks and showers and other elements, the bathrooms, people are flushing toilets, ten, 15 times as opposed to one. President ial leadership came swiftly and effectively with an extraordinary rescue for health and safety to successfully fight the covid virus. Today, the death toll in this country from covid 19 passes 180,000. Donald trump is the first president in my lifetime to actually stand up to china. Unlike biden, i will hold them fully accountable for the tragedy that they caused. I think china is very professionally run in the sense that they have everything under control. I really believe they are going to have it under control. The goal of cancel culture is to make decent americans live in fear of being fired, expelled, shamed, humiliated and driven from society as we know it. Wouldnt you love to esee one of these n. F. L. Owners when somebody disrespects our flag to say get that son of a bitch off the field right now, hes fired. Hes fired trevor i dont know, guys, i think hes finally becoming president ial. All right, when we come back, dulce sloan going to take us behind the scenes at the conventions. Then doc rivers and Steve Ballmer join me on the show to talk about everything happening in the n. B. A. So dont go away. His is the oldest registered distillery in the united states. From a place where the water is cool, clean, and ironfree. Perfect for making tennessee whiskey. Charcoal mellowed drop by drop for smooth sipping. Which is the not the easy way. But its his way. Theyve really stood the test of time. Much like these majestic rocky mountains. Which must be named after the. 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Trevor welcome back to the daily social distancing show. After two weeks of videos, speeches and seafood pornography, the 2020 conventions have finally come to an end. And i dont know, guys, call me crazy, but i think they may have shifted this race back to where it was before the convention. And although most to have the focus was reserved for the big speeches and the themes of the weeks, there were so many fun little moments that got buried by the news that i just wanted us to take a moment to enjoy them before we officially said goodbye to the conventions. For instance, one of my favorite moments was when pam bondi was blasting joe biden for nepotism, while the worlds most nepotistic lineup was being previewed at the bottom to have the screen. You usually dont get that many transportation together without a special prosecutor in the room. You know what else i loved . When nobody told Bernie Sanders the camera was already rolling. Are my hands showing when im up here . Yeah. They are . A little bit more indiscernible . Is that a terrible thing to have my hands showing . Yes. Trevor bernie dont let anybody tell you that your hands are terrible. Theyre beautiful hands, strong hands breaking up the big banks, and theyre a part of who you are, bernie. Yeah, they always make it look like youre adding flavor to your speeches. The big banks, paprika, need to be broken up with a bit of salt but possibly, possibly my favorite moment of all was when laura trump did everything she could to avoid saying that her husband was eric trump. In fact, it was almost like she was playing a game show. The forbidden word is eric. Im laura trump. Daughter of bob and linda unaska, sister to kyle, mother to luke and kline na and the daughterinlaw of our 45th 45th president donald j. Trump. ringing bell cheers and applause trevor look, man, those are my favorite moments, and im sure you had some of your own, but one person watches the conventions in a truly unique way and thats our seen your political analysts dulce sloan. Take it away, tulsi. Hi, friends, i just spent two weeks talking to republican and democratic conventions, and i learned about these people. But since i watched with the volume off, i mostly learned how to decorate this room. This is my dollar tree version of chris. Lets start with the devils. Check it out. Thats lara lightfoot, the mayor of chicago. We know the shades are down because youre trying to hide all the protesters. Let us see them they probably have some really craft signs are those metal secured coffee pots . I dont know if you serve your country or love a medium hazelnut roast. Why does bernie have so many laws . Like somebody tells him he needs plants to fill up the place and he said, fine, fill it with dead trees i dont give a damn what you think. I dont trust a man who puts a tiny candle in a giant fireplace. Whats that mean . Okay, someone needs to give i cant yang 1,000 a month so he can move out of the Business Center hes obviously living in. This lady cant afford windows so hung pictures of sky on her wall. Whats this, a curtain, sheet . This looks like when my uncle converted his living room into a pet photography studio. Zero clients. Somebody needs to chick check o. I dont care what the room looks like, michelle is in it. Its perfect. That was the people who zoomed into the d. N. C. The r. N. C. Was a little different. Most of them actually went to an auditorium and gave speeches because they know corona is a hoax, but they did have people working from homes and what what amazing homes they were. Oh, the couple that waved their guns at the protestors in st. Louis. Thats the home youre protecting . No one wants to steal that mess. Theyre looking like theyre sitting down to tell me theyre uncomfortable with me dating their son. Guess what . I dont care hes mine now this woman is the whitest thing in a completely white room. Whoo where are me sunglasses . Whats this woman doing in a warehouse . Are republicans looking for black speakers at amazon now . Im not saying nothing about miss kimberlys decor, i dont want to get yelled at. She speaks very loud. Thats it, the live styles to have the powerful and boring. Isnt it fun to see how the other half lives . And by the other half, the half that lives in haunted mansions. By the way, trevor, good looking five books youve got. Trevor thanks so much dulce. When we come back, ill talk to l. A. Clippers coach doc rivers and Steve Ballmer about everything going on in the n. B. A. You try to stay ahead of the mess but scrubbing still takes time. Now theres powerwash dish spray its the faster way to clean as you go just spray, wipe and rinse it cleans grease five times faster dawn powerwash. Spray, wipe, rinse. What if we took this cow and just made friends with her. What if this guy grew more plants and we got protein from his beans and peas instead and made a great burger. And what if we put it in our carts, on our menus, on our grills, and on our dinner plates. What if just taking the animal out of the meat, made us and our planet healthier. What if we all go beyond. [gas splashing in tank] [spoon clinking in mug] the Bulleit Frontier Fund is making a commitment to help bartenders keep doing what they do best. Lets keep our bartenders pouring. Of the Team Building the most and im part powerful 5g experience for america. Its 5g ultra wideband, and its already available in parts of select cities. Like los angeles and in new york city. And its rolling out in cities around the country. With massive capacity, its like an eight lane highway compared to a two lane dirt road. 25x faster than todays 4g networks. In fact, its the fastest 5g in the world. From the network more people rely on. This is 5g built right. Only on verizon. Trevor welcome back to the daily social distancing show. Earlier today, i spoke with l. A. Clippers head coach doc rivers and l. A. Clippers chairman Steve Ballmer. We talked about the n. B. A. Taking a stand this week against Police Violence and systemic racism. Check it out. All you hear from donald trump and all of them talk about fear. Were the ones getting killed. Were the ones getting shot. Were the ones that were denied to live in certain communities. We have been hung, we have been shot, and all you do is keep hearing about fear. Its its amazing. Why we keep loving this country and this country does not love us back. Trevor doc rivers, Steve Ballmer, welcome to the daily social distancing show. Thanks. Trevor i wish i was having you guys on to talk about, you know, how exciting the playoffs have been. I wish i was having you on to talk about how amazing lou williams has been as a sixth man, probably one of my favorite players in the playoffs. I wish i was having you on the show to just talk about the joy of sports, but, unfortunately, were here because i wanted to talk to you about the n. B. A. Strike and the reason for it. The n. B. A. Players we want on strike and the games postponed after what happened in kenosha. It was really inspiring and also sad to see, you know, the players standing up and say we do this anymore. Doc, we played a few of your comments. Ill start with you. What do you think made this moment in time so different . Why do you think these protests have changed not only sports but our everyday lives . Because these protests the games stopped. The games have always gone on through all the different things, the george floyd murder, the games kept going. In this case, the game stopped. The players literally need to take a breath. Like i said earlier, its not lost on me that george floyd was never afforded to take that breath but our players did. In doing that, they were able to refocus and come up with tangible things that they wanted to do. There are so many people that protest, but, this time, we came up with tangible items that the n. B. A. , the owners and the players wand to do, and, so, thats what makes this so different. Trevor do you find, as someone who works so closely with the players, that a lot of the players might struggle even more to deal with whats happening because now its almost an outside world, theyre in a bubble, theyre seeing whats happening, away from their families and communities, do you think that added to them saying were not in the mood to dunk a basketball, we have to focus on whats happening in america . Yeah, because usually when Something Like this happens, youre with your families, you can comfort your kids and try to explain whats going on in

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